


Liebe

by slaves4hemo



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 15:39:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 97,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4354619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slaves4hemo/pseuds/slaves4hemo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You hadn't expected it to be this lonely. Not here. Over the past two years, you worked your ass off to make this city your home, learning more about yourself during your stay than in the first twenty-some years of your life. Nothing had ever been so challenging and rewarding, no place motivated you more. So naturally, when your world came crashing down in form of an ACL tear just months before the Olympics, there was only one place you wanted to escape to.<br/>You didn't expect it to be this hard. You didn't expect to find yourself. You didn't expect her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Old Life

You hadn't expected it to be this lonely. Not here. Over the past two years, you worked your ass off to make this city your home, learning more about yourself during your stay than in the first twenty-some years of your life. Nothing had ever been so challenging and rewarding, no place motivated you more. So naturally, when your world came crashing down in form of an ACL tear just months before the Olympics, there was only one place you wanted to escape to. Frankfurt. If you had any shot of making it back for the Olympics—heck, if you had any shot of making it back at _all_ , you needed to get away, you knew that. You needed a reset button. You claimed back your old apartment and tried your best to adjust back to the German way of life, the life Ali Krieger knew best. It wasn't like before. Your new routine didn't involve the teammates you'd grown to love, it didn't include the adventures you escaped to on your off days. Your new life revolved solely around rehab. It was a nine to five job. You had never been a nine to five girl, not in college and not now. The hours proved grueling, draining everything in you. You started the morning with a treatment at nine, followed by a session in the weight room. Then it was time for interval training on the bike. After lunch—which you generally ate alone—another treatment was ordered followed by stem cell therapy. You repeated this six times a week and, if you were lucky, you'd get to actually play on Sunday. One month in and the isolation hit. It hits you harder than thought you were capable of feeling. You like alone time. When you first moved here, you were alone but there was something adventurous about it. You were energized. Now, you feel robotic going through the motions. The only person you share interactions with on a daily basis is Chris Gorress, your trainer from back home you insisted on flying out. If it was a good week and you played on Sundays, you'd see your old FFC Frankfurt teammates. Other than that, your schedules hardly match up and you find yourself spending most of your time alone. Any free time was filled with exploring local cafes and restaurants, but most nights you resigned to a movie cuddled up on your couch, too exhausted to walk down the block. One month back in Germany and you were losing sight of why you were here in the first place.

You wait as patiently as a women on the verge of a breakdown can as your ears adjust to the loud computerized ringing. It takes nearly a minute for your brother to answer the Skype call. His face illuminated by only a table-side lamp, Kyle squints as his eyes react to the light.

“How's my favorite German?” He smiles through his groggy voice. He doesn't mention that it's nearly four AM for him, or that he has to be up in two hours. Since you moved back to Germany, Kyle has made himself available at a moment's notice and you don't think you'll ever be able to fully thank him. His voice alone makes you feel lighter.

“Better, now” you tell him honestly. He senses your tears floating behind your lids and treads lightly.

“And that knee?”

“Good,” you say. “I'm getting there. I'm about a month ahead of schedule.” Kyle noticed the lack of excitement in your voice.

“Correct me if i'm wrong,” he starts with his distinctively uplifting voice, even at four A.M. “but isn't that supposed to be a _good_ thing?” You chuckle.

“I'm sorry,” you shake your head, trying to clear your mind. You know he's right, you know you've made progress and should be proud. “I just feel stuck.”

Kyle hates seeing you like this and you know it. You've always been his rock, his lighthouse. Still, you both know you're the one that feels too much. You laugh, hurt and love the hardest. You've never half-assed anything, including your emotions.

“Maybe we need to find you a boy-toy or something, to fill your time,” he says, trying to lighten the mood. You know he's not serious, but you scoff.

“Yeah cause that always works.” You both leave the subject at that, not wanting to bring up the only guy that ever made you feel close to the pain you're feeling now.

Kyle racks his brain for ways to cheer you up but falls short. Eventually, he takes a deep breath before the words slip out of him at record speed.

“I wasn't supposed to tell you but the team has a training camp in Munich next week.” Kyle clasps his hands over his mouth but the surprise is out.

“What?” You breathe, only half realizing what he just said. After a long, lengthy pause, Kyle resigns.

“I ran into Mittsy,” he explains. “The girls were planning on surprising you in Frankfurt, taking you along for the trip. You know, to be around everyone and get your spirits up a little. I wasn't supposed to tell you but you looked like you needed it.” It takes all of three seconds for your eyes to overflow. Boy did you need it.

“Oh no, no tears,” Kyle jokes. You laugh, assuring him they're happy tears this time. “They land on Monday!”

After nearly an hour of talking with Kyle, you're feeling more like yourself than you have in weeks. After apologizing for yet another 4 A.M. wake up call, you say goodnight and immediately shoot Heather Mitts a text.

_Cats out of the bag! Hear the gals are headed to Munich. Send me the details and I'm there._

_P.s. Don't hate Kyle... I really needed the boost. Xx_

Knowing you have a few hours till Heather wakes up, you tuck yourself into the quilted bed. For the first time in weeks, you've found something to look forward to and fall asleep in minutes.

 

* * *

 

You have no trouble getting out of rehab for the week. Chris forwards your files to the US National Team staff so you can keep up your progress in their facilities, hopefully with some company. Turns out the team was planning for your arrival and already had your room set. You booked an express train to Munich and you're only two stops away. The ride is peaceful, scenic even. For the first time since you've returned, you're enjoying Germany again. You finished the book Kyle recommended and now you're doodling in your Moleskine to pass the time. The closer you get to your teammates, the harder it is to suppress your smile. You're giddy. Childlike. It's only been about two months since you've been with them, but they've been together training nonstop for the past month. You hate missing out on time with them.

You throw your backpack on, roll your suitcase behind you, and head towards the hotel. It's been well over a year since you've been in Munich and you pass the walk by admiring the architecture.

You find your way inside the hotel and it's Pia you see first, standing by the front desk with the concierge. She stops mid conversation when she sees you.

“Ali, Ali, Ali,” she sings, prancing over to you. As cold as she wants to think she is, you've never believed it for a second. She wraps you in a hug before bending down to examine your knee over your sweatpants. You laugh. Pia lightly taps your quad and says, “looking good!”

“Getting there,” you smile. Being with your coach again feels good, even if it's just temporary.

“We're glad to have you here. Good for your training, I believe.”

“Me too. Happy for the change in scenery,” you tell her. She senses you looking behind her, scanning for your friends. She lets out a light laugh.

“This way, Ali.” She walks you towards the conference room-turned-dining hall and opens the door. Before she has the chance to complete the word, “Girls,” a stampede is running towards you.

“Kriegs!” You hear from all angles as Kelley O'Hara jumps up and wraps her legs around you, gripping like a koala. Your bags fall to the ground instantly and Kelley's body momentarily blocks your view of your friends. You feel Heather Mitts' hand on your back and she begins hugging you both. HAO jumps around all of you and Tobin uses all her strength to rip Kelley off of your torso. You hear Megan, Alex and Sydney laughing behind them. You're laughing too, harder than you have in months, as your stomach fills with the purest form of joy. Christie, A Rod, Becky, Whitney, Meghan, Carli and Hope make their way over to embrace you. You're too overwhelmed saying hellos, hugging the girls, and answering questions about your knee to notice the unfamiliar face at the table. She's grabbing food from the buffet with the fitness staff, allowing your friends to great you. You're distracted and you follow Kelley to the table, in between her and Mittsy. The girls are firing questions at you and you're shooting them back. It takes nearly fifteen minutes for you to settle in and head to the main table to grab some food. It's not until then that you become aware of the stranger. You turn to Tobin in line behind you and whisper over your shoulder, “Who is that?” She follows your eyes and smiles.

“Oh, that's Ashlyn. She finally got called up last month. Really cool girl,” Tobin smiles. Tobin knows she doesn't need to really introduce her. Ashlyn Harris. You know the name. She was huge with the US Youth National team, played for UNC too with a bunch of the girls, Tobin included. She's been fighting to get called up for a few years now, in and out of the pool. You remember Whitney, her old teammate and best friend, mentioning a few setbacks in her career. You smile, feeling happy for her. You've always appreciated hard workers. You nod to Tobin in thanks and she heads back to the table with her plate. You're about to grab a dinner roll when you notice the new blonde rising and heading towards you. She doesn't look like you expected her too, but you're not sure you expected anything at all. You can tell she's a goalie from her broader body type and large arms. Even the loose fitting long-sleeve team warm ups hug her biceps tightly. Still, she has somewhat of a softer face. She walks towards you and begins to smile, stopping you in your tracks.

“Hey,” she smiles at you as she reaches the edge of the table. You're immediately taken aback by her voice. It's gentler than you thought it would be. “I'm Ashlyn.” She reaches out her hand and you adjust your plate to your left hand, reaching out with your right to grasp hers. She gives you a firm shake. “It's great to meet you. The girl's haven't shut up about you.” She doesn't even wait for an answer as she turns towards the table, grabbing two dinner rolls with the tongs. She places one on your plate and her eyes meet yours again. Your voice falters for a second but you catch it and manage a quiet thanks.

“Nice to meet you too,” you laugh lightly. “It's great you're finally here! I've heard a lot about you from Whit.” Ashlyn turns to you and smiles.

“Hopefully all good things,” she says with a wink. Before you realize it, she's back at her table, and you're standing alone at the buffet.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know this chapter doesn't give the whole direction of the story, but I'm about to post the second chapter too. Please let me know if you want me to continue! I was stuck on writing a story where they play soccer or not, but I have experience dating a teammate and figured I'd be comfortable creating something along these lines!  
> Any questions, feel free to find me on tumblr: slaves4hemo


	2. Early Risers

You spend the night in HAO's room with the girls slipping in and out, taking turns catching up with you. You hear about significant others, the recent fitness tests and the hot new massage therapist. You tell the girls about rehab. You even admit to a special few how lonely you are. The others pick up on it by your tone, but they don't press the subject. They know you're happy here, with them, and that is enough.

The visits settle down by ten. Training starts up in the morning and the girls are getting organized. Mittsy and HAO talk with you alone for awhile, helping you remember your passion and gift. Your drive. You realize you don't need motivation, just a reminder of the love surrounding you. Before things get too sentimental, Kelley, Alex, and Whitney come piling in. Just behind them, Tobin rides in on the back of one blonde goalkeeper. You laugh at Tobin, whose pretending to lasso you, while kicking Ashlyn's sides. Ashlyn gallops Tobin in and you know she must have no problem fitting in. As they fall on HAO's bed, the room fills with laughter.

“Have you met Ash?” Mittsy laughs with a playful eye roll. You smile with one of your famous giggles, the one the team has been dearly missing, and nod. “Yes, briefly.” Ashlyn waves again and you notice how collected she always seems. She lays her head down on Tobin's lap and you wonder why you're observing the new girl so closely.

“Kriegs, have you been able to get out at all? Explore the city more?” Kelley asks you. You let out a breathy laugh.

“The only person I see everyday is my trainer. It's exhausting. I'm lucky if I make it out for dinner once a week.”

“Al,” Mittsy says in her slightly motherly tone. “You're the only one of us that speaks the language, you've gotta take advantage of the culture. Submerge yourself again. That's part of the reason you wanted to come back here, remember? You'll be miserable if you don't try.” You know she's right. You can't bring yourself to address her and lucky for you, you don't have to. Alex notes your expression and jumps in.

“Speaking of German,” she says awkwardly, “I'm gonna need some lessons. No one on the team in Munich speaks more than a few words of English.” Before you even realize what Alex said, a voice breaks all of your attention.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Ashlyn pops up off of Tobin's lap and startles you. “You speak German?” You admit it with a small smile and Ashlyn's excitement only grows. “I wanna hear!” Ashlyn's always appreciated people with a knack for languages, something she struggles with, but you wouldn't know that. The girls are laughing at Ashlyn, but you oblige, giving your often recited “Hi I'm Ali Krieger and I'm from the US and I speak German” speech. It's reserved for occasions like this, when fellow Americans want to hear you prove yourself. Ashlyn's mouth widens with a goofy grin. “That's so hot!” Her voice is loud and, though playful, slightly serious.

“Ash!” The girls say in unison, Tobin even throwing a pillow at her. They all know she doesn't mean to flirt, but Ashlyn feels the need to clarify. “Oh come on, speaking another language is such a hot skill. You guys all know it. You crush on foreign guys all the time.” The girls, including you, laugh. You know she's right, and you appreciate the compliment.

“Well thank you,” you say with an exaggerated hair flip while Ashlyn shrugs off the girls' laughter. “Alex, what did you say about Munich? Are you staying here?” Alex grins, like she's been dying to tell you. HAO, Kelley and Tobin chime in at the same time, “me too!”

“What?!” You jump off the bed, your body not knowing how to handle the news. Sure, Munich isn't Frankfurt, but you'll be in the same time zone, separated only by train. The thought alone comforts you.

“Until the next camp,” Kelley explains, which you know is a few months away. “The training is so much more consistent here,” she starts, but she knows you know that better than anywhere there. Plus, you're way too excited to listen to anything they really have to say.

“Ash is gonna be in Frankfurt with Megan,” Tobin adds as she elbows her new friend. Your eyes perk up.

“For real?!” You know you hardly know the girl, but you can't help but be ecstatic. Plus, Rapinoe is hysterical and you've always been close. It makes sense, really. Pinoe's girlfriend has been touring around Frankfurt for some time, so you were expecting at least a visit. You actually planned on seeing Sera perform in a few weeks.

“Yeah,” she smiles. “They told me not to tell you until they got to break the news.” Ashlyn laughs and it's contagious. Your eyes light up. You can't see it, but the girls can, and they smile with you.

You spend the next forty minutes or so laughing. You feel like you're floating on air. These girls are carrying you and you didn't realize how much you needed them to.

 

* * *

 

 

You're up at six and, by your second cup of coffee, you're not sure why. Nobody is making you. Training for the team starts at ten, but you wanted to get your first half of rehab done before than so you could watch their first session. You want to feel as much apart of this team as you can, but your eyes sting and your head is foggy. You didn't sleep much. The thought of your fellow USWNT members in Germany kept you stirring.

The facilities are only a five minute walk from your hotel and you're grateful you don't need to wait for a van, you love morning walks. You asked Dawn, the fitness coach, to use the facilities early and she said she'd be there by seven. You arrive at 7:05 and she hands you the file Chris sent over.

“Morning Ali,” she smiles. She reminds you how happy she is you're around and mentions how tired you look.

“I'm exhausted,” you admit with a laugh. She nods through the glass doors that leads to the weight room.

“You've got company,” she says with her British accent. You look through the doors scanning the endless equipment and machines when you see her. She's standing in front of the mirror doing power squats—the same warmup Chris writes out for you. She's wearing a cutoff USWNT tee with long black shorts, high nike socks and the same team nike sneaks you're wearing. Your eyes recognize her face before darting to her arm covered in a sleeve of tattoos. The black ink runs from her shoulder stopping just above her wrist. You walk through the door Dawn holds open for you but your eyes don't leave her ink. You're surprised. You didn't take her as the type to have a sleeve, but suddenly it makes sense. She makes sense. You try not to be intimidated, reminding yourself how nice she was just a few hours ago, but you feel yourself swallow hard.

She hears you and turns around. She's surprised to see you and you know Dawn must not have told her you were coming.

“Good morning,” she smiles before completing her last two squats and facing you.

“Early riser?” You ask, though the answer is apparent. She shrugs.

“Gotta do what you gotta do,” she smiles and you notice her dimple, deep in her left cheek. “And you?” she questions. She knows you can't play during the sessions, but she doesn't mention it.

“I wanted to watch the session.” You're going to open your file when you realize she has a lift session scheduled later in the day and wonder why exactly she's here. “Are you rehabbing or just doubling up?” You ask. You wouldn't be surprised if she was doubling up, judging by the size of her arms. She catches you looking at her muscles and chuckles.

“Rehab, sort of,” she explains as she grabs a bosu ball. She stands on it, ball side up, and begins to balance on one leg, bending down slowly into a squat position. You recognize the move from your program. You're not sure if she's going to elaborate so you take off your warm-up jacket and open your file up. You adjust yourself in the mirror and begin your power squats. After a few minutes, you finish your warm up and head over to the weights, right next to Ashlyn. She's on her third round and your curiosity catches you.

“Knee injury?”

“ACL, MCL, whole deal,” she tells you. “You know how it is.” She nods to your scar, alluding to your recently blown out knee. You're about to ask which knee she blew out when you see scars on both legs. She notices.

“Yeah, both of them,” she smiles. She doesn't want sympathy, neither do you.

“How recent?” You ask. You know plenty of girls who have gone through this injury and you learn something new from all of them.

“A few years ago. College, actually.” She catches your eyes widening and quickly continues. “I just like to keep up with the strength training on my own time, you know. Some prevention. Never want to go back there.” You're surprised again. You'd heard she was a hard worker, but her dedication is admirable. You get it, though. After the past few months you know you'll do anything to avoid a repeat.

“You'll be good in no time,” she tells you, her voice has a hypnotic tone to it and you decide you like it. “Chris says you're making record pace with your recovery.” She's smiling again, and you notice the contrast between her sleeve and her smile. It's nice. Ashlyn goes to put the bosu ball away and walks right past you when her words catch up to you.

“Chris...how do you know Chris?”

“Why do you think I'm coming to Frankfurt?” She laughs as she makes her way back towards you. “You stole my trainer away.” She nudges you playfully with her elbow when she walks by. You're almost knocked off your feet, not because it's a hard hit—its just unexpected. She's playful and comfortable. You think you'll like having her in Frankfurt. A friendly face at the least.

“Chris is your trainer?”

“The best there is,” she smiles and you wonder how you've never met. You wonder why he's never mentioned her, but he's never been one to talk about his clients before.

“So you'll be training with us then?”

“Some days,” she tells you as she grabs a resistance band and sits on the ground. “Looks like you'll be seeing a lot of me.”

You try to go about your rehab. You try to focus on your knee. You try to get through two sets of RDL's when you break. You didn't know the words were even floating around in your head when they start to slip out.

“I didn't expect you to have all those tattoos.” Ashlyn pauses mid rep and looks up at you with a smirk.

“No?” is all she says. You're not sure what to say next. You're not sure why you said it in the first place and the two of you are caught in a staring contest.

“I- I like them,” you clarify, “They're bad ass. I just guess I was surprised.”

“So you don't think I'm bad ass?” She questions, an eyebrow slightly raised. You know she's only messing with you, but you freeze up. “I'm joking,” she laughs. “They're more like art to me, you know?” she opens up. “They're my story.” You're not unfamiliar to tattoos. You have three and you feel the same way.

“They're beautiful” you manage as she holds out her arm a little closer for you to see. You're too far to make out any details, but you can see how intricate the patterns are.

“Thanks.”

You both focus on your rehab for the next twenty minutes or so until Ashlyn calls out your name mid squat.

“Watch that knee,” she tells you. You look down, trying to focus on your form. You're struggling to see your knee with the bar resting on your shoulders. The blonde jogs over and lifts the bar for you with ease, placing it on the ground. She stays down and gently touches the inside of your knee.

“Squat,” she says. You're knee begins to cave in, you feel it against her hand. You pop up and try once again, focusing on keeping your knee straight as you lower yourself.

“Shit,” you breathe. You're not as strong as you want to be and you realize you may be getting ahead of yourself.

“You're just tired,” she tells you, and you believe her. “You had the first three reps.” She says and you realize that means she was watching. She suggests you do a rep without the weights, to flush out your legs, and she holds her hand against your skin for support. You're sure you would have had a breakdown without her. After you finish, she looks up and smiles.

“See? Look at you, practically good as new,” she jokes. You laugh and are grateful she's here as a distraction.

“Thank you,” you say earnestly.

“I'm gonna grab some ice,” she says as she finishes up. “You need a bag?”

“That'd be great,” you smile. You stretch your legs out while she's gone. You like Ashlyn and you're glad for it. You know she meshes well with the team and that is most important to you. For the team, of course.

When she comes back, you hop onto the trainers table and she places the bag of ice on your knee before hopping onto the table next to you.

“So how're you liking the girls?” You ask her.

“Everyone's great. A lot of UNC girls, so it's been an easy transition. Whit's been my best friend since forever, so I had a nice buffer. I'm rooming with Alex and we've gotten along really well.”

“And the goalies?” You ask.

“Hope's incredible to learn from. Unbelievable,” she shakes her head. “Quiet, though, and intense.” You both laugh. “It's great though. Love the training.”

“And you're excited about Frankfurt?”

“Yeah, I think so. New adventure,” she tells you. “Been wanting to get away for awhile.” You hear something in her voice, and you're not sure if it's sadness, but you decide to ignore it.

“Where are you from?” Is the safer question.

“Florida.”

“Ah, beach girl,” you giggle.

“Absolutely,” she says, and you know she means it. “I will miss the surfing. Where are you from?”

“Virginia.”

You talk for a few more minutes about college and Ash's youth national team days, and though she's modest, you already know how good she is. You walk back to the hotel together, catching the team just in time for breakfast. They're not surprised to see Ashlyn coming back so early and you suspect this is a daily thing for her.

“Did somebody make a friend?” Syd teases Ashlyn as she slides past the two to grab an empty plate. Ashlyn laughs and nudges Syd.

“That's one more than you,” she winks at her friend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this gives you a better idea of where the story is headed! Let me know what you think.  
> xx


	3. Sidelined

The week flies by. You work your schedule out so you can rehab twice a day and watch the girls' practice. You spend your nights catching up with your friends, enjoying your time together in the hotel. Saturday morning rolls around, it's the girls' first day off, and you're awoken earlier than expected by a banging on your door. You roll over and blink a few times, struggling to keep your brown eyes open. The brightness on your phone blinds blinds you for an instant, but you adjust. 7:34.

“Kriegs!”

You're not mistaken, someone is banging on your door at 7:34 in the morning on your day off. You ignore it at first, but they bang again. You grunt loud enough to make whoever is standing on the other side of the door laugh.

“I'm coming,” your voice croaks, and you hear another giggle. You open the door and it's not one person, its four. Kelley and Tobin stand directly in front of the door with overly wide grins. You shoot them a confused look and quickly notice Alex and Ashlyn standing to the side. Out of instinct, you tussle your bedhead and rub your eyes, hoping they're clear.

“Morning sleepy head,” Kelley smiles her exaggerated, goofy grin and shoves her hand towards you with a coffee.

“Morning?” They all laugh. You take the coffee and examine the girls. They're all wearing loose shorts, and tanks. Your eyes land on Ashlyn for a minute, sporting another cutoff tank, baggy shorts and a black snapback. The sleeve begins to make sense and, yeah, you decide: she's a badass. Tobin's wearing a snapback too and they all have flip flops on.

“What is this?” You ask completely lost.

“We're going surfing!” Tobin says like it's the only logical explanation. “Grab your suit.”

“Surfing?” You chuckle. “You know we're in Munich, right?”

“River surfing,” Kelley fills you in, and you know of the place they're headed. You've heard about it from your teammates and are surprised any of them know it exists. You thought it was more of a local thing. You look behind Kelley and laugh—Alex looks just as tired as you. You give her a knowing look.

“They dragged me out of bed,” she says, her voice scratchier than normal. You give them a hearty laugh.

“Guys, I can't surf--” you start, but Alex cuts you off, informing you she will probably watch anyways, but Ashlyn jumps in.

“I cleared it with Chris,” she smiles. Your eyes wake up and you search your friends faces for confirmation. They're all nodding. Ashlyn continues. “You've got to wear this,” she hands you a brace, “with a wetsuit if you're in. I did it as a part of my recovery, you know, it's good for flexibility and balance. Thought it might be fun.” You want to hug her. You know you shouldn't, and you don't, but you think about it. Honestly, you don't need to. All four of the girls can see your gratitude in your eyes.

“Put on your suit and meet us downstairs,” Kelley demands, and you turn to do as you're told.

 

* * *

 

You make your way to The Englischer Garten, and Kelley's the only one to guess the correct name in English: The English Garden. The girls laugh at themselves as you make your way to river. You didn't have to navigate once you entered the park. You just followed the number of Germans in wetsuits with boards.

“Isn't river surfing like, really hard?” You ask cautiously. “How did you find out about this anyway?”

“Ashlyn knew about it,” Tobin shrugs. “And it is, normally, but they've added some adjustments to the main wave and created two smaller waves off the side.” You nod, but you have no clue what she's talking about. You've only surfed twice in your life and never in a river. You follow the girls to the rental stand, nonetheless, and pick up two boards, deciding you can share. You all get a wetsuit, though. Apparently, they're required, as the water is never above 15 degrees Celsius.

You see the surfers standing on a bridge near the river. Suddenly, a guy jumps in on his board and lands on his feet. You jog a few steps to gain view of the water. It's unbelievable. There's a permanent wave, stuck in the same place that the surfer rides from bank to bank.

“It's called a standing wave,” Ashlyn says softly, like she doesn't want to startle you. She does, though, and it causes her to chuckle. You're not sure where she came from but then you see the rest of the girls in front of you, getting closer to the action, and realize she must have been waiting for you. “It looks scarier than it is.”

“I can't do that,” you laugh nervously.

“Well, I'm not sure about on that wave, but I know you can handle that one,” she points. You see a wave coming off of the larger one and let out a sigh of relief. Not that it's much better, but there's less people watching and that is enough to calm you down.

“Why do they have boogie boards?” You ask about a few spectators in the crowd.

“That's actually how river surfing started. They ride through the rapids on those things, crazy right?” She laughs and you're surprised at how much she knows. “But they'll catch the standing waves on their way down, sometimes. It's awesome to watch.” She's right. She follows you as you take a few steps forward to fall in line with the girls.

“This is wild,” you hear Kelley whisper to herself. You turn to Ashlyn.

“Your Florida is showing,” you tell her, referring to her surfing knowledge. She chuckles.

“Just a hobby.”

You follow Tobin around the large crowd and set your stuff down near one of the smaller standing waves. There's only a few people around. They're watching a little girl ride the wave. It calms you down a little, as she's half your size and can handle the currents. She falls a moment after and floats down the river with the current, stopping near the edge of the bank. She pulls herself out, giggling, and you think you can do this.

“Put on your suit, girl,” Kelley laughs at Alex who looks slightly horrified.

“15 degrees Celsius?” She laughs. “No way I'm getting in.” Kelley gives her a look and Alex rolls her eyes, pulls off her shirt and slides out of her shorts, stepping into the wetsuit.. You turn to see the other girls have begun changing as well. You pull down your shorts but stop midway when you see Ashlyn's exposed ribs. You shouldn't be shocked by her tattooed side at this point, but the colors are mesmerizing. Your eyes follow down the side, spotting a butterfly, a bird and a few flowers along the way. Her tattoo is cut off by her bikini bottom and as her wet suit reaches her hip, you look up and make eye contact. She's caught you staring. She's smiling, and you think you see her holding back a smirk. Your eyes drop to the floor and quickly step into your wetsuit. You pull of your tank so you can pull it the rest of the way, but before you can slip your arms into the wetsuit, you catch Ashlyn staring decisively at your rib tattoo. She looks up and smirks for sure this time, like she's just gotten back at you. You quickly avert your eyes and hope to God your burning cheeks aren't as red as they feel.

“I shot first ride!” Kelley shouts before grabbing one of the boards. Tobin motions for Ashlyn to grab the other board and you and Alex follow Tobin to the bank to watch. By the time you get to the bank, there's no one waiting to ride the wave so Kelley sets herself up. You can see Ashlyn explaining something to her, and you think Ashlyn has probably River Surfed at some point. Kelley nods and holds her board over the edge, takes a deep breath, and jumps right in. She lands on her feet and rides the wave about two feet before the board slips out in front of her. She falls back a few feet but pops up on the other side of the wave only seconds later, grin spread across her mouth.

“You good?” Ashlyn shouts out and Kelley throws up a thumbs up. When Kelley reaches the bank, Ashlyn reaches down and pulls her out with one arm. The two have a brief exchange before Ashlyn's at the edge setting up. She swings the board in her arms as she jumps and lands perfectly. She rides to the opposite side of the bank getting a read of the wave before whipping the board 180 degrees to ride back towards you. As she turns, Tobin begins explaining what she's doing. You don't hear a word of it. You're mesmerized by the action in front of you. Ashlyn bends her knees and carves the wave, switching directions yet again. Tobin is pointing now, and all you hear is “...or else you're gonna wipe out.” You nod, and by the time you look back, Ashlyn jumps the lip of the wave and falls back into the river. Kelley simply shouts “BEAST” before taking her turn again. This time, her balance is steady and she reaches the other bank with a successful turn around. You're so intent on watching you don't notice the blonde standing beside you.

“Tobs?” She says, handing the board out to your friend. Tobin doesn't need to be asked twice. She quickly pulls the rest of her wetsuit over her body and Ashlyn zips it up in the back. Tobin disappears within seconds.

“You were awesome!” Alex reaches up from the ground for a high five from Ashlyn.

“Thanks,” Ashlyn laughs. She unzips the top of her wetsuit, pulls it down to the middle of her torso and sits between the two of you. You try to watch as Kelley finishes her ride, but you keep picturing Ashlyn out there and suddenly you're looking right at her.

“Who taught you to do that?” You ask.

“Surf? My brother was always big into surfing when we were kids. I was just competitive, I guess,” she chuckles.

“Classic,” Alex laughs. “You've grown _so_ much since then,” she says sarcastically as she nudges her roommate. The three of you laugh. You're all insanely competitive, that's how you got here.

“You guys gonna jump in?” She ask, looking right at you.

“I wanna boogie board,” Alex smiles, watching the men up the river speeding through the rapids.

“I'm sure you could talk your way into borrowing theirs,” Ashlyn laughs. “That dudes been eyeing you up since we got here.” Ashlyn nods her head slightly to the left and you wonder how she noticed. A tall and broad blonde blushes and turns the other way. Alex laughs along with a slight eye roll.

“What about you, Ali? You wanna try?” You look out for a moment and see Tobin jump onto the wave. She balances in the same place for awhile, moving slightly to the left every couple seconds as she gets the hang.

“I'm a little nervous,” you admit, “about jumping in.” Ashlyn knows instantly you're nervous about your knee and she doesn't blame you.

“You don't actually have to jump onto the board,” she says. You look up at her, ignoring how light her eyes appear in the sun, and crease your eyebrows. She continues. “If you start up the river facing upstream and let the current take you towards the wave, you can catch it that way. You have to paddle _really_ hard and kick the whole time until you're right in the wave. Then it's like regular surfing. You pop right up.”

You look out at the wave and see Tobin getting the hang of it, and you turn back to Ashlyn. You don't want to be unsure, but you are, and Ashlyn can sense it.

“I'll hop in with you,” she suggests.

“At the same time?” You sound horrified, as if the idea is some recipe for disaster. Alex and Ashlyn laugh at your tone.

“Not on the board,” she laughs while clarifying. “It's how I first learned on the boogie board. My brother floated in the wave and caught me when the current pulled me in, made sure I stopped right in the wave. Then all I had to do was get up on my feet. I can help.”

You're still debating when Alex speaks up.

“Al, you should try it. I mean, she clearly knows what she's doing and I think it'd be good for you.”

You stand up decidedly, feigning annoyance.

“Let's go.”

You don't see it, but Ashlyn fist pumps and slaps Alex's hand. She knows you need this, more than you do.

Alex follows the two of you down to the bank. Kelley gladly hands Ashlyn the board and she places it on the grass. She hops onto her stomach in one swift motion and reminds you of the motions you'll need to make. She goes over positioning quickly and Tobs and Kelley sit down next to Alex.

“You got it, Al,” Kelley encourages.

Ashlyn walks you upstream a bit and points to the corner of the bank.

“Okay,” she tells you. “I'm gonna head back there and hop in the water. I'll center myself in the wave and when I give you the thumbs up, you're going to jump onto the board on your stomach into the river, just like you would in the ocean, but you need to face upstream. Don't face the wave, okay?” She waits for you to confirm with a nod before continuing. “Okay, then you need to paddle to the center of the river as much as you can to line yourself up with the wave. The currents going to pick up and you're going to start floating towards me. _Don't_ stop paddling.” Her intensity makes you smile and, since your smile is contagious, Ashlyn's lip curls up.

“What?” she asks.

“You're just such a little surfer chick,” you smile. Ashlyn laughs and shakes her head. “Sorry. Continue.

“Thank you,” she smiles. “Once you hit the wave, I'm going to hopefully be right there and I'll do my best to stop your board. Once you're there, you'll be held in the wave and be able to get yourself onto your feet.” You nod, taking in all the information. She raises her eyebrows and asks, “You ready?” You take a deep breath before letting out a confident yes. She laughs before saying, “don't kick me,” and disappears downstream. You watch as she jumps into the water and swims over to the wave, treading right in the mouth as she's held in place by the wave. She quickly dips her head back under water to get it out of her face and when she pops up, she gives you the thumbs up.

Without thinking, you push off with your legs and land on the board. You paddle towards the center, like you were told, and immediately feel the current pushing you towards the wave. You look back and Ashlyn is waving you to the left slightly so you point your board to turn.

“Kick!” She yells over the rapids and your adrenaline kicks in. You can't remember the last time you were this energized by a physical feat. The sound of the wave gets louder and you know you're close so you kick harder. Just as you feel some water crash down around you, Ashlyn grabs your board and holds you in place right in the wave. You're breathing hard but you love it.

“Watch this,” she says loud enough for you to hear over the water. She lets go of the board and you let out a small yelp, imagining the current sweeping you away. Instead, you stay put in the wave and you feel like you're boogie boarding at the shore, just like when you were younger. Ashlyn swims out to the side a bit so she can see you. You move the nose of the board to the right and left, enjoying the way the wave controls you. You're giggling hard, your nose scrunched up and all. The girls are grinning watching you, happy to see you in your element—full of laughter.

“Okay, Ali, when you're ready you can push up!” You hear Ashlyn's words and take another moment to yourself. You focus on your knee, reminding yourself to balance. In one movement, you bring your hands onto the board and push yourself up, your back leg sliding forward and you stand up. You feel yourself falling and quickly bend your knees, recovering just in time.

“Woooo!” You hear the girls cheering. You're not like the other girls, you don't surf that often. You don't think you'll be able to turn around on the bank so you mostly stay in place, moving the nose of the board slightly every few seconds. You're on the wave for almost three minutes, knees bent, when you start to feel a little weak. Rather safe than sorry, you think, as you allow yourself to fall backwards. The current sweeps you to the edge of the bank, and Tobin is there to pull you up and grab your board hanging from your ankle.

“Kriegy that was awesome,” she smiles. “How'd it feel?” She nods down to your knee.

“Good. Really good,” you laugh. You think you almost forgot you could still use it. Especially like that. Kelley steals a high five from you, Alex following suit.

“Thank you for stopping me,” you tell Ashlyn. After feeling the current for yourself, you know how much strength it took and you're impressed. Ashlyn doesn't acknowledge your thanks, she just smiles and tells you how great you did. She asks if you want to go again, and you do. She asks if you want her to be waiting in the wave again, and you wish you didn't, but you do. Without any more conversation, she hops in and swims out to the mouth of the wave.

You catch a few more waves, Ashlyn there to stop you every time, and you can't remember the last time you've felt this healthy. You're not worrying about your knee, you're worrying about balancing. You're worrying about staying afloat, staying on the board. You're focusing on you knees like the rest of the girls are—in a surfing context and that's all.

When your body is worn out, you hand the board over to Alex who has been convinced to try, assuming Ashlyn would be waiting in the water for her, too. You sit with Kelley and Tobin as you slide out of your wetsuit.

“It feels good, huh?” Kelley asks. She's talking about surfing, not your knee, and you appreciate it.

“No wonder you guys disappear anytime we're near a beach,” you laugh. You can't remember a trip near an ocean that Kelley and Tobin didn't vanish the second they were given free time. You felt free in the water. Your mind didn't wander, it only focused on staying on the board.

“Thanks for making me come out here. It was a good idea,” you admit.

“Oh, it wasn't our idea,” Kelley says bluntly. “Ashlyn thought you needed it.” You look at them, a line forming between your eyebrows. They pick up on your confusion and just shrug.

“She's gone through the a blown out knee twice,” Tobin says with a light laugh. “We couldn't question her.”

You look up when you hear Alex shriek. She crashes right into Ashlyn, full speed and the two end up on the other side of the wave. They pop up cracking up, giving the three of you permission to join in the laughter.

 

* * *

 

You spend most of the way back talking with Kelley as Tobin, Alex and Ashlyn joke around in front of you. Kelley is grilling you about all things German. She's never played overseas and isn't sure what to expect. You tell her about your first month in Germany, remembering how hard of an adjustment it was. But, you remind her, she won't be alone. She has teammates joining her. It isn't until you turn into the lobby that you realize you've made it back already. Alex turns to face the two of you.

“You're coming out tonight, yeah?” Alex asks you. You feel the other girls looking at you expectantly.

“Where's everyone going?” You ask, though you wouldn't miss an opportunity to be out with your girls and they know it.

“The bar down the street. There's some huge party going on tonight, should be a big crowd.” You smile, tell them you better go get ready, thank them all for today and turn to head upstairs.

“See you soon!” Kelley shouts after you. “I'm gonna grab a coffee, you want one?” Alex and Tobin follow but you hear Ashlyn turn down the offer before calling out to you.

“Hold the elevator!” She says, jogging towards you. “Thanks,” she smiles as she walks in and hits the 9 button for you both. “So you had fun today?” she asks. She takes her snapback off and runs her hands through her drying hair.

“Yeah,” you smile back. “Thank you, for today.” She looks slightly confused, so you continue. “The girls told me this was your idea, you know, to bring me out.” You think you see her cheeks darken, and you're positive she shies away for a fleeting moment before she answers.

“Doing stuff like this helps,” she says quietly, wringing the back of her neck with her hand. “You need to have some fun in recovery or else you're going to be miserable. Just because you're sidelined from the game doesn't mean you have to sideline yourself from everything else.”

You take in what she says as the door opens. Ashlyn reaches her arm out to hold to door open as she waves you forward. You walk out past her but stop and face her the second you make it out of the elevator. You're too abrupt and Ashlyn walks right into you.

“Sorry!” You both say at the same time, followed by soft laughter.

“Thank you,” you tell her as your eyes lock hard. Ashlyn swallows and clears her throat. “I'll see you tonight, then?” She smiles, regaining composure you hadn't realized she lost, and walks towards her room.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the kind comments and messages! Things pick up next chapter, I just needed to get some basic stuff done first! Let me know what you think! xx


	4. Game On

You haven't had anything to drink since you moved back. Not even a glass of wine at night. It's not that you didn't want to, you just haven't made it out—not even to the liquor store. You apply your last bit of mascara before looking yourself up and down in the mirror. You decide on black leather skinny jeans with a loose black swooping neck tank top that rises slightly in the front, exposing just an inch above your waistband. You slide on your black booties that give you about an inch of height. Your hair falls straight down around your shoulders and you feel good. You haven't taken the time to get dolled up like this in awhile, you haven't had a reason. You realize how unlike you that is, you've always been able to find a reason.

You meet the girls in the lobby. No matter how many times you see the girls dressed up, it never gets old. You always picture them out on the field, ponytails and baggy shorts, not dressed to the nines ready to go out.

“Ow ow!” Sydney howls at you. HAO follows her with a “Kriegsy!” You give a silly twirl for your fans and return the compliments. Syd has on one of her tight dresses and HAO, like you, went with skinny jeans. You compliment Pinoe on her sporty blazer. You've always admired the tomboy style and wish you pulled it off a little better sometimes. After a few minutes you're only waiting on one room: Alex and Ashlyn's. You suspect Alex is holding them up, but when they walk out of the elevator together you're not so sure. You look straight past Alex in her tight black dress and the second you see Ashlyn's outfit you know she's into fashion. She's wearing a pair of slightly loose skinny jeans that lead right into her chukka boots. Her black fitted pocket tee hugs her body nicely, falling just below her waist. She has a tied denim shirt wrapped around her hips. Her blonde hair has natural waves flowing out from under her black and white snapback and every part of her look is intentional. Her throwback silver Casio watch, her polka dot snapback, her boots. She's thought it all through and you compliment her the second she makes it over to your group.

“I like the look,” you tell her with a friendly smile. You watch her look you over once and she gives you a confident smile back.

“Same to you.” Before you can say anything else, she's swept away by Whitney and the two disappear arm in arm.

“Where have _you_ been?” You hear a voice as someone loops her arm with yours. Mittsy smiles at you. You pull her into a hug and giggle.

“Mittsy,” you breathe. “The girls drug me surfing with them today.”

“I heard,” she laughs. “How'd it go?”

“I actually loved it,” you confess as you walk out of the hotel. You feel her examining you. “I'm serious!” You exclaim, but she just laughs.

“I just want you to be careful, you know.”

“I know, I know. My trainer cleared it and Ashlyn taught me how to do it safely. She helped Alex and I out in the water.” Heather doesn't say anything, but you don't read into it. You don't think anything of it, trusting Ashlyn so quickly, but Heather does. She loves Ashlyn and knows you should trust her, but she's surprised you do. Especially with something you take as seriously as your knee. She's happy that you do, though, and she gives you a reassuring grin.

“I'm glad it went well, then.”

You make your way to the bar and Alex was right, it's packed. It's filled with Germans and you know the team will go unrecognized, especially dressed up. You didn't make dinner with most of the girls so you make your way to the bar and grab a menu. Mittsy takes the seat next to you and you order two turkey burgers and two beers to start. The bartender, a young women in her late twenties, hasn't stopped talking to you since she realized you spoke German. You answer politely, but try to enjoy your conversation with Heather. It's not until Ashlyn shows up with Whit and grabs the seat next to you that the bartender strays. Ashlyn smiles at the smaller brunette and opens with “hi” to declare her language of choice. The bartender speaks little English but manages a hi back. Ashlyn and Whitney look at the menu before turning to the two of you and asking if you like your beers. You tell her you do and Ashlyn turns to the hovering bartender and says “We'll have two of those” while pointing to your beer. The bartenders eyes narrow as she tries to understand. Ashlyn starts to point when you speak up and, in German, order two more for them. The bartender hears you and turns to Ashlyn with a smile and nod.

“Thanks,” Ashlyn smiles at you. “Well, guess we know who to hang out with the rest of the night,” Ashlyn laughs with Whitney. The girls fall into a soft conversation and Heather's hand lands on your knee in an effort to grab your attention.

“Have you talked to Taylor?” She asks louder than she intended. Your ex-boyfriend isn't a subject you gladly discuss, not in a bar anyway.

“I'm over it,” is all you say, and you see Ashlyn eyeing you from the side. Just then, the bartender places her drink down and you think maybe she was looking at her. Before Heather can press you any further, the bartender interrupts you.

“Excuse me,” she says in German, “Could you tell your friend the drink is on the house.” You follow her nod to Ashlyn, who is reaching into her wallet, and slowly give the bartender a nod.

“Uh, Ashlyn.” She looks up at you in an instant. “She wants you to know it's on the house.” Ashlyn's eyebrows raise for a second, but just like that her face relaxes and she turns to the bartender.

“Danke,” she smiles, utilizing one of the few words she actually knows. The bartender quickly gets called to the other end of the bar and Ashlyn turns back to Whitney, ignoring the exchange. You stare at her for a second but Heather pulls your attention away again.

“I know you don't like to talk about him, but if you need to you know I'm here.” Her voice is softer now and you feel the sincerity.

“I know, Heath,” you give a soft smile. “I'm okay, really. He fucked up, I know he didn't mean to hurt me. I just don't think he's what I want for my life and I'm okay with it. I'm good, I promise.” Heather squeezes your hand in response and you're thankful she drops it. Taylor, you thought, was the one. But after he cheated during a month-long training camp, that dream was crushed. He confessed right away, said he was lonely and, yes, you genuinely believed he was sorry and regretted it but it didn't change your mind. He wasn't worth it. It took time—nearly two full years—but you're okay. He still reaches out, hoping you'll consider taking him back, but he's starting to get it.

You take a sip of your beer, stopping only when the bartender comes back over with a round of shots. She brings you four and places one in front of you, Mittsy, Ashlyn, and Whitney. You all look surprised and she smiles, looking at you only after she looks at the blonde in the snapback.

“Will you tell your friend I get off at 11?” She asks you. You try to keep your eyes from widening a little but you nod as she walks away. The three girls look at you, waiting for an explanation.

“She gets off at 11, Ash,” you tease with a smirk. Whit and Mittsy howl in laughter but they don't seem surprised. The four of you clink your shot glasses and down the tequila. After the burning settles in your throat you lean into Ashlyn so she can hear you.

“She's flirting with you,” you state the obvious. The corner of Ashlyn's lip turns up and she shrugs.

“It happens,” she jokes. She watches as your eyes survey her face, searching for something. She knows your curious and decides to clarify the situation. “I'm gay,” she tells you point blank. “Girls like that, I guess,” she smirks, adding humor and you laugh with her.

“Well, in that case,” you offer with a smile, “if you need me to relay a message back let me know.” Ashlyn gives you a big, toothy smile and you turn back to Mittsy who finishes off her beer. She calls the bartender over and orders another round of shots. You follow the brunette's eyes right to Ashlyn's and your mouth opens slightly when you see the smoldering look your friend is giving. As soon as the bartender is out of sight, you nudge Ashlyn with a squeal.

“That look!” You joke.

“What?” She plays dumb, smirking at the three of you.

“She's way too good at this,” Whitney informs you and Ashlyn just laughs it off before leaning into your ear.

“When she gets back, will you tell her I'll meet her on the dance floor after her shift?” You raise an eyebrow with a smile and nod, checking your watch. It's already 10:45. The bartender, whose name you learn is Charlie, comes back with the shots and you let her know what Ashlyn said. Charlie looks over to Ashlyn with a grin and Ashlyn sends her a wink. You've never seen a wink look more natural, or seductive, and you're seriously impressed with the blonde.

After you take your shot, Mittsy grabs your hand and pulls you through the crowd to a group of your teammates dancing. Sydney hugs you, rocking you side to side, and you can smell the liquor on her breath. You pull away and start dancing, knees bent as you rock your body side to side. Kelley grabs your hands and pulls you close before pushing you back at arms length. Some rap song is on you're not familiar with, but Kelley knows every word and you laugh as she raps it to you.

You pass the next few minutes on floor, the shots starting to loosen you up as apparent in your dancing. You hear a shout from Pinoe and you turn to see Ashlyn walking through a few strangers, Charlie following behind. Her hand is linked with Ashlyn's. Ashlyn's eyes appear darker and she smirks at Pinoe before turning and pulling the small brunette into her. Charlie's hands instinctively fall into Ashlyn's back pockets and Ashlyn leans down to whisper something in Charlie's ear. Even with the language barrier, she makes the bartender laugh and you can't tear your eyes away. She's not what you expected, yet you're not sure what you expected. Ashlyn begins to dance, the tiny girl's front pressed into her, and you can see the brunette swooning. She's hooked on the goalie. They move in sync and you're surprised at how smooth the larger girl is.

“She's got crazy game,” Pinoe explains when she catches you looking. “You've got to admire it.”

“Does this happen a lot?” You ask, curious. Pinoe shrugs.

“When you look like that, girls come flocking,” she explains. “Ash only gives in when she's in the mood. She turns them down more often than not.” You can't stop observing, enthralled by her confidence. It's a side of her you haven't seen, a side you don't get to see of most of your friends. You turn back to Pinoe but she's already dancing with HAO and you decide to grab Mittsy's hands. You've been dancing for nearly an hour when you hear someone shout out Ashlyn's name with an approving giggle. The whole team turns to see and Ashlyn, with a gentle touch, tilt Charlie's chin up with one finger before taking her lips into her own. Pinoe is clapping like a wild women, dancing around the girls. You see Ashlyn smirk through the kiss, like she's fully aware of what Pinoe's doing, but she deepens the kiss anyway. The bartender looks winded, lost for words as she grabs a fistful of Ashlyn's shirt to pull her down. After a few seconds, the team looks away and continues to dance, but you can't stop watching the bartender. Every time she pulls away, she looks completely flustered and kisses the blonde with what looks like her last breath. You chuckle, but you wonder what the blonde is doing to her.

Syd buys you another shot and you dance with your girls. You spend a few songs with a nice German guy, whose crazy about you speaking his language, but you sneak away to the bathroom after a few songs and enjoy the break. He does buy you a drink, though, and you talk by the bar for a minute before he heads out with his friends. When you rejoin the girls, you find most of them have left the club, but you dance for a few more songs with Whitney, Mittsy and Pinoe. Syd and Alex are having a ball in the corner alone, and you laugh at their youthfulness. When the group decides it's time to leave, Whitney receives Ashlyn duty and pulls her away from the Brunette. They're sitting on a couch in the corner, Ashlyn's arm around the smaller girl, trying their best to converse. When Whitney makes her way over, Ashlyn takes the hint and stands right up, starting to say goodbye. The brunette, you notice, looks distraught and hands the blonde a piece of paper with what you assume is her number on it. Ashlyn kisses the smaller girl on the cheek and, with a smile, turns towards the team. You make it out of the bar before Syd says, “You animal” with a laugh. Ashlyn chuckles and Pinoe jumps in.

“Seriously, never gets old watching you in action. There's two Ashlyns. It's like you're possessed or something, in the best way possible,” Pinoe laughs. The conversation quickly changes, as it usually does, to food. The girls debate between schnitzel and some place that specializes in fries. You're only half listening when Ashlyn walks up beside you.

“Thanks for helping me out there tonight,” she says as she gently bumps your arm with hers. She seems slightly shy—not like she was back in the bar.

“Glad I could help,” you laugh. “You've got game, girl. Can't even speak her language and she's falling all over you.” Ashlyn laughs and even in the night you can see her blush. “I barely recognized you back there,” you say softer. “You just flipped a switch and it was like, boom, game on,” you giggle. “That girl couldn't breathe around you.” Her cheeks deepen and she takes a minute to compose herself before looking up at you.

“Yeah, well, when I want something I do all I can to get it,” she tells you earnestly, her eyes sporting an intensity you haven't seen on her yet. She watches your eyes flicker around her face for a minute before speaking up again. “Seriously, though, thanks again. I may need to borrow your assistance in Frankfurt occasionally,” she says with a big grin. “I think we make a pretty good team.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love, guys!! xx


	5. The New Frankfurt

 

You wince as the scalding temperature hits your tongue. Heather laughs at you as she hands you her cold glass of water.

“A little hot?” She asks and you feign a smile through your now teary eyes. You place your coffee cup on the glass table and slowly sip the water, hoping for some relief.

You can't believe you're here again, platform three, waiting for your train to Frankfurt. Mittsy wouldn't let you go alone and helped you get your bags to the station. You've already said your goodbyes, for now at least, and try not to think about when the next time you'll see most of your friends is. The blonde in front of you is headed back to the states in just over a week. Still, you can't help but be thankful for the past week. You're reinvigorated. You're ready to train, to enjoy Germany again. No more sulking over your knee. It's just a small bump in your road. A light goes off, signaling that your train departs in under ten minutes and you and Heather share a knowing look.

“You're going to be okay, Al,” she smiles at you. She's not trying to convince you anymore. She's telling you something you already know.

“Thanks, Heath.”

“You keep working your ass off but lighten up for me.” You laugh, knowing she's right, and take a more cautious sip of your coffee.

“Promise me something, okay?” You nod. “Please take advantage of Pinoe and Ash being there. I know you'll all be busy, and you just met Ash, but I promise she's great. You just need those familiar faces during a time like this. You know?” You smile, about to promise her her wish when she continues. “And Al, remember _why_ you've got German tattooed all over you,” she teases and your eyes fall down to your left forearm. Liebe. “This place does something special for you, don't lose sight of it.”

You stand up to cross the table and give your friend a hug. She follows suit and wraps her arms around your neck and squeezing tight.

“I promise,” you say and she plants a kiss on the top of your head.

“Good, I'll be checking,” she smirks. You hit her arm playfully but know she's telling the truth. “We better get you on the train.” She grabs one of your bags and walks you to the nearest open door. “Hang in there, kid,” she says.

“Yes, _mom_ ,” you laugh, giving her another big hug. “I love you.” You pull away and grab the bag from her.

“Love you too, Al.” You turn away and don't look back, attempting to keep your eyes dry.

 

* * *

 

It's taken a full week for you to fall back into your routine. You're lighter now, even Chris comments on your sudden mental shift. The days are still long, and you're still relatively lonely, but you're content. And driven. Chris has gone out of his way to make sure you're enjoying yourself. Chris has family here—part of the reason you knew it was okay to bring him out here to train you—and he invites you to dinner with him and his cousin. You make a promise with yourself to see one of your friends from Germany at least once a week, you decide on picking up journaling again, and you make yourself go on nightly outings three days a week. Even a walk to the bakery counts. 

It's Friday, the last full day before Pinoe and Ashlyn arrive in Frankfurt, and you're excitement is showing.

“Good day?” Chris laughs as he tosses the medicine ball at you. You catch it, balancing on the bosu ball on your right leg and laugh, tightening your abdominal to regain your balance.

“Teammates coming tonight,” you grin before it hits you. You momentarily stop your drill and drop your left leg when Chris breaks you from your mind.

“Leg up!” He shouts and like that, you're back on one leg. 

“Sorry,” you mumble. “Chris, how come you never told me you trained Ashlyn Harris? She's been in the national team pool for awhile.” He simply shrugs, almost wondering how he hadn't mentioned it.

“I guess it never came up. You meet her this week? So happy she finally got the call.”

“Yeah,” you tell him. “She's coming to Frankfurt tomorrow.”

“I just got that call, actually,” he laughs. “Hard worker, that girl. A total goon, too.” He tosses the ball harder and you almost lose your balance as you bring it into your chest. You knew Ashlyn could have a good time, but you weren't sure you took her as a 'goon.'

“Really?” You ask, one side of you lip curling upwards at the thought.

“Totally,” he laughs at the thought of her. “You'll see.” You try to imagine the badass being a goofball, but the closest thing you've seen is when Tobin was riding her back like a horse. The two girls go way back to UNC, though, and you assumed it was just a comfort thing. You're not sure you'll get to that level with her anytime soon.

“It'll be good for you, being around some of the girls,” Chris tells you. “Ash will be training here a good amount, I'm sure. You can ask Pinoe if she's interested, too. Might be nice to be together.” You smile and thank him, grateful to have someone that cares about you on the overseas with you.

The rest of the day goes by surprisingly quick. As soon as you're home, though, you're not quite sure what to do. Ashlyn and Megan arrive by train soon, you know that, but you know Megan's girlfriend Sera is picking them up. You thought about offering to pick up Ashlyn, but you hardly know the girl. Instead, you're alone in your kitchen, enjoying a cup of tea. You force yourself to journal for awhile, but after a few pages you get antsy and decide to go for a walk. You used to do this when you moved here. Pick a direction and just go. You aren't looking for anything, just wandering. The best adventures happen when you least expect them, you know that.

Your first stop is by the park near your apartment. You see an old man creating art on the blacktop out of colored sand. You're not positive, but it looks like a giant sun is at the center. He's not even halfway done. You people watch for awhile, admiring the beauty of Germany and the Germans themselves. After more than thirty minutes, you continue on your journey down the block. A man stops you, asking for directions to a local bar, and you remember how good it feels to be able to understand and answer him in his native tongue. You smile to yourself as the warmth of your second home finally fills you. You suddenly want to treat yourself. You've never been unrealistic about your diet. Sure, performance comes first. You fuel yourself right but you know not to deny yourself your guilty pleasures. You think about grabbing a beer and chatting with locals when you smell fresh bread from the local bakery one street over. You actually salivate at the thought and know exactly what you want. 

You're shocked when you walk in and see Saskia, the elderly woman who worked their during your last stint in Germany. You visited the store a few times a week, making you one of her favorite customers.

“Ali, Ali, Ali!” She coos running out from behind the counter. “You're back? When did you arrive? How long are you here?” Her German was always harder for you to understand, especially since you're slightly out of practice, but you manage and fill her in. She kisses your cheeks more than enough times for the next few months but you're warmed by her motherly love. “What can I get you? What do you want, on the house!” 

“Mmm,” you breathe in the smell. “I've been craving a Franzbrochen since I got here.” She kisses you once more and waves you towards a table. Within minuets, she's bringing you the buttery, cinnamon pastry and a warm cup or hot chocolate. “Sit, sit, enjoy!” She heads back to the counter to tend to another guest. The smell of your treats literally makes you moan. I need to get laid, you think to yourself with a laugh. 

You devour the pastry in less than a minute but savor the hot chocolate. You pull out your notebook to journal some more, finding peace and inspiration for the first time in weeks. You lose yourself for awhile, writing everything from  _Damn this pasty could get it_ to  _I can't lose myself like that again._ It's not until you hear a fellow English speaker that your selective hearing pulls you away from your notebook. A tall woman, you presume, in a fedora hat tries ordering one of the teas off the menu. Saskia stares for a minute at the woman, whose hair is masked by her tan hat, and the woman tries again. She points this time, and says “tea?” When that doesn't get through to Saskia, the woman counts down the menu list and holds up three fingers, pointing back to the menu. Saskia thinks she understands, turning around and smiling. 

“Ah!” She makes a sound of understanding. “Coffee!” She says through her thick accent. The woman shakes her head politely and is about to try again when you're suddenly standing behind her to lend your assistance. 

“Saskia, I think she just wants the roobios tea,” you translate.

“Ali!” A familiar voice greets you. She lifts her fedora off instinctively and, sporting a tight bun, is the blonde goalkeeper in her classic black jeans and button up denim short-sleeved shirt. Always stylish.

“Ashlyn!” You laugh, shocked. The two of you stand there surprised for a moment with grinning teeth before the larger woman decidedly opens her arms for a hug. She lets you come into it, unsure about what level you're at, and you pull away sooner than you like. “What are you doing here?!”

“Just got in and put my bags away. Needed to walk off my train legs,” she laughs, shaking her legs to show you. Saskia interrupts, asking you about your friend and confirming her order.

“Roobies, right?” You confirm with Ashlyn who nods and gives her thanks.

“Ah! Tea is on me!” Saskia says and you smile, introducing her to Ashlyn. Because of the language barrier, they simply smile and shake hands, Ashlyn offering a “danke.” Ashlyn turns to you.

“You're a regular?” You just smile and nod.

“Where's Pinoe?” You ask, leading Ashlyn towards your table. She jokingly checks her watch.

“Well, I'd say by now...she's probably on round three with Sera.” You're shocked at Ashlyn's honesty, but can't help your laugh. You know she's right.

“They were excited?” You ask.

“You should have seen them,” she laughs again. “Too adorable.” You fall into a comfortable silence while Saskia places her tea down.

“How was the train?”

“Good. Quicker than I thought. How's your week been? Happy to be back?”

“Actually, yeah. I'm feeling more like me,” you tell her, surprised by your confession. You've always been open, though, and don't want to stop now.

“That's awesome. You have a little treat tonight?” You're not sure what she's referencing and you freeze up for a moment before she nods down to your cinnamon crumbs on the empty plate.

“Oh! Yes, you've got to try one! So so good.” Before Ashlyn can refute your offer, you're on your feet ordering another from Saskia.

“It's called a Franzbrochen. Butter and cinnamon goodness.” 

“Thanks,” she smiles. “You didn't have to--” She starts but is cut off when Saskia places the pastry down in front of Ashlyn, grabs her face and plants a friendly kiss on her cheek. Ashlyn's eyes widen and you can't hide your laughter.

“She's really friendly,” you whipser. 

“Clearly,” the blonde mumbles as she takes a bite. You watch her lips, which you notice are fuller than you originally thought, close around her pastry. She lets out a soft moan, much like you, and you find yourself wondering if she, too, needs to get laid. You stop yourself before making the joke. Plus, seeing her in action the other night, you don't think that's the case.

“This is...”

“Like sex” is the first thing that comes out of your mouth and, before your cheeks can flood with red at your gutter-mind, Ashlyn repeats without hesitation: “Like sex.” You both laugh.

“Wow. You must know all the secrets around her,” she says, blowing on her tea before taking a slow sip.

“I know a few,” you shrug. “I'll show you and Pinoe around as much as I can.”

“I'd like that,” the blonde smiles. “Do you have training tomorrow?”

“Yeah, light schedule. I get to go in around ten and hopefully I'll be out by four.” Ashlyn's eyebrows raise slightly.

“Oh yeah, real light for a Saturday,” she teases. You know she's right, but this is your life now and you're more than happy with it. 

“And you?”

“I have some meetings. I'm gonna stop by to see Chris, though, tour the place so I'll probably see you there?” She phrases it like a question, like she's hopeful. You realize Ashlyn is you a few years ago, alone in a foreign country and she doesn't speak a lick of the language. Sure, she has an advantage—you and Pinoe—but it's still a scary thought. Thinking of your 23 year old self, you decide to help her as much as she needs and the words just flow out of you.

“Absolutely,” you smile. “And I know you just got here and want to probably unpack and everything, but I'd be more than happy to show you around or, you know, be your translator whenever you need.” You smirk slightly at the last statement and you see Ashlyn blush. Now that she's fully sober, she seems less comfortable with the other night.

“I'm sorry,” she says with a shy smile. “I didn't mean to put you in that position at the bar. I--”

“Ashlyn, it's totally okay,” you promise her. “I want to help you adjust to Germany in whatever way I can. Even if that means getting you a girl every once in awhile.” The blonde laughs.

“You're a great friend, you know that?”

“I hear it now and again,” you tease.

Ashlyn sips her tea and you see her eyeing your notebook. Not invasively or anything, she's just taking in everything around her. She sees you looking at your drink sheepishly and reaches her hand across the table, resting it on yours. She feels you tense up but doesn't retract her hand. Instead, she waits for you to look up.

“I have one, too,” she smiles. “It's a good habit. Therapeutic, really.” You realize she's talking about your notebook and suddenly you relax. It's not something you should be embarrassed by, but you just met your teammate and you haven't quite been able to read her yet. You mumble a shy thanks and Ashlyn giggles through another sip, prompting you to give her an inquisitive look.

“I'm sorry, you're adorable,” she tells you point blank. Her mood is light, relaxed. Your eyebrows crease in the middle and you fail to suppress your smile.

“What?” You laugh, suddenly unable to find any of the other words in your bilingual vocabulary.

“The mumble, the giggle, the blazing confident girl that turns to the timid one right before your eyes—your whole deal. It's adorable.” You blush a deeper red than before, unsure how to the take the compliment. You don't allow yourself to wonder if she's flirting because the blonde sitting in front of you has a friendly smile on. 

“Well, thanks,” you giggle softly, deciding to simply take the compliment for what it is. “You're pretty adorable, too,” you decide to tease. Ashlyn almost scoffs.

“I'm _not_ adorable,” she laughs.

“Oh please,” you joke with her. “The tattoos, the whole _I'm a badass_ act, but in reality you're apparently just a total goon.”

“Apparently?” She questions, an eyebrow quirked, looking for your source.

“That's what Chris claims. I don't see it,” you smirk playfully. She lightly punches your arm with a laugh. 

“You're good,” she admits defeat, hands in the air. When your laughter settles, Ashlyn checks her watch and you both decide it's time to head home. You turn out the door and make a right.

“Where you headed?” Ashlyn pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket and hands you the address. Your eyes widen for a second before you laugh.

“Looks like we're neighbors.” Ashlyn looks up, surprised.

“Well, almost. You're the floor below me.”

“Megan, too,” she smiles. It makes sense, really. Frankfurt FFC put you up in this apartment building, of course they'd set up your USWNT girls in a similar situation. You instantly feel lighter. Not only are two of your teammates in Frankfurt, they're within a two minute walk from you—one stairwell away—and you don't feel so alone. You point out a few things on the way home for Ashlyn—the grocery store, the local bar, your favorite park for runs and your go-to coffee shop. She doesn't say much, she just takes in the new city around her. You lead the blonde into the elevator and hit the five and six buttons for the two of you. 

“Thanks,” she smiles. “For tonight, too,” she clarifies. “I wouldn't have even been able to enjoy a cup of tea without you.” Her laughter fills the confined space before her floor opens. 

“Yeah, of course. Like I said, anytime.”

“I'm sure I'll be taking you up on that,” she curls the right side of her lip into a smile as she walks backwards out the elevator. “Goodnight, Ali.”

“Night,” you wave back just before the doors close between you, a smile sneaking onto your lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying!! Thank you for the kind messages! xx


	6. Her

“One more set,” Chris encourages you as you drop the bar with an exasperated exhale. You've finally gone up in weight on your deadlifts and you're starting to feel strong again. You squirt some water from the Gatorade bottle into your mouth, wipe your hands off on your shirt, and shake your legs out before setting up for the last set. You push through, your legs shaking, and count your last three deadlifts out loud. You only have two left when you hear Chris greeting someone at the door.

“Nice to meet you, too,” you hear and as soon as you finish your set you turn to find your trainer. Your eyes are met with a reserved Ashlyn's. Standing opposite of Chris, she gives you a small wave and smile before turning her attention back to Chris and the slightly taller brunette beside her. Through a thick German accent, the brunette thanks Chris for allowing her to stop by.

“Yeah, of course,” you hear him say. “Anytime you want to join the girls to train, you're more than welcome.” You realize the brunette must be an FFC Frankfurt player, probably the one showing Ashlyn around the facilities today. Ashlyn gives the girl who you don't recognize a soft smile and you take note of how quiet she seems. Shy, even, or maybe she's just very laid back. You can't tell, but you compare her soft voice to the way she was with you just last night, or the way she joked around with Tobin.

“Yeah, Chris is great,” Ashlyn tells her new teammate.

“Did you stop by the stadium?” Chris asks. You lay down on your met and grab the medicine ball, doing your last ab circuit as you listen to the conversation around you.

“Yeah, the facilities look awesome,” Ashlyn admits. Chris catches the brunette, whose name you learn is Anna, looking at one of his newer leg rejuvenation stations and he offers to show her how it works. When the two walk over to check it out, you're surprised to feel footsteps coming towards you. You're about to stop mid circuit when Ashlyn's voices comes through.

“Don't stop for me,” she smiles and crouches beside you. You smile, but continue your rep. “Having a good session?” You nod in reply in hopes of keeping your breathing steady and finish up your first set. You drop the medicine ball between your legs and sit up to face Ashlyn.

“How'd the tour go?”

“Good, the girls seem really cool, too. I'm excited to get started. Lace up the old boots,” she jokes. Even now, Ashlyn seems slightly more relaxed with you than Anna. You chalk it up to cultural differences and leave it be.

“You going to lift today?” You ask, concealing your hope for company as much as you're able.

“I'm heading back with Anna to fill out some more paperwork,” she says and you think you can hear disappointment in her voice. “Hopefully I'll get some cardio in, I think.” You're about to ask her about her plans at night when you see Chris and Anna looking on. You motion towards them.

“I think they're waiting on you.” Ashlyn turns and nods her head in recognition. She turns to you with a big smile.

“Well, I better let you get back to your workout. I'll see you tonight, maybe?” She asks as she stands up.

“I'm around all night,” you smile back at her before she turns around.

* * *

 

You dry yourself off, water dripping from your hair down your clean shoulders. You brush through it once before flipping your head upside down and shaking it dry with your towel. You throw on one of Kyle's big t-shirts and post up on your couch with a cup of tea as your dinner cooks. You think about calling Kyle but know at this point he's probably just falling asleep, and you decide you've stolen enough sleep from the boy. Instead, you turn on the TV hoping to sharpen up your German. You land on an old children's cartoon, one of the shows responsible for accelerating your knowledge of the German language, and a sense of nostalgia rolls over you. The cartoon follows a boy and his dog, who can talk, and the adventures the two find themselves on. It's adorable, really, and simple enough to follow. You're laughing at something the dog said when you hear a knock on your door. Your first instinct is that your landlord is at the door, but decide to look through the peephole on your way to your room to grab pants. You're surprised to find the blonde goalkeeper standing on the other side of the door, hair wet and swept over her left shoulder, in clean training clothes. She's still got her backpack on. Without thinking, you open the door, excited to see the familiar face. Ashlyn smiles at you for a moment before her eyes fall to your bare legs. You both look away awkwardly before you speak up.

“Sorry,” you laugh at being slightly exposed, and Ashlyn joins you.

“No I'm sorry, bad timing?” You shake your head no and she continues. “I'm glad I picked right, I just saw a man go in next door so I knew either this or that one was your door,” she points. “Sorry I'm stopping by,” she starts to ramble, and you don't think you've ever seen her as anything other than her composed self. It's endearing. “I wanted to text you but I realized I didn't have your number.”

“Oh, right!” You realize, and you start walking back towards your coffee table to grab your phone. Ashlyn stands still in the doorway when you realize you've left her alone. “Come in,” you tell her. Though she looks unsure, she follows slowly, closing the door behind her. “Here, put your number in,” you hand her your phone and she does as she's told. When she hands it back, you send her a quick text that simply says: ;)

Her phone vibrates loud enough for you to hear it and she pulls it out reading over the message. She looks up at you with a confused smirk.

“A wink?”

“It's my favorite smiley,” you giggle. “So what's up?” You ask, wondering what she wanted to text you in the first place

“Pinoe and Sera are grabbing some food right now, but they wanted to know if you wanted to grab some dessert after? I know they're really looking forward to seeing you,” she tells you.

“That sounds great!” You smile. “What time?” Ashlyn checks her gold Nixon watch, the third watch you've seen her wear, and calculates something in her head.

“They'll probably be done in like thirty.”

“Did you eat yet?” You ask her.

“No, no,” she shakes her head as she points to the door. “I was just gonna head to a café to pick up a sandwhich or something, haven't really had time to go grocery shopping yet.” You realize she came back to the building for the sole purpose to invite you to dessert.

“I just made a huge thing of pasta,” you motion to the kitchen. “Nothing special, but I have more than enough for the week,” you add with a light giggle.

“Oh no,” she shakes her head and waves you off. “Thank you, really, but it's alright. It's no problem to run out.”

“Really, Ash,” you say and Ashlyn smiles at the shortening of her name. You're becoming more comfortable and she can feel it. “It's no big deal, and the girls will be back soon. If you go out you'll be all rushed, it will just be a hassle. Sit.” Ashlyn surrenders and follows your instructions, sitting on the seude couch. You head into the kitchen, taking the pasta off the stove and straining it.

“Red sauce good?” You shout out.

“Yes, thank you.” You can see Ashlyn place her backpack on the ground from the corner of your eye as she gets comfortable. You bring out Ashlyn's bowl and a water and head back in to grab yours.

“Thank you, seriously,” she says. “I'll get you back, I promise.”

“No worries,” you smile, settling into the couch next to her before she starts to chuckle.

“What are you watching?” She eyes you, smirking at your expression.

“Don't laugh,” you plead, though you struggle to stifle your own laughter. “It's easy to follow, it helped me pick up German when I first moved here.” Ashlyn smiles, mostly at how adorable you are, but can't stop the laughter spilling through her lips.

“Hey!” You nudge her with the back of your arm. “I said no laughing!”

“Sorry, sorry,” she apologizes, taming her laughter.

“It wouldn't hurt you to pick up some tips,” you tease. “You know, if you want to be able to order a tea without me.” Ashlyn's shoulders shake with her chuckle.

“Actually, I was thinking you could just follow me everywhere and translate for me. You know, like a personal assistant.” She teases you right back, and you jokingly roll your eyes. “Seriously, though, this is great,” she brings the attention back to your pasta. “Thank you again.”

“Don't mention in,” you shrug. “How was the rest of your day?”

“Good, Anna showed me around, introduced me to the team and some of the staff. They all seem really nice, and a few spoke English which was a plus,” she laughs.

“They're a great group,” you tell her, enjoying your pasta. You fall into a comfortable silence and you can see Ashlyn attempting to follow the cartoon in front of you. After a few minutes of watching, you say, “not so bad, is it?”

“The puppy is pretty cute,” she admits with a laugh. “It's really impressive that you learned the language so fast,” she looks at you. “I mean, that requires effort. Submerging yourself, you know. It was just a brave thing to do at that age.”

“Thanks,” you smile sincerely. “Where'd you end up after UNC?” You ask, realizing how little you know about the girl on your couch.

“I played in the WPS for a bit before it folded. I was a floater for awhile, went to Sweden for a short time, trained at home, anything I could do. I lost it for a bit though, the love and the drive. My injuries drained me, I didn't think I'd be able to make up the ground I lost.” She's not speaking with a sad voice, she's just being honest. “It worked out for the best, I think, though. You figure the most out about yourself when you're struggling.”

“Well I'm about to learn a lot,” you joke, lightening the mood.

“You will,” Ashlyn smiles. “I promise, three months from now you'll look back and be shocked at how much you've grown.” The more Ashlyn opens up, the more you want to know. There's a wise soul inside of her and you're drawn to her wisdom.

You're interrupted by an abrupt pounding on the door.

“Open up Krieger!!!!” You hear Megan on the other side and pop up from the couch in an instant. You fling open the door and the blonde hops into you arms, her legs clinging around your waist. You fall back a few steps but quickly steady the two of you out. Megan joking plants kisses all over your cheeks and head.

“Alexandra it has been forever!” she says in between kisses. You're laughing hard and your breath hitches as you place her on the ground. You see Sera behind the blonde, smiling, and pull her into a hug.

“It's great to see you!” You say into the hug.

“You too,” she smiles. “So glad I've finally got some company,” she says about the three of you. Pinoe realizes you're only in a T-shirt and laughs.

“How'd you already manage to get Krieg's pants off?” She turns to Ashlyn, seeing the bowl of pasta on her laugh. “And you guilted her into cooking for you?” Pinoe teases.

“More like _charmed_ her into it,” Ashlyn smirks playfully before collecting your bowl and walking it into the kitchen.

“Please,” you playfully roll your eyes. “Not falling for the Harris charm,” you promise Pinoe. You try to take the bowls from the blonde but she slides past you and begins to rinse them.

“Let her do them,” Pinoe smiles. “How are you?” She pulls you onto the couch.

“I'm good! How are you? Do you like Frankfurt?”

“Can't complain,” she winks at Sera and you giggle.

“You've got the best laugh,” Sera compliments as Ashlyn reenters the room. Ashlyn and Pinoe instantly agree.

“Thank you,” you giggle again at the compliments.

“You guys good for frozen yogurt? I've been craving it all week and we just passed a little shop.” You all agree as tomorrow is a light training day, recovery for the team and an introduction day for Pinoe and Ashlyn. “Good, go put some clothes on and we'll head out.”

You slide on a pair of Nike leggings and slightly loose gray tee and slip into your runners. As you head out, you thank Ashlyn for taking care of the dishes.

“No problem,” she smiles, her dimple appearing for a split second.

The walk is filled with Megan making the three of you laugh as she recounts her attempts to converse with the German players. Lucky for your American pals, the froyo is self-serve, eliminating the need for conversation. You all create your own dessert and make your way to the table outside the store. Megan kisses Sera on the head before sitting in the chair next to her.

“How happy are you to be together again?” You smile at the look on Pinoe's face. She's so happy and, compared to a few years ago, she's so open and free and you can't help but be proud.

“Can't ask for anything else,” Pinoe smiles. “I mean, look at this face,” she squeezes her girlfriend's cheeks like a baby's and you all laugh.

“What about you, Al?” And suddenly the conversation is turning in the direction you constantly try to avoid. “We know Harris over here's not tied down,” she smirks and you laugh when Ashlyn sticks her tongue out at her like a five-year-old. “You seeing anyone?”

“Nah,” you shrug her off. “You know our schedules, it's hard to meet anyone seriously with this lifestyle.” Pinoe sighs and you know it's coming.

“Al, you haven't even _tried_ dating anyone since Taylor--”

“How do you know?” you try, but she calls you on it.

“Well, have you?”

“No,” you pout and the girls laugh as Megan throws you a gloating smirk.

“Al, I'm not saying you have to get _married_ but at least get laid! Come on, how long as it been?”

“Pinoe!” You shriek, your hands covering your face. “Stop it! I'm not discussing this with you.”

“Ali,” Pinoe sings, and she knows you agree with her. “You got to put yourself out there.”

“It hasn't even been that long!”

“Alexandra,” Pinoe chides you. You're stuck in a staring contest as you attempt to shoot daggers at the blonde, but she's not letting them through. You don't break until Ashlyn interjects.

“If you don't mind me asking, how long has it been since you dated her?” Ashlyn asks you, and you all crease your eyebrows.

“Huh?” You ask.

“Taylor,” she clarifies. “When did you and Taylor break up?” At the same time, you, Pinoe and Sera lose it. You're bellies are rising so fast you can't breathe and you laughter rings through the open air, making it hard for Ashlyn to figure out what is going on. “What?” Ashlyn begs to be let in on the joke, but none of you can stop your laughter. You're laughing too hard to even process what this implies—that Ashlyn assumed you were at least partially gay. You try to catch your breath, but just as your chest settles, Pinoe yells out “she!” and you lose it again. When you calm down, you all look at Ashlyn's lost, questioning face.

“Taylor's a dude,” Pinoe finally fills her in with a grin. Ashlyn's eyes widen, her mouth hangs open and her cheeks turn a shade of red you'd yet to see on the girl. You almost feel bad, but you start to giggle again. Before you can reassure her that it's okay, the girl starts mumbling.

“I'm so sorry,” she looks at you, grabbing your hands with both of hers. “I'm sorry I didn't mean—i just assumed-- I'm sorry, I don't know any male Taylor's!” You start laughing again and give her hands a squeeze before pulling yours back to your lap.

“Ashlyn, it's totally okay,” you giggle at how flustered the blonde is.

“No, I'm sorry I didn't mean to assume anything.” She keeps shaking her head and can't look at any of you and you're absolutely entertained.

“Look at this,” you giggle to Pinoe. “I've never seen you this flustered, it's _adorable,_ ” you tease Ashlyn in regards to your conversation last night.

“You know what, neither have I,” Pinoe adds and her tone switches slightly as she examines her blonde buddy. You don't notice, but Megan picks up on how rare it really is for the girl to be so frazzled.

“I'm not flustered-- I just-- I-” Megan cuts the blonde off, mockingly repeating “I- I- I-!” Ashlyn playfully slaps the girl on the arm.

“Quit it,” Ash tries to say seriously, but a laugh slips through. “Anyway,” she finds some of her composure again and tries to redirect the conversation. “When did you break up with _him_?” You laugh once more before you decide to cut the girl a break.

“It's been almost two years,” you admit with a meek voice. For the second time tonight, Ashlyn's eyes widen, but she decides to keep her thoughts to herself.

“That's what I'm saying,” Pinoe nudges her, clearly not muting herself. “Look Al, I don't care _who_ you take care of your business with, but you gotta put yourself out there again at some point.”

“I know,” you admit. You know there's no use in fighting your friends anymore, they're right. Truth be told, you just haven't found anyone you've _wanted_ to get back in the game with. Not even for a night. You miss being with someone more than your friends know, but you're not going to just pick some random loser to make you feel good for a night. Megan, sensing your tone, lightens up a bit.

“Look, I'm not going to push you,” she starts, but quickly retracts the statement. “Well, I won't push you too far,” she laughs. “Next night off we're going out, okay? I'm not saying you have to get with anyone, but you're going.”

“Alright, alright!” You put your hands up to signal surrender, hoping to shut her up. It works.

“Good,” she smiles proudly. “Next week Sera has a gig like fifteen minutes away, you guys in? If we don't have a training the next day we can make a night of it.”

“Of course,” you smile, thrilled for the subject change. “Wouldn't miss it.” Ashlyn nods in agreement. She's stayed quiet since she mistook Taylor for a girl and you notice.

“What time do you guys head to practice tomorrow?”

“Ten,” Megan answers and Ashlyn nods once again. You watch as Sera wipes a bit of froyo off your friend's lip and you smile, remembering how good it was to be in love. You're not sad about it anymore, and you realize for the first time, you might be looking forward to it again.

Once you're all finished, you start to head back towards your building. Sera tells you and Ashlyn about her bandmates. Turns out her drummer is from Germany and his local manager offered them a deal they couldn't turn down so, here they are.

You make it back to your apartment in only a few minutes and you all hop onto the elevator as Pinoe tries telling you how great a guy Sera's drummer is. You're not even listening and Sera tugs on her girlfriend's arm with a light laugh, telling her to drop it. When you stop on the fifth floor, Megan gives you a hug as the other girls step out.

“Shit,” Ashlyn mumbles as she checks her pockets for her key. “My backpacks in your room still,” she tells you. You wave her back into the elevator with a smile.

“No worries!” You both say goodnight to the couple as the doors close behind them, leaving you two in a momentary silence.

“Sorry about this, I totally forgot I brought my bag to your room,” Ashlyn starts.

“Seriously, no big deal,” you shake your head as the doors open and you exit the elevator. You pull out your key and stick it into the keyhole when her voice starts up again right behind you.

“Uh, Ali, I'm really sorry about earlier,” she breathes, her voice gentle and sincere. You smile again at how much she's still thinking about it.

“Don't even worry about it,” you promise. “It was just a misunderstanding, no reason to apologize.” Ashlyn smiles when she realizes you really are okay with it, but as she follows you into your apartment she gets serious again. You don't realize it and you walk over to the couch and pick up the bag for her. When you turn around, Ashlyn is standing where you left her, only a few feet inside of the apartment, watching you closely. You give a tight lipped smile as you walk towards her, extending the bag out for her to take. She grabs the vacant strap, but you don't let go. You're eyes are locked and you're a foot apart, connected by the suspended backpack.

“I didn't mean to jump to conclusions,” Ashlyn says, her voice is soft but it doesn't waiver this time. She's composed again, eyes locked with yours. “I misread some situations, that's all.” Her voice is stronger with every sentence and you realize how piercing her hazel eyes are. Her stare is intense and you feel it in your gut. You're not sure why you're frozen here, staring back at her, but as her words hit you, she's gently tugging the backpack over her shoulder and it slips free from your hand.

Before you can ask what she meant by that, the blonde gives you a closed mouth smile.

“Goodnight, Ali,” she says before she's out the door.

You're stuck, lips parted alone in your living room, replaying in your head every interaction you and the blonde shared—just as Ashlyn intended.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you guys are still liking it! Your comments mean so much and help me stay inspired. thank you for reading! xx


	7. Be My Shadow

The next two days drag on. The FFC Frankfurt girls are surprised with meetings and extra training so you decide to take the time to double up on cardio, spending most of your free time on the bike. When you get home Saturday night you pass out easily, physically drained from your extra workout. Sunday isn't any better. The team ends up with a scrimmage two hours away and, since you're not cleared for contact, you can't play in an organized scrimmage. Chris tells you to take the day off or do a swim recovery session, but you're antsy and alone and your mind hasn't settled since Ashlyn left you standing dumbfounded in your living room. What did she read wrong? What were you missing? All you know is that you gave her the impression that you were gay, and after you do the math you know that means one thing: she thought you were flirting. You know it wasn't the way you were dressed, since you've been wearing the same thing as the rest of the team, or any admission of being attracted to girls, so you know the goalie felt vibes from you. Now, all you can do is replay your actions. You've always been a flirty girl, somewhat touchy and giggly, but you haven't felt anything but natural around Ashlyn—that's one of the reasons you get along so well. You mind won't stop running, so you head to the gym to blow off some steam.

You spend the first half doing interval training on the bike, followed by some footwork, then you hop in the pool for a half hour for a little recovery. You find it therapeutic, the water, and stay a little longer just to float. Ashlyn was right the other day—you learn a lot about yourself when you're struggling. You haven't figured out your lesson quite yet, but you know you know there's so much left to discover. By the time you make it home, it's nearly five o'clock. You shower after you down a quick protein shake and collapse onto your bed in your towel, too exhausted to put on your pajamas. You almost fade out but your phone's double vibration makes you stir. You unlock your iPhone before seeing who the text is from.

Ashlyn.

Your eyes wake up.

_Hey stranger. Let me make up for mooching the other night—dinner at my place?_

You read the first message and smile. The pasta was nothing—you had already made more than enough—but Ashlyn still feels the need to repay you.

_Chicken parm with mac and cheese?_

Your mouth waters at the thought of two of your favorite dishes and you can't turn it down so you quickly type out a reply.

_Sounds delicious ;) I'm there!_

You send the message before remembering how she reacted to your favorite smiley face. Maybe she took that as flirting, you wonder, but shake the thought. You decide not to think about it anymore, you'll just drive yourself crazy. You decide it's best for the both of you if you don't change how you're acting. You like hanging out with Ashlyn and you both clearly need the company over here. Plus, fun flirting never hurt anyone, if that's even what this is anyway. You've been enjoying yourself and you leave it at that.

_Come down in 15._

Upon reading Ashlyn's response you roll off the bed and begin rummaging through your closet. Five minutes later, you find yourself still in your towel and wondering why you care about your outfit. You know Ashlyn is into style, her outfit is always one of the first things you notice about her. Still, you're only going down one flight of stairs. You quickly grab a pair of full length leggings and slip into them, slide a draping white T-shirt over your torso and, to pull yourself together a little, you put your denim button-up over it. You roll up the sleeves, put on your staple mascara, and head downstairs. 

When Ashlyn opens the door, you're glad you didn't just throw on you sweats. The blonde is wearing a pair of fitted salmon colored pants rolled above the ankle. On her top she's wearing a short sleeve button up gray shirt buttoned to the top button, tightening the shirt around her chest. Her hair is tied back in a low bun and you think it suits her.

“Hey!” She smiles as she pulls the door further open, inviting you in. 

“Hi,” you smile, thanking her for inviting you over.

“The least I could do,” she says as she closes the door. “I told you I'd get you back for dinner.” You want to tell her it wasn't necessary, but the smell of the food hits you and you lose your train of thought.

“It smells delicious!” Ashlyn smiles and you follow her into the kitchen. She pulls out a chair for you as she walks past the table to the stove.

“So chivalrous,” you joke, taking the seat. 

“Is water good?” She laughs, pouring you a cold glass as you nod. “So how have you been? Did you have a good day?”

“Boring,” you chuckle. “Went to the complex and worked out a bit. How was the scrimmage?”

“No days off for you,” she jokes. She knew today was your recovery day, but she gets it and doesn't press you. “Good, I played one of the halves. The team looked pretty good. Pinoe did well, too,” she says. 

“How long have you been home?” You ask.

“About two hours. Showered, went to the grocery store finally, started dinner and did a little unpacking.” You look around the kitchen at the mention of unpacking and see a few pictures put up around you. One, on the other end of the table, is of her and a guy around your age with a scruffy beard.

“Whose that,” you ask, pointing.

“Oh, that's my older brother Chris,” she smiles. “Only sibling,” she fills you in. “Do you have any?”

“I have an older brother too. Kyle,” you tell her. “Are you guys close?”

“Yeah,” she starts. “He was my rock growing up.” As she starts to talk about him, you catch her voice quiver and know to back off the subject. She licks her lips and wrings her neck, nervously fidgeting across from you. You sense her unease and decide to change the course of the conversation.

“How'd you decide on chicken parm and mac and cheese?” You ask as she begins plating the dishes. 

“It's my comfort food,” she shrugs and you can tell she didn't mean to let the words slip so you attempt to lighten the mood again.

“Lucky for you,” you start. “My comfort food is anything chocolate—not so sustainable,” you laugh. Ashlyn joins you, happy for the mood change. She hands you your plate and you thank her as you begin cutting up the chicken. After one bite, you're hooked.

“Mmm,” you close your eyes. “This is delicious.”

“Try the mac and cheese,” she smirks. You do as your told and you're eyes widen.

“Ashlyn! Where'd you learn to cook like this!” You can tell by the ingredients spread around the kitchen that this was all homemade.

“Family recipe,” she shrugs. “It's my favorite.

“This is amazing,” you smile. “Seriously, thank you.”

You eat in quiet for a few minutes, devouring the food in front of you. Ashlyn offers you seconds and you gladly accept. 

“My stupid pasta doesn't even compare,” you joke. “I've gotta repay _you_ now. If you need any help unpacking, let me know,” you offer.

“Thanks,” she laughs. “I didn't bring too much, though, I should be alright.” You're about to tell her about a decorative store around the corner when your phone vibrates on the table. Ashlyn motions, telling you it's okay to look, and you see a text.

“It's just Pinoe,” you tell her. You unlock your phone and roll your eyes instantly.

“What?” Ashlyn laughs at your expression. You extend the phone out to her and after a quick once over her laughter only grows. There's a picture of Sera's drummer in the middle of a set, a strong looking blonde with a nice jaw line, with the message “ _;) all yours”_ written under it.

“She's crazy,” you say. Ashlyn nods in agreement.

“Yeah, but you've got to admit he's a looker,” she adds with a smirk.

“Not you too,” you deadpan. 

“I'm just messing,” Ashlyn says softer. “Trust me, I get it. No need to rush into anything when you're not ready.” You shrug after taking in what the blonde said. 

“I mean how do you know? If you're ready?” Although the conversation is serious, your tone is light and you want to keep it that way.

“Sometimes you don't,” she shrugs, her eyes examining your face as she decides how much to say. She's finished eating and sitting across from you with her arms across her chest. “You just start to feel something in you and I think at some point you've got to accept it. It's different for everyone, though.”

“Is that how it was for you?” You ask, realizing she's speaking from experience. “You just felt different?” She shrugs at first, not sure if she wants to really get into it, but your patience wears her down and she eventually gives in.

“It took me almost two years, too,” she admits. “To get over my first heartbreak.” Your eyes widen. After seeing her at the bar, you almost expected her to be unfazed by relationships. Ashlyn notes your surprise but continues anyway. “I wouldn't even look at girls. I don't know, I had no interest. As I found myself and my look and gained some confidence, I started getting more attention from girls but I didn't want it. I stopped going out for awhile. I mean, it was bad,” she laughs with a playful eyeroll. “I didn't even go to they gym if it was light out. Then one day my friends brought me out to this birthday party at a bar and this girl kept sending me over drinks. At first I wasn't into it, but I went over to thank her, you know, being the _chivalrous_ gal I am,” she chuckles, “and, I don't even know how to explain it. I think she 'awoke me' if you will,” she jokes and you blush slightly at the sexual undertones. “I didn't want to date her at all, but suddenly I wanted her to come home with me. I felt a shift in me and went with it. You've just got to go for it.” You're both quiet as she lets your absorb her story when she confesses once more. “I'm not going to lie, I still haven't been in a long relationship since then,” she laughs lightly. “But I know I'm ready now, I'm just waiting on the right girl.” 

Ashlyn sucks in her lower lip, her eyes locked on yours. You don't know why you two keep falling into serious conversations like this, but you find yourself looking forward to them so you don't question it. 

“You'll find her,” you finally say, your throat uncharacteristically dry. Ashlyn just smirks at you and you're starting to realize how her charm works. You find the words slipping out. “That damn Harris Charm,” you joke. She quirks an eyebrow, intrigued, and waits for you to finish. “You've got the look down pat,” you tell her. “The smirk, the wink, that smolder you used at the bar. I've never seen it have that kind of effect on anyone,” you laugh honestly.

“That's because you'd never met a Harris,” she teases. She grabs your empty plate from you and walks it over to the sink. She turns to face you, her hand on the faucet. “Just so we're clear, this is one of those moments I misinterpreted.” Your heart skips a beat as you realize what she means. Are you flirting? With her? Ashlyn starts the water and casually rinses the plates before she starts up again. “It's all good, though. I mean, now that we've cleared it up,” she smirks straight at you, more confident now that you've admitted it's power. “I know you're not gay so I won't act on anything.” The stronger her voice gets, the weaker your body feels. She's rinsing the dishes now, as if this conversation didn't just happen, but your heart is pounding and your palms are sweaty. You think you can see her smirking even though she's looking down at her soapy hands and you do your best to find your composure.

“Were you _planning_ on acting on it?” You ask in the most playful tone you can muster, a devilish grin on your lips. Ashlyn lifts an eyebrow at you, wondering if this is a game you really want to play. Ashlyn gives you a small shrug before turning her hips towards you and leaning herself against the kitchen counter.

“Too early to tell,” Ashlyn says, her voice an octave lower than before. You can't control yourself as well as the blonde and your eyebrows shoot up. You realize you've reached another level with her, a level you've never hit with any of your other teammates. You're flirting. Unmistakably so. The thought of kissing the blonde, for the first time, floats into your consciousness and you freeze up. Ashlyn has been evoking this behavior and these emotions since you met her, but it's not until now that you understand the implications. You try to push away the thought, but it only resurfaces seconds later as the blonde looks at you with a smug look, like she's listening to exactly what you're thinking. 

“Are you always this straightforward?” You wonder aloud.

“Pretty much,” the blonde says, her bluntness making you chuckle. Ashlyn joins in the laughter and turns back to her dishes, drying them off and putting them back in the cabinet. As the interaction hits you in the short silence, you feel your chest begin to tighten. You think you should leave, think about what you're doing with Ashlyn right now and recenter yourself. But then the blonde pulls a fresh bar of German chocolate out of the fridge and walks over to the table.

“I picked this up while I was out,” she says as she sits back down. “My first German chocolate,” she smiles, unwrapping the bar. The past few moments wash away with her calmness. She breaks off pieces of the bar and places them on the wrapper, motioning for you to take some. Ashlyn hasn't stopped surprising you, and you suppose this is just another side of the goalkeeper. Just moments after you realize that, yes, you were flirting, the blonde is sitting across from you with a genuinely sweet smile, offering you chocolate. She takes a bite, lets out a soft “hmm” and laughs.

“This is dank!” You giggle at her word choice but find yourself watching as the blonde licks her lips. She looks at you, her eyes changing, and you think she's going to call you out for staring when suddenly her mood changes.

“Can I ask you something?” She says, her voice earnest. You nod, giving her the go ahead. “How did you do it?” Is all she says at first, as if that she's already provided you with all the information you need to answer her. She takes down one more square of chocolate before clarifying. “When you moved here, you were completely alone,” she tells you like you don't already know that. She doesn't need to say more, you can tell how hard it was for her to broach the subject, to be vulnerable.

“It wasn't easy,” you promise her. “I mean, the first month I think I cried every night,” you laugh, hoping to lighten her up. “I didn't have anyone to even speak more than a few minutes of English with and my social interactions were almost nonexistent.” Ashlyn's hanging on your every word, desperately hoping to learn something from you. “It's like you said earlier, you learn the most about yourself when you're struggling. I had to do things for myself. For me, that meant learning German, submerging myself, exploring this place. I mean, seriously, when else would I get an opportunity like this,” you tell her and she nods to show you she's listening. “Ash, it's okay to feel lost. Being far away, a different time zone, it's hard. You're so disconnected, it's scary.” For some reason, that hits Ashlyn and you see her bite down on her lip to stop it from quivering. Her eyes fall to her lap. Your instinct makes you reach out and place your hand on hers. “Hey, you okay?” She nods and you know she's not ready to talk about it so you continue, you hand staying planted on hers. “Give me this week,” you tell her, and her eyes lift to meet yours. “At nights, at lunch, whatever works for you. Give me this week to show you my Germany. Let me show you how I adjusted, teach you little things like how to order tea,” you laugh. “I promise, by Saturday you'll be feeling better.” She looks you over, taking the offer into consideration. You find yourself pleading. “Please, Ash, I know how it feels. Let me help you out a little.”

“I don't want to take away your time,” is all she says, her voice almost ashamed. 

“You're not taking any of my time,” you promise her. “I'll just show you what my day is like. You'll just be my shadow.” She stares, mulling over your offer, when you add, “Please, I need the company, too.” You know that gets her because, for a brief second, you catch the flash of her dimple.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I can't thank you enough for all the kind words!! I hope you're enjoying!  
> My girlfriend is coming into town for a few days, so the next couple of days will be hard to update. I may be able to get one in Sunday but if not, I'll be back in action on Wednesday! I'll be sure to make it up to you with frequent and worthwhile updates :)  
> xx


	8. German Lessons

  
  


Twenty four hours have passed since you left Ashlyn's room. You spent the past twenty two of them convincing yourself you _weren't_ flirting with the blonde, and the other two figuring out how to help her adjust to life here. You decide on something simple to start—a German lesson in a local coffee shop—but when she knocks on your door in a light blue fedora, a long gray tee and a pair of black skinny jeans, you suddenly wish you had planned something slightly more special. You're not sure how she makes such simple pieces of clothing look the way she does, but you immediately find yourself complimenting her hat. She smiles, a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes, and you find yourself vowing to do whatever it takes to make her _really_ smile.

“Ready to head out?” Is all you say as you grab your light denim jacket. Ashlyn nods and follows you out the door.

“So what's the first stop on the 'Ali Krieger Homesick Tour' today?” Ashlyn gives a light laugh as the elevator descends.

“Well, I thought we'd start small.”

“How small?” She smirks.

“Life skills,” you smile back, ignoring the way her smirk hits you. You exit the elevator, leading her onto the street when she asks about your day. “I actually cut two seconds off my 120,” you tell her with a smile. You're feeling stronger than ever, and you're happy to finally see concrete results. In rehab, it's all about the little milestones.

“Al, that's awesome!” She nudges you with her shoulder. You smile, mostly at her touch, but the nickname doesn't go unnoticed on you either.

“Thanks. How about you? Pinoe said you guys had a rough practice.” Ashlyn lets out a breathy laugh.

“That's an understatement.”

“That bad? We didn't have to meet up tonight,” you start. “If you need to rest it's okay.”

“No, no,” she quickly shakes her head. “Just a lot of running. No goalies' favorite practice,” she laughs. “I needed to get out,” she says simply, and you believe her. You lead Ashlyn to the coffee shop as a yawn escapes your lips.

“Tired?” She smiles and you give her a meek nod. You don't tell her she's the reason you couldn't fall asleep last night. You don't tell her you spent nearly two hours pacing around your apartment, compulsively organizing your life, in an effort to get the blonde off of your mind. You don't tell her how confused you are. No, you go with the simple nod.

“I thought it would be a good idea for you to come here first,” you tell Ashlyn as you open the door to the coffee shop. “I spent most of my alone time here. It's quiet, but it's busy. There's always people moving in and out. Even when you're alone, you don't feel so alone,” you shrug as you point to a table. Ashlyn smiles and you hope it's exactly what she needed to hear. “Okay, first lesson,” you smile. “What do you want to drink?”

“Coffee,” Ashlyn laughs, and you feel her mood lifting already.

“Kann ich einen Kaffee bitte?”

“Excuse me?” She laughs, the center of her forehead creasing in confusion.

“Repeat after me: Kann ich einen Kaffee bitte?” Ashlyn hesitates but slowly attempts the sentence. You giggle slightly at her nerves and repeat the sentence back at her.. She corrects her pronunciation and you applaud her, fixing only her accent. She repeats the phrase a few more times before she gets it.

“Perfect, now game time,” you smirk. The young waitress comes over and greets you. You handle the introductory conversation, ordering yourself a cappuccino. You give Ashlyn a nod, encouraging her first attempt. Her cheeks redden slightly as she successfully orders her first cup of coffee, her American accent only slightly overpowering. When the waitress smiles, nods, and walks away, Ashlyn looks at you with wide eyes.

“It worked?!” she asks, making you laugh from your belly.

“I guess we'll see,” you tease. You spend he next thirty minutes or so sipping your drinks and teaching Ashlyn basic German words. She's learning faster than she's giving herself credit for. You do your best to ignore the way she focuses on your lips as she tries to perfect her pronunciation. You ignore the way tongue hits her lips as she focuses in a way you've only seen her on the field.

“So,” Ashlyn starts when there's a lull in your German lessons. “What do you do when you come here?”

“I like to people watch,” you admit with a sheepish grin. “Especially when I didn't know the language, you get to imagine what everyone's talking about. That couple over there,” you point to the corner table and examine the pair, “I'd have said they were being set up on a blind date. I mean, look at their body language. Uncomfortable.” The corner of Ashlyn's lip turns up at you.

“And what are they really talking about?” She laughs as you zone into their conversation.

“She wants him to meet her parents,” you chuckle back. You notice the way Ashlyn's dimple deepens as she laughs but turn your attention to your coffee instead.

“Yikes,” the blonde laughs.

“I'd also come here to read or journal, maybe try to pick up some more German. I don't know, 'me time' things.” Ashlyn smiles as she finishes her coffee.

“So where else does Ms. Krieger like to spend her time? I don't want you to change your schedule for me,” she says. “I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. I didn't expect to have such a hard time adjusting.” Her admission surprises you a bit and you smile at her honesty.

“Of course, Ash. Anything to help out a friend,” you say and her smile grows. “I have a few more spots to show you. My favorite beer, a botanical garden, the best running trail, favorite restaurant. We'll hit them all,” you promise.

“You're the best,” she tells you as you both stand up to head out. You know Ashlyn has an early morning, so you both decide its best to head home while the sun is still visible. You walk back in a calm silence you occasionally break to point out a local favorite or utilize a German word Ashlyn just learned.

“I think I'm going to write some of these words down for you in a notebook,” you think aloud. “It's easier to memorize.”

“You don't have to do that--” she starts.

“Well Idon't want to have to keep repeating myself,” you tease her, returning the same playful nudge she delivered earlier in the night. Ashlyn laughs and accepts your offer, for your sake.

“Same time tomorrow?” You ask as you step into the building.

“Uh, actually we have a last minute scrimmage tomorrow night. I'm sorry, are you around Wednesday?”

“Oh, yeah of course! Don't worry,” you assure her, ignoring the disappointment seeping through you. “Wednesday is perfect.”

“Great, dinners on me,” she tells you with a playful wink. As you start to object, the blonde puts up her hand. “Don't even try it,” she smirks as the elevator opens to her floor. She holds the door open as she gives you a full smile, one that definitely reaches her eyes. “I don't know how you do it,” she tells you with a strong voice, “but you never fail to make me feel better.”

She never mentioned that she felt less than okay, she never mentioned whatever has been running through her head, but you believe her when she tells you you've helped her tonight. Before you can answer and return the compliment, the doors are closed and the blonde is gone.

* * *

  
  


You find your Tuesday to be the longest day you've had in weeks. Your swim workout is grueling and your muscles struggle to pull you through your lifting session. Chris gives you a longer lunch break than normal, hoping to help you mentally reset, but it only gives more time for your mind to wander. You hate to admit it, but without your plans with Ashlyn or Pinoe tonight, you find little to look forward too. You're about halfway through lunch when a familiar face comes running into the training room.

“Kriegs!” Pinoe shouts from down the hall. You don't have time to get up from your training table, a bag of ice resting on your knee, before Pinoe reaches you with a bear hug. She pops on the padded table next to you, her legs dangling over the edge so she can face you.

“What are you doing here?” You giggle out of excitement. You hadn't expected to see her at all today.

“Came to get taped up for the scrimmage,” she nods to Chris in his office. “Ash said he does the best ankle job.”

“She's right,” you confirm as you point to her ankle. “What's wrong with it?”

“Oh, nothing serious,” she waves her hand. “Just feeling a little loose, want to make sure I don't strain anything.” Pinoe adjusts the ice on your knee so she can get a clearer look at your scar. “Looking good,” she smiles. “Ash told me you cut two seconds off your 120? That's amazing!” You're taken aback for a moment that Ashlyn one, remembered the information and two, found it worthy of sharing.

“Yeah,” you finally smile. “I'm getting there.”

“Good,” Pinoe smiles.

“How's Sera?” You ask. “Feels great being together again, yeah?”

“So greaaaaat,” she admits. You laugh at how animated Pinoe always is, from her hand motions to her facial expressions. “It's just nice to have someone like her around again. Lifts my spirits every night.” Suddenly Pinoe's expression turns into a mischievous one, her eyebrow dancing for a moment. “How's _your_ girlfriend,” she jokes.

“What?” You freeze up, trying hard not to let the redness hit your cheeks. “Who?”

“Oh, don't give me that. You and Ash?” She plays. “She seems to be warming up to you pretty quickly.”

“I—we, I don't—” Pinoe lets you stammer for a moment before cutting you off.

“I'm just messing, Al,” she laughs. “Jeez, your face! I actually wanted to thank you for looking out for the girl. She's been having a bit of a rough time the past two weeks being away from home right now. I'm trying to be there all I can for her during the day but I've been pretty busy with Sera, too. I'm just happy she's got you around to make it all a little easier.” You wonder immediately what Pinoe knows that you don't but you know it's not her place to tell. Plus, you rather hear it from Ashlyn.

“She's great company,” you smile. “It's nice to have another teammate around.” Pinoe smiles back and stands up to head into Chris' office when she stops herself.

“I can't believe she thought you were gay,” she starts to laugh to herself but she stops when she sees puppy dog look on your face. “What?” She says softly, wondering what she's missing.

“I—I think I may have given her a reason to think that,” you admit sheepishly. You're surprised at the admission, but you find the longer you hold this in the more confused you're becoming.

“What?” Pinoe repeats, sitting back down on the table. “What do you mean?” Megan isn't following and you're kicking yourself for even saying anything. “Kriegs, you can't just say something like that and not finish the thought.” You take a deep breathe. The longer you hold your thoughts in, the more you confuse yourself.

“I mean that I think I may have given Ashlyn a reason to think I was gay.” Pinoe just raises her eyebrows, begging you to say more than what you've already divulged. “She kept apologizing for assuming Taylor was a girl, saying she must have 'misread' some things and I just went with it. But then we had dinner and she called me out for something I said. I just—I thought it was all in her head at first, but I think I was... _flirting._ ” You whisper the words as if the softer you say them the less likely they are to be true. Pinoe takes a moment to absorb what you said before she explodes into laughter, her head thrown back onto the training table.

“Megan!” You slap her on the arm until she attempts to slow her laughter.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” she puts her hands up in between choppy breaths. “I just— _what?_ ”

“You're an ass,” you laugh. You don't blame her and suddenly you're chuckling with her.

“I know, I'm sorry,” she smiles. “It's not funny, it's—no, it is kind of funny.”

“Megan,” You whine now. You were hoping for advice, some sort of clarity, and Pinoe suddenly senses it and her expression changes.

“Oh, Al,” she whispers now, too, feeling the weight of the situation. “Do you think you like her?” Her tone has changed, she's serious and you suddenly wish you were back to joking.

“No!” You say immediately in defense. “I mean, I don't think so. I don't even know. I barely know her. I didn't even _realize_ I was flirting but I am! I definitely am. And I want to spend time with her, get to know her. I'm intrigued by her, really. I just thought it was more of a friend thing than, you know, whatever is going on.”

“Damn,” Pinoe shakes her head. “I swear, that girl's fucking charm.” You laugh because on some level, the blonde is right.

“I'm not even sure I'm into her! I just don't know why I keep flirting, it's like my instinct!”

“Can I ask you something?” she says, her voice lower than before. You nod. “Have you ever been with a girl?” You're not sure why the question makes your cheeks darken, but you feel the heat within seconds.

“I—not really,” you breathe. “Nothing more than a few make outs,” you admit, thinking back to your college days. The closest you got to _actually_ being with a girl was with a girl on the volleyball team. You became close friends over your sophomore winter season and after she lost at Champs, you had a moment in her dorm and found your lips locked. The kiss lasted less than thirty seconds. You both freaked out before it went any further and buried the moment away. She avoided you for two months and, to be honest, you didn't seek out her company, either. “I've never, you know, really been into one that I can remember,” you shrug, suddenly viewing your life with a different lens. You wouldn't say you've ever been opposed, you just hadn't made a connection like that. Or you hadn't allowed yourself to see it.

“You know,” Pinoe starts to joke to lighten the mood. “This _could_ be why you're so resistant towards all the set ups I've been throwing at you.”

“Stop it,” you roll your eyes with a giggle.

“Seriously, Al,” she reaches out and places her hand on your leg. “It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. Or to be confused. Just because you want to hang out with the girl doesn't mean you want to get in her pants,” she jokes softly, and you appreciate that she hasn't lost her sense of humor about it. “She's a cool girl, a great friend. That could be all it is.” Megan shrugs and you think she's going to leave it at that. She's calmed you, finally, and you start to think she could be right. “But do yourself a favor for me,” she adds and you nod in promise. “If this _is_ something more, don't hold yourself back.” Pinoe playfully slaps your thigh, gives you a soft smile and turns on her heels to Chris's office.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, been a busy couple of days!! I'm thinking I'll get another chapter out tonight to make it up to you :) Next chapter will have the krashlyn action you're waiting for hopefully, so stick with me!!  
> p.s. ignore my German my friend is from Germany so I asked her for translations but I know nothing !!


	9. Behave

 You take Pinoe's advice for what it is. Maybe she's right, you think, and your connection with Ashlyn is that of a best friend. You haven't connected this quickly to someone in years, not since you first joined the national team. It's normal to want to spend more time than normal with the goalkeeper when you're both relatively isolated in a foreign country. You find comfort in your new friend and there's nothing wrong with that.

Still, you spend nearly forty minutes picking out the right pair of jeans. You throw on your favorite purple loosely cropped top and find yourself applying light eye makeup when the knock rings through your apartment.

“Hey you,” the blonde smiles, clearly in a good mood. Her fitted black tee meets her gray joggers at her waist. Her pants bunch into her black Dr. Martens and she's sporting her blue and red Hurley snapback.

“Hey,” you giggle at her upbeat greeting. “Give me a sec, I'm just grabbing my purse.”

“You look great,” she shouts after you as you turn the corner to your bedroom. You're glad you're out of sight and let the grin freely spread across your lips.

“Ready?” You smile when you return, deciding to keep your compliment to yourself, though the way you look at the blonde is enough to let her know you appreciate her outfit just as much.

“Where to, captain?” Ashlyn jokes and you decide to comment on her mood.

“Feeling better?” You smile.

“Just happy to see you,” she says without a trace of anything but honesty. “Haven't really talked all day. My German lessons have only expanded my conversations from “Hi” to “Hi, how are you? Good!” She jokes and you laugh.

“It's a start!” You lead her out of the building and motion for her to follow. “How'd the scrimmage go?”

“Good,” she smiles. “Getting in the grove. Connecting with the defense finally. It was hard to communicate at first, but we're learning keywords here and there that work,” she laughs. “How've you been? Pinoe said she stopped by yesterday and saw you?” You freeze up at the sound of Pinoe, even though you know Megan would never mention your conversation to Ashlyn.

“Yeah, long day yesterday,” you laugh nervously. “Grueling. But today was better, did a lot of speed and agility,” you smile. Agility has always been your favorite. You lead Ashlyn up to a schnitzel stand on the corner and turn to face her. “ _This_ is the best chicken schnitzel sandwich you'll find within miles,” you promise her.

“Is that so?” She smirks, walking past you up to the counter. She's confident even with her lack of German. She holds up two fingers and orders the sandwiches in English. The old German man smiles, takes her money and gives her a thank you as he turns to make the sandwiches.

“You didn't have to,” you say.

“Please,” she shakes you off. “I told you dinner was on me. It's the least I could do.” You smile, accept her offer, and grab the sandwiches from the old man.

“Danke,” you both smile. Ashlyn heads towards a bench to grab a seat but you quickly snatch her wrist to pull her the other direction. The contact surprises both of you but neither of you let it show. You tug her in your direction before dropping your hand.

“We're not eating here,” you say simply and Ashlyn follows you blindly. You wonder where else she'd follow you. You lead her three blocks down and turn the corner.

“Woah,” Ashlyn breathes as the endless green comes into sight. The gardens were your happy place, your favorite spot to eat.

“It's pretty, right?” You smile as you lead her further in. She follows you down the path until you reach an area with a few benches surrounded by hundreds of flowers and plants. The colors are bright and beautiful and Ashlyn is mesmerized.

“My Mom would love this,” is all she says and you can't believe you ever thought she was a badass. She sits down beside you and, after taking in the view, unwraps her sandwich. “So this is what _the_ Ali Krieger does in her spare time?” She jokes.

“The one and only,” you play back.

“Oh my gosh,” Ashlyn moans. “Shit, this is good.” You giggle but you understand, the sandwich is crazy good. You fall into a comfortable silence as you both devour your dinner. You pull a water bottle out of you purse and offer it to Ash who smiles in gratitude. She takes a sip, hands it back to you, and looks up at you expectantly. She waits for a moment to see if you'll start speaking and when you don't she asks.

“So why'd you find yourself here? I mean, I know it's beautiful, but what did you do here?” You were slightly worried this would come up, but for some reason you pushed the thought away. Even now, you don't hesitate nearly as much as you expected.

“When I moved here things were kind of...rough at home, I guess. If I sat in the apartment too long, I worried too much. Coming here settled me. It sounds silly, but I've always been content just being here.”

“It doesn't sound silly,” she smiles softly. “I feel it too.” The blonde leans her head back and closes her eyes, taking in a breath of the crisp air. “Can I ask you something?” She says suddenly turning to you. You give her permission as you narrow your eyes. “Did things end up okay?” Her voice is quiet, almost a whisper, but you can hear the shakiness in it. You want to take her hand, pull her close, but you don't.

“Yeah,” you give her a small smile. “Fortunately, things are okay now. Of course, it didn't really fully settle until I was home. Funny how things work like that,” you give a laugh to lighten the mood. Ashlyn begins to study your face. You know what she wants to ask. You know she won't. You're not sure why, but words begin to slip from your grip and you find yourself divulging what you rarely say out loud. “It was my brother, Kyle.” Ashlyn flinches at your words but quickly recovers, settling back on the bench. “He, um, he was,” you mumble your words, trying to figure out how to phrase it. You've only spoken about it aloud a few times to people who had no knowledge of the situation. Ashlyn sits there patiently, not pressing you. “He was struggling,” is all you manage. You're not going to cry, but your throat is dry and you struggle to form coherent thoughts. “My parents were recently divorced, he was struggling with his sexuality, he got caught up in some things,” you say and you can tell Ashlyn is catching on. “When I left for Germany, he was at his all time low. Drugs, alcohol, anything he could get his hands on. He retreated. We couldn't reach him if we tried, his friends couldn't reach him, he was completely alone.” Your voice waivers for a second and Ashlyn's hand lands on your knee. She gives you a squeeze and it's all you need to continue. “It was hard being so far away. Every time I got a call I thought it was going to be _the_ call,” you say and suddenly it's Ashlyn whose eyes are watering. You sit up straight, realizing something hit home, and you find your hand on her knee now. “Ash,” you breath. She's not going to let herself cry, you know that. You haven't known the blonde long, but you're positive of it. She won't let you see her cry. She catches herself quickly, as you expected, and attempts a tight lipped smile. “What's going on?” You ask softly.

“I—I'm sorry,” she stammers. “I want you to finish.”

“Ash,” you insist. You sit in quiet for a moment, but you know she's getting ready to speak.

“Chris, too,” is all she manages. She chooses her words carefully, not wanting to get choked up. Your eyes widen a little, almost not believing the parallel.

“Your brother?” She nods in confirmation.

“He was in and out of rehab when I left,” she confesses. “But he checked out about a month ago and just fell off the face of the earth. He calls on his terms only, my mom's worried sick. She rarely leaves the house because she doesn't want to chance missing a call,” Ashlyn says. There's the same mixture of anger, hurt and devastation in her voice. You wrap your arm around Ashlyn's shoulder and pull her closer with a tight squeeze. Her body is limp and she falls into you without much effort from you. You use your free hand to brush some of her blonde hair out of her eyes. Still, there are no tears.

“Sorry,” Ashlyn attempts a smile. “It was just surprising to hear, you know, how similar...” she fades out but she doesn't need to say more.

“Don't apologize,” you tell her. “I know how hard it is. It hurts like hell.” You can tell Ashlyn doesn't want to talk about it much longer as she sits up a little, your arm still outstretched around her shoulder. “If you ever need to talk, you know I'm here,” you tell her. “I would have killed to have someone with me when I was dealing with it,” you tell her. She surprises you again by pulling you into a hug. Her breath is warm on your neck and her arms are pressed tight against your back.

“Thank you,” she says with a hefty, weighted exhale. “Wow,” she laughs. “Didn't realize how good it'd feel to say out loud.” She shakes off her shoulders as if a literal weight has been removed from them and you nudge her gently. “Seriously, thank you Ali,” she says again. “I'm sorry for the downer.”

“No, no, it felt good for me too,” you admit. “Thank you for listening, too.” Ashlyn gives you a smile and decides to change the conversation for the both of your sakes. She stands up and reaches her hand for you to grab as she pulls you onto your feet.

“Come on,” she motions over her shoulder and she begins to walk down the path. “Now that we've gotten _that_ off our chests,” she laughs lightly, “what are you thinking about Friday night?”

“Friday?”

“Yeah, Sera's show,” she smiles. Your eyes light up in recognition. You'd forgotten already the plans Pinoe had texted on Sunday night. The show was set for Friday night at a pub not far away and, since the girls had a scrimmage friday afternoon, they were off Saturday with a light recovery session Sunday. That meant one thing: Alcohol. It was rare for the team to indulge in substance but on the rare occasion, it was exactly what they needed.

“Right! I'm excited,” you tell her, and you are. You need to decompress with your long hours.

“To meet drummer boy?” She ribs.

“Stop it,” you laugh.

“It might be good for you,” she shrugs. “Get back in the game.”

“I'm already in the game,” you smirk at her and you find yourself wondering where your confidence is rooted.

“Yeah?” She smirks back and your confidence waivers in a flash. “Well then, I'm looking forward to Friday.”

* * *

  
  


You're in your tightest black dress. It has a high neckline but it falls just above your fingertips, exposing almost all of your perfectly toned legs. You decide on a small black bootie, trying to keep it casual for the pub. Your hair is down and swept around your shoulder with natural waves. You decide on a red lipstick and your go-to night eye make up. You're feeling good and after looking at yourself in the mirror, you decide rehab is doing good things for your body. You feel nerves settling in your stomach and, before you head downstairs, stop in your pantry for a quick swig of the Jack Daniels inside. Your throat burns but you let the feeling set in.

You're met downstairs by Pinoe and Ashlyn. Pinoe's sporting her favorite gray sweater, a white color popping through with a pair of tight black pants. Your eyes are quickly drawn to Ashlyn. She's wearing her staple black pants with a pair of black high top vans. She has a white button up shirt on with the sleeves rolled up and a red bandana tied around her neck and you have no clue how she makes it look so good. Her hair is wavy and falls past her shoulders.

“Kriegs!” Pinoe shouts loud enough for the doorman to turn to face you from outside. You laugh at your friend as she wraps you in a hug. “You look HOT!”

“You too, girl,” you giggle. You look up to Ashlyn who's eyes are boring into you. You see Pinoe smirk out of the corner of your eye and make sure to send her darts as soon as shes in your line of vision.

“Let's go, ladies. Sera's setting up for the set, I want to get there to help her!” You turn and follow her out the door and Ashlyn jogs to fall in line with you.

“You look great,” she says with an even voice, not quite meeting your eyes.

“You too,” you smile as your eyes sweep over her body. You think you see her swallow hard.

“Let's go, slow pokes!” Pinoe shouts from in front of you. The girl is fast walking like an elderly women at the mall.

“Sera's not going anywhere,” Ashlyn rolls her eyes and you giggle.

“Zip it, Harris or I'll tell Kriegs not to translate for you.”

“Please, like I need to _talk_ to get a girl,” Ashlyn smirks and her confidence makes you woozy. You actually wobble for a second in your heels but, or course, its Ashlyn who grabs your arm to steady you. “You alright?” She asks. “Hitting the bottle already?” She jokes.

“Sorry, lost my footing,” you mumble, avoiding her gaze.

You make it to the pub a few minutes later and you follow Pinoe right to the side of the stage. You regret it immediately as the guy from the picture she sent you is standing only a foot behind Sera.

“Drummer boy,” Ashlyn whispers in your ear, her breath hot against your skin. Before you can gather your composure, Sera and Pinoe turn around and introduce the guitarist, Sam, to the two of you before the tall blonde walks over.

“And this,” Pinoe exaggerates her voice, “is Kurt.” The man is attractive, you'd be blind to not see it. He reaches his strong hand out to you, then to Ashlyn, but his eyes flicker back to yours immediately.

“You girls look great,” he smiles sincerely. “Thanks for coming tonight.” He's talking to the three of you, but his eyes are locked on you and you alone. You'd be lying if you said you weren't attracted to him.

“Megan tells me you speak German?” He asks you with a polite smile.

“Yeah, I lived here for a few years,” you tell him and you can feel Ashlyn and Pinoe's eyes on you. Sera's busy setting up an amp.

“I'm from Munich,” he tells you in German with a smile and you reply, in German, that you were recently there for national team camp. Everyone sees the way his eyes light up at the sound of you voice and Ashlyn actually chuckles to your right. You shoot her a glare and she gives you an apologetic look.

“I'm about to grab a beer, want to come with?” He asks, nodding towards the bar. He's back to English, not wanting to be rude to your friends. When you nod in agreement he turns to the other girls. “Can I get you anything? All on the house tonight,” he smiles. Pinoe and Ashlyn turn down his request, insisting they grab one with Sera in a minute. You follow the broad man and accept the beer he hands you.

“Can I be honest?” He says as he leans against the bar. His voice is sincere and you know he means well. “Sera mentioned she had a single friend coming she thought I'd hit it off with,” he starts, his hand clamping the back of his neck. He's nervous. “I kind of brushed it off, I haven't really been looking for anything. But, you're absolutely stunning,” he admits, his voice shaky and you know he means it. You look down, suddenly shy and thank him. “Sorry, I know that was forward. I just had to tell you before we went on,” he motions back to the stage. “Maybe after we can have a drink together?”

“Yeah, sure,” you smile, not sure what else to say. He grins and you follow him back to the stage, beer in hand. Moments later Sera, Pinoe and Ashlyn return with drinks in hand. Kurt's on stage setting up his kit.

“When's the wedding?” Pinoe jokes.

“Shut it,” you say.

“You're welcome,” Pinoe laughs. You nudge her lightly with a smirk.

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“He's cute, yeah?” Sera adds.

“Obviously,” you roll your eyes. “Doesn't mean anything,” you deadpan. Pinoe scoffs and turns to Sera, leaving Ashlyn within an earshot. She leans in, her hand resting delicately for a moment on your hip, as she breathes into your ear. The touch is almost too much for you.

“I thought you were _in the game,_ ” she whispers with a teasing tone and you can feel her smirk through her words. You pull back and see it in her eyes. Ashlyn wants a game—she wants to play. Suddenly, so do you. You smirk back, harder than before, and she raises her eyebrows. Before either of you can say anything else, Pinoe pulls you both away to a nearby table. You take a seat as the band takes the stage.

“Damn, look at your girl,” Ashlyn says to Pinoe. “What a catch.” Pinoe does a dance with her eyebrows before blowing her girl a playful kiss. Sera sends a casual wink her way. One song in and you're feeling good. Kurt sent over a round of shots to the table and you immediately ordered another round. The band is good. Really good, actually, and you're super impressed. You admit Kurt looks hot on the drums, but you're too busy focusing on _not_ focusing on the blonde to your right to really notice. Halfway through the set, your table is interrupted by the presence of small blonde woman, her hair tied back in a high ponytail. She can't be older than twenty three, you think, and you immediately assume she's a waitress.

“Hallo,” she smiles at your table, Ashlyn specifically. You notice her accent isn't German in an instant.

“Hi,” Ashlyn smiles back. You think she assumes she's a waitress, too, but the blonde looks relieved the second Ashlyn replies in English.

“American?” She laughs, and you make out her British accent. “Thank God.” Ashlyn giggles and you watch as realization falls over her that the blonde isn't a worker. Her body language shifts and she leans onto her elbow to face the girl.

“British?” Ashlyn plays back.

“From Manchester,” she smiles. “Addy,” she reaches out to shake Ashlyn's hand and you and Pinoe eye each other as you realize you're being completely ignored.

“Ashlyn,” the blonde tells her. “And what are you doing here tonight?” She asks.

“My friend dragged me here to see the band, she has a major crush on the lead singer,” she confesses and you all chuckle as Ashlyn points to Pinoe.

“Lead singer's girlfriend,” she says and Addy's face reddens.

“I'm sorry!” She says embarrassed. You all laugh it off and the smaller blonde turns to Ashlyn.

“Anyway, I came over here in hopes that I could maybe buy you a drink.” Ashlyn doesn't bother telling her that you've been getting free drinks all night, she just nods and hops to her feet.

“One drink,” she smirks at the girl. “And maybe a dance.” You don't need to look at her to know she sent the girl a wink, you can tell by the way Addy's face flushes. She's already swept up in the charm.

“Unbelievable,” Pinoe laughs without taking her eyes off of Sera on stage. You force a laugh and try to keep your eyes on the stage, but you find them wandering to the bar. You watch as Ashlyn's hands fall onto the blonde's lower back to lead her forward. You peel your eyes away and look for Kurt, hoping for a distraction. He slides off his denim shirt and exposes his muscles in a cutoff tank as he drums.

“He's pretty impressive,” Pinoe says, and you nod in agreement. A second later, however, you're eyes are locked on Ashlyn as she licks her lips flirtatiously at the smaller girl. You don't even realize you're staring until Pinoe breaks you out of it. “Jesus, Al,” she whispers with wide eyes. You turn to face her immediately.

“What?”

“You're _so_ into her, holy shit. You weren't kidding.”

“What? No, no I'm just-”

“Totally checking her out!”

“No I'm not!” You plead, but you know it's pointless.

“Alexandra Krieger!”

“Pinoe,” you slap the side of her arm.

“Sorry,” she mumbles as she grips the side of her arm. “Just... _shit_. You look like you're about to jump her. What is going on with you two?”

“Nothing,” you say with a defensive tone, but Pinoe sees through you. “It's just harmless flirting,” you shrug.

“Harmless? I thought she was going to rip that dress off you when you came downstairs.” You want to say _really?_ But you decide to stay calm. “And don't tell me you wore that dress for Chris,” Pinoe laughs.

“Excuse me, look good, feel good,” you remind her of your motto.

“Play good, I know,” she completes the saying with an eyeroll. “Oh my gosh,” Pinoe laughs to herself and you give her a curious look. “She totally keeps looking over here. She's trying to make you jealous.” You mumble _it's working_ and are thankful when Pinoe doesn't hear it over the music.

“Are you going over there or what?” Pinoe asks, like it's the only logical step left.

“Where?”

“To Ashlyn, you clown.”

“No!” You practically shriek. “I can't! That.. it can't happen,” you say as calmly as you can.

“Al, I know it feels strange, but you'll get over her being a girl as soon as you break the tension, I promise!”

“What? No,” you shake your head. Sure, it's nerve-wracking that the blonde is the first girl you've felt this way towards, but that's not what's _really_ holding you back. At least, not at this moment. “We're teammates!” Pinoe's eyes widen as if it's the first time the thought crossed her mind. She quickly relaxes and shakes the thought.

“Al, you've been holding yourself back for years. No one's going to hold it against you for putting your happiness first for once.” She smiles softly and turns back to Sera, immediately falling into a trance.

* * *

  
  


The set finishes and Ashlyn returns to the crowd with Addy by her side, the smaller girl hanging on her tattooed arm. After your talk with Pinoe, you've gained a bit of confidence. You know Ashlyn was checking to see if you were watching her. As soon as she makes it over to you, you feel yourself smirk at her. You turn on your heels before your confidence waivers and, after giving Sera a quick hug, find Kurt to tell him how awesome the set was. You grab his bare arm and you don't have to turn to know Ashlyn's eyes are on you. You lean in on your tippy toes to give him praise. He's smiling like he just won a free car and offers to grab you another drink. When he's gone, you face Ashlyn and she is, in fact, staring right at you. You're not sure when this game really started, but suddenly all you want is the blonde and you're certain of it. Your body fills with a need and you know it's for Ashlyn. Kurt comes back and as soon as you see Ashlyn lead Addy out on the dance floor, you take the shot from Kurt and pull him out beside you. You don't catch his surprised look, but he obliges without a second glance. You quickly wrap your arms around his neck as his hands fall on your hips. He says something you don't quite hear. You're too busy looking Ashlyn, her hands on Addy's front. The smaller blonde is pressed up against Ashlyn and dancing against her. Ashlyn's eyes lock with yours and this time you're the one to raise the corner of your lip in a smile. You lean into Kurt's ear, cheekily complimenting his arms as you make sure to grip them. He gives you a bashful smile as you press your lips to his neck, the mixture of Ashlyn's eyes and alcohol in your blood giving you a boost in confidence.When you look back up, it's Pinoe and Sera you see with smirks. Pinoe nods over to Ashlyn whose forehead is resting against Addys. Pinoe raises her eyebrows as if encouraging you to raise the stakes. It seems Pinoe, too, is in on the fun. It's all you need to lean back into Kurt. You spin yourself around for a moment, grinding into the taller stature as you lower yourself down, little by little. You feel Ashlyn's eyes on you and it only pushes you further. You press your backside into the German and swirl your hips against him and his hands find your sides. Before Ashlyn peels her eyes away, you turn to face Kurt and lean into his ear.

“Can I kiss you?” You say, voice husky. Kurt's eyes widen and he nods furiously. You bring your hand to the back of his neck, slowly leaning in and taking his lips between your own. They're soft, but you're not thinking about him. You're doing all you can to make the kiss _look_ good, pulling apart slowly and taking his lower lip between yours once more, your teeth softly gripping his as you pull away. That's all you give him, but it's just enough. Pinoe's cheering was enough to get Ashlyn's attention, you're sure of that. Her eyes are hooded as she turns back to her dance partner. You expected her to kiss Addy, but the sight still makes your stomach churn.

It's almost as if Pinoe can sense the tension killing you. She sneaks in between you and Kurt and informs you that her and Sera are heading out, if you'd like to walk home. You take the escape route, not wanting to get stuck with Kurt, no matter how nice he is. A second later, Pinoe's telling Ashlyn the same thing and you're shocked when Ashlyn leans into the blondes ear before pulling away and following Pinoe towards the door. You knew the blonde wasn't seriously interested in Addy, but you thought she'd take the opportunity to at least get laid.

You lean into Kurt and give him a kind kiss on the cheek. He hopes to see you soon and you tell him he will before you follow your friends outside.

“Ladies, ladies, ladies,” Pinoe claps when you make it into the fresh air. “What a show,” Pinoe jokes before Sera nudges her. Ashlyn doesn't pick up on it, but you know Pinoe was brutally aware of what was going on.

“You get her number?” Pinoe asks Ashlyn, prodding as much as she's allowed.

“Nah,” is all Ashlyn says with a shrug. Pinoe shoots her a surprised look and Ashlyn says, “wasn't feeling it.” As soon as Ashlyn's eyes are on the sidewalk, Pinoe shoots you a knowing look. You spend the rest of the walk praising Sera and getting the scoop on the band. She tells you about when they formed and how they like to write songs. You're listening, but your mind is on the blonde in front of you. Her hands are in her pockets and she's walking with a purpose. You can see her back muscles through her white shirt and suddenly Kurt's pale in comparison.

“I think we're gonna head back to Sera's tonight,” Pinoe tells you when you reach your corner. She comes in for a hug and whispers, “behave” before the two turn towards the brunette's building. Ashlyn looks at you for the first time since you left the bar and you see how hooded her eyes have become. She smirks.

“Mr. Drummer Boy.” She runs her tongue over her lips before turning on her heels and walking towards your building. You jog a few feet to catch up with her.

“Ms. Addy girl,” you tease, unable to think of a better response. Ashlyn looks at you with a goofy grin and cracks up.

“Really?” She chuckles. “That's the best you can do?” You just shrug, the alcohol lessoning the embarrassment of your comeback.

“You had fun tonight, then?” She asks as she opens the door to your building. You thank her before shrugging. “It _looked_ like you had fun,” she teases as the elevator doors open. You take a step inside and lean against the side wall.

“I told you, I was just playing the game,” you bite your lip, suppressing yet another smirk. Ashlyn's eyes wash over you and you suddenly feel naked. Ashlyn takes a step forward closing the gap between you. If you moved an inch forward, your bodies would be pressed together. The air thickens and you scrape her face with your eyes.

“Yeah?” She says, her voice low. Your body tenses as Ashlyn's breath hits your lips. “Did you win?” She breathes. The blonde moves forward the slightest bit and raises her left arm over your shoulder, resting it against the elevator wall. She leans into it. She has you trapped between her arm and the back elevator wall and you're suddenly paralyzed.

“Not yet,” you manage to mumble. The blonde falters for a second, filling you with confidence. You reach up and grab a fistful of Ashlyn's shirt, pulling the blonde closer. “I didn't get who I wanted,” you breath, impressed by the rasp in your voice. Your heart is pounding so hard you wouldn't be shocked if Ashlyn could feel it without her chest pressed to yours. Slowly, Ashlyn leans down slightly to meet you, lips slightly agape. You're confident you've got her. Her lips don't move as they brush ever so slightly against yours, just enough for you to feel her skin and send chills down your spine.

Lips in place, she whispers against yours, “There's always next time.”

Just when you think you have the upper hand.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the overwhelmingly kind comments! Please let me know how you're liking it, I hope its not moving to slow for you guys! I tend to be more realistic and in my mind sometimes that means slower than other people!! feedback always appreciated  
> xxx


	10. Next Time

Your head is fuzzy. The vibration against your nightstand stirred you awake, much to your chagrin, and you reach your hands out for your phone. Your eyes are out of focus and there's a slight pounding in your head that's alleviated only when you sit up. Your phone vibrates again and you snatch it up to silence the noise. It's already past ten and you can't remember the last time you slept in this late. Honestly, you can't remember getting into bed last night.

Pinoe's name flashes in your hands.

_Details. Now._

You're too hungover to roll your eyes. You might not remember placing the glass of water on your nightstand, but every detail from the rest of the night is etched in your memory perfectly. You wanted Ashlyn. It was unmistakable. Three shots deep and all your qualms and questions flew out the window. Sober, the hesitation returns, but you're certain. You wanted to kiss her.

The moment in the elevator plays over in your mind as you lay back onto your pillow. You thought you had her. You thought the blonde wanted it as badly as you did. But, apparently, Ashlyn has more self control than you do. You don't know if this is _just_ a game for her but, frankly, you don't care. Not with the way you felt when her breath hit your lips.

You type out a reply to Pinoe that says _Nothing happened_ though you know you're sparing a few details. Within seconds Pinoe simply answer: _Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh!!!!!_

You chuckle and roll over. You mind starts running a mile a minute. You're thinking about Ashlyn and what she's thinking about, you're thinking about what to do when you see her next, if you should even do anything. You wonder if you should stop this now. If you're in over your head. Before you drive yourself crazy you do the only thing that's certain to calm you down.

* * *

 

As it turns out, swim workouts when hungover are _not_ the move. You're completely drained, your body still aches and you're downing all the water and Gatorade in sight. Once you're showered, you slide into your favorite pair of maroon jogger sweatpants and a tight gray t-shirt and cuddle up on your couch. You're in for the night and it's only half past five.

You're on your second episode of Friends—one of the few shows that plays in English on cable—when you're interrupted by a knock. You pull open the door to a smiling Pinoe and Ashlyn.

“Put ya shoes on!” Is all Pinoe says, her voice disguised in an made up accent you don't understand.

“What?” Is all you say. Of course, the girls look put perfectly put together in jeans and fitted shirts. You pretend not to notice Ashlyn's hair sweeping perfectly over her shoulder.

“We're getting dinner,” Pinoe clarifies. “Put your shoes on,” she says again, like it should have made sense the first time.

“I'm tired,” you whine, trying your best to avoid directly looking at Ashlyn. She hasn't said anything, but her eyes are glued on you. You think she's smirking, but you don't dare fall victim to it.

“Haven't you been sleeping all day?” Pinoe asks.

“No, I went to do a swim workout.” The girls look at you like you're absolutely crazy.

“Why on _earth_ would you do that?” You look at Pinoe, then to Ashlyn, and back to Pinoe.

“I just—I had a lot on my mind.” Ashlyn's eyes flicker all over your face. Pinoe doesn't press you further and you think she may have gotten more details out Ashlyn than you gave her. There's an elongated moment of silence, the three of you unsure of how to break it.

“You stay,” Ashlyn suddenly breaks the quiet. “We'll go pick up food and bring it back, yeah?” You can feel Pinoe studying the blonde, who looks absolutely toned in her short-sleeve button up.

“You don't have to,” you start, but Megan jumps in.

“Too late,” she says, closing the door. “We'll be back!” She shouts as it slams shut. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. Your workout may have drained you, but it also quieted your mind for awhile. One sight of the blonde and your minds going again. You calculate how long it really has been since you've gotten laid, attempting to chalk last night up to your sexual frustration. You think about changing into something nicer, but the girls have already seen you and you're staying in—they'd give you a hard time about it. You think about downing some whisky to give you back some of the confidence you found last night, but you don't want to need it. Instead, you sit on the couch waiting as patiently as you can for their return.

The girls bring with them grilled chicken, mixed vegetables and a side of sweet potato fries (your favorite). Pinoe heads straight into your kitchen to grab some water while Ashlyn follows you into your living room, placing the togo boxes on your floor. You suggest the table and maybe some plates but Ashlyn waves you off.

“This is more fun,” she smiles. She looks up at you from the floor, patting the spot beside her. “I don't bite.” The blonde isn't done teasing. She's picking up where you left off only, unlike before, the more confidence the blonde exudes, the more you find your own. You know she thinks she has the upper hand, last night showed that more than anything, and you don't like it.

“I do,” you find yourself husking, a coy look on your face. The blonde's face drops for a split second before her smirk reappears. She doesn't have a chance for a rebuttal. Pinoe enters with three bottles of water and sits with you guys. You pray she doesn't bring up last night, but it's Pinoe and you know better.

“Thanks for grabbing this,” you say.

“We couldn't go a day without seeing our fav girl, could we Ash,” Pinoe flashes a wide grin at her friend. Ashlyn laughs, shrugging the comment off. You do your best to ignore the way Pinoe laughs to herself, like she's the only one in on the joke, and change the subject.

“Where's Sera?”

“Funny you should ask,” she sings, and you can tell she's having way too much fun. “She's with Kurt at rehearsal!”

“Ah, Mr. Drummer Boy,” Ashlyn chimes in with a chuckle. You roll your eyes but find yourself laughing at your pathetic comeback last night. _Ms. Addy Girl._ Really, Ali?

“He's been asking about you,” Pinoe tells you with a grin.

“They always come back for more,” you joke with a laugh, but you find yourself eyeing Ashlyn as the words slip from your lips. You find yourself out of control. You're in autopilot, words spewing out of your mouth before you can stop them. You don't know where they're coming from, but you pray they don't stop. Ashlyn's eyes don't falter, she holds your gaze. You know Pinoe is up to something by the way her eyes flicker between you and Ashlyn.

“He was hoping to see you again soon,” Pinoe informs you.

“Maybe,” you shrug, casually eating your chicken. It seems to genuinely trip Megan up.

“Wait, you're actually _considering_ it?” You shoot her a look but she doesn't back down. “You, Alexandra Krieger, Ms. I Don't Date Anyone, are actually considering seeing someone again?” You feel Ashlyn hanging on every word, waiting for an answer.

“Something like that,” you say simply as you realize it's not far from the truth. “These fries are so good,” you mumble as you shove two in your mouth. You don't notice Ashlyn's eyes rake over your body, but Pinoe does and she sends her a smirk.

“Good for you,” Pinoe tells you. “Meanwhile, Ashlyn over here hasn't been able to seal the deal in months and she lets a perfectly good one go last night.” Ashlyn slaps Pinoe in the arm, and not a playful slap, a back-of-the-hand, shut your mouth slap. It makes you giggle and Pinoe joins you after she winces.

“Don't act like I'm struggling out there,” Ashlyn laughs and you both join her. Every time you've been out with the girl she gets hit on. “I just wasn't feeling it.”

“Oh, please,” Pinoe rolls her eyes. She's not buying it, but she gives up and finishes her chicken. You're watching Friends out of the corner of your eye as you take a sip of water and, due to your divided attention, miss your mouth. The water hits your chest in an instant and you hop to your feet with a high pitched squeal. Both girls flinch backwards before laughter ensues. The cold water presses against your chest and without thinking you peel the shirt off your skin and pull it over your head. Ashlyn's laughter cuts off as her eyes fall to your black sports bra. You muscles contract as you lean backwards to keep the water from further dripping. You look down at the girls to find only Ashlyn in front of you. Realizing your bare stomach, you freeze as her eyes rake your torso with admiration. The feelings from last night flood your chest and you want her close to you again. Before you can think of something to say, Pinoe jogs in from the kitchen with a fistful of paper towels.

“Thanks,” you mumble. Pinoe's eyes fall to Ashlyn's, whose attention is still on your abs, and you hear her mumble something to the blonde but you can't make it out. Ashlyn turns red, a shade you find rare on her, and you quickly escape to your room to change out of your damp sports bra. You throw on a gray cutoff tank and head back out to the room.

“Sorry,” you call out and realize the girls are cleaning up in the kitchen.

“No worries,” Pinoe smiles. A flustered Ashlyn stands behind her. “I've gotta run though. Gonna meet my lady for a drink.”

“Thanks for dinner,” you pull your friend into a hug. “Tell Sera I say hi. And Kurt,” you feign a wink with a giggle and Pinoe rolls her eyes with a laugh.

“Of course.” Pinoe heads towards the door with a wave and she sees herself out. Ashlyn starts to follow behind your friend, mumbling something about how she better get going too. You reach your arm out across the kitchen doorway, blocking her like she blocked you in the elevator.

“You leaving, too?” Ashlyn's composure is nowhere near her level last night. She's frozen in front of you, no words coming to her. The sight is rare and you jump on the opportunity. “What happened to _next time_ ,” you smirk. Her face slowly softens and she allows herself to lighten up. Your playfulness relaxes her.

“I don't think you're ready for that quite yet,” she plays, her self-esteem returning for a moment. She reaches out and places her hand on your elevated wrist, gently guiding it back down to your side. She walks past you, through the kitchen, and sits herself down on your couch. You don't want to admit the way her touch gets your heart racing, but you find yourself consciously focusing on your pulse. When you slow it down, you walk over and sit beside the blonde. You don't face the TV, you face her.

“ _I'm_ not ready?” You challenge. “From what I hear, it's been _months_ for you,” you tease. Ashlyn chuckles.

“Don't believe everything Pinhead says,” she quips, referring to Pinoe.

“So then why didn't you leave with Addy?”

“She was alright,” she shrugs. Her eyes hold yours and you don't think you'll ever get her to crack.

“Ashlyn, she was hot,” you say frankly. There's no denying it.

“Oh?” The blonde chuckles out of surprise. “Are we still going with the _I'm straight_ act?” She teases.

“I never said that.”

“You didn't have to,” she reminds you. Your reaction to her assumption was enough to imply so. Her tone is light, her eyes are dark. You inch forward, your knee resting against her thigh.

“Straight or not, I can find girls hot,” you tell her as you bite down on your lip. You watch her eyes fall to your teeth. Ashlyn's lips turn into a smile and she looks back up at you.

“You're trouble,” she laughs and you watch her body relax. You, on the other hand, tense up. She's not taking you seriously, you think. Ashlyn sees frustration in your face and shoots you a questioning look. You don't dare ask her why she hasn't made a move, why she hasn't given in. You try to ease your miffed look, but Ashlyn's already seen it.

“I told you, Al,” she says softly, her voice earnest. “I gave you my word I wouldn't act on anything. I'm laying off.” She puts her hands up as if she's surrendering, and the surprise sneaks onto your face. Sure, you didn't doubt Ashlyn's kindness or loyalty for a second, but you were positive that was all apart of the game. She'd been flirting, toying with you, but you find yourself wondering if that's all she thought this was—you toying her.

You feel a surge of heat throughout your body and lift your left leg over Ashlyn's center so you're straddling her. You sit down on her legs, your arms outstretched on either side of head. Your body is pulsing. You're aching for the blonde underneath you. You mind is blank, your body's driving.

Ashlyn hesitantly lets her hands fall above your knees, her eyes scanning your body. She's frozen. You can see the surprise in her eyes. She doesn't want to move, she doesn't want to risk scaring you off. Her adrenaline is pumping and she doesn't think she can keep her hands to herself much longer. Your eyes bore into her and she lets out a deep breath.

“Al.”

“What if I want you to” you husk, but Ashlyn just shakes her head, her eyes not dropping from yours. You haven't learned it yet about the blonde, but she never breaks her word. You lift off your legs a bit, bringing your face closer to Ashlyn's. You don't think about what you're doing. You don't think about the blonde being a woman or being your teammate. Tonight, she's Ashlyn. And you want her. You absolutely, undeniably want her.

Your face is less than an inch from hers, and as the blonde lets out a built up exhale, you close the gap, taking her bottom lip between yours. You shiver at the contact, chills hitting every vertebrae on your spine. Ashlyn's lips are gentle against yours and you feel her hands tighten the slightest bit around your thighs.

You're on fire. You're sure of it. Your fingertips are burning against her neck. You want to pull away, you want to cool off, but you can't bare the thought of losing contact. You quickly pull the blonde hair closer, readjusting your lips against hers. She hums into your lips. Her hands tug you towards her and your bodies press together. Your heart is pounding and there's no hiding it now. She can feel it against her chest.

Your hands grip her hair as you feel Ashlyn's tongue brush your lips. You feel your hips pressing against the blonde and your hands start to wander down her sides. You pick up the speed, kissing her faster. Your body needs her and you tug on her shirt, gripping tight on anything you can. You grab a hold of her hands and drag them to your waist, begging her to touch more of you. A soft moan escapes your lips as Ashlyn's hands slide down your backside. She tightens her grip and you fall further into her, your body weakening with every touch. The ache builds and you slide your hands down her chest to her jeans, unbuttoning her pants in one swift motion. You feel her ab muscles spasm against your wrist at the touch and she suddenly pulls back.

Her face is flushed, her breath is heavy, her hair is disheveled. With hooded eyes, she looks up at you.

“Ali,” she husks. Her voice is shaky and she pauses to catch her breath. She's looking at you with wide eyes. You want to pull her in, kiss her again, but she's telling you to stop and you don't know why. “I need you to be sure,” she breathes.

“I'm positive,” you reply without thought, leaning back into her lips. Her hands catch your chest again and you're stopped in motion.

“Al, listen to me.” She's serious. She adjusts herself to sit up slightly, her hands falling back to your knees. The pout forming on your lips almost wins Ashlyn over right there, but she stands her ground. “I need you to be sure you can handle this.” Your eyes narrow. Handle what? “I—we can't do _this_ ,” she points between the two of you, “if you're not a hundred percent sure you can handle whatever comes from it.” When you don't answer for a moment, she adds, “Trust me” and you know she's speaking from experience.

You start to mumble something incoherent and stop, realizing the truth behind the blonde's words. Your mind hasn't been on all night. Your hormones have been in overdrive. Suddenly, panic sets in behind your eyes. Ashlyn picks up on it before it reaches the rest of you.

“Hey, hey,” she grabs your wrist. “Believe me when I say it took everything I had to stop that,” she smiles at you. “I want you to think it over tonight. Or however long you need. Think about this and, if you still want to, you call me down here and I'm all yours,” she smirks, her charm not lost for a minute. You slowly climb off of her lap and sit beside her but Ashlyn makes sure not to break contact with you. Her hand rests on your knee. You cover your eyes with your hands and Ashlyn quickly pulls them away.

“Hey,” she says. “This is for _you_ , not me.” You nod, trying to understand. She laughs gently. “Ali, believe me when I say I've been waiting for this to happen since Munich. It's just, hardly two weeks ago you were shocked I'd even _insinuate_ you weren't totally straight. I just want your head to be in the right place.”

You sit there in silence for almost a minute, Ashlyn's hands on yours.

“Thank you,” you mumble weakly, though you're not sure how much you mean it. She's right, she's absolutely right and you know it. But you want her. You know that, too.

“I'm gonna head up, okay?” She starts. “Promise me you'll think about it?” You promise her and she leans into your cheek, pressing a soft kiss. Her lips make your stomach twist all sorts of ways.

“Goodnight, Ali,” she says with a shy smile.

“Goodnight,” is all you manage.

You're stunned. Not only did you come onto a girl, you came on _strong_. And she had the decency to make sure you were thinking—which you weren't—before you went to far. Before you let the panic and the questions set in, before you figure out what the hell is going on in your head, you take care of the only thing you know you need: a cold shower.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx :)
> 
> p.s. please let me know what you guys think about smut..to include/not to


	11. Being Vulnerable

 

Your body can't physically take another workout. So, here you are, on your second cup of coffee in the same place you've been since seven this morning. As comfortable as your couch is, you can't sit here any longer or you'll go crazy. You might already be going crazy, you think, so you readjust yourself 'til you're lying on your back. You pull the blanket over your legs and throw your head over the arm rest.

Last night left you with a parade of every emotion you've ever felt. You we're disappointed, embarrassed even, before relief washed over you. You were pissed at Ashlyn for stopping you, but grateful she did. Above all, you were confused as hell. Still are. You don't know what came over you. You've never been shy exactly, but you've never been that forward, either. You've never wanted someone physically the way you think you wanted her. You've never had your mind silenced for so long. In fact, you're the most calculated person you know when it comes to relationships. How else would you have you been managed to be completely single for the past two years looking the way you do. You overthink.

You spent all night overthinking. Your exhaustion hit nearly four hours after Ashlyn left and you fit in a few hours of sleep before the sun broke into your window. There's no doubt you like Ashlyn's company. You admit, too, that she does something to your body. Her presence alone silences your thoughts and, as you saw last night, brings out a different side of you. You're attracted to the girl. Really attracted. But Ashlyn stopped you for good reason. You've never done this with a women. You don't know the first thing about being with a women, emotionally or physically. More important than that, she's your teammate. Your teammate you are going to see every day. You share friends, you share a career. If this isn't what you want, you've got to stop. You know it's a recipe for disaster, but here you are still mulling it over. You think about calling Mittsy, but you can't talk this over with another teammate. Not now. You're not ready for that. You think about calling Pinoe, since she's already privy to more than you'd like, but she's at the facility with the team, and Ashlyn, having a recovery session.

You sit up and pull your computer off the table, calling Kyle. It's before midnight for him and you think he'll appreciate a call not at four a.m. He answers after only a few rings. He's in his kitchen and from the looks of it he'd been set up at his table before you called.

“Ali!” He squeals with a two handed wave. You giggle immediately, your brother lightening your mood. “How are you?”

“Good, good, how are you?” You smile. Since you're brother got sober, every moment with him has felt special.

“Just hung up with Ma, actually.” In his signature accent he sings, “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I can't just call?” You joke with him, but he playfully rolls his eyes. You fall serious and Kyle's eyes focus in on you. “Actually, I do need to talk to you about something.”

“Shoot,” he says simply, taking a sip of water. You don't realize your heart rate picks up until you feel how clammy your hands are.

“I, um,” you start, not sure what you even want to say. “I'm confused.” Kyle chuckles.

“Well that's apparent,” he says, sitting up. “About what?” He brings his chin to rest on the palm of his hand. You don't know how to say it, you don't know where to start. You don't even know what kind of advice you're looking for, if any at all.

“You remember how I told you Pinoe and new girl on the team were coming to Frankfurt FFC?” Kyle nods but stays silent, letting you form the story for yourself. “Well, Ashlyn—that's the new girl—and I have been spending some time together.” You stop, seeing if that clues Kyle in. His expression stays the same and you know it's not enough. This is harder than you thought. “Um, she's great, really great and it's nice having them both here. It's not so lonely.” Kyle smiles, waiting for for you to tell him what's _really_ going on. Your mind starts diverging in ten different directions. “Ashlyn's gay,” blurts out of you and forces a chuckle out of Kyle.

“Are you telling me you suddenly have a problem with gay people?” He feigns being offended, referring to his own sexuality. You laugh lightly, your nerves building.

“No, stop it,” you roll your eyes. Kyle's expression changes and you think he gets it.

“Oh, is she—does she have a crush on you?” He asks. His eyes narrow a little, trying to understand what you're struggling so hard to convey.

“No. I mean, I don't—that's not why I'm calling.” Kyle's jaw drops. He doesn't say anything, he just stares. You think you can hear your heart banging against your chest. You're waiting for him to say something, anything.

“You're joking,” is all he says. You're not sure what he thinks he knows, or where his heads at, so you don't respond. “Ali, do _you_ have the crush?” You exhale heavily and Kyle lets out choppy, breathy laughs. He's in disbelief. You don't answer and he says your name again.

“I- I don't know!” You throw your hands up. “I don't know what's going on, that's why I'm calling you!” His laughter subsides as he sees your panic setting in.

“Okay, okay, Al, breathe,” he says, his voice is firm. You listen, falling back into the couch. “Alex, tell me everything. Talk me through it.” You take a deep breath, thankful your brother is understanding and you start from the beginning.

“Everything started out friendly,” you say. “I mean, we connected right away, but it was friendly. I guess it all changed when she—she misinterpreted some things and thought Taylor was a _girl._ ” Kyle tries to stifle his laughter but fails. Taylor is the furthest thing from feminine and the idea make Kyle hysterical. “Yeah, well, it turns out I'd been flirting with her without realizing it. And she felt so bad about it, but then I didn't stop so she called me out and then it just—” you pause. You're getting worked up so you take a deep breath. “We'd been in some silent game. Lot's of teasing and, when we went out Friday it reached a boiling point. I was dancing with a guy and she was with some girl, but we were looking at each other the whole time, like we were putting on a show.” Kyle's eyes are wide but he's silent, waiting for you to get it all out. “My mind has been completely blank, Ky! We were alone in the elevator and, you should hear me, I mean I don't even know where it's all coming from! I tried to get her to kiss me and she just left with a smirk. And then last happened.” You let Kyle absorb the information.

“Then _what_ happened?”

“After Pinoe left, I just went for it. I don't know, we we're on the couch and I straddled her—”

“Ali!” He covers his eyes with a shriek. You know he's your brother, but he shares far more personal details so you quickly shush him and continue.

“We started kissing and then, when things heated up she stopped me.” Kyle's face falls at your dejected voice.

“Al-”

“She wanted to make sure I was a hundred percent positive. She wanted me to think about it, she said, because practically a week ago I was convincing her I was straight. She said if I decide I want to, she'd be here in a second. I- I don't know what to do.”

Kyle looks at you, bemused, and struggles to find words for you. After a long, thoughtful pause, he says, “Welp, looks like Momma has two Gaybies now!”

“Kyle!” You try to scold him but you find yourself laughing. “Stop it,” you giggle.

“I'm kidding, Al. I'm just a little surprised is all. Do you, I mean, do you still want to, you know,” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“I mean, yeah,” you laugh truthfully. He's trying his best to hide his shock but he's failing miserably.

“Ohkay,” he smiles. “So what's holding you back.”

“I—she's my teammate,” you remind him. “If this ends horribly, or even if it turns into God knows what, I have to see her everyday. I have to share friends, share a team, maybe even a room! I don't—and she's a _woman_ Kyle. It's not like I'm opposed I just, it's so new.”

“First of all,” he breathes. “You know how I feel. The soul has no Gender. Whatever is drawing you to Ashlyn, it doesn't matter boy or girl, you're drawn in.” You nod. “Your attraction is natural and the fact that your body has apparently _completely_ taken over your mind is proof enough. You can try and fight it, Al, but it doesn't sound like you're gonna have much luck.” His words slap you awake. You knew it deep down, but he's said it and it's pulsing through you. This attraction isn't going anywhere. In fact, it's only going to intensify. You're sure of it.

“But I've gotta keep it controlled,” you tell him. “I can't let this become something, I just can't. The team, the girls—”

“Al, you seriously think you or any of those girls would let this get in the way of the game? You're competitive as hell, Hope could break your fucking heart twice and you'd defend her in goal like your life depended on it.” He's right and for the first time, your lungs seem to expand. “Plus, those girls have been _begging_ you to get in on some action for years. They can't be mad at you for finally listening to them.” You laugh along with Kyle, thankful you called. “Listen, Al, you're gonna drive yourself crazy thinking about this too hard. Don't think about the future so much. Being with a woman is going to freak you out if you let it. Just breathe. You'll never know if this is gonna turn into something or not if you don't explore the idea.”

“I know,” you resign. “Thank you.”

“You've got a good head on your shoulders, if you're drawn to this girl it's for a good reason. Take a few days and see if the feelings settle, but if you're still thinking about her, you've gotta go for it.” You nod a few times, thank him again, and when your breath steadies he asks what he's been wanting to ask since this conversation began.

“Are you gonna send me a pic of her or what?” He laughs, breaking the mood. You roll your eyes but he quickly reminds you he has access to google so, either way, he's seeing a picture. You pull up your iMessage, selecting the most recent photo you have of the blonde. It's a photo of you, Pinoe and Ashlyn from the other night. Ashlyn's wearing her black pants and the white button up with the bandana around her neck. Her hair falls around her shoulders in waves and she's sporting a smile. As soon as you hit send, Kyle's eyes widen.

“Good Lord, Al, forget what I said!” He says, his voice an octave higher. “You call her right now and tell her you're absolutely positive!” You giggle. You know he's joking, but he's got a point. “My god, she's gorgeous. And her sleeve!” You're brothers got a sleeve of his own and appreciates a good piece. He puts his phone down and looks back up at you. “I just want you to be happy.” He gives you a small smile and you return the gesture.

“I know.”

“If she makes you happy, even if it's temporary, what have you got to lose?” His words strike you. You'd never admit it, but you've spent the past two years denying yourself from the possibility of being truly happy. Vulnerability shows strength, not weakness. That's what you're mom says, anyway, and you promise yourself to try to follow her advice from now on.

Your brother catches you up on his life for the next hour or so before you tuck yourself in to bed, your mind settling for the first time in days.

* * *

 

The facility is vacant. Besides Chris, you're the only one around. You like individual sessions, you like being your sole motivator. That's when you're forced to dig the deepest. You finish your last set of deadlifts when Chris hands you a water bottle and you squirt it into your mouth.

“The teams heading out of town tonight,” he tells you. “First official game tomorrow. They wanted to to extend the invite to travel with them,” he smiles. He doesn't need to mention that you won't be suiting up, you both know you're nowhere near that point. You've yet to be cleared for contact and this is another painful reminder of the fact. “They'll be back late tomorrow afternoon if you're interested.” You wipe the sweat off your forehead with the bottom of your tank. The first thought that pops into your head is the blonde. She'll be gone. You already miss her company and you almost immediately agree to join the team. But you think about what Kyle said, taking some time to let the feelings settle. Seeing if you _really_ want her.

“I don't think I want to miss training,” you tell him. He smiles and nods.

“I figured that much.” He pats you on the back and says. “Down, plank.” It seems to be Chris' new favorite game. He says the word plank and you've got to stop whatever you're doing to plank until he says so. He places a 40 pound plate on your back and feel yourself shaking.

“You sure you want to stay and train?” He smirks and you send him a loud grunt.

“You're the worst!” You laugh, the plate shaking on your steady back, and he tells you you've got a minute left. This is going to be a long two days.

 

* * *

 

Your communication with the blonde has been limited. After Chris reminded you about their game, you decided to send a text before you fell asleep. To be safe, you sent a group text to Pinoe and Ashlyn that read _Good luck girls! Kick their ass ;)_

Both girls responded in the message with their own thank yous, but only minutes later Ashlyn had sent a message to only you.

_Bummed you're not on the road with us! Hope you're not too bored without me and Pinhead ;) Goodnight, Al._

You couldn't bring yourself to answer. The way your stomach flipped at her name freaked you out and you struggled to come up with a satisfactory response. That's when you knew.

You are sure of very few things. You don't know what you're feeling for Ashlyn. You can't decide what you want to come from this. You don't know if you should even tell Pinoe. You're not even sure you want to tell Ashlyn any of your thoughts. But you're positive you want her. It's been three days since she left your apartment, since you've seen her, but the intensity hasn't settled. Since your lips left hers, you haven't stopped craving them.

So you decided to stop thinking so much. You've been waiting nearly two hours for the girls to get home. You decide to give Ashlyn an hour or so to settle in, shower and unpack before you're going for it. You slip into a pair of tight, black jeans that you roll just above the ankles. You pull on a white, cut off tank that exposes most of your ribs, including your tattoo, and put on light makeup. It's nearly seven and you know the girls should be settled by now. You shake out your nerves and, before you can change your mind, head down the flight of stairs to Ashlyn's door.

Your knock is strong and aggressive, just like you. You haven't thought about your exact next move. You decide to play off of Ashlyn and wait for the blonde to come to the door. As it opens your breath hitches.

Ashlyn, in a sports bra and sweats, grins at the sight of you.

“Ali!” She opens the door further, to invite you in, and you take a step forward. You stop yourself from staring at her perfectly toned torso and look up, about to tell her you've made up your mind: you want her. But then you see her. You freeze. Behind Ashlyn, on her couch, is a strikingly beautiful brunette with short, messy hair. She smiles when your eyes land on her, her white teeth contrasted against her tanned skin. You turn back to Ashlyn with a dry mouth, your cheeks burning. She's has company and you get the feeling you're intruding on something. Your confidence waivers as you stumble backwards slightly. You're suddenly not sure you can handle this, being with Ashlyn. She has the power to change your emotional state in a way you've never experience. You're terrified.

“I—I can come back later,” you mumble as you turn on your heels, fleeing the blonde as quickly as you can.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't let the end freak you out, I'll pick up right where I left off--no need to be alarmed, I just needed a breaking point! New chapter will be out by tomorrow :)  
> Thank you for all the messages, I haven't gotten one vote against smut (lol) so I guess you have that to look forward to very soon ;)  
> I promise confused Ali won't continue for long, if you all are worried about that!  
> xx


	12. For You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Just a heads up, per request, smut ahead. If it's not your thing, sorry in advance but the people have spoken! There will be plenty non-smut ahead for you!  
> xx

 

You're halfway out the door when Ashlyn snatches your wrist and yanks you backwards. You're forced to face her. With burning cheeks you drop your eyes to the floor.

“Al, where are you going?” Her thumb brushes against your wrist as she lets go of her grip on you. Your other hand covers the tingle she left on your wrist and Ashlyn gives you a questioning look.

“I—I didn't mean to interrupt” you mumble. Her forehead creases before a small smirk appears on her lips.

“Did you come up just to say hi?” She asks as her smirk turns to a smile.

“Uh, yeah, I know you just got back but I didn't know you'd have company. I can stop by tomorrow.” You try to recover, keeping your voice as steady as possible.

“No, I'm happy to see you,” she says honestly. “I was actually hoping to introduce you,” she gestures back to the woman inside. You peak through the door and the brunette is still on the couch, waiting patiently for Ashlyn. Ashlyn smiles at your curiosity. “Come,” she grabs your hand and pulls you back inside. You follow Ashlyn to the couch and the brunette stands as she sees you.

“Ali, this is Niki, my best friend.” Ashlyn's smile is huge and relief washes over you.

“Niki Cross,” the girl smiles as she reaches out her hand. “It's nice to meet you.” Her eyes flicker over to Ashlyn than back to you.

“Did you just fly in?” You question. You've heard Ashlyn mention a Niki a few times, mostly in soccer context, and you assume by her strong stature she must be an athlete.

“Yeah, I actually just signed with Duisburg so I figured I'd make a quit pit stop to Ash before I headed over.”

“That's awesome! I've heard great things about Duisburg.” Niki's smile is warm and Ashlyn seems at peace around her, like her wall is permanently down.

“How was the game?” You ask Ashlyn.

“We won,” she smiles.

“She had a clean sheet,” Niki adds in a proud voice.

“Ash! That's awesome!” The blonde shrugs before heading to the kitchen to grab you guys some waters.

“So Ash says you speak German?” Niki smiles as she sits back down on the couch. Your stomach flips at the thought of the blonde talking about you.

“Yeah, I played here for a few years. I'm trying to teach Ashlyn a little German.” Niki laughs. You sit down beside the brunette on the couch.

“Good luck,” she laughs. “She's a smart girl but languages have never been her strong suit.”

“That's what she told me,” you laugh, “but she's actually been doing pretty well.”

“She must really like you,” Niki chuckles. “It's a feat to get that girl to focus on anything for more than a few minutes.” You smile, blush deepening on your cheeks. You don't think you've noticed Ashlyn's short attention span, except maybe in conversations where she gets over excited, but that happens to you, too. You wonder if Ashlyn really is that attentive to you, or if she's just been polite the first few weeks.

“What are you saying about me?” Ashlyn jokes. She's light and happy and you're grateful you get to see her like this. You do wish she'd put a shirt on, though, for your sake.

“Just saying how crazy it is Ali's gotten you to focus long enough to learn a word in German,” Niki smirks at her friend.

“Oh, please, I'm not that bad.” The blonde laughs and sits on the arm chair closest to Niki.

“How long are you in town?” You ask Niki when the laughter settles.

“Only til tomorrow night, but I'm hoping to visit soon. Maybe Ash will finally drag her butt to see me, too,” she gives Ashlyn a playful look. Ashlyn throws her hands up in defense and you giggle at her animation. “Maybe you can tag along with her, be her translator so she actually gets there.” You laugh.

“Oh no, it's sink or swim time for that one,” you nod to Ashlyn with a smirk. Niki's eyes widen at Ashlyn in a joking fashion.

“Did you hear that? You are _screwed._ ”

“Good one, Al.” She sends your narrowed eyes. “But I think you'd be _awfully_ lonely here if I didn't return.” Ashlyn's joking, you know that, but there's something playful in her eyes that goes beyond her joke.

“Yeah, yeah,” you roll your eyes with a smile. Niki laughs and excuses herself to the bathroom. You both watch in silence until the door closes behind Niki, then Ashlyn turns to you, the few feet in between you feeling like an ocean.

“So,” she smiles, her eyes raking over you're body for the first time since you arrived. You don't allow your eyes to give you away and stare straight at the blonde. “Have you given some thought to our last conversation?” Her voice is smooth and unfaltering. “Is that what you came up here to talk about?”

You mull her words over for a moment as your eyes give in and fall to her bare torso. Her colorful ribs draw you in but you let your eyes drag back up her body.

“I didn't come here to talk,” your voice drops an octave and there's no mistaking your intentions. The whites of Ashlyn's eyes become visible and it's apparent she didn't expect you to be so forward, so sure. She doesn't have a chance to formulate a response. Niki finishes in the bathroom and is walking back towards you. Your eyes lift to Niki but Ashlyn's stay glued on you.

“You gonna show me how you can order coffee now or what?” Niki teases Ashlyn, breaking the blonde's gaze from you.

“Uh, yeah,” Ashlyn smiles.

“You in for some coffee Ali?” Niki smiles warmly at you. You look between the girls.

“I'll let you guys have some quality best friend time,” you say and though Niki smiles, she pleads with you.

“Oh please, you're far more interesting than Ash,” she giggles. “I already know everything about her.” You giggle but pull Niki in for a hug.

“How about this, I'll be sure to take her to Duisburg for you.” Niki laughs against you.

“You've got yourself a deal.”

“It was great meeting you. Have a good night.” Niki returns the sentiment and, because you're unsure what else to do, you pull Ashlyn in for a hug. Your pulse picks up, her scent hitting you hard. Her arms tighten around you and you think you feel her heartbeat but you also think you may be mistaking it for yours.

“Night, Ash,” you smile when you gather your composure.

* * *

 

After seeing Ashlyn, your panic has dissolved. Sure, nerves are floating around in your stomach, but you know what you want. The blonde was surprised by your admission, by your confidence, which only boosted your assurance.

You're in a waiting game. Niki's in town until tonight and you don't want to take any of their short time together. You're grateful for training to occupy your time. You're grateful for the double sessions, the lack of breaks, the structured time. Chris schedules a recovery massage for you so you finish the day around six, your body relaxed and loose. You stop for a quick wrap on the way home before you rinse off and hop into a pair of boy shorts and a sports bra. You set up for the night with a cup of tea on your couch, hoping the night passes quickly.

Over an hour later, you think about resigning to your bedroom and head into the kitchen to rinse your your teacup. You miss the knock on your door over the sound of your faucet. When you turn it off, the loud banging startles you.

“I'm coming!” You shout out when the knocking only gets louder. The knocker doesn't stop even after your reassurance.

“Geez,” you pull open the door, surprised to see a serious Ashlyn on the other side. She's in a simple white t-shirt and a pair of athletic black shorts—soccer attire. “Ash?” You ask, suddenly aware of all of your bare skin as her eyes fall over you. “Where's Niki?”

“Just left,” she breathes, stepping into your apartment. She closes the door behind her forcing you to take a step backwards.

“Yeah, come in,” you joke with a laugh. Ashlyn's eyes stay focused, focused on you.

“You were serious? What you said yesterday?” She asks. She sounds out of breath, though she looks composed. Your eyebrows raise slightly.

“I was.” You take a step forward, forcing Ashlyn to take a step backward. Her back slightly brushes against your black door.

“You're sure about this?” There's no need to verbalize the obvious. You're on the same page. You stay quiet, taking another step forward so your body lightly presses against Ashlyn's. Her breath hitches and you look up for a moment. You decide you've hit your limit with what words can do for you. Instead of reassuring her again, you take deep breath, her hazel eyes boring into yours. Now or never, you think.

You crash your lips into Ashlyn's, your fingers finding the back of her neck. Ashlyn reacts quickly, her hands falling onto your bare sides pulling you into her. Your body fills with heat. You deepen the kiss, pulling Ashlyn down to your level, begging for your tongue's entrance. She parts her lips and welcomes you in as her hands slide up your sides. Her hands are strong and hold most of your frame with ease. You drag your fingers down her back and lift the bottom of her plain white tee, brushing your nails against her skin. Ashlyn hums against your lips before slightly pulling away and looking down at you. Her eyes are darker than you've ever seen them, her dilated pupils filling in much of her color.

“Where's your room?” She husks and you nod over your shoulder to the farthest door. Without further instruction, Ashlyn lifts you onto her hips. Your legs wrap around her and she pulls you down for another kiss. Without breaking, she starts walking towards your room. You decide to help her out, allowing her to see, and drop your lips to her neck. You pepper kisses down her jawline. God, her jawline. Her breath is jerky and her hands grip into your rear, pulling you further up her torso. Your body fits perfectly against hers, you notice, and tighten your grip in hopes of feeling closer. She manages to shove open your door and, when she reaches the edge of your bed, lowers you onto your back as she hovers over you. Your arms wrap around her neck and your eyes lock. The ache is building and your stomach is flipping. You pull her down, your lips reconnecting with her exposed skin. As you kiss her neck you tug her shirt over her head wanting more contact. She obliges, bending down to allow the shirt to slide over her. Your hands fall onto her abs immediately. Something comes over you as her hands land on your thighs. You push the blonde off of you and down onto her back before you find yourself straddling the blonde again. She's surprised, but she looks at you with deprivation, her hands falling onto your thighs once more. You swoop to her neck, gently sucking below her ear. You feel the blonde squirm below you as she pulls your hips down onto her creating friction. You're far too in it to realize your heart rate reaching unsafe levels. Ashlyn turns to the side, exposing more of her neck as you explore further down. Her breath is loud now, louder than yours, but she manages to get out a few words.

“Al—Ali,” she says, her voice verging on whining. You don't stop kissing, you just slow your pace. “L-let me,” she stammers. You don't have time to think about what she means. The blonde wraps her arms around you and, more effortlessly than you, flips you in one swift motion onto your back, your head landing on the edge of your pillow. A smirk falls on her lips and this is the Ashlyn you expected.

“Relax,” she breathes, her hands sliding down your torso as she takes in every curve and muscle. She sends a wave of chills down your spine, you pelvic bone reaching off the mattress. “Let me take care of you.” You've never heard her voice like this, so low, so raspy, so _caring_. She starts out slow. Painfully slow. Her lips press against yours with soft intent. She stays there for a moment, ignoring the way your nails dig into her back. With her hands low on your hips, she kisses your cheek, then your jaw, then down to you neck. You try to bluff as she falls to the weak spot near your collarbone, but your moan gives you away. She smiles against your skin, staying there a little longer, and your body presses up into her. You pull her onto you, but it's not enough.

“Ash,” you plead. The blonde's hands slide up your toned stomach, her fingers slipping under your sports bra. You shiver, but welcome her hands. She slides it up gently, helping maneuver the bra over your head, only removing her lips for a fleeting moment. Her lips slide further down to the top of your chest and before she even reaches you, your back arches up into her. You hear the blonde giggle before taking your breast into her lips. Her tongue has you squirming and you can't imagine what it'll do to you slightly further down your body. You feel her expertise, her experience with every touch. You tangle your fingers in her hair, pulling her closer to your chest. You abdominal muscles spasm as her thumbs tinker with the waistband of your boy shorts. Ashlyn's moves with intent, smirking at every hitch of your breath. She slowly lowers the band, exposing your body so you're totally bare. You instinctively tug at her bra.

“Off,” you mutter, and Ashlyn complies in a second. Every muscle in her body activates as she arches up and tugs her bra over her head, your hands exploring her bare chest. She allows you to play with her for a moment before her body closes in on you. She's aggressive now, kissing down your chest at a faster pace. When her lips hit your hips you can't control yourself. The build up of the past few weeks, the attraction you have to the blonde, hits you like a car as she kisses your skin.

“Oh my God,” you breathe, your body slightly spasming every which way. She grabs you by the hips and holds you down, slowly kissing towards your center. Her grip is strong, but her tongue is gentle. Her hands never touch you. You're not prepared, not nearly ready when her tongue slides through your folds. “Fuck” is all you can manage. Your mind is gone. You lose all control, if you even had any to begin with, as the inked blonde scratches down your sides. She sighs as she tastes you, her lips kissing your center in a way you thought possible. You're shaking already and she's barely met your clit.

“Ash, baby,” slips out and you're too far gone to realize it. The blonde just catches it but it only encourages her as she slows down her pace. She's got you panting, begging for her. “Faster,” you plead. The blonde does as she's told and your legs start to quake. Her tongue works fast, covering every inch of you. You're pounding and her hands can feel it. You feel yourself tighten as Ashlyn grips your thighs, holding you down against the bed. You quake in her hands, but she pushes harder. With three swift movements, Ashlyn unravels you as your body trembles against hers.

“Ashlyn,” you call out her name, riding the wave a little bit longer. Ashlyn doesn't stop until your body is spasming and you forcefully pull your hips away from her. She looks up at you, smirk in place, and licks her lips clean. You can hardly hold your head up and it falls back onto the pillow. Ashlyn stays quiet, listening to the sound of your heavy breaths. You close your eyes, taking in everything you can: your breath, the scent, Ashlyn's radiating heat. Her fingers lightly crawl over your Penn State tattoo at your hip bone. Her touch makes you weak, your body still too sensitive to handle more. When you're able to breathe normally, you lift your head up slightly.

“Ash,” is all you manage. You're unsure what to say, but suddenly you notice the deep red in the blonde's cheeks. You think it could be from the heat between your legs, but the way the blonde's looking down at your stomach, you realize how shy she's become. She finally looks up, her eyes lighter than before, the yellow in them glistening.

“Was that okay?” She says, though she clearly knows the answer. You let out a breathy laugh.

“What do you think?” You open your arms inviting the blonde in and she hesitantly lays her head on your chest.

“I don't normally cuddle,” she whispers. “But I guess I can make an exception.” You hear the smirk on her lips and a giggle leaves yours. You brush her hair back with your fingers.

“That was...” You trail off, unsure of how to describe the pleasure pulsing through you. “Give me a moment to come down,” you whisper, “then it's your turn.” You smirk, planting a soft kiss on the top of her head. You realize how coupleythat was, and you're not sure if you've crossed a line. Sure, Ashlyn's face was just buried between your legs, a kiss on the head is harmless in comparison, but you're not sure if that's what she wants. Ashlyn lifts her head off your chest slightly and crooks her neck towards you.

“No,” she shakes her head. “This was for you.” Your eyes narrow, unsure what she means. “I know this is all new for you,” she whispers, like she doesn't want to offend you. “I don't want to overwhelm you” She's choosing her words carefully. You want to get the blonde back. You _really_ want to. But you appreciate her concern and, with the weight of her words, you think she may be right. Still, you give her a small pout.

“You'll get me back next time,” she smirks. “I'll hold you to it.” You giggle, giving her shoulder a slight squeeze as she lays her head back down, already craving the next time.

“Your body,” Ashlyn sighs, tracing the center line of your abs with her finger.

“You're not so bad yourself,” you giggle as if that's _not_ the understatement of the century. The blonde is hot. Hotter than you thought possible, hotter than you'd imagined her to be. Ashlyn finds herself kissing your collarbone. You don't know how rare this is for her, but she doesn't let it show. You stay like that, Ashlyn on your chest, for quite some time. You think you doze off before you feel Ashlyn shuffling against you.

“Ash?” You sit up.

“I better let you sleep,” she says, nerves bundling in her throat. “I've got to shower and unpack a bit,” she mumbles. “Niki kept me distracted.” You want to tell her she can stay, that you want her to stay, but she's already on her feet, tugging her sports bra on. You sit up, suddenly aware of how naked you are.

“Okay,” you say with a meek voice. Ashlyn see's your face fall and quickly sits beside you on the bed, her hand falling on your still bare knee.

“Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?” She reassures you. “I had a great time tonight,” she promises. She can sense your fear. “I'd love to do it again, you know, if _you_ want to.” Her voice is shy again, like she's unsure how to test the waters with you, unsure about what step to take next.

“Well, I still owe you,” you smirk. “It'd be a little unfair of me, now, wouldn't it?” Ashlyn is grateful for your answer and a smile grows on her lips.

“Very unfair,” she laughs. She leans in, plants a kiss on your cheek, and stands back up.

“Sweet dreams, Ali,” she smiles, leaving you alone, surrounded by her scent in an empty kingsized bed.

 


	13. Unexpected Company

The smell reminds you of Thanksgiving at your Aunt's house. The cinnamon scented candle your mom mailed was the same one she frequently bought her sister. Images of Kyle and your parents—when they still celebrated together—flood your memory, the crescent rolls your mom never fails to burn, the sweet potatoes topped with marshmallows, the post-dinner game of blackjack. You're not exactly homesick, but you miss your family. You've been lucky, having unconditional love around you no matter what struggles faced your parents and brother.

You flicker the lights off and on six times. Not wanting to look too desperate, you decide to leave them on and keep the candle on your coffee table in front of the couch. You haven't seen Ashlyn since last night and, besides her text that told you she'd be free around seven, you haven't talked either. You replied, telling her to stop by your room, and she hasn't answered. You're nervous now. More nervous than yesterday. What Ashlyn did to you, how she made you feel, you're positive you can't live up to. You don't have nearly the experience the blonde has.

Turns out the blonde was right, again. After she left last night and your euphoria settled, you were grateful Ashlyn slowed you down. You had sex with Ashlyn, a girl, you're teammate. None of it seemed to matter, not when her lips were on yours, but when she left reality set in. Let's put it this way, the last time you _kissed_ a girl you ignored her for two months straight. So, the fact that you're seeing Ashlyn tonight is a step in the right direction. Still, you have a long way to go. You know that.

You adjust your leggings around your knees and straighten out the neckline of your swooping gray tank. It's a quarter til seven and you're standing by your door. You chuckle at how pathetic you feel and turn to grab some water from the kitchen but you're stopped by a knock on the door. You shake your hands as if the nerves will fall straight from your fingertips and open the door. You smile falters for a second when you see the blonde.

“Pinoe?”

“Don't act so disappointed,” she laughs. “Were you expecting someone else?” She nearly smirks, like she knows the answer.

“No,” you quickly stammer with a few head shakes.

“So you don't mind if I come in then?” Pinoe sings, her smile growing. You playfully roll your eyes and open the door to allow Pinoe in. You walk over to the couch while you start to catch up.

“Practice was good?”

“Same old, same old,” she rushes.

“And Sera. I never got to tell you, her show was awesome,” you say. “She's so talented.”

“Yeah thanks,” Pinoe says with little emotion. “I'm not here for this small talk,” she tells you, crossing her legs and propping her chin on the palm of her hand. You widen your eyes and let out a nervous laugh as Pinoe's eyes stare you down.

“So why are you here then?”

“I want the dirt!” She throws her hands up as if there's no other explanation. She's annoyed you didn't start with your gossip the second she walked through the door.

You haven't told Pinoe. You didn't _decide_ to withhold last night's details, you just haven't exactly figured out what to say. Things are clearly happening between you and Ashlyn, that's obvious. As much as you can't deny it, it's early. If things don't evolve from here, if you get wet feet, if Ashlyn isn't into you the way you think you're into her, you don't want to put Pinoe in that position. You don't want her to carry the weight of that information if something changes for the worse.

“What dirt?” You say in a nonchalant tone sitting back on the couch.

“Don't play dumb, Krieger,” she tells you. “Harris already told me.”

“Told you what?” You ask, your face heating up. You feel your body tighten. Ashlyn's barely said one word to you and you're dying to know what she told Pinoe but you find yourself praying that Pinoe is bluffing.

“The whole elevator scene,” she smirks. “Didn't know you had it in ya, Kriegs,” she smirks. You play the moment over in your head, remembering how Ashlyn left you begging for her. If that's all Pinoe knows, she doesn't know you've broken the tension. She doesn't know about the kiss, or about last night. You feel your chest expand but keep your frame steady, not allowing Pinoe to see your change in demeanor.

“Yeah well, I was drunk and you've said it yourself, it's been awhile,” you sneer, crossing your arms. You don't want to remind her that she was right, but you'll do just about anything to avoid the truth right now. Pinoe chuckles.

“So has she made her move or what?” Pinoe asks. Your eyes narrow at the question. “Oh please, she spent the whole trip talking about it. Ali this, Ali that,” she mumbles, referring to their last away match. “You expect me to think she hasn't pulled a move on you yet?” Your face goes white and Pinoe catches it. “She hasn't?” Pinoe whispers in disbelief.

“I haven't really seen her,” you lie. “Niki was here, we've been busy.” You want to tell her nothing is going on, that it was one drunken conversation, but you don't want to press your luck.

“Shit,” she starts mumbling, more to to herself than you. “Forget I mentioned this,” she laughs nervously, hoping you don't press her on the topic. Lucky for her, you have just as much to hide as she does. Pinoe thinks she's overstepped, outed her friend in a way, and finds herself backpedaling. You want to ask what Ashlyn said, hell it takes everything in you not to ask, but you keep yourself quiet. She's about to change the conversation completely when there's another knock on the door.

7:01. 

_Fuck._

Pinoe's eyes land on you and her face lightens.

“Not expecting company, huh?” Her smirk has returned and she hops onto her feet, walking towards the door before you can stop her. She looks back at you, hand on the doorknob, as if to give you one last chance to speak up. You bury your face in your hands. Pinoe knows. She knows you're hiding something and she's sticking around to find out. 

Pinoe swings the door open and you wince when you see Ashlyn standing there, her arm leaning against the door frame with a smirk on her lips. It's wiped off as soon as she sees Pinoe standing in your doorway. She drops her arm and straightens herself out.

“Pinoe,” she smiles, hiding her surprise. 

“Hello, Ashlyn,” Pinoe says with a fake formal voice before turning to you for a fleeting glance. “What a surprise! We weren't expecting you. Please, join us.” Ashlyn shoots you a look, confused and slightly amused, and steps inside past Pinoe.

“I thought I'd stop by to say hi,” Ashlyn plays along as she takes the seat next to you on the couch. Pinoe walks over to you both and sits on the arm chair facing the two of you. She says nothing. You feel like you're in couples therapy, Pinoe the stand-in therapist, the way the three of you are seated.

“Well, now that I've got you both here,” Pinoe laughs lightly after you both stay silent, “it's Sera's birthday this weekend. I was hoping to set something up Saturday night, after I take her to dinner. Maybe a night out together with all of her friends?”

“Will Kurt be there?” You mumble, forcing a chuckle out of Ashlyn.

“Once he hears Ms. Ali Krieger will be in attendance I'm sure he'll make it a priority,” Pinoe throws you a grin. “However,” she senses your unease and takes a shot in the dark. “Kurt's a _very_ respectable guy. If you were to, I don't know, find someone by then he would lay off in a heartbeat.” You roll your eyes, not hiding your annoyance, and Ashlyn looks between the two of you wondering how much she's missed. 

“I'll be there,” you answer choosing to ignore the blonde.

“Same,” Ashlyn adds with caution. 

“Ali with some drinks in her is my favorite Ali,” Pinoe grins. “I think Ashlyn would agree,” she says and Ashlyn's jaw drops.

“Pinoe!” The goalkeeper whisper yells, but once she sees you're not angry, just maybe a little miffed, she lays off Pinoe.

“I told you!” You shout defensively. “It'd been a long time!” You make Pinoe and Ashlyn giggle, Ashlyn trying to hide her laughter under her cupped hand. You nudge her with your arm forcefully.

“I can't believe you told her,” you point to Pinoe. “She'll never shut up about that.”

“Please,” Ashlyn lightens the mood. “You should be proud of that. Girls love confidence.” She's flirting with you in front of Pinoe and you just about resign. Whatever's going on, Pinoe will find out. You wonder if any of it's worth hiding.

“Clearly,” Pinoe mumbles, but only Ashlyn makes out her words. 

“W-what's going on here?” Ashlyn asks as the corner of her lip turns up. She smiles between the two of you, begging for whatever information she's missing. Little bothers the blonde, and even the chance of Pinoe tormenting the two of you has her with a smug look on her face. Pinoe just smiles at you, waiting for you to give whatever explanation you see fit. You rack your brain for possible explanations, wondering which lie sounds best. 

“Pinoe came down here to get some _dirt_ ,” you tell her putting air quotes around dirt. Ashlyn looks at the blonde, surprisingly lacking annoyance, and smirks. She sits back on the couch, relaxing, and crosses her arms.

“And what did you find?” Ashlyn licks her lips, knowing she's got one up on Pinoe.

“Well Kriegs is being a hard ass,” she tells the blonde who snickers at you. “So not much.” You try to suppress your smile, the corner of your lips turning up. You think you're off the hook, for now at least, when Pinoe continues. “However, I find it _quite_ interesting that Ashlyn just showed up here 'to say hi.' Don't you, Ali? ” Pinoe knows you're not going to answer her and you don't. You sit there in silence, eyeing her down, as she flickers between the two of you. You've all fallen silent, all three of you. Neither you or Ashlyn are ready to have the conversation, or maybe it's just you and Ashlyn is respecting your wishes, but you both stay tight lipped. Pinoe is unwavering. For awhile, at least. Then you hear her stiffing her giggles. 

“You guys,” she laughs, “are too much.” While your eyes narrow, Ashlyn joins in on the laughter. You eyes fall the the blonde, her hair peaking out from the Hurley snapback, and _God_ you wish Pinoe wasn't here. Pinoe holds back from making a comment about the hunger in your eyes, but she still sends you a smirk. Ashlyn, out of the corner of her eye, sees your stare and licks her lips. Your stomach twists and you wonder how much longer you can hold it in. Nerves or not, you want to feel her again. 

“Can I ask you guys a serious question?” Pinoe asks, pulling you out of your gaze. “Uh, not about you two,” she laughs and the mood finally lifts. You both nod, thankful for the change in subject, and Pinoe pulls out her phone. “I've been thinking about what to get Sera and, it's been over a year, I know it's serious but—do you think this sends the wrong message?” She flashes you a picture of a beautiful designer ring, a few thin bands overlapping. Nothing too flashy, but stunning. Your eyes widen and at the same time Ashlyn voices your surprise.

“Are you proposing?!”

“No! No you dumb ass,” Pinoe yanks the phone back to examine the ring. “Do you see a diamond?”

“I was just checking,” Ashlyn mutters. “You don't _need_ a diamond.”

“This is what I was worried about, getting a ring. I don't want it to feel like I'm proposing, I just want to get her a nice ring.”

“I think it's lovely,” you tell her. “Absolutely beautiful. Sera will love it.” Ashlyn nods in agreement. There's no doubt: the ring is gorgeous. 

“You've been dating a long time,” Ashlyn tells her, “I don't think you have to risk freaking her out. Now if I-” Ashlyn stops herself, about to verbally play out the scenario of getting you a ring. Lucky for her, Pinoe is busy examining the ring, making sure every detail is perfect. You, however, swallow the lump in your throat that just grew three sizes. Ashlyn coughs to clear her throat, as if the same lump is stuck in hers. 

“Okay, so what about dinner?” Pinoe continues. “Where should I take her Al?” She asks.

The three of you spend the next forty minutes or so planning Pinoe's birthday dinner for Sera. It's endearing how perfect she wants the night to be, from the wine choice to the dessert to the club afterwards. You try not to focus on anything adorable Ashlyn suggests but you find yourself picturing her doing them for you. Even on the other end of the couch, the pull is magnetic. It's as if you're touching, the way you're hyper aware of your senses around her. You want fall into her, close the gap of space and cuddle up next to her, but after she left last night you're not sure if that's her thing. So you keep your space.

You find yourself yawning and Ashlyn smiles.

“Sleepy?” You shrug, not wanting your company to leave. “We better let you get some rest,” she says, running her hand over hair. You feel her touch long after she removes her hand. As Ashlyn stands up, Pinoe rises to her feet.

“Early morning tomorrow,” Pinoe agrees. The girls say their goodbyes and, as Pinoe reaches the door behind Ashlyn, she turns to you places two fingers to her eyes, then points them at you while mouthing “ _I'm watching._ ” As the door closes, you hear Ashlyn whisper shouting something at Pinoe, who you hear mumbling back. They make you laugh and, though you wish you'd been able to be alone with Ashlyn, Pinoe's only looking out for you. You don't realize how important it is, as someone _really_ dealing with their sexuality for the first, to talk about your emotions. Pinoe does and, though she doesn't come outright and say it, she just wants to make sure you're taking care of yourself.

You wash up and tuck yourself into bed. Your phone lights up and you see the text from Ashlyn.

Ashlyn:  _Sorry about Pinhead. She means well. I won't say anything, though, just wanted to let you know. That's all on your terms._

You smile and type out a reply.

_Thank you, Ash. I wasn't sure what to say yet. I mean after the whole ELEVATOR thing got out I wasn't sure how much I could deny ;)_

You laugh, hoping Ashlyn knows you're joking. She replies a quick _Sorry_ added with a blushing, wide-eyed emoji.

_All good. Not your fault you couldn't shut up about me while you were traveling ;)_

Ashlyn simply replies: _PINOE! Gonna kill her._

You laugh, not wanting the conversation to end, but your eyes are fading in and out. Before you fall asleep you make sure to type out a response.

_Goodnight, Ashlyn. Hope to see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams!_

The blonde takes slightly longer to respond and just as you're about to lose consciousness, your phone pulls you back.

Ashlyn: _Oh trust me, I'll see you tomorrow. Without Pinhead._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the love! Let me know what you think!   
> xx


	14. Stay

 

You're still shaking. Your knees fail to support you and you lower back down onto the blonde's bare hips below you. You try to settle your breath but the way Ashlyn's forehead is glistening, the way her hair is perfectly disheveled across your pillow, the way her chest is rising and falling out of sync, it only makes your lungs work harder. She rests her hands on each of the knees straddling her and looks up into your cinnamon eyes. You run your fingers through your now tangled hair, sweeping it to the side.

“Al,” she breathes with a slight light. Her voice is barely audible. “Where did that come from?” She's staring at you like there are literal diamonds in your eyes. You look down bashfully, tracing the blonde's rib tattoos with the back of your hand.

 

“ _Hey,” she whispers. “We don't have-”_

“ _Shh,” you silence her, unbuttoning her fitted black short-sleeve from the top down. You've waited nearly two days to feel the blonde again and, as soon as Ashlyn walked in with that shirt and her black and white polkadot snapback, all bets were off. She looks down at your fingers fiddling with her buttons, one bye one, and gives you a bashful smile._

“ _My day was good, thanks,” she jokes, “how was yours?” You lean up and steal a quick kiss from her, hoping she'll take the hint. You don't want to talk. You're standing in the middle of your living room. You planned on making it to the couch but halfway there you lost all patience._

 

Ashlyn stops your hand from dragging against her side and laces her fingers with yours, bringing your hand to her mouth. She plants a gentle kiss and smiles up.

“You, Alexandra Krieger, are drop dead,” she smirks without finishing the phrase, her eyes raking over your bare torso. You've lost count of how many times the woman has made you blush tonight. You don't give her a verbal response, you just continue tracing her tattoos, this time on her arm. You've yet to ask about any of them. You know how personal they can be and you're not sure Ashlyn wants to go there quite yet. You see how guarded she is. You spot her brothers name across her side ribs and know how personal the stories could get. Ashlyn's hands crawl up your thighs and send shivers throughout your body. She's left you sensitive, unable to handle her touch. Looking at the girl beneath you, you think you might have managed the same.

 

_You reach the bottom button and Ashlyn slides her shoulders back allowing you to remove her shirt. She's in a trance, staring down at you, watching you work. Down to a black bra and a pair of black skinny jeans, the blonde is still with her hands at her side. You bring your hands to her stomach and gently kiss across her jaw and down her neck. You feel her shiver as you hit the middle of her neck and stay there a little longer. Her stomach muscles contract and her warm breathe hits your exposed neck. Her hands still hang at her sides and she's not the blonde that had you screaming only two nights before. She's reserved, timid even._

_Your fingers toy with the hem of her pants. As soon as you made contact with Ashlyn, your nerves vanished. Inexperienced or not, you knew what you wanted. You yank her by the pants towards you and you spin out, pressing her up against the wall behind you._

 

You lower your body onto Ashlyn's, sliding off the blonde and onto the side. She opens her arm and you nuzzle into her as you drape your arm across her torso.

“I don't buy it,” she says and you look up to her. “You've never? With a woman?” You nod bashfully, confirming what Ashlyn already knew.

 

_You surprise even yourself when you wrap your arms around Ashlyn's hips, bend your knees and hoist her onto your hips. You turn towards the vacant dresser only decorated by a picture frame. You slide the frame backwards as you drop Ashlyn on the furniture. She lets out a surprised pant as your lips attack her chest. You unhook her bra and without wasting anytime unlatch the button on her pants._

“ _Alex,” she husks, the name slipping from her lips. The formality only pushes you further. You don't stop, your lips trailing down her toned stomach as you slide her pants off. Her hands tangle in your hair and she gently tugs you down, further into her. Your urgency increases and you pull her skin tight briefs down as you spread her legs apart._

 

You wait until Ashlyn's heartbeat has settled, your head on her chest, when the question pops into your head.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?” Her hands stoke your hair in a way that could put you to sleep.

“Pinoe tells me you couldn't shut up about me last away game,” you say, smirk on your lips.

“That's not a question,” she says without faltering. You lift your head to look at her and she's staring down at you with a smug look. You shoot her a playful glare.

“Well what were you saying?” You ask. Your eyes flicker to her lips as she wets them.

“First of all,” she smiles, “I didn't talk about you the _whole_ trip. I probably just mentioned how good you looked at the bar,” she smirks.

“That's not what Pinoe said,” you try, hoping to get more out of her than she's giving.

“Oh please, what does that pinhead know.”

 

 

_Ashlyn struggles to keep her legs from shaking after you're finished with her. She stands on to her feet and wobbles, gripping the dresser for support. Once she's steadied, she swoops you into her arms bridal style, your arms reaching around her neck. She doesn't say anything but the intensity in her eyes lets you know her intentions. She takes you right to the bedroom, placing you onto the edge of the bed as her fingers slip through your already wet center._

 

You giggle at Ashlyn's refusal to admit what she said to Pinoe and the blonde gives you a smile.

“You've got the best laugh,” she tells you honestly. As sweet as the comment was, she starts to sit up and you sense your night coming to an end.

“Ash,” you breathe.  
“It's getting late,” she tells you and disappointment washes over you. You know you can't expect her to stay over, but you find yourself letdown anyway.

“Stay,” the words spill out into the air. You wish you could pull them back in but they're out, like a puddle pooling throughout the room, and you know it's impossible to take it back.

 

 

_The high you felt from actually making Ashlyn climax has you buzzing. After she leaves you trembling, you find yourself back on top of her, your fingers deep in her core. She's screaming for you, not holding back, and you don't think you've ever been more turned on in your life._

 

 

“Al,” she starts, her voice setting you up for a letdown. She drapes her legs off the edge of the bed and you find your hands sweeping her hair over her left shoulder. “I should head back up.” She stands up, her body still bare, and realizes her clothes are out in your living room. She turns towards you and your eyes force the words out of her lips. “I'm sorry I just, I don't normally do sleepovers.” Her voice is meek, she's embarrassed, and you know this is more than just Ashlyn being a player. You don't want to press her but you find you can't hold your thoughts in around the blonde.

“And I don't normally sleep with women,” you say bluntly, a small smile forming after the fact. Ashlyn tries to mask her surprise but her eyebrows raise at your comment.

“Touché,” she smiles, her body visibly loosening. Your comment seems to win her over and she makes her way back to the bed, sitting back down beside you. “Well, when you put it that way,” she reasons aloud, “I guess I can make an exception, since you so _graciously_ changed your ways for me.” Ashlyn teases you as she leans towards you. You close the gap, gently pressing your lips into hers and your stomach nearly convulses at the contact. You think Ashlyn feels it too, because when you pull away, she's frozen. You search her hazel eyes for something, but before you can register what you see, the looks gone and the goalkeeper is on her feet.

“Come on, let's go wash up.”

 

* * *

 

 

You're roused from sleep by a surly voice outside your window. You groan as you roll over, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. As you stir, you remember falling asleep with your legs tangled with the blonde. You smile, rolling over. Your face falls when you see the covers folded down, the place where the Ashlyn laid empty. You pull yourself onto your feet and head straight to the kitchen, hoping to find Ashlyn along the way. She's gone. You know that, but you find yourself looking for a note, some acknowledgment of the night before. You head back to the room and check your phone. Nothing.

Your stomach sinks. It's before seven and you wonder how long Ashlyn laid beside you, if she even fell asleep. Your alarm goes off and you jump, silencing it within seconds. Your hurt bubbles into anger. Ashlyn owes you nothing. You haven't had one discussion about what's going on, and not at the fault of her. You jumped into this, you're the one in the equation that didn't want to talk. You know you have no right to expect anything from her, but you do. You slide into your athletic shorts and pull your Nike sweats over it, getting ready for your day of training ahead.

 

* * *

 

“What's up, Al?” Chris asks in the middle of your set. You're hanging from the pull-up bar as you raise your straightened legs even with your waist. You let out a huff as your try to keep your core from shaking. Chris' tone is laced with concern but you don't pick up on it.

“Kind. Of. Busy,” you say between loud exhales. He waits until you finish your set and sits on the black box across from you.

“No, I meant what's going on? Are you okay?” You drop to your feet and catch your breath, hands resting on your hips.

“I'm good,” you lie as you shake out your legs. You're not good. Not really. You went the entire day yesterday waiting without a word from Ashlyn. Your pride kept you from texting her, from walking down a flight of steps to her door. You tried to be understanding, but the longer you go without hearing from her, the more annoyed you become.

“You look like you're about to punch a whole through the wall,” Chris laughs gently. You crack a smile, though halfhearted, and he lightens up.

“Just don't want to plateau,” you tell him. It's not a lie, you need to keep pushing. You can't sleep on your progress. Chris doesn't buy it, but he doesn't press you.

“Alright, add another set,” he says before walking off.

You finish your first session and devour your turkey burger as the ultrasound rests on your knee. Your enjoying the peaceful sound of James Bay coming through your phone, only interrupted by an incoming text.

Pinoe: _Dinner at my place tonight. 7 good?_

Your first instinct is to lie, to say you're staying late. You think you need the workout but in reality, you don't want to risk running into Ashlyn. Not like this. Not before you've seen her yourself. You're halfway through typing out your excuse when Chris walks in the door.

“How's it feel?” he motions to the knee. You give him a shrug. “Well, if you're looking for another training session Ashlyn's stopping by tonight for some rehab. 7:15 or so,” he says. You politely decline, informing him you've already made plans, and quickly change your response to Pinoe.

_See you then!_

 

* * *

 

 

Turns out dinner was only set for two. Sera has rehearsal and, as expected, Ashlyn scheduled extra rehab with Chris. Pinoe made salmon, one of your favorite dishes, and had it waiting for you when you arrive. She's been missing homemade meals, she tells you, the ones set around a table for five. The ones where conversation doesn't lull. You agree, your face falling slightly as you think of your family.

“What's wrong, Al?” She asks with a gentle voice.

“I miss it, too,” you tell her. “I miss our Sunday dinners.” Pinoe's been present at your Sunday dinners with your parents and Kyle before, she knows how much family means to you. She's been there when things were rough, when Kyle wasn't Kyle and when your parents were being torn apart.

“Then why don't we make Sunday dinners a thing here? Me, you, Sera, Ash,” she smiles, your stomach flinching at the blonde's name. “We'll invite the team, too, and whoever is around can come.”

“That sounds great,” you smile honestly and Pinoe takes a bite of her fish.

“So you gonna tell me what's really wrong,” she says after a moment with a faint smile on her lips. Your eyes land on hers. She's biting the inside of her cheek, staring intently, waiting for your answer. Her fork rests on her plate. She's all ears.

“I just told you,” you bluff with a soft voice. Pinoe lets out an exaggerated sigh and leans back in her chair, her arms across her chest. She watches as you stare at your plate. You try to continue eating but Pinoe's eyes are locked on you. You're uneasy. You drop your fork on your plate and look up at the focused blonde.

“What!” You practically shout as you mirror Pinoe's body language.

“Were you going to tell me you hooked up?” She says with a gentle voice. You see her fighting the smirk from her lips. Heat burns your cheeks.

“I didn't,” you manage, surprised at how confident your voice sounds.

“Al, I spotted that concealer on your neck the second you walked in,” she chuckles to herself and your hand jumps to the mark Ashlyn left. It's close to your collarbone and, though dark, you thought it small enough to hide. “What happened,” Pinoe asks. Her voice is caring, she knows you're off. You think about lying, about changing the subject, you think about leaving. But you need this, you need Pinoe, you need to talk.

“It's happened twice now,” you mumble and to your surprise, Pinoe doesn't fire sexual comments at you. She just listens. “I don't—I don't know what's going on with me but I can't be around her without...wanting her,” you whisper. You're embarrassed, talking about this out loud, but you know you have to. “Whatever, it's not important,” you wave yourself off. “Long story short, it happened and the first time, Ashlyn left pretty much right after. She went back upstairs. Then two nights ago, it was the first time I, _you know_ ,” you mumble and Pinoe finally lets the smirk free. You groan, but continue. “And then she tried to leave again, but I asked her to stay. I mean, this is new for me too, clearly. And she agreed, we cuddled and fell asleep but when I woke up she was MIA.”

“Al,” she breathes.

“And I haven't heard from her since. Haven't seen her. Nothing.” Pinoe shuts her eyes and you practically feel her cursing Ashlyn. Her thumb and pointer finger rub her eyes and you take another bite of your Salmon but struggle to get it down.

“I'm going to kill her,” she verbalizes your sentiments.

“Pinoe, no, don't tell her I said anything.”

“I won't,” she mumbles. “She's just being a fucking coward! I can't believe her. She spent the whole bus ride rambling about you. Ali this, Ali that,” Pinoe feigns an Ashlyn voice that sounds nothing like the actual thing. You admit, it does make you smile. “She _never_ talks about girls that much,” she admits. You stare, wide eyes absorbing the information. It's not a lot, but it's enough.

“I know I can't expect much, we didn't talk about what any of it means, but besides the fact that she's my teammate, it's the first woman I've--” you stop, knowing Pinoe knows the end of that sentence.

“Al, it's not unfair of you to expect the woman to have the decency to _talk_ to you the next day.” You nod, knowing she's right. “I'm sorry, I know how Ash works. She's dealing like this for a reason. Not an excuse,” she clarifies.

“This is what I didn't want,” you groan as it sets in. “It's not like we can avoid each other.”

“Do you—do you like her?”

“I don't know,” you answer without thinking.

“Al,” she encourages.

“Pinoe, do you think I would have just hooked up with a random woman on my team for fun?” The words leave your lips without warning. You like her. It's more than the attraction, you know that, you've always known that. Pinoe doesn't answer for a bit, she sits there thinking.

“Then you need to promise me something,” she finally says. “You don't go back to her.”

“What?” You question, not understanding her train of thought. “Did you not just hear me?”

“I mean you don't go back to her first. You don't reach out, and don't let her know this is bothering you the way it is. And don't give into her. You've got to let her come to you, let her realize what's going on in her head. She'll figure it out, I promise.”

“I don't want to sit around and wait.”

“Trust me, Al, you won't have to wait long.”

You don't know why you trust Pinoe on this. Maybe it's because of how long she's been there for you, maybe it's the way her voice is fraught with promise, maybe it's just because you want to believe her. So you do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think!! Appreciate all the love and comments, as always!  
> xx


	15. Open the Door

 

Another day passes. Time is barely moving and you wish you were tired enough to fall asleep. You texted Kyle in need and he agreed to Skype within the hour, you're just waiting for his text to let you know he's ready. You're responding to a few emails, one from Mittsy checking in, and decide to spare her a few details. You're finishing an email to your grandmother when she knocks on your door. You don't know if you've memorized her knock or have some sixth sense detecting her presence, but you don't need to look through the peephole to know its her. You tuck your hair behind your ear and open the door, surprised by the blonde's demeanor. There's no confidence in her stance, her eyes seem to meet yours only out of obligation. She's not ignoring the fact that she has basically pulled a hit and run on you, she's here with remorse. You don't know what you expected, but part of you assumed she'd brush this under the rug, approach you with her unwavering confidence like always. This is... new.

“Hi,” she mutters, wringing her fingers. You think she tries to offer a weak smile but she can't muster it. You don't offer one, either. “Could I talk to you for a minute?” You don't move from the doorway, you just give a polite nod. Relief washes over her for a moment before she nervously looks around the hall. “Could I uh, come in? I don't have to sit or anything I—” you pull the door open slightly, intrigued by the side of the blonde she's yet to show. She takes a step in and you close the door behind her. She doesn't give you the chance to lead her over to the table or further into the living room, she just starts speaking.

“I'm sorry, Ali,” she starts honestly, the words leaving her lips like a heavy weight. “I know how this looks and its not what I intended.” Her words sound weak but you can tell she's thought them through. The look in her eyes makes you want to wrap her in your arms, but you know better.

“It's fine,” you say, no harshness in your tone. Your indifference hits her right in the gut.

“No. No, it's not,” she tells you stepping towards you. Her face falls when you flinch backwards a step. “I should never have—I shouldn't have,” the inked girl stops as she brushes the hair out of her face. Her hazel eyes pool into yours. “I knew this was a big deal for you. And I—I shouldn't have done this if I knew I wouldn't be able to stay.” Her thoughts are almost incoherent. She's missing a bridge between her mind and her words, but you're able to close the gap. Not without a sting, though.

She shouldn't have slept with you if she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep over or continue whatever this is. Your heart sinks as you decipher her words. She sees it and takes another step forward. You avert your eyes.

“Al, I don't mean it like that,” she continues. You don't look at her. You don't know why you gave into her. You don't know why you gave into your body. “Please, look at me,” she reaches for your hand but stops when she sees you tense up. She waits until you look up before continuing. “I know this is scary for you,” she takes the words from your head. “But I need you to know this is scary for me, too.” You almost roll your eyes but your confusion stops you. You _know_ Ashlyn's been with girls before, you've seen it with your own eyes. You're fairly certain she's hooked up with at least one teammate in her time. You're lost in her words, and maybe a little bit in her eyes, but you feel her remorse. You don't know what's going on in her head but you know she's sorry.

“It's okay, Ash,” you say. With Pinoe's advice engrained in the back of your mind, you remind yourself to keep your distance. “We'll just...forget about all that,” you suggest but Ashlyn's face falls. It's not what she wants. You think, for the first time, that Pinoe may have a point. You want to add _until you're ready to stay_ but you don't find the strength. Ashlyn looks like a kicked puppy. The only thing that softens you is that you _feel_ like a kicked puppy. She looks up at you, like she's waiting for you to say more, but you don't.

“I'm actually about to Facetime with Kyle,” you tell her awkwardly, your hands slipping into your back pockets.

“Oh, I'm sorry,” she starts backing up towards the door. “I didn't mean to interrupt. I just, I needed to tell you that, I guess.” You've never seen her so flustered, not even when talking about her brother. “I'll see you tomorrow?” She says, referring to Sera's birthday.

“Of course,” you give her the warmest smile you can muster. “Looking forward to it,” you add, and the blonde sees herself out.

 

Your shoulders drop the second the door closes. You want to be mad at the goalkeeper. You want to turn her away, preserve your heart, and move on before you're in too deep. But if you've learned anything throughout your short twenty-seven years of life, it's that you don't always get what you want. No, not even close. You want to chase after her and shake her. Heck, part of you wants to tell her you can do this all on her terms, but thankfully your self respect holds you back.

Kyle calls and you rant. You rant and you scream and you even tear up a bit, but Kyle offers you the solace you hoped he would.

“Al, you've known this girl for what, a month? I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, you just have to put things into perspective. Be patient. If she's worth it the way you seem to think she is, she'll come around. And if she's not you'll find another guy or _gal_ ,” he sings with a light smile. “Whatever floats your boat.”

“I know, I just don't know where to go from here,” you say honestly. “At the very least I want to be her friend.”

“Don't _go_ anywhere. Take this day by day. You're going to go out for Sera, have a good time with your friends, dance with whoever the hell you want, and be Ashlyn's friend. It sounds like she's punishing herself enough for the two of you.” You breathe, agreeing with Kyle. You promise him to focus on Sera's birthday and being with your friends, not on the blonde who makes your heart race.

* * *

 

 

You're wearing your sleeveless, tight black dress—the one that hugs you from your chest down to your waist and flows out from there. It's short, falling a few inches above your knees and though it covers your entire chest, it doesn't exactly hide it. You decided on black bootie heels, the best choice for the dance floor, and apply slightly darker than normal eye makeup. You part your hair to the side, pinning back your left side while your free hair flows over your right shoulder. Look good, feel good, play good, you smirk.

You show up to the club alone, unsure of what time Ashlyn finished training, and start nursing a cider. It's Kurt who spots you first, of course, and sits down beside you. His smile is genuine and, in his tight black t-shirt he looks good.

“Hey, Ali,” he leans in for a quick hug. “Great to see you again. You look great.”

“Yeah, you too,” you smile.

“Sera's not here yet?” He looks around. You shake your head taking another sip. “Look what I got her,” he smiles wide, opening an eyeglass case. The box opens to a pair of Warby Parker frames. “She loves Clark Kent,” he jokes.

“They're amazing,” you laugh, knowing how much Sera will love them. She has three different eyeglass frames you've seen her alternate between and none quite look like these.

“Thanks,” he laughs. You're interrupted by his bandmate, whose name you can't quite remember, when Ashlyn enters from the back corner. She's wearing a pair of tight black pants, a fitted white button up and a royal blue blazer, pulled together by a skinny black tie. Her boots match her belt and you smile at her never-failing style. Her face lights up when she spots you and she walks straight towards you. She stops just behind you and relaxes when you offer her a hug.

“Ali, you look,” she pauses too look you over again before landing on “amazing.”

“You too,” you laugh as you reach out to gently adjust her tie. Even in the dark you can see her blush.

“Can I get you a drink?” She asks nervously before spotting the cider in front of you. You motion to it and she smiles. “Next one, then.”

“There they are,” Kurt interrupts you to before offering a polite hello to Ashlyn. You all walk over to greet Megan and Sera who are surrounded by a group you assume to be Sera's friends.

“Happy birthday!” You pull the girl into a tight squeeze and she laughs in your ear.

“Thank you guys so much for coming!”

“Wouldn't miss it,” Ashlyn adds, pulling the much smaller girl in for a hug. You notice the way her arm bulges in her tight jacket and quickly shake the image from your mind as Pinoe throws her arms around your neck.

“You look HAWT!” She says aloud before leaning into you ear and adding, “great choice.” She gives you a wink and pulls Ashlyn closer to her, complimenting her blazer. You'd be lying if you said you didn't consider Ashlyn when picking out your outfit, but you're trying not to focus on her. You follow Pinoe to a back corner full of couches and a roped off area prepped with a few bottles of champagne. Pinoe pops them open, pours a few glasses, and makes a toast to her love. You sip for awhile as one of Sera's friends from home introduces herself. She's about your height with heels on with dark amber hair and piercing green eyes. You don't quite catch her name, you think she said Rachel, but the music drowns out her voice. She's from Oregon, she went to college with Sera and was out here visiting family in London when she decided to make the trek over for her friend's birthday. That's as far as you get before her eyes rake over your entire being.

“I'm assuming you're one of Pinoe's friends from soccer?” She gives you a coy smile.

“Uh, yeah,” you smile, a lump forming in your throat. You're not sure why her advances make you so uncomfortable, just a few days ago you were on top of a beautiful woman and now the thought of anything physical with the more than attractive woman in front of you has you uneasy.

“You sure look the part,” she smiles and although it's polite, you feel her eyes suggesting something more. You're thankful then, that Pinoe shouts everyone over to the dance floor. You accept one of the shots the server brings to the table and excuse yourself out onto the dance floor, aware the woman is following you out.

You all dance together, your body free and comfortable with the perfect mix of alcohol and blaring music. You try to ignore the way Ashlyn looks dancing playfully with Pinoe, her blazer unbuttoned now. She catches you staring and offers you a hesitant smile that you return.

The night moves on, drinks effortlessly arriving in your hand. Between the drink Ashlyn promised you and Kurt and Rachel—you think—you don't even need the already provided champagne. The woman finally gets your attention, her fingers interlacing with your own. You dance, the way you would dance with your friends in college, but nothing more. She seems to pick up on your hesitance and, after a few songs, lays off. It's Kurt then who steps in. He seems to have been informed that maybe the last time you danced wasn't the normal Ali and, thankfully, doesn't expect anything from you. He leans in and asks, “Want to dance?” While offering you his hand. Though you're pretty sure J. Cole is blasting throughout the place, you giggle at his offer and pull him closer as you turn around pressing your back into him. His hands stay on your hips and he makes no advances. He's placing the ball in your court, allowing you take this as far as you see fit. You're loose enough now that you grind against without much thought. You're happy, dancing with him, and Pinoe and Sera dance up beside you to add to the fun. You make it a few songs before his hands start to wander and the alcohol in your blood gives him the okay. You get lower as you run your hands through your hair. It's not until you see the look on Ashlyn's face, standing back up against the bar, that your mind returns to you. You don't stop dancing, you promised yourself you wouldn't—not for her—but you pull yourself back up and catch your breath. You can't look at her anymore, not with her eyes like that, and you turn to face Kurt. Your arms wrap around his neck and you turn your cheek against his chest to avoid looking at his lips. His hands fall a little lower in an attempt to pull you closer.

“You're beautiful,” he whispers and you know he means it. Sure, he probably has ulterior motives in the moment, but you know he's sincere. Even Pinoe mentioned how into you he was. He tilts your chin up towards his and searches your eyes for approval. For a split second, you give it to him. He kisses you once, softly and with ease, before pulling away with a smile. He doesn't ask again, he just resumes dancing. You don't make it thirty seconds when you feel a tug on your arm.

“Hey,” she husks, alcohol on her breath.

“Ash?” She startled you and Kurt politely takes a step back, giving you and your friend space.

“Can I talk to you?” She asks, her words tied together slightly.

“I'm dancing,” you say, more edge in your voice than intended. No matter what Kyle and Pinoe said, the alcohol has lowered your barriers and you're not fully in control.

“Dance with me,” she practically begs.

“Ashlyn.” Your voice is stern now and Kurt steps back forward as if you need protecting. He shoots you a look and Ashlyn catches it.

“She's fine, buddy,” she glares at him. You make a mental note, then and there, to never be on the receiving end of her glare.

“Ashlyn!” You repeat her name again as you push her back a step away from Kurt. You ignore the way her chest feels beneath your hands. If anything, it only sends more fire through your veins. “You have no right,” you strain your voice just loud enough for her to hear over the music. Her face falls but you don't stop. “You can't just come and go when you want me or when you're horny,” you accuse, your voice raising with every sentence. “I'm not some fucking plaything!”

You stop short, your language even surprising you. Ashlyn looks at you like you're a delicate ceramic piece she's just shattered.

“Ali, I-” she starts but you cut her off with a small sorry before you turn on your heels, half embarrassed and half pissed. You storm to the back corner, realizing you're headed straight to the restrooms. You feel silly changing directions after a dramatic storm off so you continue on. You end up near the bathrooms in a red, dimly lit hallway. The music is clouded like you're listening from underwater. You're completely alone. You look for a way out but, as you turn, you see the broad blonde in the narrow hallway. You want to roll your eyes and turn away, but her lip is quivering and you've never seen her look quite so vulnerable.

“Alex,” she whispers, her voice fragile. Her steps are meticulous, like she's in a minefield and one wrong step will end you both. She makes it about a foot away from you when you finally allow yourself to breathe. “I want to take you on a date,” she breathes. The words knock you over like a wrecking ball.

“What?” You're stunned and still slightly annoyed, but her shaky voice is the last thing you expected.

“You're right,” she tells you. “And I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything before and back there,” she motions to the dance floor. “Let me take you on a date.” You want to ask why, tell her she doesn't deserve it, but her eyes are covered with a layer of tears and her lip is still trembling.

"Ashlyn,” you sigh, buying yourself time to think it over.

“I don't think that about you, what you said back there,” she tries but her words barely come out. “I—I didn't—let me, I want to take you on a date.” The blonde is drunk, you see it in her eyes and the way she's struggling to stand still. But she's not drunk enough to be fumbling over her words. No, she's doing that because of you. You watch her eyes flicker all over your face waiting for an answer. You can't give her one, you don't know why, but you can't. You didn't know how much you wanted Ashlyn to ask you on a date until the words fell from her lips, but here she is, drunk and mumbling honest things in front of you and you can't answer.

“Will you think about it?” She pleads. “You don't have to tell me now. You can go dance with Kurt or that girl or whoever you want, but think about it, please.” She doesn't give you the chance to turn her down, she excuses herself back to the booth to find another glass of champagne. You're left in the hallway, alone with your thoughts as an old Whitney Houston sends vibrations through your chest.

 

* * *

 

 

Thanks to the aspirin and glass of water next to your bed you wake with only a sleep-deprived headache. It's just past nine and, not ready to pull yourself out of bed, you scroll through the updates on your phone. After you check Instagram and Twitter, you notice a text you left unanswered. A number not in your contacts is in the sender bar.

_I had a great time dancing last night. Let me know if you're up to do it again sometime ;) xo_

_-Rachel_

Your eyes widen, grateful the woman mentioned nothing more than dancing and you decide not to answer. You think back to dancing with her and remember ending the night with her front pressed up against yours. She was beautiful, yes, but she didn't make your skin burn. Not the way Ashlyn did.

Ashlyn.

The blonde asked you on a date, you remember. Her sudden 180 is what drove you to Rachel. Your mind was clouded with emotions and you needed a distraction but even the woman with piercing emerald eyes couldn't take your mind off the blonde. After she asked you, she spent most of the night secluded or with Pinoe and Sera, clearly not in the mood to socialize. You find yourself torn between praying she remembers asking you out and hoping she doesn't. You know, though, that she wasn't drunk enough to blackout. Maybe just drunk enough to regret it. You don't know what _you_ want with her anymore, you don't know what you can handle. You shake all thoughts of the girl and drag yourself into the shower to wash off the night before. After a cup of coffee, a bowl of oatmeal and a few episodes of Friends you decide to go for a walk. Fresh air, you think, is what you need. You grab your light denim jacket and head for the door, stopping only when a small ripped piece of paper on the floor catches your eye. Someone, a neighbor maybe, slipped it under your door. The handwriting is a beautifully honest script.

_Ali-_

_I hope you've thought about what I asked. I would really love the chance to take you on a date. I'll be by at seven to pick you up for dinner. If you decide to join me, all you have to do is answer the door. If not, I understand, and I'm sorry._

_Hope to see you tonight,_

_Ashlyn_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for hanging in there with me loves!! Can't tell you how much the comments means.  
> xx


	16. Honesty Hour

You've read the note close to forty times by half past five. You're on the edge of your bed, the note resting between the crease of your fingers. An hour and a half—that's how long you have to decide. An hour and a half until the blonde shows up at your door looking for an answer. Sure, you showered, but that's about as much progress as you've made. You wanted to call Pinoe for advice, company even, but she's spending the day with Sera and you don't want to interrupt their post birthday celebrations.

Ashlyn's doing exactly what you hoped for. She's being vulnerable, honest and putting herself out there. You hadn't even expected her to ask you out, not yet anyway. You're not sure why you're struggling so much to make the decision to something you so clearly want. You think maybe it's self preservation. When Ashlyn went two days without speaking to you, you felt the type of pain you hadn't felt since Taylor. Truth be told, had Taylor done that to you only two hook ups in, you wouldn't have batted an eye. The girl has a hold on your emotions and it scares you shitless. But, as Kyle so reminded you, that's what it's all about.

You get dressed. Yes, that's the least you can do for yourself. Put on the dress so you won't regret anything last minute. You decide on a simple red dress, one with a high neckline that cuts deep on your sides, exposing part of you rib tattoo without revealing it entirely. It flows out around your thighs, stopping short well above you knees. No matter what Ashlyn has planned—if you decide to join her—you know you'll be comfortable. It's not skin tight and it's not too fancy, but you can pass need be. You leave your hair down, laying with natural waves around your shoulders. You apply light makeup and grab a pair of black heels to bring to the living room.

6:40.

Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of you alone with your thoughts. You want to take a shot to release some nerves but you have a hard fitness session ahead of you tomorrow and you know you'll need all the help you can get. Instead you find yourself rereading the note, analyzing Ashlyn's handwriting. It's beautiful, really, but not what you expected. Then again, the blonde seems to be anything but what you expected in almost every aspect. Your heart is racing and you've got eighteen minutes to kill.

Emails. You'll answer those emails. Mittsy responded to your last message and you smile, opening the exchange.

_Al! I'm so happy to hear you've readjusted to life abroad! Great to hear about the knee. If anyone could make progress like that it's you. I've attached a good swim workout my trainer just gave me when my back was bothering me, really great cardio workout! Give it a try, low impact for your knee!_

You smile at her motherly concern and continue on.

_Pinoe's been too busy with Sera to get back to me haha, glad to hear she's doing well through you! What about Ashlyn? You guys looking out for each other? I'm happy she's there with you, too. She's a great friend, make sure you're taking advantage of having a teammate over there!_

_Talk soon, please!! Love you, babe!_

Your stomach clinches at the mention of Ashlyn and you close your laptop without reply. You groan and check your watch. Four minutes. Your mind is running every which way. You know what you want, you just don't know if you should want it. 

You watch the clock hit seven and your entire body tenses. She's on her way. It may be your imagination but you swear you can hear her on the stairwell.

Her knock is gentle, not nearly as confident as normal. It echoes in the air waiting desperately for you to answer. You can't look through the peephole. You can't see her. You know that will make your decision for you. 

It's that thought, though, that pulls your hand to the doorknob. It rests there for nearly a minute, gripping the handle tightly. You know what opening the door means. You know what it means for you, for her. You can't turn back or ignore this. Opening that door let's her in and once she's in, you don't think you'll ever be able to get her out. 

You watch as your hand takes over, turning the knob and pulling the weight of the door towards you. Your lips are slightly parted, enough to let the air from your lungs slide in and out. The blonde's shoulder is slightly turned when she comes into view as if she'd just turned around, given up. The sound of the door snaps her back, her eyes wide. 

“Ali,” she breathes. She's looking at you like you've just resurrected, like you're not supposed to be here. You think, maybe, she's right. Her eyes fall over you and she doesn't need to say it for you to know she thinks you look beautiful. She meets your eyes and, once she takes in your presence, reaches towards you with a single red rose. 

“I—this is for you,” she whispers. You timidly accept the rose with a small smile as you take in her appearance. Her hair is down with waves. She's wearing black dress pants, a black button up shirt, and a space gray vest. Her sleeves are rolled up, accentuating her tattoos, and she's got on a pair of black oxford shoes. She has a dark red tie tucked into her vest and a matching pocket square folded away. You focus on your breath to prevent it from hitching.

“I didn't think you were going to open the door,” she says with honesty.

“Me neither,” you tell her, a small laugh escaping your lips. She joins you nervously and offers a small smile.

“Thank you, for opening it.”

“Thank you for the rose,” you smile. You're face is flushed but Ashlyn seems more nervous than you and it gives you a bit of confidence.

“So, um, does this mean you'll come out with me? On the date?” You're clearly dressed and you obviously opened the door, but the blonde can sense the hesitance on your face. You think over it for a minute.

“On one condition.” Ashlyn's eyebrow quirks but there's desperation in her eyes.

“Anything.”

“You have to promise that, no matter what I ask, you will be one hundred percent honest with me.” Ashlyn looks at you like you're asking her to coverup her brother's murder. She only hesitates for a moment before she nods. It's slow at first, unsure even, but then she's nodding vigorously.

“Yes, I promise,” she adds. You turn on your black heels and grab your clutch before joining the blonde in the hall and locking up your apartment. Ashlyn still hasn't relaxed so when you turn to face her, you give her a soft smile.

“You look great,” you tell her and her shoulders seem to loosen. 

“Thanks,” she leads you into the elevator, waiting for you to enter first. As the door closes, she allows her eyes to finally roam your body freely before she lands on your eyes. “Ali, you look...absolutely stunning.” Before you can thank her, she continues. “I can't thank you enough for giving me this chance,” she breathes. 

“Don't mention it,” you tell her. “You can make up for it on our _date_ ,” you smile. You took the leap and opened the door, now you just pray it's worth. 

“I hope to,” she smiles. Her confidence hasn't fully returned, but she seems to be at ease again. She opens the door to your building for you and for a brief moment, her hand lands on the small of your back encouraging you onto the street. Her hand is warm and comfort fills your stomach. 

“So where to?” You ask. 

“You'll see,” she says as she pulls a folded piece of paper from her vest pocket to reveal a map. She tries to shield it from you, but you're already giggling. “Oh quit it,” she laughs. “What was I supposed to do? Ask you where the best place to take you on a woo worthy date was?” You giggle.

“You want to woo me?” You smirk.

“Why else would I ask you on a date?” She answers honestly. You fall quiet as your footsteps rush to match hers. Her eyes are on the map, focusing on making the next turn. Once she's got it, she folds the map back up and tucks it back into her vest. “This way, my lady,” she feigns a British accent as she leads you around a corner. You giggle and she asks, “Did you have fun last night?”

“Yeah,” you shrug, thinking about puppy dog Ashlyn in the corner making eyes at you. 

“I'm really sorry about my, um, outburst,” she tells you. “I'm really embarrassed.” Her voice is meek and you find your arm gently land on her back. “You didn't deserve that. Any of that,” she adds. “I—I didn't--”

“Ashlyn,” you cut her off with a smile. “It's a little early in our date for that,” you laugh to lighten her mood. “Seriously, don't worry about it. But,” you grin with a quick wink, “I _do_ appreciate your honesty.” 

“Thank you, Alex,” she sighs with her eyes on the ground. She leads you down the next corner and stops outside a door, looking up at the tall glass building. Main Tower Restaurant and Bar. 

“Ashlyn,” you breathe at the famous sign. 

“Is this okay?” She hesitates. “Because I made another reserv-”

“Ash,” you giggle, “this is _perfect_. I've been dying to try it.” Truth be told, you were waiting to use it as a location were you to ever score a date. 

“Yeah?” She grins pulling the door open and leading you into the elevator. “I know it's pretty touristy, but I figured it'd be the best way to keep from embarrassing myself if there were more English speakers around.” You're stomach flutters at the sound of her laugh. “Plus, the view is supposed to be worth more than the price of the meal.” The elevator takes you up to the 53rd floor and when you step out, your breath hitches. The restaurant offers a panoramic view of your city, the skyline lit up in the night.

“Woah,” you breathe. You turn to look at the blonde but she's just as mesmerized as you are. You can't help yourself and you lean in quickly, your heels making you even with her cheek, as you place a gentle peck on her cheek. As soon as you break contact, heat floods your face.

“Sorry,” you mumble, suddenly embarrassed by your actions.

“No,” she grins. “Thank you.” She walks over towards the hostess and with her ever charming voice says, “Ashlyn Harris.” The hostess leads you to the back corner, an isolated and dimly lit table right up against the glass.

“I hope you like heights,” she smirks as she pulls your chair out for you. You gulp at the view but, as you look out, you find yourself at peace.

“This is unbelievable.” As you fall into a comfortable silence, you read over the menu. It's a modern German fusion. You decide on the lamb while Ashlyn goes with the filet. Ashlyn offers you wine but, due to your upcoming cardio session in the morning, you turn down the offer. You're grateful when she sticks with water, too. Not that you don't like a confident Ashlyn but, there's something about the girl full of nerves that you appreciate. You know it's not a side she shares often and you like being let in on all sides of the blonde.

“I'm sorry if you were expecting something else,” Ashlyn smiles nervously. “It was hard to plan anything too big without my translator.”

“This is perfect,” you giggle. “Thank you.” She smiles back and you find yourself confessing what you buried to the back of your head this morning. “I haven't been on a _real_ date in like, two years,” you mumble. Ashlyn's lip curls up slightly and, just as she's about to laugh, you whine. “Ashlyn!”

“No, no,” she shakes her head. “It's just, me too,” she admits, tinkering with her tie.

“No way,” you counter. “I told you to be _honest_ ,” you joke.

“I mean, I've gotten coffee and I've gone out to get drinks but not, you know, _this_.” You raise your eyebrows in surprise.

“So why the sudden change?” You ask cautiously.

“I, you know, figured it was time,” she tries and you almost let her slide.

“Time for what?” You decide to push. She stiffens in front of you.

“Time to step up,” she shrugs and you nod, not sure you'll get more out of her. The waitress brings out a basket of bread and Ashlyn's eyes light up.

“Can I ask you something?” You get out after you're done admiring how adorable the blonde is.

“Hm?”

“When did you come out?” The question seems to take her by surprise but she gives you an understanding look.

“I wasn't really out in high school,” she starts as she breaks off some bread. “But I wasn't really in the closet.” You don't let her finish before you mumble a quick _huh?_ She giggles and hands you a piece of the toasted bread. “My mom tried to get me to be honest with myself my sophomore year. I think she saw how miserable I was and she sat me down and told me what I was,” she chuckles. “I mean, I was what, fifteen? Sixteen, maybe? She sits me down one night and says, 'Honey, you're gay. You like girls and that's okay.'” The blonde laughs at herself and your eyes notice the gold flecks catching on the table's candle. “I brushed her off though. It was bad,” she says with honesty. “I was kind of self-destructive. I mean, I didn't try to date guys or anything but I wasn't accepting the truth either.” She takes a bite of her bread and you wonder if she's going to add anything else. You take a bite of your piece, hoping if you stay quiet long enough she'll keep talking. Ashlyn is a mystery. Every part of her surprises you. You could listen to her for hours without interrupting and, if she'd let you, you would. You smile when you hear Ashlyn's voice again. “I spent all of high school only going for girls that were totally unavailable. Straight girls, taken girls, long distance _I don't want to date_ you girls—you name it.”

“So not much has changed,” you poke with a smile.

“Straight or not, here you are,” she smirks and you playfully slap her arm on the table.

“Yeah, yeah,” you roll your eyes. “But that worked? In high school?”

“What, straight girls? They were dying to experiment. Or tell the guys about it, you know, some twisted form of bragging rights.” You nod, knowing the deal. You went to high school, too. You, however, never experimented then, probably out of fear of discovering the truth. “It was fun for awhile,” she shrugs, “but then you realize you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak. Over and over again.” Your feel a sharp pang in your heart thinking about teenage Ashlyn. “But, you know, I grew up. Went to UNC. Came out pretty early there and met some other gay girls. Some older ones took me under their wings and, I don't know, I started to figure myself out.” 

“So your family?”

“Everyone was cool with it, mostly. You know how it is with grandparents. Only my one Grandma really got it, but other than that I was pretty fortunate.” 

“You're amazing,” you smile at her and she sticks her lips out a bit. “You just have so much strength.”

“None you don't have,” she offers. You smile at each other and you wash down your bread with a sip of water. 

“How are you feeling with that side of things?” She asks with care. 

“Like, coming out?” You ask.

“Per se,” she smiles. She knows you two aren't anything officially, so there isn't a real need yet but she knows the thought must have crossed your mind.

“Well, I already told my brother,” you say without thinking and immediately want the words back. She sucks in her bottom lip.

“So you told him about me, then?” She smirks. 

“Oh stop it,” you roll your eyes playfully. “If you must know, _yes_ , I did. I had a bit of a freakout period.”

“That's natural,” she says. 

“Yeah, well, he said so, too. My mom kind of came out for him, too.” Ashlyn laughs and says _Moms_ in a sarcastic voice. “He was the easiest person I'd probably have to tell and even _that_ made me freak out,” you laugh.

“It's scary,” Ashlyn says. “But think about all the people you want to tell. At least you know they're all accepting. I mean, your family has Kyle and your teammates have _countless_ gay friends.” You nod, realizing how right she is. “I know that doesn't really make it too much easier, but just a thought to keep in mind.”

“Thanks,” you laugh lightly. 

“If you need someone to talk to about any of that, you know where I live,” she jokes. As your laughter settles, the waitress places your meals in front of you. You thank her and admire your beautifully laid out plate before you begin cutting your lamb.

“Mmmm,” you hum against the meat. 

“Fuck,” Ashlyn moans and you try to ignore the way her cussing sends a heat through your body. You picture the last time you heard her cuss like that and quickly shake the thought. 

“That good?” You laugh as you clear your throat. The blonde nods as she feeds herself another piece. 

You enjoy your meal over lighter conversation. Ashlyn tells you about her favorite Christmas tradition—which always includes a perfectly cooked steak. You tell her about Kyle's pup, your niece, Luna. She lets you in on her favorite college memory—her final championship. She even shares stories about college Tobin that you can't believe. She asks about your first soccer team, your first kiss.

“Seventh grade, Mike Hammeron. My best friend at the time kissed my crush. I was heartbroken and Mike swooped in,” you laugh. “So romantic.” You ask her and she smiles. 

“You got me beat. Sixth grade, spin the bottle. Nothing exciting. Don't even know his last name,” she shrugs. 

The waitress clears your plate and offers dessert but you're both too full to even peek at the menu. Ashlyn grabs the bill as soon as the waitress places it down and slides her card in. While the waitress charges her card, you both admire the skyline.

“This place is mesmerizing,” Ashlyn admits. “I didn't expect Frankfurt to be so beautiful.”

“Me neither,” you admit. “It sneaks up on you, this place.” Ashlyn's smiling right at you, admiring the way your eyes flicker between the building below you. She notices the way your hair falls, the way your eyes crinkle as you smile. She's mesmerized still, just not by the skyline.

“Thank you,” the waitress offers in her thick accent. Ashlyn quickly signs the bill and hops onto her feet. She straightens out her vest and offers you her arm which you gladly take. 

You're not sure when the night turned, when the tension dropped, but there's no doubt you had a lovely dinner. 

“How would you like to grab a coffee and walk a bit?” Ashlyn offers. You gladly accept, not ready for the night to end, and she leads you into the cafe next door. You handle the orders for the blonde but she jumps in at the last minute to pay.

“My date,” she smiles and her dimple wins you over. You grab your to-go cups and walk out the door, your arm looped through hers. There's a slight chill in the air—just enough to make you need the warmth from your coffee and Ashlyn's body. She smiles as you find yourself burying into her side. You wander into a children's park Ashlyn's never seen and continue down the path.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Curious mind,” Ashlyn jokes but gives you the go ahead nod.

“The other night, when you stopped by,” you start and her arm tenses beneath yours. “Relax,” you smile as you give her a squeeze. “You said this was scary for you,” you state and Ashlyn waits for the question. You struggle to find it. “You've—you've been with girls. Have you never been with a teammate? Is that what you meant?”

“Not exactly,” she says softly and you sense her reservations. But, you remember, she promised her honesty. “I mean, I've never been on a _date_ with a teammate,” she smiles, making you blush. “But that's not what I meant.” She swallows and you wait for her to continue. You walk a few more steps in silence. “You're not the only one nursing a heartbreak,” she says in a partially broken voice. Your arm tightens around hers. You remember when she mentioned it briefly, how she struggled to date for almost two years, too. 

“I—I thought you said you felt ready,” you try to recall.

“I did,” she admits. “I mean, I like to think that. And I am, I _am_ ready,” she assures you while convincing herself. “But I haven't—this is the first time,” she stops. Reset. The blonde's feet halt and you feel a light tug on your arm stopping you. “I like you,” she says as your eyes catch hers. Your eyes widen for a second before she smiles. “Honesty, remember?” She adds before falling serious again. “I like you,” she repeats in case you didn't catch it the first time. “That's what I meant.” Ashlyn doesn't need to say more, you know the feeling. The feelings, the vulnerability, the unknown—it's terrifying. You're about to lean up and kiss her when the blonde resumes walking. You tug her until she stands still. You don't say anything, just lean up and leave a lingering kiss on her cheek. She looks at you with a bashful smile and you lead her forward. The rest of your walk is peaceful, Ashlyn's confession lingering between the two of you like an invisible string. You're pulling each other in, connected by something you can't quite understand. 

When you reach the building, Ashlyn opens the door for you. You walk to the elevator and turn as you wait. 

“Thank you so much, Ash,” you grab her hand, for the first time interlacing your fingers. You drop her hand by your side, keeping your hands locked. “I had an amazing time.”

“Good,” she smiles with what you take as a sigh of relief. The elevator doors open and she follows you in. You smile and she gives you a questioning look.

“Just thinking about the last time we were dressed like this in an elevator,” you joke and the blonde sends you a coy look. You reach forward and, just as you're about to hit Ashlyn's floor, she grabs your wrist with a light grip. Before you can panic, she sends you a soft smile.

“What kind of date would this be if I didn't walk you to your door?” All you can do is smile as she hits the six. She leads you to your place, your hand still in hers and stops outside your door as you fumble for your keys. As soon as you get them out, Ashlyn leans her shoulder into the door. 

“Ali,” she gets your attention. “Thank you for opening the door.” You offer her a smile but, with a softer voice, she continues. “I know I didn't deserve this. What I did—I will make it up to you,” she promises. “If you'll let me, of course.” You find yourself leaning into the door to match Ashlyn's body language. 

“I would love to let you,” you smile with a soft giggle. She joins you in a comfortable laugh, before you both fall silent.

“There was a reason,” you say softly, and Ashlyn's eyes narrow. You clarify. “There's a reason you left, isn't there?” Ashlyn's entire being tenses as she thinking about leaving you in your bed alone. You can see the lump in her throat as she struggles to swallow. You decide, right there, that there's more to Ashlyn than you think you'll ever know. You only hope one day to be privy to Ashlyn Harris and her world. You don't press her further. You just move your hand, gently resting it on the back of her neck before you shorten the gap between you. The kiss Ashlyn gives you is different than anything you've shared before. It's chaste, yet you can feel her giving you more than she ever has. She pulls away before things get heated.

“Thank you,” she says, her voice barely audible. You know she's not thanking you for the kiss. She's thanking you for understanding, for not pressing the question further, for forgiving her.

“Goodnight, Ashlyn,” you smile.

“Night,” she blushes back. “Sweet dreams.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short wait! I hope this makes up for it a bit! I only have two weeks before I head back to school and get busy so I'm going to try to fit as much in as I can in the next two weeks! Look forward to it ;)


	17. Hopeless Romantic

Your lungs are screaming. You hear the beep just as you hit the line and Chris turns off the speakers, ending your suffering. His claps are barely audible over the sound of your exhales. You find yourself walking in the opposite direction of Chris, hands resting atop your head, as you reign your breathe in.

“Kriegs is _fit!_ ” Chris sings as your hearing become clearer. Your legs are shaky and you know it's only fleeting—you feel strong. When you feel in control of your body, you turn back to Chris and walk over to accept your high five. He tosses you a Gatorade squirt bottle and you drown your mouth with water.

“You did it,” he tells you. “Beep test is over.” He's recording your results down along with what you assume to be notes about your knee.

“So what does that mean?” You ask in hopes of confirming what you know to be true.

“We'll head back to the training room after lunch for a bit of strength testing and, assuming you haven't digressed in the past few days, I'll be able to clear you for full time practices.” You're beaming, so much so that you pull the broad man in for a hug. He squirms under your sweat but his pride for you wins him over as he returns the gesture.

“Your agility is top notch,” he tells you as he reads over the clipboard. “I think you're ahead of most of the girls on the squad,” he laughs, though you know he's right. You cut more than a second off your previous Arrowhead Agility Test from last year when you were seemingly at full strength.

“Chris, I can't thank you enough,” you say, wiping the sweat off your forehead with the hem of your shirt. “I feel faster and stronger than before and I'm not even fully healed yet.”

“That's what I'm here for,” he slaps you on the back as you head back towards the buildings. One more test. One more test and you're back where you belong, on the field with your teammates fighting your way back to the top.

 

* * *

 

Five minutes after Chris pens the letter that clears you for full time, non-contact practices, you skip out the doors and pull out your phone. You find you're typing in Ashlyn's name as you draft a text full of the good news.

“Hey stud,” a devilish voice breaks your attention as soon as your out the door. The phone fumbles in your fingers and you catch it just as your eyes find Ashlyn's. She's leaning up against building on her right shoulder, smirk on her lips. A smile falls onto yours at the sight of the blonde in her blue snapback. She's got on a plain white tee and black skinny pants. She looks as put together as ever and the only indication she's coming from a long day's practice is the Nike backpack slung from her shoulders. “Someone told me today was a big day for you?” Your grin only grows and you find yourself leaping into Ashlyn's arms. She falls backwards for a second at your force but steadies herself as she wraps her arms around your back. She laughs into your ear and it rings throughout your body. You pull away with giggles and look at the girl in front of you.

“Ashlyn,” you laugh as your nose crinkles. “What you doing here?” Your adrenaline is pumping. Between being partially cleared and running into the blonde on your way out you feel like you've just downed three espresso shots.

“I wanted to be the first one to congratulate you!”

“How'd you hear?” Your face scrunches up in confusion.

“I asked Chris to keep me updated on your progress,” she shrugs as if it means nothing. “He texted me after your first test to tell me the news.” The way her dimple grows as she offers you a smile, the way her eyes glisten in the low sun, you can't take take your eyes off of her.

“Thank you,” you smile. “For stopping by. Do you need to run in and see Chris? Or did you see him earlier?” She gives you a slightly perplexed look, like you don't get she's here for you, but decides to clarify.

“No, silly. I'm here to take you out.”

“Ash,” you sigh, smile still in place. “You just took me out.”

“Yeah, but this is celebratory! Come on,” she nods you towards the street. “We'll just grab something on the way.”

You fall in step with her.

“Want to hear something embarrassing?” You nod, and the blonde smiles. “Even with that knee you've got me beat by nearly two seconds on the Arrowhead test.” You look down with a bashful smile and nudge the slightly taller blonde with your shoulder. “I should probably just quit now,” she teases. You tug on her arm and rest your head against her bicep, laughter filling your stomach. Last night opened you up again. Sure, you have more than a few things to discuss with her, but you can't deny how much lighter you feel around Ashlyn now. You can't deny the way you melt at her touch, or the way her smirk makes you weak in the knees. You can't ignore the facts, not when they're right in front of you in the form of the tall, tattooed blonde.

“How was your day?” You ask in hopes of breaking up your thoughts. The way she licks her lips before speaking just brings your mind to a new focus.

“Better, now,” she grins. “Hard lifting session.” She squeezes her shoulder blades together and you rub your finger between her blades hoping to relieve some of the tension.

“I can work into it, later,” you find yourself offering. Ashlyn raises an eyebrow at you suggestively and you elbow her side. She giggles as you turn the corner.

“I'm craving a turkey burger,” she tells you. “That tiny shop on the corner has everything, does that sound good to you?”

“Perfect,” you smile. You hook your arm with Ashlyn's, surprisingly comfortable with the contact, and walk down the streets of Frankfurt. The shop you end up in is familiar and quaint and with the warm temperatures you decide to sit outside. You blush when Ashlyn pulls out your chair for you again and sit across from the blonde. Your body needs protein, so you decide on a grilled chicken breast and some vegetables while Ashlyn orders her much anticipated Turkey Burger.

“So you're coming to practice tomorrow?” Ashlyn confirms.

“Nine A.M. I'll be there,” you smile. Ashlyn's lips curl up into what you take to be a mischievous grin. “Hm?”

“Nothing,” she starts. “I just can't wait to finally see you play.” It hadn't dawned on you til now that Ashlyn had never really trained with you. On Sundays, when you on occasion got to practice, the goalies had their own training. It doesn't make you nervous but the way her eyes stare into yours send heat flooding to your cheeks.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You mumble through the sentence. A trace of a smile falls on your lips.

“Talent is hot,” she shrugs, brazen as ever. You try to laugh her off but you realize how true the statement is. You wonder what seeing Ashlyn _really_ play will do to you. In a game, goalies don't see consistent action. Drills offer you a chance to really see Ashlyn in her natural habitat. While you're sure seeing Ashlyn play won't affect your ability or focus—you're way too competitive for that—you know the images will play over in your mind after the fact. You're sure of it. You'd be lying if you denied the way images of Ashlyn in the weight room often flooded your mind.

“Have you always been this confident?” You laugh.

“Of course not,” she tells you as the waitress comes over to refill your waters. “Once I figured myself out, though, things just clicked. But I've always been straight forward. If I want something I'm not going to deny myself of it.” She looks right at you. “Sometimes I fall off track for a minute, but I always figure it out.” Your eyes flicker around hers, trying to absorb everything they're offering, but she holds her eyes still.

You think back to your date, the way Ashlyn carried herself with hesitance. You could feel her nerves and, though she relaxed towards the end, you know how hard it was for her to feel so vulnerable.

“You're pretty confident yourself,” she compliments. You shrug. You've always carried yourself with confidence, but you don't carry nearly an ounce of the bodacious attitude Ashlyn does.

“It's different,” you try but Ashlyn cuts you off.

“Al, if you think for a second I was as confident and smooth _my_ first time with a woman,” she tells you, her voice a low whisper. “Trust me,” she laughs, mostly at herself. You shoot her a look and she smiles with her hands up in defense. “Just being honest.”

The waitress brings over your food and you begin eating in a relaxed silence. You clear your plate of chicken when Ashlyn finishes her burger and studies your face.

“Alex,” she breathes and you realize she reserves the use of your name for special occasions. “I wanted to thank you for what you said last night.” Her voice is quiet again and, though you sense no nerves, her eyes soften. You don't need to think very hard to know what she's referencing. The way her body relaxed when you didn't press her, you knew your suspicions were truth. “It's not an excuse,” she says even softer. Her eyes hold yours, despite a wavering voice. “You didn't deserve that. But I—there's a lot I—” she stops. She's struggling to get her words out. You can tell she's trying to tell you something, to explain to you who or what broke the girl so hard she couldn't stand to spend the night or even have the decency to leave a note. You don't see tears but the way her lip quivers lets you know she's close.

“Ash,” you stop her, your hand falling onto hers. “It's okay. You don't have to do this now,” you promise her. “Not here.” She gives you an understanding and somewhat thankful nod before her eyes finally break contact.

“I want to tell you,” she mumbles. “I do.”

“And you will,” you comfort her. “No rush.”

You hate the look in her eyes. One glance and you know how she feels—weak. Weak and cowardly. She's anything but, you know that. You wish she could see it too.

“Hey, it's alright” you try to lighten the mood with a smile. “There's plenty you still don't know about me,” you joke.

“Like what?” She laughs, grateful for the new direction in conversation.

“Like,” you sing the word, stretching it until you can think of something. “I rarely go in an elevator by myself,” you confess. She chuckles.

“What?”

“I got stuck in one _alone_ when I was little and I swore to never let it happen again! Even with you I get nervous,” you admit. “Sometimes I'm exhausted from practice or, in other cases a little tipsy,” you laugh, “and I get on without thinking. As soon as the doors close, though, I panic.”

“What?” She's laughing a little harder now, admiring the way the crinkles around your eyes grow the more you smile. “You're adorable,” she shakes her head. You playfully stick your tongue out at the blonde but, apparently, that only adds to the adorableness.

“Okay, now you go,” you tell her.

“Hmm,” she wracks her brain. “Okay, let me think.” As the blonde's eyes roll to the side you feel a drop of water hit your cheek. You look up and, without warning, pouring rain ensues. Ashlyn hops onto her feet without warning, pulls a few bills out of her wallet and slaps them on the table before shuffling you onto the street and towards your apartment. You're both shaking with laughter, realizing you could have turned the corner and gone _into_ the restaurant, but you've run too far in the opposite direction to head back now. Ashlyn grabs your hand and interlaces your fingers as she pulls you forward on the sidewalk. You're dodging oncoming pedestrians holding newspapers and bags over their heads—anything to block the surprise drops or water. You run more than a block, your soccer bag slinging from one shoulder, when you crash into Ashlyn. She's stopped abruptly in front of you and your collision makes you drop your hand.

“Ash!” You yelp, trying to push her towards your apartments. She doesn't budge. Her hands find your hips.

“One thing you don't know about me,” she smirks, her voice shouting to compete with the heavy downpour. “I'm a hopeless romantic.” With one hand tilting your chin, she crashes her lips into yours. Her touch is gentle, but the fervor isn't lost. You're completely damp, your toes frozen through your sneakers, but the fire in your veins distracts you from it. You move your hands to the back of her neck in an attempt to deepen the kiss.

You should feel like a fool, kissing in the rain like this. Normally, you would, but your mind is one-track on Ashlyn right now. Your stomach is jumping as blood rushes to your head. With parted lips, her tongue meets yours before the blonde pulls away with a sheepish grin.

“Just thought you should know,” she laughs. You're completely giddy. Ashlyn's puffy, clearly kissed lips turn up into a smile and you fall into a rhythmic laughter.

“You're a dork,” you tease through your giggles. Through the rain, Ashlyn can't see the way your eyes are fully smitten with her.

“Come on,” she tugs you forward. “Can't let you get sick!” You run with he—hands adjoined—down the block until you reach your complex. She opens the door and you run in, laughter and adrenaline filling you. Ashlyn's childlike spirit has you doing things you haven't thought about in years. Weeks ago, running through the rain would sound almost miserable. But here you are, hand in hand with the blonde, in stitches. She walks you to the elevator and stops.

“Would you prefer we take the stairs?” She grins with the new information. You go ahead and hit the elevator button, opening the doors.

“I'm starting to think being stuck in an elevator with you wouldn't be half bad,” you smirk, walking forward and hitting your floor. It's not until the blonde follows you in and removes her snapback to tussle her hair that you realize how hot the blonde looks damp. Her white shirt is stuck to her and, though it's not see-through, it clings to her muscles. Her hair falls around her face in an effortlessly messy look that seems almost too perfect. Her lips, still slightly plumped, are parted as she catches her breath. She's looking at you the way you imagine you're looking at her. Her eyes fall rapidly all over you as if she's been given five seconds to memorize every detail about you. She stops and looks up at you with hooded eyes. You clear your throat and she breaks out of her daze.

“Let me make you tea,” you offer, wanting the damp woman to follow you into your place. The blonde gives you a coy look.

“Tea? Is that what they're calling it these days?” Her playfulness makes you giggle and as you reach your floor, you find your suggestion even more hysterical.

“I panicked,” you tell her.

“Look,” she joins you, “I'm just saying you don't have to _try_ to get me to join you in your apartment.” She laughs and you playfully slap her arm as the doors open.

“Come on, before I change my mind,” you giggle, reaching behind you for her hand as you walk out the elevator. You're halfway out the elevator when you hear a familiar voice down the hall.

“Kriegsy, open up!” Pinoe yells with a bang on your door, stopping only when your last giggle reaches her end of the hall. You freeze, your hand immediately dropping from Ashlyn's.

Standing behind Pinoe is Alex, HAO, Kelley and Tobin who, thankfully, seem to miss the way your hand had just been locked with Ashlyn's. You pray they also miss the hooded eyes and pink lips.

Suddenly, as their eyes fall on you, four screaming teammates charge at you and Ashlyn. Over the screams and death-grip hugs you're receiving, you hear Pinoe laughing from the other end of the hallway. In between hugs, you make eye contact for a split second and, with a clueless shrug and grin she mouths, “Surprise!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kind comments and messages are overwhelming! Thank you so much for all the love, you're the best!! Thank you for reading! xx


	18. Double Whammy

When the hugs slow, your concern about whatever was happening with Ashlyn settles and you realize your friends are standing right in front of you.

“Oh my God,” you breath, quickly pulling HAO in for another hug, followed by the other three. They all laugh, more than accepting the embrace. “What are you guys doing here? How did you—when?” You're incoherent, blindsided even. But you're thrilled.

“We've got a match Thursday and play Frankfurt Sunday,” HAO grins. “Got here this morning with the team! We're training here for the week!” Of course, the game Sunday had been in the back of your mind but you had not expected to see them until Sunday—Saturday night if you were lucky.

“Dude, you're soaked,” Tobin laughs as she peels the sleeve of Ashlyn's tee from her skin.

“We just got caught in the rain mid dinner,” the blonde laughs, happy to be reunited with more than one of her Tar Heels.

“Having dinner without me again?” Pinoe teases and you try your best not to send her a look but you know she means no harm. Plus, sending a glare would only draw more attention to the comment.

“We were celebrating,” Ashlyn grins and the girls' eyes flicker between the two of you.

“I got cleared,” you grin sheepishly. The words don't fully leave your lips before you're smothered by your teammates. Even Pinoe runs over. “Just practice,” you giggle, your mouth pressed into Kelley's collarbone. She somehow managed to jump onto your hips, gripping you with her life. “No contact,” you add, but they know. They've seen countless teammates fight to comeback from ACL tears and the process is often textbook.

“Kriegs!” Kelley screams. “When did you hear?”

“Today,” you say as she drops to her feet. “I just finished all the testing.”

“Come on,” Pinoe grabs you wrist and drags you to your own door. “Open up and let me get you some wine.” You're belly shakes through the laughter and as you try to resist Pinoe's tug you feel a push from Alex behind you, moving you forward.

“I have training--”

“One glass won't hurt,” Pinoe rolls her eyes and you pull your keys from your backpack, opening the door for your guests. You notice the way Alex and Tobin jump on Ashlyn, the three of them giggling like they've been separated for years.

“So, this is my place,” you say awkwardly, not knowing what to show them. “Have a seat,” you point to the couches.

“No, _you_ have a seat,” Pinoe turns your shoulders towards the living room as she brushes past you towards the kitchen, pulling out the first bottle of wine she spots.

“Let me grab a dry shirt,” you say, heading to your room. You throw on a thermal and grab a large black tee for Ashlyn. When you return and toss her the shirt, you turn towards the kitchen to avoid having to peel your eyes away from her still wet skin. You count to five before turning and sitting on the corner of your couch, Ashlyn sitting between you and Alex. Tobin takes the lounge chair with Kelley on the arm.

“This is awesome, Al,” Tobin smiles, admiring a furnished apartment. You laugh, knowing Tobin the nomad would probably only fill this apartment with a TV and—if she was feeling ambitious—a couch. You're strangely proud of your place.

“Thanks,” you giggle. “How's Munich? Tell me everything!” You only hear Kelley talk about the training before Pinoe returns and pours you a glass.

“To Kriegs!” She cheers, though you're the only one with a full glass. After you take a sip and accept the cheers, Pinoe pulls in a chair from the kitchen. Pinoe fills the girls in on Sera's birthday and Kelley fills you in on their life in Munic. Kelley and HAO have been living together while Alex and Tobin are right next door. There's a few Canadian National Team, apparently, that joined the team so they've found friends in other English speakers.

“What about you, Ash? How's the transition going?” HAO asks. The girls know this move was different for Ashlyn than for you and Pinoe. They know how lonely this lifestyle is even when you're traveling in the states, let alone a foreign country with only a few lifelines. Pinoe's girlfriend and her built in friend-base was waiting for her while you'd already made a home here—Ashlyn relied on you and Pinoe.

“Thankfully I've had these two around,” she nudges you and points to Pinoe and you're surprised at the way your stomach flips at the blonde acknowledging you in front of your friends. “It's nice to have someone to consistently speak English with on the field and,” she nods towards you, “without Al I probably wouldn't be able to feed myself,” she laughs. “Couldn't even order a tea without her.” You focus on fighting the heat from reaching your cheeks and you're thankful Tobin jumps in the recount their struggles to communicate both on and off the field. All four of the girls start laughing at the mention before Tobin even tells the story.

“Alex agreed to a date with a random woman in this bar,” Tobin cracks up, Kelley and HAO joining her while Alex buries her face in her hands.

“I didn't understand her!” Alex defends herself. “I thought she was a soccer fan or something!”

“She bought you two drinks,” HAO laughs. Alex is bright red and you're all in stitches.

“Alex, you promised if you were gonna date _any_ lady it'd be me,” Ashlyn teases the brunette and she shoots her daggers. The giggles only grow and you slide lower on the couch as you lose yourself to the laughter. Pinoe's laughing specifically loud, deepening your breaths as you find your head falling against Ashlyn's bicep. You laugh against her arm and when you and the girls settle, you don't lift your head from the the blonde's arm.

“Well,” Kelley grins at you as it falls silent. “Glad to see you two get along.” Her voice is genuine and you know she doesn't mean to make you tense up but you do and Ashlyn feels you. You lift yourself from Ashlyn's arm as casually as you can, standing on your feet.

“Yeah,” you agree, struggling to find other words. “You guys want some water?” You blurt out as you head to the kitchen. Thankfully, Tobin shouts after you, “Yes please!” As soon as you're out of sight, Ashlyn excuses herself, insisting you'll need help carrying the waters.

You don't notice the blonde towering over you until you pull your head out of the fridge. You jump backwards and she gives you a soft smile, already sensing your nerves.

“You scared me,” you breathe.

“I'm not going to say anything,” she assures you before you can even ask, taking two of the water bottles from your hands. You stand up to face her. “However you want to handle it, I'll follow.”

“Thank you,” you mumble and Ashlyn can still sense you tension.

“Relax, Al,” She whispers as she reaches out to relieve you of the other two water bottles, cradling them in her arms. “We can talk about it tonight when they leave, okay?” You nod, thankful Ashlyn seems comfortable enough to talk about whatever is going on with you. You smile and the way Ashlyn's grin grows rids you of any nerves bundling in the pit of your stomach.

Ashlyn tosses a bottle to each of the girls and you hand one to her and Pinoe before sitting beside her.

You spend the next two hours catching up, the energy of your teammates filling you up. You make plans to show the girls around tomorrow night and promise you'll make at least half of their game when practice lets out. After your game on Sunday, the girls plan a night out—whether you have off long enough to drink or not—you decide on the club that guarantees a night of dancing.

The four girls agree to see themselves out, promising they're taking a cab back home. You write their address out on a piece of paper for them to hand to the driver and you know they won't need your translating. You hug them goodbye, happiness radiating from you. As lonely as life on the road can be, these girls are your family. These girls are _why_ the three-hundred-some days on the road are doable. These girls are the reason you fight to make it back, the reason soccer has held your heart for as long as you can remember.

The door closes and you're momentarily broken from your haze. Pinoe leans against your door as she eyes you and Ashlyn. You arms fold across your chest and Pinoe raises her hands up in the air.

“I won't say a word!” She promises but your eyes don't soften. “Not that I'll have to,” she smirks and you groan, spinning on your heels and crashing right into Ashlyn. You bury your face into your hands which ultimately burrow into Ashlyn's chest. You hear Pinoe chuckle a little.

“Pinoe,” Ashlyn sighs, pushing you off her slightly so she can see your face. “She's just messing with you, Al.” You drop your hands to your sides and turn to the short-haired blonde. When Pinoe doesn't agree, Ashlyn sends a glare her way.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry,” Pinoe walks over towards you. “I just meant to be careful, if you're not ready to tell them about...whatever this is,” she motions to the two of you and you assume Ashlyn's filled her in on your date. “You're happy,” Pinoe says with soft eyes. “I mean _noticeably_ happy. And that's all we've ever wanted. But, as wonderful as that is, you know they're going to start asking questions. And if you keep looking at Ash like that someone's gonna catch on.” She barely finishes her sentence before a smirk grows on Ashlyn's mouth and you whack her arm.

“Ouch!”

“Quit it,” you roll your eyes.

“That's what I'm talking about,” Pinoe laughs. “You're practically married,” she teases. You know she's exaggerating but you find yourself heat up. “Well, I'll leave you two to whatever it is you do,” she smirks as she pulls the door open. “And I'll see _you_ at practice tomorrow, Ms. Krieger,” she says with genuine excitement. You turn the Ashlyn when the door closes.

“You _had_ to tell Pinoe about our date?” You joke, nudging the taller blonde.

“I thought you told her,” Ashlyn looks at you quizzically.

“Ugh,” you groan again as you realize she's hustled you both. “She bluffed!” Ashlyn just laughs.

“She's good,” she smiles, leading you back over to the couch with the palm on the small of your back. “Can I ask you something?” She says as she sits crosslegged on the couch, her body square with yours. Your legs match hers before you bring your eyes up to meet. “Do you think you could date a teammate?” Her questions surprises you because, obviously, you've already been on a date with the blonde. But then you realize what she means. She doesn't mean a few dates, a bit of hooking up here and there or whatever it is you started as. She means be with, really be with. Fully and completely. You think it over. Ashlyn's eyes study every inch of you, her expression like stone.

“I don't think I've let myself think about it,” you answer honestly. “I kind of pushed it away because I—I liked whatever was happening.” Ashlyn nods and lets out a small smile.

“Me too.”

“But I want to keep—” you start, searching for the right words. “I really had a great time on our date and I was hoping to do it again.”

“Good,” her face lights up. “But the girls,” she starts.

“I'm sorry Ash,” you breathe, hating the feeling of disappointment that seeps over you. You wonder if your hesitance to share your feelings for Ashlyn has more to do with the fact that she's your teammate or that she's a girl.

“Ali,” she smiles, her hand landing on you knee. “I agree with you. I think it will only complicate this right now while we're...figuring things out.” Her voice is cautious, like she doesn't want to call you something you're not. Then, as if she's got a chip inside your brain, she says, “And when the times right, you'll decide how and when to tell them. I know it's a double whammy for you—being with a teammate _and_ a coming out of sorts. We're on your time.”

You're talking like you're already together, like you both know this is bound to happen. Like you can't fight this, no matter how hard you try. In some ways, you're right. You're starting to surrender, your walls are falling brick by brick.

Ashlyn retracts her hand from your knee and you immediately miss the contact. The blonde looks perfect. You've never liked that word—perfect. It's unrealistic, not natural. But right now, staring at her, you see nothing you'd change. She gives you a tight lipped smile and you realize she's waiting on you. You don't say anything. Instead, you lean in slowly and take her lips in yours. You shudder at the contact. From the start, you sense Ashlyn's hesitance. Her hands stay by her side and she hardly leans closer. You pull away slightly and hold yourself an inch away from her lips. You smile when Ashlyn closes the gap again, her lips parted slightly around yours. Her lips are gentle but with every movement your body seems to catch fire. You're both cautious at first, slow movements controlling the kiss. You hands fall on her chest and you start to move forward, pressing her gently onto her back. She gives into your hands as her spine slowly connects with the couch. It's not until your tongue slides against hers that she stops you. Her hands gently push your shoulders back and you lift up slightly, confusion in your eyes. She continues to sit up, her hand on your back as she brings you to sit beside her. You look down like a puppy whose destroyed his owner's new shoes.

“I don't want to get ahead of ourselves,” Ashlyn breathes, her hand rubbing small circles on your back. “And I don't want to start something I may not be able to finish,” she whispers and you wince at the meaning. Ashlyn's not ready to sleep over. You know that, it's only been one date. You couldn't have expected that much of a change. The only thing that lifts your spirits is the kiss Ashlyn plants on the top of your head. She pulls you into her chest, her arm wrapped around you tightly, and kisses you again on your temple. “If we're going to do this,” her breath warm on your skin, “I want to do this right.”

Ashlyn holds you for a few more minutes before you say your goodnights, the blonde giving you a gentle kiss on your lips. Exhaustion hits you as you crawl into bed, Ashlyn's declaration playing over in your mind.

 

* * *

 

 

The bang startles you. You pop up from the pillow but stay tightly wrapped in your blankets, the only place that seems safe. The second bang breaks you from your sleepy state and you realize someone's knocking. You panic, knowing that nothing good comes from a three a.m. wake up. You toss on your big t-shirt and walk towards your door. You look along the way for a sort of protection but decide to check through the peephole first. You're body relaxes and you find shaky exhales fall from your lips when you see the top of a blonde head looking towards the floor.

“Ashlyn,” you breathe before the blonde meets your eyes. The second she looks up your body tenses again, perhaps more than before. There are tears brimming her red, swollen eyes. She hasn't slept, not more than a few minutes, and you can see dried tear tracks on her cheeks.

“Oh, Ash,” you mumble as you reach out for her. She needs no encouragement. The blonde falls into your arms, her weight collapsing into you. Your legs are still shaky from your tests but you swear you'd do anything to hold her up. You tighten your arms around her and she breaks. Choppy, winded breaths hit your neck and she lets a few muffled cries out into your shirt.

“Shh,” you coo as you readjust your body to support her fully, closing the door behind her. The door closes and Ashlyn's weight doubles as she lets herself go. You catch her. You hoist her to her feet as best you can but you realize it's pointless.

It's unmistakable. Ashlyn Harris is broken. Ashlyn Harris is broken and she's come to you for solace.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love to you all, please tell me you're still liking it?


	19. Gambler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May be a bit emotional/sensitive for some folks...just a fair warning!  
> Thank you again for the overwhelming amount of messages/comments last chapter! You guys are the best!

You can't feel your body struggling to hold the blonde up. You're too focused on her sobs, too focused on the way her tears land where your neck meets your shoulders. Her weight has been distributed on you for nearly three minutes and, though normally you'd be able to handle the deadweight, Ashlyn seems to be carrying more than just her mass.

“Ash,” you coo, not exactly expecting a response. You haven't been able to get a coherent word out of the girl yet and at this point you're just hoping to slow her breathing. You stroke her hair with your free hand not missing the way her nails are clawing into the small of your back in a desperate attempt to stay upright. When you realize how much your legs are shaking, you gently lift the blonde's head from your chest and, surprisingly, she complies. Your heart nearly shatters when her eyes meet yours. You've never seen her like this and you hope you'll never have to again. You muster up all you have to get out the few words, “Let's get you on the couch.” She nods and, with her arm still over your shoulder, you walk her over to the couch as if she's nursing an ankle injury—half her weight still on you. You set her down and silent tears roll down her cheeks. You think you see her realize where she is, in front of you, crying and her hands cover her face. You slide the blanket resting on the back of the couch over her and she doesn't budge. Not knowing how to proceed, you decide to give her a moment and head into the kitchen to make her a cup of tea. When you return, her tears have slowed and her breathing is somewhat controlled.

“Thanks,” she mumbles her first words as you hand her the tea, pulling your coffee table closer so it's within her reach. You sit beside her and gently rest a hand on her knee, your body facing her. You don't want to scare her off. You're almost positive the blonde didn't intent to end up here. Part of you thinks she blacked out from whatever emotions hit her and, here she is, on your couch. You feel her trying to build some of her wall back up but you know at this rate, it's a lost cause. You wait for the blonde to speak, your eyes studying her. She sips the tea and winces as the liquid hits her tongue, clearly too hot to drink. She lets herself giggle lightly and turns a bit towards you. “Too hot,” she gives a weak smile. You return the smile, grateful to see an expression that doesn't involve tears. When the blonde doesn't speak up again, your patience breaks. You rub your hands softly over her hair and, in a soft voice, say, “Talk to me.” Ashlyn nods, like she's still preparing, and you give her the floor. She takes another moment to gather herself before taking a deep breath.

“I'm not sure how I ended up here,” she confesses and her face falls even paler than before.

“I'm glad you came here,” you assure her.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” she turns to you. “You're playing tomorrow and needed sleep and I—”

“Ashlyn,” you reach her her wrist, careful not to spill her tea. “Do not worry about me. I would have been upset if you _hadn't_ woken me up,” you tell her with an intensity that forces her to resign. She nods and sucks in her top lip. You see her open and close her mouth a few times in an attempt to break her silence. It's not until you give her a knee a reassuring squeeze that she breaks.

“My—my brother,” she breaths and the words fill both of your eyes with tears. You both hold them in, though there's no denying they're there. You move closer to her, one hand on her leg the other gently rubbing the back of her neck. Your touch seems to weaken her defense and with a trembling voice she starts again. “Tomorrow, or today,” she thinks hard about the time difference and gives up with a shrug. “It's a hard day,” she says and though you know there's more, you're grateful she's saying anything at all. “I—I almost forgot, because I'm here and I've been so...preoccupied...I haven't paid attention to the dates.” She takes another breathe, taking a small, cautious sip of tea. You think she starts to speak again, but her voice is too quiet and quickly becomes muffled by her tears. You take the tea from her hand and place it on the table, swiftly wrapping your arm around the blonde and pulling her into you. She lets her head fall into you chest and, though she silences her cries, you feel her shaking against you. You're not ready for the words that leave her lips. You're not ready to see a part of the blonde's soul you know she prefers to keep to herself. You're not prepared but you don't know if you ever could be.

“My Dad,” she mumbles into your shirt, lifting her head slightly to allow you to hear without looking up at you. “My Dad took his own life...four years ago today.”

Any resolve the blonde had left vanishes as her sobs become violent, as if the words have never been let out into the air, and she clings to you for life. You hug her tight. Tighter than you thought possible as your tears fall hit her messy hair. You feel her pain pour into you, your heart aching and your body throbbing. You don't say anything. There's no words that could make this okay, no words that could comfort the blonde. You cradle the back of her head against you, you pull her closer, you do anything you can to let her feel your presence.

You don't know how long you stay like that, but your eyes are starting to burn. You think you've cried your eyes dry. Ashlyn stills for the first time and you think she may have fallen asleep. You plant a kiss on the top of her head and her hands grip a fistful of the back of your tee, letting you know she's conscious. She peels herself from your chest, wiping her already dry cheeks before looking up at you. You know your face must match her flushed and puffy one but the sight still makes you wince. She licks her lips and, for the first time all night, holds your eye contact.

“Can I...” she exhales, her fists still clinging to your clothes. “Can I stay here?” The question knocks the wind right from you. Had Ashlyn asked to spend the night with you on any other occasion you probably would have teased her, but in this moment you feel moisture reenter your eyes.

“Of course,” you tell her. You stand up and offer your hand to Ashlyn, pulling the blonde onto her feet. She's able to support herself but you keep your hand locked with her, leading her to your bed. You tuck her in before crawling into your side. You don't turn your light off yet. You aren't sure Ashlyn's ready to sleep. She's calm now, her eyes finally dried and her breath normal. You face each other, heads resting on pillows.

“I'm worried about him,” she tells you with a steady voice. You reach out and tangle your arm with hers. “My brother,” she clarifies. You nod, already knowing that. Having been through this with Kyle, you know a day doesn't go by you don't worry. But on a day like today, you know the worry is all-consuming. “My mom texted me. A friend...a friend found Chris passed out in a car on the side of the road. They called the ambulance, he ended up in the hospital but by the time my Mom made the drive to him they'd released him. What fucking idiots, releasing a still intoxicated man out on the street. He's probably being charged, too, for being in a car.” You take in the information—none of it particularly shocking to you, the sister of an addict, but it's more than upsetting. “She can't find him.” Her voice waivers again but she catches herself. You find Ashlyn's hands in the tangled mess of your arms and interlace your fingers. She pulls your hands closer to her chest.

“I know there's nothing I can say that will make this easier,” you say honestly. “The only thing you can do is have faith,” you tell her, feeling incredibly inadequate. You wonder if this is how Taylor felt or how your friends felt when you were dealing with the same fate.

Ashlyn pulls your hands to her lips, planting a soft kiss on the back of your hand.

“You make this easier,” she says. Her tone is different than you've ever heard her use, but it captivates you fully. “Thank you so much,” she breathes. “I just needed your company.” You find yourself smiling genuinely for the first time since you opened the door. Ashlyn's smiling, too. “You're the best.”

“Yeah, well,” you tease and the blonde playfully nudges you away. You giggle and lean over to press a gentle kiss to her forehead before switching the light switch next to your bed off. “We should get you to bed,” you suggest and Ashlyn nods before remembering you can't see her.

“Thank you, Al.” She finds your hand and gives it a small squeeze before you fall quiet. You're close to fading out, reveling in the sensation of Ashlyn's hand in yours when Ashlyn's voice breaks through the dark.

“She was cheating on me,” she whispers, as if answering your question. Even through confusion your heart clenches. She's not looking to make you feel bad for her, though, she's simply filling in a missing puzzle piece. “When I'd fall asleep, she'd get up in the middle of the night to meet up with our neighbor. She'd leave me there and be back before I woke up. Two years of laying next to that woman and she pulls something like that.” You notice the way Ashlyn avoids her name, like she doesn't deserve to be mentioned. She doesn't deserve to be spoken about and Ashlyn isn't giving her that satisfaction. The blonde doesn't sound like she's going to cry, she doesn't sound angry. She just sounds drained. “After my Dad passed I kind of shut down. I pushed her away a bit so I probably brought some of it on, but—”

“Ashlyn,” you stop her, sitting up slightly. “You did nothing to deserve that.” Your words hang in the air. You suddenly realize why the blonde left that first night, why she doesn't _do_ sleepovers. You realize why she's telling you this right now while laying beside you. You realize how much she's given you of herself tonight.

“I know,” she says honestly. “I just figured while I was being all vulnerable and shit I might as well lay it all out there,” she jokes, lightening the mood.

“Well, thank you,” you say through a few laughs. You scoot closer to the blonde and feel her open her arms up.

“I'm supposed to hold you,” you tease, but the blonde arms pull you in.

“I want to hold you,” she tells you. “This way, if I try to get up, I'll wake you.” You hear the lightness in her voice but part of her means it. She wants to stay the night. She wants to stay with you.

 

* * *

 

 

You stir to the sound of your alarm. You wake with a smile on your lips as soon as you realize your usual pillow has been replaced by Ashlyn's chest. Her arm lays on your side and you maneuver out from her hold to switch the alarm off. Once it's silenced, you admire the beautiful woman laying beside you.

She stayed.

She rolls onto her side slightly, noticing your absence but not fully waking. Her face is slightly pink and if you look close enough, you can see the dried tears along the crevices of her face. You reach out and brush wisps of her hair from her face. You don't want to wake her. She looks so peaceful and the contrast from the torment in her eyes last night makes your heart fill. You know she'll want to shower and have some coffee before you head to practice. You decide to give her a few minutes and head into the kitchen to make a pot. You return with two mugs, smiling at the way she's cuddling your unused pillow in her arms.

“Ashlyn,” you say as you run your hand over her hair. She stirs but doesn't wake. You say her name again but you realize the blonde is a heavy sleeper and will need more than a gentle voice. You rock her shoulder. “Sleepy head.” Ashlyn's eyes tighten before they eventually open. You watch her take in her surroundings before she settles on you with a smile. The events of last night seem to hit her all at once.

“Ali,” she groans. You giggle, already expecting this response.

“Sit up,” you tell her as you sit beside her. The blonde obliges and you extend the cup of coffee too her.

“Ali,” she says softer this time.

“Don't even think about apologizing again. Take the coffee.” You tone seems to lighten her up and she accepts your mug.

“Thank you.” Her voice is small but there's a smile on her lips.

“How you feeling, champ?” You ask, knowing the day hasn't passed, it's only just begun. She'll be thinking about her Dad and brother all day, you know that. But you believe her when she tells you she feels better. She takes a small sip of her still hot coffee.

“I don't even know what to say,” Ashlyn admits meekly. “Thank you isn't enough,” she shakes her head and tries to find words to describe what last night meant to her.

“You don't have to thank me, Ash. This is what I'm here for.” The blonde struggles to meet your eyes. “Thank _you_ for trusting me,” you smile. “For coming here, for being honest. For spending the night,” you add and the blonde lets out a breathy laugh.

“Hopefully our next sleepover will go a little differently,” she says, her smile turning into a smirk. You smile because even through the worst, Ashlyn is still Ashlyn.

“If you play your cards right,” you tease with a wink. Ashlyn laughs and for the first time this morning lets her eyes fall over you. She notices the way your messy bun looks anything but messy, the way your loose shirt exposes your jutting collarbone, the way your shirt barely covers your legs.

“Not such a bad sight to wake up to.” Her voice is earnest and she surprises you.

“Same to you,” you smile but the blonde laughs.

“I look like shit. I don't even have to look in the mirror to know that.”

“You couldn't look like shit if you tried,” you roll your eyes and blush at the admission. The blonde surprises you by leaning forward and catching your lips in hers. She pulls away without words, just a tight smile. The kiss blurs your mind. Every kiss has made you feel more than the last and, by looking at the blonde, you think the same holds true for her. Ashlyn clears her throat and you think she's trying to regain your attention. You missed something and she smiles at you.

“You ready for practice today? Big day!”

“Oh yeah,” you grin. “Can't wait to score on you,” you tease.

“Okay Ms. Defender. You'll need at least three weeks back to even hit me with a challenge,” she jokes.

“Is that so?” The blonde quirks an eyebrow at you, realizing where your heads at.

“Does the princess want to gamble?” You try to ignore the way the nickname makes you giddy so you focus on her question.

“What do you want to bet?”

“How about this,” Ashlyn smirks. “If you score on me in any organized scrimmage—5 v 5, 11 v 11, whatever we play—if you score I'll do _whatever_ you want.” She bits down on her lip and you just about lose it. She's got you wrapped around her finger and you can't find the words to agree.

“What about if I don't?” You swallow hard.

“Then you have to do whatever I want,” she shrugs. “Either way, it's a win-win for me.” The devilish grin on her lips is enough to make you want to jump her right there, but you know better. You roll your eyes, trying to hide the way your heart is racing. “Do we have a deal?”

“Fine,” you reach out your hand and Ashlyn shakes it.

“You've got all week.”

 

 


	20. Giddy

You feel the team collectively hold their breath as you go in for the tackle. With a locked ankle you push through the young German girl and come out with the ball on your foot. Before your teammates resume playing, you hear the relief in their breath.

“Yes, Kriegs!” Pinoe shouts from across the field. You've been welcome backed to the team with open arms, thankful to see a few familiar faces in the German girls. You're not cleared for contact and, though the tackle would hardly qualify as contact, the team is playing a two touch possession game Chris gave you the thumbs up for. Your trainer decided to hang around your first week for support and any care your knee may need. You feel fast and agile and though your touch isn't where you'd like it, you know how quickly that will come back. It's not until you finish the day off with a shooting drill that you realize how rusty your technique is. Between your frustration and the way Ashlyn effortlessly throws her body on the ground to stop the rockets coming at her, you're mind is anywhere but on your technique. You don't let yourself get down because, at the end of the day, you're keeping up with these 100% healthy players and that is a start.

You don't get to see Pinoe or Ashlyn after practice. You head right into the training room with Chris for a treatment and ice session. When you finish, your knee is stiff and you leave with a slight limp. You pull out your phone as you walk home.

Ashlyn: _Looking good out there! Unfortunately, not good enough ;) hehe 6 days until I have my way with you_

You laugh with an eye roll as you picture the smirk on Ashlyn's lips, ignoring the way heat courses through your veins. She lives to tease. You don't care though. It's better than the image of Ashlyn less than ten hours ago. You type out a reply.

_Don't get ahead of yourself. 6 days is more than enough time to knock off my rust._

You'd be lying if you said Ashlyn _didn't_ look hot as hell on the field. Now that you're removed from the game, the image of her pulled back hair, tight black goalie shirt and her three-quarter length pants keep flashing in your mind. Her raw athleticism surprised you as she easily cleared the cross bar with every jump. You phone buzzing breaks you from your thoughts.

Ashlyn: _Well see about that_ _killer_

 

* * *

 

 

You're giddy as hell. You can't remember feeling like this since high school, maybe not even then. Since Ashlyn bared her soul to you last night, you feel as though a barrier has been lifted between you. You invited Ashlyn out with you and the girls as you show them around, not wanting to leave her alone on a day like this, but she promised her Mom she'd Skype in for a bit. You tell her you'll swing by after to check in and you're grateful when she accepts your offer without an argument.

You meet Pinoe in the lobby on your way to pick up the other girls. She asks you about practice, your knee, the typical stuff. She compliments how explosive you looked and you thank her.

“Ashlyn told me about last night,” she says in an almost-whisper as your conversations lulls. You don't turn to face the blonde but you eye her from the side. She senses your hesitance and clarifies. “I don't know what was eating at her,” Pinoe admits. “She just said she was a bit of a wreck and ended up at your door.” You swallow, knowing exactly what Pinoe is insinuating. You don't have to infer futher, though, because the woman gets right to the point. “That's a big fucking deal, Kriegs.”

“She was a mess,” you shrug, trying to ignore the way Pinoe is looking at you. She stops and grabs your wrist, halting you in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Al, I know you know her. Probably better than me at this point,” she chuckles, though you know it's not true. Pinoe and Ashlyn have known each other for years through mutual friends and they even overlapped in the league back home for a point. “Since the day she told me about her brother she hasn't mentioned him once,” Pinoe breaths, rightfully assuming her breakdown in some way had to do with him. “She _hates_ letting people see her like that. I know you know that,” she says again. You feel like she's warning you. Her grip is still tight on your wrist and, as you focus on it, you think you might be losing circulation. You look down at it and Pinoe seems to take note, dropping your arm from her hand.

“People need people,” you say simply. You let your eyes fall into Pinoe's and you're not sure who her worry is for.

“I know that, Al.” She takes a deep breath. “I just want to make sure you understand. How serious this is,” she adds.

“With Ashlyn?” You're a little lost and think you're missing Pinoe's point.

“You clearly like her, Al. I don't know to what extent but it's obvious. I just—for Ashlyn to come to you like that last night, I need you to know how big of a deal that is.” Pinoe doesn't say anything else, she just resumes walking. You let her words catch up to you before jogging after her.

“Pinoe,” you fall in line with her. “I—I do like her. We just haven't figured it all out yet. You know, us, the team. Can you--”

“I won't say anything.” Her hand falls on your back for a moment, her touch reassuring you. “You need to take your time with this, I get it.” You nod and walk in silence the rest of the way.

You pick up the girls and walk around the city for a bit before stopping in a little German cafe. You're feeling light again. Not only are your friends making you laugh nonstop, but Pinoe's words begin to hit you. No matter what level Ashlyn's feelings for you are at, her level of trust is through the roof. To you, that means more than anything. You're halfway through your Sauerbraten when Kelley's eyes land on you.

“Dude,” she says, grabbing your attention with the term usually reserved for Tobin. “Are you going to tell us why you're so freaking giddy?” You feel the heat rising to your cheeks and, though you expected this question on some level, you didn't expect it after only one day.

“Huh?”

“Did you finally meet a nice German man or what?” HAO tries and they're all smiling at you, hoping for some sort of confirmation. Pinoe breaks into a coughing fit and you think she swallowed her water down the wrong pipe.

“What? No,” you shake your head, hoping to distract from Pinoe. “It was my first day back on the field,” you quickly cover, impressed by your reasoning. “Of course I'm going to be excited.” Tobin accepts your answer without a second glance and even Alex seems to give you a shrug. HAO and Kelley don't take their eyes from you and you have to pretend to be extremely interested in your meal to avoid their burning eyes. You quickly change the subject to your first practice back, the girls happily going with the conversation. You think you're in the clear until Alex brings up your missing friend.

“How's Ashlyn doing?” She asks, her eyes mostly on you. She knows Pinoe has been spending time with Sera and from what Ashlyn told them, you've been around a lot.

“Good. She's starting and playing the whole game,” you say.

“No,” Alex giggles. “I meant in Germany. But that's good, too.”

“Oh! Sorry,” you smile. “Yeah, she's adjusting,” you shrug, careful to not give away too much. “She's talking to her Mom now but I think she's doing a good job of staying busy and not getting too homesick.” The girls smile and seem to be at ease with your answer, but Alex continues.

“Has she found herself a girl yet?” You see Pinoe fighting off a grin as she covers her mouth with her glass of water.

“Uh, I don't think so,” you decide on and you know your voice isn't very convincing.

“What, like at all? Has she hooked up with anyone at least?” You gulp, noticeably uncomfortable and look to Pinoe for help.

“There was one girl at that pub,” Pinoe shrugs and you're grateful for her covering. “But she didn't spend the night with her or anything.”

“What is wrong with her?” Alex sighs. “Girls throw themselves at her everywhere we go but she refuses to seal the deal.”

“She said she's waiting for the right girl,” Tobin shrugs, clearly over the conversation.

“Yeah but how will she even know? She doesn't agree to go on dates with them!”

“Whatever,” Kelley adds as she devours a roll. “She'll figure it out, she's a smart girl.”

Pinoe kicks you under the table and when your eyes meet hers you have to shoot her a glare. The smug look on her face makes you want to kick her back but you know you're at risk of drawing more attention to yourself.

You finish dinner unscathed for the most part. The girls are grateful to see a bit of your city and you swell with pride as you show them the places you call home. They ask questions, listen to your stories, and snap pictures along the walk. On your way to drop them back off at your hotel, you pass a bakery that smells out of this world.

“Do you guys mind if I stop in real quick?”

“You grabbing dessert?” HAO asks with a twisted expression. You turned down dessert at dinner less than an hour ago. You can't think of a lie quick enough and the words fall out of your mouth.

“I was just going to grab something to bring back for Ashlyn.”

You see the slight surprise wash over all the girls faces but, within seconds, it's all but gone. This isn't necessarily uncharacteristic of you, doing something considerate from a friend. Still, the action makes them do a double take.

“Go ahead,” Kelley nods you in. You rush inside, missing the looks the girls give Pinoe. You miss the shrug Pinoe returns, pretending to be clueless. You miss the way Alex's eyes narrow at you as you pick out the perfect strudel. You miss the way HAO whispers in Pinoe's ear and the way Pinoe refuses to answer.

It's not until you drop the girls off that Pinoe clues you in.

“Next time you're trying to keep your little thing between you and Ashlyn on the DL, maybe you should wait until _after_ you leave the gals to pick her up a little treat.”

 

* * *

 

 

You're relieved when Ashlyn answers the door without tears. In fact, she greets you with a smile that meets her eyes and pulls you in for a hug.

“Hey there,” you grin, offering her the pastry you picked up.

“You trying to make me fat?” She teases as she smells the bag. You stick your tongue out and she laughs with a thank you.

“How was your Mom?” You ask as you follow her into the kitchen. You sit down at her table as she grabs two forks.

“She's hanging in there,” she tells you honestly. “Always a rough day.” Ashlyn gets you a glass of water and you wish you knew what to say. You don't know how much or how little the blonde wants to talk about it. You're grateful when she continues on her own. “I think one of the reasons I was so upset was because I didn't want her to be alone today,” she admits. “But my Aunt flew in from Michigan to be with her.” Ashlyn smiles and you can sense her gratitude.

“That's really sweet,” you smile.

“Thank you for this,” she points to the pastry. “And for stopping by. It really means a lot.”

“Always. The girls send their love,” you relay.

“How were they?” She smiles. “I'm excited to catch some of their game.”

“Yeah,” you laugh. “Uh, they're great. I—um, I think I need to be a bit more careful, though.”

“What do you mean?” She questions.

“About keeping us quiet. You know, until we figure it out.” Ashlyn's smile grows and she laughs a little, the sound making your heart swell.

“What? Did you tell them how you couldn't keep your eyes off me on the field?” She teases.

“Watch it, smart ass,” you shoot back. “No, I didn't,” you say, somehow feeling the need to clarify. “They kind of sensed my happiness, you know from playing or whatever,” you mumble, “And assumed I met a guy.”

“From playing,” Ashlyn toys with you.

“Shut up!” You laugh. “Seriously, though. They pressed me about that. Then they pressed me about you not hooking up with girls ever.”

“Oh please,” she rolls her eyes. “It was Alex, wasn't it?” You laugh and nod.

“Apparently you're _righting for the right girl,_ ” you tease, Ashlyn struggling to cover the slight blush on her skin. “But Pinoe covered. Well, she tried her best,” you say. “But then, as we were leaving, I asked them if we could stop because I wanted to pick this up for you. Pinoe said I was a bit obvious,” you admit meekly. You face is red and you realize what's pouring out of your mouth. Ashlyn laughs.

“Al, it's okay if they figure it out.” You send her a look. “I mean, I'm okay with them knowing. I just, I think it'd be ideal for us to give it a try without any outside pressure. And for us to decide how and when to tell them, assuming we do. But if they figure it out, it's not the end of the world.”

For some reason, her words take a weight off your shoulders. She's more relaxed than you've seen her in a few days.

“But,” she continues, “if it will make this all a little easier maybe we should lay off a bit while we're around them for the next few days. Just in case.”

“I think we should,” you say softly, the admission paining you. “Though I don't know how easy it will be to stay away.”

“Please, you don't have to stay away,” Ashlyn smirks. “Being secretive can be plenty hot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! School is starting soon and I've been a bit busy getting ready/moving in! I'll be around, don't worry :)


	21. Inked

“So _why_ I am I sitting in the middle of you two?” Pinoe asks. You roll your eyes as you adjust yourself so your tailbone isn't directly against the bleachers.

“I told you,” you mumble. “We're trying to lay low.” Pinoe chuckles and looks between you and Ashlyn.

“They're in the middle of a game, I don't think they're going to be analyzing your body language.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ashlyn shakes her off in your defense, her eyes on the field. The second half is just starting and all four of your friends take the field. HAO spots you first and her face lights up, giving you a wave. She shouts over to the other girls who, one by one, find you and wave.

“Did you see Kelley grinning? She's _totally_ onto you two,” Pinoe teases.

“Shut up,” you hold back your laugh. “You're the one that told me to be careful.”

“Yeah, I meant don't go buy her flowers or whatever you pulled last night. You can _sit_ next to the girl.” You know she's messing with you. She's thrilled to be privy to your quasi-relationship and can't seem to lay off the topic.

“Please, Ali needs you as a barrier. The woman wouldn't be able to keep her hands off of me,” Ashlyn smirks. You lean across Pinoe and slap her on the arm.

“Gross,” Pinoe mumbles loud enough for you to hear.

“Stop it,” you lean into her side. You feel her shoulders shake with laughter.

You fall quiet for awhile, watching your friends on the field. You laugh as Tobin's attempt at German turn quickly into grunts. Ashlyn's laugh fills the air around you as Alex gets into a confrontation with a girl on the other team, her chest pressed against girl in the blue. You're nose scrunches at the sound.

“Get her, boo!” Ashlyn shouts through the crowd and you see Alex crack a smile as she walks away. A small eye roll follows and you know Ashlyn's going to hear about that one.

“Your boo over there's a bit worried you haven't found a boo of your own,” Pinoe smirks at Ashlyn.

“Ali told me.” Ashlyn's the one to roll her eyes now. “She acts like I'm some major player.”

“Well...” Pinoe trails off.

“Hey!”

“No, I mean, you don't necessarily _play_ the girls or anything,” Pinoe starts rambling when she realizes what she's insinuated. She eyes you quickly before looking at the blonde whose completely turned her attention to Pinoe. “She just knows how many girls come onto you,” she shrugs. “You're like a lesbian whisperer!” Ashlyn shoves her, harder than you did, and Pinoe shouts out “yo!” before continuing. “What, it's true?” She nodss to you and you both laugh before Pinoe gets serious again. “You know what I mean. She's just surprised you're not actively...you know...pursuing anyone.”

“Well I am. You know, _actively pursuing._ ” Ashlyn states and your stomach flips. She quiets Pinoe who clearly is wearing the same surprised look as you. The silence weighs heavy a bit and Pinoe suddenly stands onto her feet.

“I'm gonna grab a pretzel. You guys want anything?”

“No thanks,” you both say in unison. She nods and without anything further, walks away. There's a gentle quiet between the two of you as you pretend to focus on the game in front of you. Your thoughts bubble up before you're forced to turn to her. You don't have a chance to spit anything out because Ashlyn cuts you off.

“Come over tonight.”

“Hm?” You say before the words catch up to you.

“Come by tonight. I want to take you out again but, you know, I want to be careful while they're still here. Come by tonight after dinner and we'll have wine or tea or whatever you want.” You can only smile in return because Pinoe's climbing up the bleachers towards you.

“Watch HAO's speed,” Pinoe points to the field, completely unaware of the ongoing conversation. “What are they feeding her?” You giggle as you watch HAO sprint down the flank, the defender nowhere near closing her in.

You focus the rest of the game on your teammates. They're up by one. Watching them adjust to the German, two-touch maximum style of play is quiet entertaining. Tobin curses under her breath a few times she forgets and gets German slang hurled her way, HAO's learned to send in crosses with little set up and Alex's speed allows her an easy transition as forward. Kelley seems to fit in without notice. She's smiling the entire way through and you even hear her spit a few German terms out with ease.

When the game finishes, you wait outside the locker room for your friends to join you. You agreed to a quick dinner, knowing how exhausted your friends will be. Ashlyn stands to your left, her back against the wall, as Pinoe stands in front of you busying herself with a bit of a jig that has you and Ashlyn laughing. You're finding it increasingly hard to not lean into Ashlyn, to wrap your arm around her side or tuck yourself into her chest. You want to break contact, you want to be closer to her. Between practice and your visiting friends, you feel like you're denying yourself of something you find you increasingly need.

“My superstars!” Pinoe says in an exaggerated voice as she kisses each girl about four times on the cheek. All they can do is accept her love.

“Thank you, Mom,” Tobin laughs.

“Thank you guys for coming!” Alex says as you exchange hugs.

“Of course. You guys looked great,” Ashlyn smiles.

“HAO you speedy little devil!” Pinoe adds and the girls laugh.

“I know, right!” Kelley adds and HAO just laughs.

“They put me on a completely new strength training program, something just clicked,” she shrugs and Ashlyn slaps her gently on the back.

“Let's get you some food, tiger,” Ashlyn smiles and the girls, who've yet to shower, agree on a quick and easy meal. You only walk a few blocks before you land at an unfamiliar cafe. You all order at the counter and pick up your meal at the other end before the seven of you gather in the back corner. With a group so large and comfortable, conversation never lulls. You talk mostly about the game, about the German style of play, and the teammates you've now been able to meet. You talk about your upcoming game on Sunday and feel a pit in your stomach when you remember you won't be on that field quite yet. Still, you can't wait to watch. When you've exhausted the topic of soccer, Alex brings up your night out.

“Our game should be done by five at the latest,” Pinoe says. “We can shower, grab something quick and head back to get ready. Sera will be back by then,” she adds and you assume she must be touring a bit out of town for a few days. “She can't wait to see you guys.”

“I can't wait to _dance_ ,” Kelley smiles as she takes a bite of her chicken.

“Me too,” Alex adds before turning to Ashlyn. “I'm finding you a girl.”

“Alex,” Ashlyn rolls her eyes. “I'm _fine_. I'm a big girl,” she tries to laugh her off but Alex doesn't resign.

“Yeah, a big girl who needs a push!” Ashlyn seems to be out of viable options and, completely flustered, she blurts out, “What about Ali!” The words make you tense at first but, after a moment, you realize she has a point. They've been all over you about going out with someone for the past two years but here they are, pressuring Ashlyn, a girl who's constantly floored with options. Plus, weeks ago, they watched her make out with that bartender in Munich. They're all over Ashlyn but seem to have laid off you entirely.

“Well,” Alex defends the group. “As much as Ali denies it, it's clear she's smitten with _someone_.”

“What?” You blurt out. “I—I told you I didn't meet a guy.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kelley shakes you off and, at this point, they're all laughing at you—Pinoe and Ashlyn included. You sigh and fold your arms across your chest, resting back in your chair. You hate being so obvious.

 

* * *

 

“Well hello there, _Ms. Smitten_ ,” Ashlyn teases as she opens the door. She's out of her soccer clothes and she's sporting a pair of black jogger sweats and a tight gray tee. Even in sweats her look is completely put together. You decided on leggings and an oversized black tee and feel like a mess, though Ashlyn would disagree.

“Shut it,” you roll your eyes and pushed past her. “I don't get it!” You start right away. “Why am _I_ so obviously smitten.”

“So you _are_ smitten,” Ashlyn teases and you shoot her a glare. She pulls you into a hug and her touch relaxes you in the moment. “If it makes you feel better, so am I.” Her voice is soft and she's trying to comfort you. You smile, you chin resting on her shoulder. When you pull away, though, you continue.

“It does,” you say. “But why can't _they_ see that.”

“I thought you didn't want them to see it?” She questions with a grin.

“I don't! But if they're going to see it why does it have to be on _me!_ ” Ashlyn just laughs and leads you over to the couch. You're mollified the second you see the two wine glasses on the coffee table. She's filled them a bit with red wine and, on the table, she has a plate of a few cheeses and a row of crackers. “Ash,” you smile as she sits down on the couch. She pats down the space next to her and you quickly oblige. “This is so sweet.”

“I try,” she shrugs, her goofy grin filling you with laughter. You lean in and kiss her cheek and, though it's fleeting, you both find yourself leaning in for the real thing. Ashlyn's hand finds the bottom of your chin to tilt your lips towards hers. She gives you a soft, short kiss before pulling away and licking her lips. “I've wanted to do that all day,” she admits.

“Me too,” you giggle. You've been together almost the entirety of the day, minus one of your treatments, but you've been with the team, than Pinoe and the girls. You weren't exactly at liberty to be whatever it is you are. Ashlyn leans forward and picks up both of your wine glasses, handing one to you. Her inked arm is extended over the edge of the couch and she adjusts herself to face you a bit. You take a sip of your wine and the taste is enough to relax you. You find your pointer finger land on Ashlyn's wrist. After another sip, your finger starts to trace along her ink as you study the intricate patterns. The question finally comes to the forefront. After the other night of Ashlyn crying in your arms, you think you've reached a new level. You think you've earned the right to ask.

“Can I ask you something personal?” You say with clear hesitance in your voice.

“Hm?” She mumbles, her lips hidden by her wine glass.

“What do your tattoos mean?” Her lips curl into a smile and puts her glass down.

“I was wondering when you were going to ask,” she laughs lightly. “I see you staring at them all the time.” You blush a bit and shrug.

“I know they can be personal.” The blonde smiles and nods.

“Exactly why I hadn't asked about yours,” she reassures you. “Maybe I wouldn't have to if they were in English,” she teases as she extends her arm out to you. “There's a bit of everything about me on here. My family, me, my story,” she tells you. She points to her forearm and begins explaining. “This right here,” she touches an image of Zeus. “This is for my Dad.” She smiles fondly, the tattoo a clear tribute. “Zeus and Athena,” she says. “Me and my Dad.”

“It's beautiful,” you tell her.

“This,” she rolls up her sleeves to expose her shoulders. “It says Knowledge speaks, Wisdom listens.”

“I love that,” you tell her as your fingers brush over her exposed shoulder. “Very wise of you,” you grin and Ashlyn laughs you off.

“The Hawaiian flowers are from my childhood. My Dad used to get us customized surfboards and mine always had these on them.” You're grinning like a child when Ashlyn starts to lift her shirt up. She tries to hold it at the right angle to show you but, when she can't see her whole side, she just pulls the shirt off exposing her tight black sports bra. Your face drops and heat fills you. You think you see her smirking but you focus your eyes on her colored ribcage.

“This was my first one,” she points. “For my Grandma. She survived breast cancer and she loves butterflies, her rooms filled with them.”

“How old were you?”

“Eighteen,” she says. She lifts the hem of her sports bra slightly to expose the name you've already seen. Christopher Ryan.

“Obviously,” she mumbles, “for my brother.” Your hand lands on her thigh and you give her a tight squeeze. The blonde manages a smile and quickly moves on, not wanting to get too emotional on you again. “This,” she laughs and the mood lightens and she turns her attention back to her arm. She points to a shattered vanity mirror and a princess. “This one's for my mom. She was hoping for a bit of a girly girl and, well, here I am,” she grins. You laugh as your hand falls back to her arm.

“They're beautiful,” you tell her.

“Thanks,” she smiles with pride.

“Thank you for sharing with me.” Ashlyn leans forward to get another sip of wine, somewhat relieved the conversation is switching to you, and leans back.

“Okay, you're turn. This is German, yeah?” she asks, her hand falling onto your forearm. You nod. “The script is beautiful.” You thank her and she quickly asks what it means. You swallow, suddenly feeling the air thicken, and find her eyes.

“Love,” you mumble. “It's love in German. Liebe.” You take a breath and her eyes fall to your lips as you pronounce it. The word hangs between you. You feel your muscles contract as she holds your eyes. It's too soon, you think, for that word to break the air around you. It's too soon to acknowledge whatever it is the word just filled you with. It's too soon for you to say it again and by the way Ashlyn's breath picks up, you think she'd agree. She seems to pull herself out of a haze and clears her throat.

“W-what about the one on your ribcage?” Before you can even begin to explain, she starts to peel your shirt up. “Can I see it again?” You oblige, slowly lifting your shirt over your head. As you play the quote over in your head, you mentally kick yourself. You wish, for the first time in your life, you didn't have love on your arm and your rib wasn't covered in a the quote about your freaking heart. “I've never seen anything like this. The font, the angle, it's beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you smile, proud to impress the tattooed blonde.

“What does it mean?”

“It's from the first German book I read,” you tell her. “The Little Prince.” She nods, familiar with the book. You swallow the lump in your throat as Ashlyn's fingers graze over the slightly raised ink. “It says, one sees clearly only with the heart. What's most essential is invisible to the eye.”

The blonde seems to be captivated by you, her eyes unwavering. The quote rocks you harder than before. Before you met Ashlyn, you thought you understood it. You wanted to live by it but now, here you are, completely falling for this woman in front of you. A woman you would have never thought to be a romantic interest. Yet, you were lead straight to her. You, completely unaware, have fallen for Ashlyn Harris.

The blonde doesn't say anything. She leans in, slower than normal, as her eyes fall to your lips. You run your tongue across them before closing the gap. She kisses you in a way you've never been kissed. With a gentle touch yet a fervor that's unmatched. She lets her hands rest on your cheeks and you grip her bare skin. You move with ease, her lips taking in all of yours. Your hands radiate against her skin and you find yourself pushing the blonde back. She let's you as your hips press down onto hers, her hands falling down to your bare back. As your tongue connects with hers, you smile as Ashlyn lets a soft moan escape her lips. You can't fight the pressure building up in you and begin to rock your hips down into her. She quickly reciprocates, her body rocking in sync with yours. As her teeth gently tug on your lip, the words pour from your mouth.

“I want you to do what you did to me the first night,” you say in between heavy breaths. Ashlyn nearly obliges when something seems to click and she leans back slightly out of reach.

“Yeah?” She smirks, slight teasing in her voice. “You're going to have to score first.” She sits up from under you with a wink and, just like that, the moments gone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait loves!! Busy week getting ready for school to start! I hope you're enjoying :)


	22. Now

The strike is perfect. You spent all of yesterday working on your technique and it's paying off. You follow through and land on your right foot, your eyes locked on the goal. When the ball barely sails over the crossbar you let out a frustrated groan. The claps from your teammates mean nothing. Not when Ashlyn's smirking at you like that.

One practice. That's all you have left. Tomorrow is game day and, if you don't put the ball in the back of the net during this scrimmage, you're left to Ashlyn's will. Ashlyn puts the ball down on the six and plays it out wide. You're playing small sided six versus six to big goals, meaning your chances of getting a nice shot off are much higher than yesterday. You've already had two close calls. One of which Ashlyn made a diving save to the bottom right corner—a save you thought impossible to make. You check your watch and know the game has less than ten minutes left. You're adrenaline is pumping. Pinoe's team is on the sideline stretching having just lost their last match, leaving you with only German speakers. You're calling out desperately for the ball anytime it's on your teammate's feet. You're making runs, overlapping, and cutting every which way. Nothing is working.

“Next goal wins,” your coach calls from the sideline as he checks his watch.

Ashlyn saves a shot from your team and rolls the ball out to Emelie, the forward matched up against you. You think you see Ashlyn's eyebrows lift slightly, as if she's directly challenging you. You ignore the blonde and turn to Emelie, your eyes falling to her hips. She opens them to the center of the field but, in a swift motion, turns back to the sideline cutting the ball with her. You get your foot out fast enough, the ball stopping on your foot. Within the second you're pushing forward, using your body to close off Emelie from getting to you. You find your teammate in the center and play her the ball before overlapping your right wing, calling for the ball as loud as you can. A perfect through ball is played two feet in front of you. You close the gap and, as a defender comes towards you, you touch the ball inside maneuvering around her.

It's you and Ashlyn. You're just outside the eighteen and Ashlyn takes a few steps forward to cut off the angle. You feel a defender closing in on you and put the ball on your left foot out of her reach. Now or never. Your eyes avoid the goalkeeper altogether, locking in on the upper left corner before you drop your view to the ball. With one forward touch, you set yourself up strike the ball slightly below the center to get the right amount of air. The ball leaves your foot and Ashlyn dives, her body thrown to the upper ninety. The strength of the shot is too much for her. The ball brushes three of her fingers but it powers through, crashing into the back of the net. You don't even see Ashlyn land, you're too zoned in on the shot, too zoned in on what this means.

Fuck. Yes.

Never has a goal felt better, you think, as your teammates give you a few pats on the back. You turn to see Ashlyn as she pulls herself onto her feet. Her eyes are hooded and she looks at you with a hunger you've never seen. You think you expected her to be angry, maybe frustrated but instead she just looks... turned on. You throw her a smirk before shaking the image of the blonde out of your head and run through the cool down with the team.

You can't wipe the stupid grin from your lips. You pull your ankle back to stretch your hamstring and Pinoe hops up beside you.

“Guess who's back, back, back,” she raps the famous Eminem line. “Back again.” You playfully nudge her side. “What a goal,” she smiles. You're grateful the blonde doesn't know the real reason behind your smile. Sure, it feels good to be getting back physically. Amazing, actually, but the reward awaiting you has your entire body reverberating with anticipation. You don't see Ashlyn until you're walking towards the locker room. She finishes untying her last cleat and stands up, coming face to face with your smolder. You lean into her ear, your voice husky.

“You're mine, Harris.”

 

* * *

 

 

You find no time to be alone with the blonde. Between team meals, your late-night rehab sessions, your visiting friends and Today's game, you've had less than thirty seconds alone with Ashlyn since you decidedly won the bet. Besides a quick moment to gloat—a moment that was interrupted by none other than Chris—you haven't even discussed the logistics. Ever since Ashlyn stopped you mid make-out the other night, you've had nothing but the blonde on your mind. The only thing to distract you was soccer and, with the added determination of scoring, even that led your thoughts back to the goalie.

You're meeting Pinoe and Ashlyn downstairs to head to the game any minute. You grab your bag and a light sweatshirt, only to be stopped by the buzz of your phone.

**Ashlyn:** _Given any thought to your reward? Just say the word, Krieger ;)_

Your body flushes and you quickly type out a reply and shake the images from your head.

_Too much thought ;)_

 

* * *

 

 

Your leg won't stop shaking and Chris actually slaps his hand onto your thigh to bring it to a stop.

“Relax, Kriegs,” he laughs. “You'll be out there soon.”

“I know,” you roll your eyes. It's killing you to not be on the field out there. You _know_ how Alex cuts, you know to contain Tobin. You want to race HAO, you want intercept Kelley's long balls. You could help, you know that. The games been tied at 0-0, both keepers seeing their fair share of shots. You admire the way Ashlyn controls the back line, ignoring the way her voice exudes a confidence that makes you a bit weak.

The goal doesn't come til the eighty sixth minute. Pinoe sends a ball in from the corner of the eighteen and connects with the head of one of your teammates, the ball bouncing over the line. You all hop up from the bench, your entire team sprinting to the sideline in celebration. Even when you're not playing, this is your team, this is where you belong.

They hold off the rest of the game, winning by one. While the rest of the team cools down, you head into the training room with Chris to get a treatment in. He hooks the machine up to your knee while he fills out a bit of paperwork beside you. You're about five minutes in when a familiar blonde pops through the door.

“Hey!” Your face lights up. “Great game.”

“Thanks,” she smiles. This, you think, is when she's happiest. After a hard earned win. Chris looks up at her.

“Great game stud,” he gets up and the two exchange an all too familiar handshake. “What can I do for you?”

“Could you wrap some ice around my shoulder?” She asks, rotating her right arm in a small circle. “Landed on it a bit weird, just a bruise.” Chris nods and pats the open table next to you.

“Jersey off,” he says as he grabs a thing of clear wrap. Ashlyn obliges and your eyes fall to her post-game toned torso. Chris examines her shoulder a bit, squeezing and rubbing around her rotator cuff. She winces a few times but you don't even notice. You only notice the muscles in her arms and neck as she tenses up from the pain. Chris bends her arm behind her back for a moment, tightening her abs.

“Might have strained it a bit,” he mumbles. “Hopefully just a bruise, let me grab some ice.” He walks over to scoop out a bag of ice and Ashlyn wiggles her eyebrows at you, clearly watching you leer.

“Do I have something on me?” She teases and you don't even answer, forcing a laugh out of the blonde.

“You won't be laughing tonight,” you deadpan. Ashlyn's grin only grows as Chris returns with the ice. He places it on the back of her shoulder and the blonde shivers at the touch.

“Relax,” he laughs, lifting her arm slightly so he can wrap the ice to her.

“You going to shower here or back home?” You ask.

“After dinner,” Ashlyn says. “I'm starving. Plus, haven't decided how I'm doing my hair,” she jokes.

“You girls going out tonight?” Chris asks while finishing up the wrap job.

“Yeah, last full night with the national team girls.”

“Oh, right. That's great. Best behavior,” he slaps Ashlyn's leg as she hops onto her feet.

“It's not me you have to worry about,” she smirks right at you. “Someone's gotta look out for Kriegs,” she laughs at him as she walks to the door. “Meet you outside!” She calls over her shoulder. Chris looks between the too of you, eyeing the way your gaze follows Ashlyn way after the door closes.

“What was that about?” He asks, amused grin on his face.

“Nothing,” you shrug, feigning indifference. Chris just laughs as he turns your machine off.

“Well then,” he laughs. “ _You_ stay out of trouble tonight.”

“Okay _Dad_ ,” you groan as you get off the table. He laughs and you playfully shove him out of the way. “I'll see you tomorrow night?” You confirm your rehab appointment.

“Sounds good!”

 

By the time you get outside your friends are waiting.

“Sorry,” you says. “Finishing up treatment.”

“No, worries, we just got here,” Kelley says. You're glad to see their disappointment washed off their faces.

“Great game, guys,” you tell everyone. “What a battle.”

“Almost had you,” Tobin nudges Ashlyn and you all laugh. Ashlyn just got a piece of Tobin's last shot, sending the ball wide.

“Almost,” Ashlyn sings back. “Guys ready to eat?”

“Please!” HAO begs.

“I'm ready to dance!” Kelley says as she breaks out into a ridiculous dance move.

“Come on,” Alex tugs the girl forward. You walk along the street until you find an Italian restaurant. Kelley and Tobs demanded bread overload and, if you were being honest, you've been craving pasta all week.

Conversation doesn't start until you order and the waitress brings out a basket of bread for the table. Between the seven of you, the basket is emptied as soon as it arrives.

“So are we all good for tonight?” Kelley confirms. “We're free until our flight late tomorrow afternoon so...” she sings. “I think I'm going to start now.” Kelley waives down the waitress to order herself a glass of wine, the rest of you following suit. You giggle as soon as the waitress leaves.

“Someone's about to have a _night!_ ” Pinoe sings and Kelley feigns a hair flip.

“It's been awhile,” the girl shrugs. “In more ways than one,” she wiggles her eyebrow.

“Kel!” You squeal laughing at her admission.

“How are the German boys,” she looks at you.

“Tall,” you say flatly.

“Oh my gosh, Kurt!” Pinoe cheers at Kelley. “I'll tell Sera to bring the guys, you'll totally love Kurt.” You gulp at his mention, hoping the inevitable doesn't come up.

“Who is Kurt? Is he cute?”

“Really cute,” Pinoe nods. Kelley looks to you for confirmation, the only seemingly straight single girl who's met him. You nod in agreement.

“Kriegs took him for a test drive,” Pinoe teases and you shoot her a glare. “I'm kidding!” She puts her hands up. “He was into her, they danced a bit, a kiss here or there but wasn't her thing.” You feel eyes narrow on you.

“I wasn't looking for anything,” is all you can think to say but quickly reassure Kelley. “He's great though, girl. Very handsome and a gentleman. All yours.” Kelley doesn't seem to be sold but she shrugs.

“So,” Tobin looks at you, “is _your_ boy gonna make an appearance?” Her voice is laced with sarcasm, like she knows she's stirring the pot. She knows there's not guy but her friends seem less convinced.

“Tobin,” you groan as the other girls only repeat the question. Tobin just laughs and grabs another piece of bread.

The girls are silenced only by your arriving food. You spend the rest of dinner ignoring the way Ashlyn's eyes flicker over to you whenever she gets the chance. You focus on your pasta and listen to HAO talk about her plans with her boyfriend when she returns to the states. As soon as dinner finishes, you part ways and agree to meet in your lobby in two hours.

“My girls excited for tonight?” Pinoe grins as she wraps and arm around each of you.

“Between the two of us they're never going to lay off,” you groan and the blonde laughs.

“They're way too invested in your guys' happiness.”

“I know, they mean well,” you say and Pinoe nods in agreement.

“Just one more night of you two keeping it in your pants and you can take _all_ the time in the world to figure this out,” Pinoe jokes. “AKA until national team camp,” she laughs which, you realize, is just over a month away.

Time is ticking. You're not ready. You can't be.

 

* * *

 

 

You decide on your skintight black dress and black pumps. Your legs look out of this world and you let you hair fall naturally around your shoulders. You apply your eyeliner and mascara with a touch of red lipstick and call it a night. You're ready. You grab your clutch and check the time, realizing you should be downstairs already. You quickly rush to the door and pull it open. You jump when you see Ashlyn on the other side, fist in the air about to knock. You yelp and grasp your heart before you break out into giggles.

“Sorry, I couldn't wait to see you,” she grins sheepishly.

“You scared me,” you giggle as you take in her appearance. Her blonde hair is wavy and parted far to the side. She's got on what you think is your favorite long black tee with small, leather black strips around the sleeves. It hugs her the perfect amount and flows just over the waistband of her black jeans. Her jeans have a small chain coming from the pocket and are rolled down by her ankles, falling just above her black nike high tops. Her makeup, as always, is a flawless natural look. Before you can pull yourself together to compliment her she beats you to it.

“You look stunning,” she breathes. She steps forward and takes your hands in hers. She licks her lips and you falter again, dying to return the compliment.

“S-so do you.” She giggles at how flustered you look when the blonde knows she's the one that should be flustered. She leans in before you can read the moment and presses her lips to yours in a gentle manner. The contact is barely there yet your body reacts as if the blonde's entire being is pressed against you.

“So,” she smiles as she pulls away. “Have you put any more thought into what I can do for you.” The coy look on her face makes you want her right then, but you know better.

“I'll keep you posted,” you grin and the blonde quirks an eyebrow. “Come on,” you grab her hand. “Can't keep them waiting.”

You make it into the elevator when you realize how this looks.

“Shit,” you mumble, motioning between the two of you. Ashlyn quickly hits the 2nd floor, hoping to get off before the lobby but it's too late and the doors start to open. You share a knowing look before you're revealed. Your body relaxes when you see Pinoe alone in the lobby.

“They're not here yet?” You look around, relief noticeable in your voice.

“Great plan,” Pinoe laughs looking at you two. “Yeah, let's keep this a secret. Let's ride down the elevator together, even though we don't live on the same floor,” she mocks you, her eyes on Ashlyn. “ _And_ you know what? To top it off, give me a kiss so I can get some of that lipstick on my lips. They'll _never_ know then!” Ashlyn's hand swats up to her lips as she wipes off the faint red. You let out a long exhale.

“You two are unbelievable,” Pinoe laughs and you hit your forehead in frustration.

“I'm sorry,” Ashlyn turns to you. “I wasn't—”

“No, it's my fault too,” you say.

“No, I should have been thinking clearer. I promise, I'll be better at the club. They won't suspect a thing.” You give her hand a quick squeeze before your friends roll in the door.

“Ow ow!” Pinoe hollers. All girls, minus Tobin, are in a dress of sorts. Alex in blue, Kelley in red and HAO matching your black. Tobin's got on a pair of dark skinny jeans and tight gray shirt on similar to Ashlyn's. You exchange greetings, everyone complimenting each other, before Kelley leads you out the door. You, of course, navigate the girls to the Club. Outside, Sera is waiting with her bandmates. Kurt sees you first and offers a big grin. He doesn't have the chance to greet you because Pinoe starts with introductions. Kelley sends you a look that says what the hell is wrong with you, Kurt is _fine as hell_. You shrug her off and feel Ashlyn's presence behind you. Before you can turn to see the woman Kurt is in front of you.

“Hey, Ali. Great to see you again,” he leans in for a hug. You accept it, slightly blindsided and he asks how you are. His face falters when he sees Ashlyn behind you.

“Oh, hey Ashlyn,” he swallows. Their last interaction floods into your mind and you tense. You and Ashlyn had gone at it right in front of him before you stormed off, Kurt clearly unaware as to what the fight led to.

“Hey,” Ashlyn says softly. “Look, I'm sorry about the other night,” she mumbles. “I didn't mean to, you know, blow up like that or interrupt or anything. Got a little drunk and—”

“Hey,” he offers a smile. “Don't worry about it. We've all been there.” Kurt is genuine and you're thankful for the peace offering between the two but you freeze up as you feel everyone's eyes on the three of you. You think only Pinoe and Sera understand what just happened and you're thankful when Pinoe leads everyone into the club.

“What was that, dude,” Tobin nudges Ashlyn. “You get in a fight with him?”

“No, no, not like that,” Ashlyn shakes her off. “Just a...misunderstanding.” As always, the answer appeases Tobin and she follows the girls to the bar. Pinoe orders a round of shots right away and Kelley quickly follows with a second round. You're relieved to see her and Kurt talking closely and you turn your attention to Ashlyn as you clink shot glasses. Your heart flips at the way her lips pucker as the tequila hits the back of her throat.

“Can't handle your liquor?” You tease, easily throwing the shot back.

“You're on, Krieger,” she laughs as she order two shots of whiskey. It's you, this time, that follows the shot with a cough. Ashlyn doesn't have time to make a snide comment because Alex pulls up at her side.

“Look behind me,” Alex grins. Ashlyn looks over the brunettes shoulder, you following her gaze, to a beautiful brunette with olive skin. She's got blue eyes, you think, and their staring right through Ashlyn. She's biting her straw as she raises a suggestive eyebrow at Ashlyn.

“No,” is all Ashlyn says and turns back to her drink.

“Are you _kidding_ me?” Alex breathes. “Even I'd do her!”

“Go for it, killer,” Ashlyn shrugs.

“Ashlyn Harris,” Alex smacks her side. “Are you in love or something?” You can tell Alex doesn't think that's an _actual_ option and it stings.

“Just because I don't want to go hook up with some woman in a bar doesn't mean I'm in love. Maybe I'm just not in the mood.”

“Are you ever in the mood?”

“Are you ever going to shut up?” Ashlyn smirks and Alex lets out a groan. You laugh at the interaction and, as the sound leaves your lips, Alex's eyes flutter between the two of you. You can see it. Gears turning. Her brain is moving a mile a minute and, though you see the doubt in her eyes, the thought is there. You feel the air getting thick and you quickly order yourself the first drink on the menu.

“So what if I send her over here?” Alex tests, her eyes on you this time. “Would you just send the poor girl away.”

“Al,” is all Ashlyn sends.

“You'd turn down a poor girl just looking for love?” Ashlyn chuckles and you thank the bartender for your drink, putting it on the tab.

“I'm not a dick,” Ashlyn says and Alex takes that as a sign.

“Great, be right back.” She grins and stands up to walk over to the brunette behind her. You quickly take the moment to lean in to Ashlyn's ear.

“Talk to her,” you rush out. “Talk, flirt, I don't care.” Ashlyn sends you a confused look but you don't let her ask. “Alex is onto us,” you tell her. “I don't know why or how but she just watched for my reaction the whole time she was pressing you. Flirt, dance, do whatever you got to do.” Suddenly a smirk forms on Ashlyn's lips.  
“Is this what you're cashing in on?” She grins, referring to your bet.

“Trust me, you'll know when I'm cashing in.” You stand and take your drink. “I'm gonna dance with Kel. Get Alex off our back.” Ashlyn nods, watching your hips sway as you make your way to the dance floor.

The alcohol starts to hit as you make your way through the crowd. You search for Kelley and stop when you see Kurt. The tiny girl is dancing against him and you grin. You continue on when you see HAO, Tobin and Pinoe beside them and dance up to them.

“Al you look so hot!” Pinoe shouts as Sera sneaks up behind her with a drink for her girl.

“Thanks you giggle.”

“Where's Ash and Lex?” HAO asks and you point to the corner.

“Who's that?” Tobin asks.

“Alex is setting her up,” you roll your eyes and only Pinoe catches your actual annoyance. You feel a hand on your back and know it must be your friend offering comfort. You shrug her off and dance beside her, downing the remainder of your drink by the end of the song. Your inhibitions are gone as you dance with HAO. You feel a guy, undoubtedly, come up behind you and you don't even bother turning around. You can see Ashlyn with the brunette, now sans Alex, and you know you need a distraction. HAO giggles but soon a tall guy is pressed up against her, too. Without thinking, your friend continues dancing. You move with the guy for a few more songs before he, in German, offers to buy you a drink. You nod and tell him you'll wait here for him and he grabs his friend dancing with HAO.

“They're getting us drinks,” you say, your voice partially slurred. HAO giggles and continues to dance.

“I did good!” Alex pops up between the two of you, a drink in hand. She nods over and coming towards you is the brunette. She's dragging Ashlyn by her hand onto the dance floor. She's hot. Like really hot. You know Ashlyn would be crazy to not feel the physical attraction because hell you feel it. You try not to look, but the way Ashlyn giggles when the brunette turns and whispers something to her makes your stomach clench.

“Finally,” Tobin laughs. “I was starting to think she really fell for someone.” Before anyone can respond, the guys return with drinks for you and HAO. You thank him and before he can talk you pull him behind you and start to dance, HAO following your lead. Halfway through the fruity drink you think you need to stop. You're body is heating up and with every sip you're craving something only the blonde can give you. You're feeling bold, more bold than you should, and use the guy pressed up against you to relieve whatever you can, to mitigate the feeling. You think Ashlyn's doing her best to stay out of your line of vision and you're thankful for that, but Alex can't seem to leave her be. She finds the smaller brunette and waves her over to your group. You see her grab Ashlyn's hand and pull her towards you. Your eyes are dark as you find her Hazel ones. She's unsure, nearly trapped between this beautiful olive skinned girl and you. The girl turns to face Ashlyn, her hips rocking into Ashlyn's and you don't realize you stop dancing until you feel a pair of strong hands land on your hips, moving them back into action. You want those hips to be reserved for you, you think. Ashlyn's eyes fall down between her and the girl's as they grind against each other. You suddenly hate yourself for ordering her to do this. You tear your eyes away and try to turn towards the man behind you, but as soon as his eyes drop to your lips you spin back around. He doesn't seem to mind, the contact more than enough for him.

Ashlyn's hands begin to wander. You see them explore the girl's back then her waist. Suddenly, the girl leans into Ashlyn's neck and you know her lips are pressed against her skin. Your assumption is only confirmed but a small squeal coming from Alex beside you. You take the last long sip of your drink and hand the glass to some man passing behind you, the liquid courage flooding your head. You shiver as the feeling hits you and you lose a bit of control.

The hands on your hips wander lower, the edge of your dress sliding up. You don't want to be but you're turned on. You want to be touched. Now. You see Ashlyn's hands and wish they were on you and for a moment, you close your eyes and picture her behind you. You picture her softer frame behind you right now, her gentle skin brushing your thighs. Instead of the scruff rubbing against your neck and cheek, you feel Ashlyn's smooth cheek. You feel her hair brushing over your shoulders, her chest against your back. Her much sweeter scent fills the air around you. For a second, it all feels real. You hear Alex cheer out and you're brought back to reality. The hands are too rough, the frame too square, the skin too bumpy. You see Ashlyn and your body pulses with need. The brunette has her arms wrapped around Ashlyn's neck as they sway together. Her lips are pressed into _your_ girl's neck and you'd do anything to be her.

Anything.

Suddenly you're free from the man's grip and standing beside Ashlyn. You lean into her ear and tug on her hip, pulling her towards you. Your body pulses before you even make contact. You miss the shocked look she gives you.

“I know what I want,” you husk, your lips brushing her ear.

“Al,” she tries but you pull her into you again. The smaller girl's arms fall slowly from Ashlyn's neck and the blonde leans into you a bit.

“I know what I want.” Ashlyn seems to understand and her eyes widen before you pull her back in. “I want you. Now.” Ashlyn doesn't move. She's paralyzed in the middle of the dance floor. She feels eyes on her but can't tear herself away from you and the lust in gaze. You fist her shirt and tug her towards you. She looks down at you ignoring everyone else in the room.

“You want to leave?” She clarifies. You shake your head and pull her closer by the neckline of her shirt.

“Now,” is all you manage, your eyes flickering to her lips. Ashlyn's panting. You feel her choppy breath on your lips and, for the first time, she allows her eyes to wander down to yours.

“Ali—”

“Kiss me, Ashlyn,” you tug her closer. “Now.”

The blonde needs nothing else. Her lips crash into yours with all the fervor in her bones. Your body almost gives out at the contact—the brutally honest, publicly open contact.

You're not thinking about Alex and her gaping mouth. You're not thinking about HAO and Kelley who just about fall over. You're not thinking about tomorrow or next week or the team. You're not thinking about your family or your friends back home. You're not thinking about what this all means.

All you can think about is how badly you need to get alone with the blonde.

Now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :) Hope it's still doing it for you!


	23. Daylight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, as requested, smut! If it's not your thing, this ones not for you!  
> xx

You try to pull Ashlyn closer. You tug her down towards you, fingers tangled in her hair. You press your hips harder, lean a little deeper but nothing is enough. You need more. You beg for entrance into Ashlyn's mouth and she quickly obliges, her tongue sending an electric current through your lips. Her hands grasp you by the small of your back before slowly finding your hips.

Holy shit.

Every movement, every touch the blonde makes intensifies the feeling. As her nails dig into your sides you moan against her mouth.

“Now,” you husk against her lips for the fourth time tonight. The blonde kisses you harder, as if that's all your asking, and you shake your head slightly, lips still brushing hers. “More. I need more.”

Ashlyn pulls away, he eyes widening as she feels eyes from every which way on her. Her look intensifies, her hazel orbs honing in on yours.

“Ali,” she whispers. Though her eyes are hooded you can feel the concern in them. She's warning you, reminding you of the girls standing nearly a foot away.

“Ashlyn,” you breathe back, your hands wrapping around her neck. You feel her muscles tense as you stroke your thumb against her hairline. She's taken aback by your forwardness. You see the hesitation in her eyes. “If I remember correctly, _I_ was promised whatever I wanted.” Your words make her shudder, you feel the goosebumps on her skin. You lean in a tad further, lips brushing her ears. “So,” you whisper, “take me home.”

“Al,” she tries to pull away but your grip is far too tight. She leans into your ear. “The girls.” You know they're behind you. You feel their stares. You know this will have to be addressed tomorrow, you know there will be unanswered questions but you don't care. You need Ashlyn and you're tired of waiting. Teammate, friend, woman—none of it matters. Not here, not now. She's just Ashlyn.

“Pinoe can handle them. Take me home,” you repeat, your mind clearly on one-track. Ashlyn doesn't move quick enough, her feet seem to be glued to the floor. Your body is aching for her, your skin burning and you grab her by the wrist and pull her towards the door. You don't let your eyes turn to face your friends. You're not ready for that. Instead, you drag the blonde who's feet quickly pick up the pace towards the exit.

“What...what the hell?” Alex turns to Pinoe and, though you can't hear them, you're more than expecting their responses.

You don't look at the blonde until you're outside, her hand now laced with yours. The whites of her eyes are more visible than normal.

“Ali, are you su—”

“Shh,” you hush her as you turn and hail a cab. “No more questions. Get in before I change my mind.” Ashlyn's expression changes as she walks forward to the open door and you shove her in. She falls over in the backseat and you giggle as you give your address to the driver. Your hand falls right onto Ashlyn's thigh as you allow it to wander freely against her pants. Your lips brush against her ear.

“I want you to take me,” you tell her. “I want you to show me how the Harris Charm came to be,” you smile against her ear. Your comment seems to send a surge of confidence through her and a smirk grows on her lips. She turns to face you, her confidence oozing.

“Are you ready for that?” Her eyes narrow in a playful way. Before you can react, Ashlyn is peppering spine chilling kisses along your jawline in the back of the cab. She moves slowly, her hand finding your inner thigh. Every time her tongue breaks through her lips you struggle to sit still. She's smirking against you as she works at an even slower pace. You tilt your head to expose more skin and, when she doesn't immediately take the new gain, you find yourself pressing your skin to her lips. She actually giggles and pulls away slightly to look at you. Her breath catches in her throat when she locks onto your hooded eyes. You bite down on your lower lip and Ashlyn just about loses it. She leans closer.

“I've never seen you like this,” she whispers just over the radio. “You are so hot.” You didn't think being called hot could ever turn you on like that, but leaving Ashlyn's lips with a slight rasp, your lower half actually clenches in a desperate attempt to keep control.

Before anything gets out of hand, the car comes to a stop and Ashlyn pulls out her card in a swift motion, swiping it against the reader in the headrest and leaving a more than generous tip. She opens her door and runs to your side to pull the door open. You both mumble thanks to the cab driver before Ashlyn slams the door and pulls you by the hand. She presses the elevator button about six times as if it will speed it up. The doors open and she yanks you in.

“Your room or mine?” She husks but you take too long and she hits her floor. She turns and pushes you against the wall, her lips meeting your neck.

“Ashlyn,” you breathe. She drags her lips along your neck and the contact is too much. “You've already teased me too much in here,” you laugh lightly, remembering the first time you tried to break the tension with the girl in this exact position.

“I didn't tease you enough,” she smirks against you and you realize you have a long night ahead of you. She pushes off the wall when the doors open and doesn't bother to pull you behind her. She's too busy locating her key and unlocking her door. The second you follow her inside she slams the door and starts to pull off your dress.

“Whoa,” you laugh, though her hands make you more than happy to oblige.

“You said now,” she reminds you, her fingers sliding the fabric over your waist. Once the dress is off, she allows her hands to explore your bare skin. She follows the indents of your muscles, traces your tattoo and cups your ass before hoisting you onto her hips. You let out a surprised pant as she takes a few steps forward and slams you both into her door. Her lips crash into your chest and you tighten your legs around her waist hoping to relieve the buildup. She holds you effortlessly, her lips not favoring any part of you. She bites down over your bra and you let out a shaky breathe.

“Ash.” You can't think straight, the blonde's touch taking over your entire being. She kisses your neck, earlobe, collarbone. Her breath, you think, may be heavier than yours. She slows herself, calming her lungs, as she presses her body further into yours so the pressure holds you up against the door. She lifts her hands from your back and raises them to either side of your head. She looks up and you see how dark her eyes have become. The hazel is almost totally brown, her pupils engulfing her eyes.

“What do you want?” She asks, her voice struggling to stay steady. You lick your lips and pull her face closer, kissing the blonde gently. You think you feel her legs starting to quake and a smirk grows on your lips.

“I want you to take me in there,” you nod to her bedroom, “and fuck me.” Ashlyn nearly falls over at the vulgarity of it all. You think her eyes may fall out of her head but she stumbles backwards and steadies you, leading you into her room. She doesn't speak until she gains some composure.

“Yes, princess,” she mumbles with a coy grin. She throws you on the bed, all her inhibitions gone. Between the alcohol, the buildup, and the pure chemistry between the two of you, there's nothing holding you back. She practically jumps onto the bed, her knees landing on either side of your torso as she reaches behind you with one hand and unlatches your bra. She lets your pull it off completely as she slides down your stomach and tucks her fingers under your underwear. Her lips hit your stomach and your muscles spasm. She kisses down and over your underwear, her fingers still toying with them hem, as her lips softly brush down your legs. You writhe below her and she uses her palms to press you down. You let out a few soft moans as you struggle against her hands.

“Relax,” she whispers, her warm air hitting your legs. As she makes her way back up to your stomach you tug at the bottom of her shirt. She takes the hint and pulls it off, exposing her black bra and the waistband of her briefs. You freeze up, admiring the blonde's body as your hands fall to her abs. You realize Ashlyn's stopped moving and you think you've been caught staring. You look up to see her eyes flickering around your body before they land up on your eyes.

“You are so beautiful,” she says softly and you can practically see her kicking herself for the words she lets out. You smile at the way Ashlyn can go from a drop dead heartbreaker oozing with confidence to this adoring and bashful woman in front of you. She sees the way you're looking at her and quickly crashes her lips into yours, hoping to remind you of the former girl.

“Ash, Ash please,” you beg. You don't know how long the girls been teasing you. Her lips have been all over and her hands been dragging across your lower half for what feels like hours. “I—I need.” You don't bother completing your sentence. Ashlyn's fingers slip through your folds and you're already shaking.

“Holy shit,” Ashlyn breathes as she feels how wet you are. You tug at the girls pants in an attempt to feel more skin and, without breaking contact, slides out of her pants. You just about die at the blonde in her briefs. She's incredibly toned and you pull her down onto you. Her lips fall against yours and you quickly deepen the kiss as her fingers pick up the pace.

“Mmm,” she hums against you as your knee lifts up between her legs. The blonde's only been touching you down there for a few seconds and you're already close. She senses it and slows down the pace, intensifying the feeling. She lifts her lips from yours and starts to pull away but you miss the contact and yank her back towards you. She grins.

“Trust me, you're going to like where my lips go next _way_ morethan this.” The look she gives you is enough to make you finish. She moves down your body, her eyes not breaking contact for a second.

“Fuck,” you breathe as she hovers over you. This is too much. She is too much. Her eyes locked with yours, she lets herself taste you again. It's Ashlyn who moans first, but you're not far behind.

“Ash—baby,” you breath and the blonde grins at the name, her nails digging into your thighs. You're shaking. Your legs, your core, your arms, your lip—everything is shaking. “So close.” You can't even finish the thought before Ashlyn plunges her finger inside you. You scream out her name and she reaches further into you, her tongue picking up its pace. She curls her fingers and you tug against her skin. Your screams pick up as she pumps in and out and, all at once, you feel yourself tightening around her. It takes only a breath from her lips to send you over the edge, your body convulsing beneath her. She keeps her fingers steady allowing you to ride out the wave.

Your body relaxes into the mattress and you're left trying to catch your breath. As Ashlyn pulls herself out, you think you might be about to peak again but you quickly come back down. Your eyes stay shut and Ashlyn watches the rise and fall of your chest with a soft smile. It's not long before her body needs a rest too and she lays down beside you. You only open your eyes when you hear Ashlyn licking her fingers clean.

“Was that good enough for you?” She finally says as she drapes an arm across your torso. You roll over to face her with a chuckle.

“I mean, I clearly didn't enjoy that at all,” you grin as the blonde pulls you closer.

“No?” She toys with you, her hand sweeping across your thigh. Your muscles contract at the touch and she giggles. You're way too sensitive to handle her again.

“That was—I—I'm glad we came home,” you tell her and her eyes light up, like she was waiting for the regret to seep in.

“I'm glad I could properly reward you for your hard earned goal.” Her fingers run through your disheveled hair as she sends you a wink. You wonder if she'll ever stop making you blush, if the heat will ever cool down. “You are unbelievable,” she tells you, admiration in her eyes. You narrow your eyes a bit. “I never expected this from you. Any of these,” she says honestly. “Tonight, you on the dance floor—you're just full of surprises.” Your nose scrunches up and you giggle. Your giggle quickly turns to real laughter and Ashlyn questions you.

“I can't believe I did that,” you shake your head, smile still in tact. You bury your face into your hands. “What the hell is wrong with me? Can't control myself for three hours?” You want to be mad, want to regret this but not one part of you does. This was what you wanted, what you needed, and hell you got it.

“Can you blame yourself?” She jokes, motioning to her body. You nudge her playfully.

“God, I can't believe I did that,” you repeat with a breathy laugh. “I'm sorry,” you suddenly realize this may not have been what Ashlyn wanted. “We're going to have to have conversations now, the girls—”

“Hey, don't think for a second I didn't want this as bad as you,” she squeezes your hip. “We'll figure it out in the morning. Like you said, Pinoe can handle them,” she grins, pulling you closer. “We're just going to have to squeeze in as much fun as we can before daylight,” she winks and, like that, the blonde's back on top of you.

 

* * *

 

 

“Mmm,” you hum into the pillow. An arm around your waist pulls you tighter and your sleepy body folds against the bare torso. Ashlyn. The touch is familiar and it makes you smile. She kisses the back of your shoulder.

“Morning, princess,” she kisses again and the nickname makes your heart speed. You mumble back a sleepy morning and Ashlyn giggles. Morning is trapped in her throat and she's never sound sexier. Except, you think, maybe last night.

Last night.

Shit.

You quickly sit up and Ashlyn seems to sense your apprehension.

“It's okay,” she quickly reaches out for your hand. You nod but reach out for your phone anyway. Three missed texts.

**Pinoe:** _Welp. At least you tried._

You groan before you read the rest.

**Pinoe:** _No one's buying my cover... Apparently didn't look enough like Ashlyn needed CPR_

**Pinoe:** _Seriously... don't sweat this Al. All is good, we will talk in morning. Glad you're happy._

You relax a little before realizing you haven't heard from your other teammates. You know if you were in their position you wouldn't send a text either. I mean, what do you say? _Score!_ Still, you're unsure how to approach them now, though you know you must.

“Let me take you to breakfast,” Ashlyn breaks your thoughts. “Hop in the shower, I'll take you out and we can talk this through. Then once we've got our bearings, we'll meet the girls for coffee, okay?” She looks desperate, like she _needs_ you to agree to the plan or she may break. You think, for the first time, you see the nerves in Ashlyn's eyes. You nod.

“Yeah, okay. Thank you,” you smile. You'd do just about anything to not have this talk. The talk with Ashlyn, the talk with your teammates. But, you also know there's only one girl you'd want by your side for this and, lucky for you, she's apart of both conversations.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> much love, guys. I laugh out loud reading your comments, thank you for the love! I'm heading back to school but will still be updating, just may need two days in between chapters but i'll be doing my best!!


	24. Turn Around

You wouldn't call it awkwardness, the silence hanging between you and Ashlyn. Your mind is moving too fast for you to vocalize your thoughts. She's waiting on you. You warm your hands with the mug of tea and she asks you again.

“How do you feel?” She isn't talking about your hangover, which left you with a throbbing headache.

“Good,” you say almost robotically.

“Ali.” She reaches forward across the table to touch your hand.

“I'm okay,” you nod, your eyes fluttering shut. “Just nervous.”. Ashlyn gives your hand a squeeze. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't be,” she tells you. “It's normal to feel nervous.”

“No, not about that.” You retract your hands and fold them in your lap. “About last night. I—I shouldn't have. I didn't even ask you,” you mumble and Ashlyn strains to understand you. “I didn't ask if you were okay with it, with the girls there and—”

“Ali,” she laughs lightly. “I'm a big girl. And while I'm not sure I could have resisted you like that, I was more than okay with it.”

“I wasn't thinking clearly and you looked so damn good and that girl was dancing on you and I just—” you realize what you're admitting and stop yourself, a deep red rising to your cheeks. Ashlyn's smirking hard at you, but her lips loosen when she sees the way your eyes drop.

“Hey, look at me,” she begs. “Trust me when I say I wanted last night just as much as you. Probably more.” Her voice is serious and you believe her, the knots in your stomach loosening up a bit. There's a long silence before Ashlyn apologizes. You shoot her a strange look and ask what she's sorry for. “Because I doubt this is how you wanted to let the news out,” she says softly. “I know this is a big deal, I know it's scary. I just—I wanted you to be able to do it in your own time.” You chuckle and lighten the mood.

“That's not really your fault, now is it?” When the laughter settles she finally asks.

“So, what do you want to do?”

“About them?” Your eyes bore into hers, desperately trying to read the blonde. You don't even see her breathing.

“About us.” Her voice doesn't waver, but she's quiet and she sucks her bottom lip in. You wish you'd had the guts to ask first. You wish you could hear what Ashlyn was thinking, what she wanted from this. Your nerves produce a shrug but the blonde knows that's not your answer. She stares as your mind runs.

“It's different with you.” That's all you can think. The way her voice wakes you up, the way her presence is enough to change your day. The way her touch burns through your skin and cools your veins at the same time. Everything is new. You don't think it's because she's a girl.

“Good different?” Ashlyn asks, her composure still in tact. You nod and feel your lungs expanding as you let out an exaggerated exhale.

“I wish I didn't feel like we were pressed for time,” you explain and Ashlyn seems to understand. She wants to tell you that you're not, that you can take all the time you need to figure this out, but she'd be wrong. Camp is coming up and you both know going in like this will only lead to disaster. The team will add pressure to your relationship, intentional or not. If you do this with her, it _has_ to work. It has to be the real deal. You're at a crossroads. Go for it, or stop. Right now. Suddenly, the realization dawns on you and you feel your chest tightening. You've never had asthma but now you're wondering if you need to borrow one of your teammate's inhalers. Ashlyn's hand rests on your forearm and she must see the panic in your eyes.

“Al, breathe.” Your body unravels at her voice. You take a moment for yourself before you look back up at her.

“See,” you start, “even that. You just said my name and it was enough.” The goalie smiles softly. “I...I think...” you stop, realizing the weight of your words. “You make me happy,” you settle on, hoping you're rambling in the right direction. “I don't know how this happened.” You motion to the two of you, a choppy laugh escaping your lips. Ashlyn joins you. “I was drawn to you from the beginning. And I didn't get it before but I'm slowly getting there.” You break for a moment to sip your tea. “It's hard for me to explain what I'm feeling because it's all so new. I've never felt it, I've never felt anything even similar to this.” It's hard to look at the woman across from you. “I can't walk away,” you find yourself saying. “I owe it to myself to...to try. I'd never forgive myself if I just gave up.”

The words hit you after you speak them. Your eyes shut on instinct, your cheeks flood and your hands clam up. You've always been forward, you've always believed in honesty, but this—you can't believe you're saying it aloud.

“I mean, it depends on what you're feeling, too,” you add, realizing the two of you have had few conversations about your feelings for the other. Sure, it's been hinted at but the words rarely enter the air for more than a few seconds before dissipating.

“I know I have a bit of a rep or whatever people say,” Ashlyn shrugs, slight embarrassment in her voice. She's not sure what you've heard or chosen to believe, and it hurts you to think she could feel judged. “But I didn't start flirting with you just for a few days of fun. I've worked hard as hell to get back into the National Team pool,” she tells you, her voice slightly rising before she reigns it in. “I—I'm not stupid enough to throw it away because of some stupid distraction.” The words sting and Ashlyn sees you wince. “No, no!” She grabs your hands. “Listen, Ali, that's what I'm saying. I wouldn't risk all that for nothing.” Your heart expands in your chest and it's almost uncomfortably tight. “You're smart as hell. I could live here for twenty years and not come close to your level of understanding of the German language. You make me laugh without even trying. And I don't get how someone can be that adorable—the nose crinkle, the mumble, the way you stand incredibly close to me on elevators. All of it. I've never felt so comfortable around someone so quickly, I've never showed up at someone's door crying. _Never._ ” The confession is hitting you hard and a layer of film falls over your eyes. “You're so talented, Al. My God, you're talented. I've never seen someone come back from an ACL tear that strong this quickly. Your drive, your passion. And you're absolutely stunning. _Stunning_.”

Ashlyn stops and not one part of her seems embarrassed. You don't know how long she's been holding it all in, but from the look of relief on her face you think for quite some time. Ashlyn never wanted to pressure you or put more on you than you could handle. She wanted you to want this. She waited for you to want it.

“You know there's no going back, I can see it in your eyes,” she tells you. “If we decide to do this, we'll never be the same.” The truth hits you hard. “There's no going back to being just friends. We can try, but it will never be the same. If that's what you want, friendship, than we stop it here and I can handle that. I want you in my life, Al, and if that's what you want I will take it. I will be the best damn friend you ever had. But if you can't stop thinking about me the way I can't stop thinking about you, then we owe it to ourselves to give us a shot. I mean, real deal. Dates, cuddles, meeting friends and family—the whole deal. Whatever it is you want.”

Ashlyn's conviction surprises you. You've never heard her speak so passionately. She's so sure of herself and you think you've never been more attracted to her.

“I—I want that,” you admit. “But what about the team? Do we...”

“Well, I think it's your call with the girls here. However you want to tell them, wherever you're at, I'll back you up. But the hope is that we'd figure it all out before we head back to camp. Together,” she says, and you know she's alluding to your ACL comeback. “If we work like I think we will, we'll have something concrete to tell them.” Ashlyn finishes with a shrug, like she wants you to know it's just a suggestion.

“So you want to...date me?” You confirm and Ashlyn nods.

“Does that scare you?”

“No,” you answer honestly. A smile floods onto her lips. “I don't think I could cut this off and go back to being friends.” You wring your fingers as you bite down on your lip. You know what you want but you don't know how to go about it. “This is what I want,” you motion between the two of you. “I want to try, too.” Ashlyn almost resembles a puppy, a puppy who has just been offered a treat. She straightens a bit, her eyes widening and it forces a laugh out of you.

“Sorry,” Ashlyn blushes.

“You're adorable,” you tell her and she can't argue with you. Not after that display.

“So then, we really try this?”

“If you're up for it?” Ashlyn smiles at your question.

“I think _this_ part is where the Harris Charm hooks them,” she winks and you playfully nudge her arm.

“We'll see,” you tease. “So...the girls.”

“What do you want?” She asks. You don't know how to tell them, you don't know what to say. “Ali,” she regains your attention. “These are some of your best friends. No matter what you tell them, they're going to understand.”

“I—I want to tell them the truth,” you breathe. “I want to tell them that we're trying and, hopefully, they'll keep it a secret until we have the time to give us a real chance.”

“I think that's a great idea,” she smiles softly.

“Thank you, Ash. For being so understanding and supportive.” Ashlyn practically waves off your compliment. She can't understand being anything but that.

“Should I call them?”

“Actually, do you mind if I go for a walk? Clear my head. I was thinking I'd go pick up HAO and talk to her first. Get it all out, then I bring her back here and meet the other girls with you.”

“That sounds perfect. I think it will help to have an ally when telling the other girls,” she laughs but you agree. “You go now,” Ashlyn nods. “I'll hang out here and text the girls to come in about an hour, that enough time?” You lean across the table and press your lips against the blonde. She almost knocks the table over trying to kiss you deeper and you're forced to pull away.

“Thank you.” Your breath hits her lips and sends an obvious chill down her spine. You're walking out the door, already halfway outside when Ashlyn calls your name.

“What about Pinoe?” You freeze, not sure where the blonde really fits in.

“Call her,” you shrug. “You can fill her in.”

 

* * *

 

 

You wait outside Heather's door, your heart pounding. The blonde knows, you tell yourself. The hard part is over. You just have to explain. You can't bring yourself to knock. She doesn't live alone and you don't want to deal with anyone else right now. You shoot her a quick text that simply says: _Can you come to the door?_

It takes about five minutes for the knob to twist. You're slightly out of the doorway and it forces HAO to step outside. You quickly grab her wrist and yank her fully out the door. Her eyes shoot open and, for a brief moment, she's not thinking about last night. It's not until your presence registers with her that her expression changes. Her eyebrows raise slowly, her head tilts to the side. Your chest lets out shaky exhales and you feel yourself getting lightheaded.

“Can you talk?” You ask and HAO quickly tugs the door behind her.

“Want to go for a walk?” You don't even make it to the elevator. You feel tears building and you're not sure why. Panic ensues and you turn to HAO, concern lacing her eyes. She doesn't need to say anything for you to take the hint. You collapse into her arms, your tears soaking her left shoulder. You feel stupid crying. But your emotions are on overdrive, you can't seem to control them anymore—last night a prime example. HAO just strokes your hair.

“Kriegs,” she coos, her arm wrapped around you tight. “Shhh, talk to me.” You let her hold you for nearly two minutes while you catch your breath and clear your head. When you pull away she grabs your hand. “Walk with me.”

Neither of you say a word until you're outside. She leads you to a local park and sits down on the first bench she can find, patting the space beside her. She waits for you to lead, since you're the one that came to her nearly in tears.

“Sorry to show up like this,” you apologize and she sends you a stern look. That's what she's here for, she promises. “It's about last night,” you start and finish at the same time.

“I figured,” she replies. There's no judgement in her voice, no hint of laughter or trace of disgust. She is here to listen. You played over what to say about thirty times on the walk over yet, here you are, completely wordless. “Tell me what's going on,” she prompts you. When you stay quiet, she gives you a few minutes before a light laugh leaves her lips. “Okay, how about I ask you some questions?” She says and you nod, grateful you've decided on this test run with her. “Was that the first time? With Ashlyn?” Your eyes are on the ground as you shake your head no. Even with your eyes down you can see her eyes widen a bit in surprise. “Okay,” she sings trying to disguise her surprise. “Has this been going on long?” You shrug, not really sure how to answer. In all honesty, you know this started the day you met her. The day she first winked at you you were hooked. “Do you...do you have feelings for her?” You manage a weak nod but it's enough. “Ali,” she grabs your hand and buries it between the two of hers. “Why don't you start from the beginning.”

Her touch is sufficient in calming you. She isn't here to judge you or tell you what's right or wrong. Soon, everything pouring from you. You tell her about the beginning. About your flirting, about the teasing, you even mention Ashlyn's freakout. You tell your friend everything you can remember and she stays silent throughout. It doesn't make you nervous until you've let it all out and the brunette is still silent, her eyes locked on yours.

“So then last night?” She asks.

“I don't know what happened,” you shrug. “I just couldn't take it anymore. I was trying to be discrete until you guys left. We wanted to figure whatever this is out without any outside pressure, but then I cracked.”

“Clearly,” HAO giggles and you lean into her, your head falling to her shoulder. “Ali, first of all, we knew right when we got here something was different. You are glowing. I can't remember the last time I saw you this genuinely happy,” she tells you. “And if that's partly due to Ashlyn, then the entire team will be more than accepting and loving of this, if you guys decide to tell them.”

“I think for today, we wanted to fill you guys in since, obviously you saw more than intended.” There's no use fighting the blush and HAO laughs.

“You animal,” she jokes as she nudges you.

“We were hoping maybe the four of you would keep it quiet until we, you know, give us a real shot. Figure this out and then hopefully, by camp, we'll know if this will really work.”

“You've thought this all through?” She asks.

“As much as I can,” you tell her.

“I just—this is hard, Al. From here on out, it's going to be hard to go back to being friends with her. I just want to make sure you're thinking big picture.”

“I know. I am.” That's all you have to say. HAO knows. She's known since she saw you. You're happy. Happier than you've been in forever, maybe, and if Ashlyn is helping the cause, there's no way she's going to let you walk away from it. She pulls you in from the side and hugs you tight.

“I'm happy for you, Al.” You almost start to cry again, so grateful for a friend like her. “I won't say a word,” she promises. “Come on, let's go break the news to the other girls.” You groan and HAO laughs. “Not to scare you, but they're going to have way more questions than I did.” She's laughing a bit and you cover your face in your hands.

“That bad?”

“They were badgering Pinoe all night who, by the way, is the worst coverer _ever_ ,” she giggles. “But she stood her ground,” HAO shrugs. “The other three were up half the night in shock, trying to figure out what happened.”

“Oh no,” you mumble. HAO just laughs and wraps her arm around your shoulder.

You make it just outside the coffee shop before you feet suddenly stop working.

“Come on,” HAO pushes you forward. “Rip off the bandaid.” You groan as she practically shoves you inside. You fight her, leaning your weight against her firm hands. “Kriegs,” she grunts with a push. “I'm right here. Ash is right in there. You've got us, it'll be alright.” You relent and tumble into the door, your friends' eyes shooting up at you.

“Shit,” you mumble and turn into HAO, trying to push back towards the escape.

“Ali,” she grips your arms hard and suddenly you wish you were the only professional athlete out of your friends. There's no use in fighting. “Turn around.”

You sigh, your body relaxing as you take a deep breath. You mentally count to three, preparing yourself for the first of many hard talks you know you'll have with teammates in the coming months. This, you think, is nothing. This is just the first step. You spin around and lock your eyes on Ashlyn. She's all the encouragement you need.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves! Thank you again for all the comments and messages, they make me laugh every time!! You're the best! So i have a hectic week coming up but I'm hoping to have some time to write at night still so hopefully the wait won't be too long! Hang in there! xx


	25. I Hope Not

You feel Kelley's eyes on you first. They're flickering between you and HAO and you wonder if she'll be mad you went to Heather first. Her eyes are soft and you're reminded Kelley's not like that. HAO pushes you forward and you walk closer. Alex and Tobin barely look at you. Their eyes are gentle and from what you can tell, there's been little conversation between Ashlyn and your friends. The only smile at the table belongs to Pinoe. She's in between the girls and Ashlyn, her arms crossed as she leans back into her chair, grin on her face. For whatever reason, she relaxes you. You can feel Ashlyn following your every move but you keep your eyes on Pinoe. She's the only one that isn't tense and you need her presence.

HAO pulls our a chair for you and forces you down by your shoulder. She squeezes your shoulder before sitting beside you, leaving you next to Ashlyn.

“What's she doing here?” You nod to Pinoe with a weak voice.

“She _insisted_ on being here,” Ashlyn rolls her eyes playfully and you hear a small laugh from across you. You offer a small hi to the rest of the table, digging for courage while Ashlyn places a coffee she ordered in front of you. You mumble thanks before meeting eyes with Tobin.

“Thanks for coming,” you say and all of the girls nod. They're waiting on you. All of them. You let your eyes look over the six of them and it's not until you pause on Ashlyn that someone says something.

“Can you tell us what the hell is going on _now?_ ” Alex begs Ashlyn and you realize why they're waiting on you. 

“You haven't said anything?” You check with Ashlyn.

“Waiting on you,” she shrugs and you hear a few sighs from the other side of the table. You slide your hands beneath your thighs, your legs pressing down on them to keep from fidgeting. When you struggle to meet your friends gaze, HAO leans into your ear.

“We're right here, Al.” Her voice, mixed with Ashlyn's gentle touch to your leg fills you with enough courage to look up.

“I—I guess you guys know why you're here,” you offer and it's Tobin who chuckles. “We wanted to talk to you about...what happened last night.” You're surprised at the smoothness in your voice. Your nerves feel trapped in your gut and, while your stomach hates you, you're grateful your voice has strength. No one says anything. It all starts too feel like too much. You rip your hands from under your legs and bury your face into them, you elbows resting on the edge of the table. Your jerky movement seems to make your friends jump because you hear a chair or two screech backwards.

The hand on your back is undoubtedly Ashlyn's. It's strong and gentle and everything you ever needed. She strokes your spine gently as she breaks her silence.

“What you guys saw last night,” Ashlyn starts and her voice pulls you out of your literal shell. Before she can continue, Alex interrupts her.

“We know what we saw.” Her voice isn't accusatory or laced with anything but truth. She's begging you not to cover.

“I know,” you find yourself suddenly saying and Alex's eyes widen. Her shoulders drop a bit before she looks over to Ashlyn.

“So...this,” she points between to two of you. “This is...” She can't complete the sentence and you realize you can't either. Your mouth is dry. Heather pushes your coffee towards you and you take a sip. Everyone's studying you.

“Can someone just tell me what's going on?” Tobin breaks the tension and her question seems to give the other two girls confidence. Kelley jumps in first.

“One second Ashlyn's dancing with some rando and the next thing I know the two or you are...”

“You practically jumped her,”Alex says to you. They're more confused than anything and they are pleading for answers.

“Hey,” Ashlyn turns to Alex, her voice both playful and stern. “She didn't need to jump me to get me to do that.” You don't have to look at her to know she's smirking and you groan into your hands. Pinoe laughs and you want to disappear.

“Okay, okay,” HAO breathes. Her tone is enough to grab everyone's attention. “This is serious, let Ali talk.” The girls back off immediately and HAO places a hand on your back. You focus on Kelley, hoping her eyes are enough to calm you. She's looking at you too hard so you try Alex but her stare makes you feel weak. Tobin's the only presence that isn't pressing you for information. She's sitting back, waiting for someone to tell her why she's even here. Yes, you think you'll look at Tobin.

“I'm sorry about yesterday,” you start. “I—I didn't want you guys to see that. I wasn't ready and I shouldn't have—” you stop when you can see that even Tobin's reaction changes. Your eyes flicker and suddenly the gravity of the situation seems to hit them. This is real. What happened wasn't a fluke, it wasn't some hormonal impulse.

“Go ahead,” Ashlyn whispers to you for encouragement, her hand on your thigh.

“I don't know how this happened,” you shake your head. “I'm drawn to her. At first I just wanted to hang out with her, then I couldn't stop thinking about her, then I couldn't stay away and I couldn't control myself and I—” you cut yourself off realizing all you've said. It's out there and by the looks on their faces they're blindsided. You can't go back, you know that. But you feel stuck, like you can't go forward.

“So last night wasn't... the first time?” Kelley confirms. You shake your head.

“No.”

The words hang in the air for a bit and for the first time you see a few smiles break through. The tightness in your chest begins to dissipate.

“Has it been going on for awhile?” Alex asks, her tone lighter than before. You shake your head, Ashlyn giving you full reign on the conversation.

“That's why we didn't want to tell you guys. This is obviously so new for me,” you breathe and the girls understand what you mean. They know you've never been with a girl seriously before and whatever happened with you and Ashlyn had to cause some internal conflict. “But I really like her,” you admit as your eyes fall on Ashlyn. Your cheeks flood with heat and you can see her turn a bit red. You don't notice the smiles your friends are giving you, you're too caught up in the blonde. “I really do. But I don't know how to do this at all. I don't know what this is supposed to be like, I've never dated a woman or a teammate or a best friend for that matter,” you admit, your eyes falling back to your teammates. “We couldn't add any more pressure to this, whatever it is, and telling you guys would only add another level.” They nod and let you finish. “But last night... I couldn't take it anymore. I don't know what came over me but I didn't care about any of it, I just wanted to be with her and I—I'm sorry I let it come to that.”

“Ali,” Kelley shakes her head and reaches across the table for you, though her hand falls short of yours. “Don't ever apologize for doing what makes you happy.”

“We've been waiting years for you to put yourself out there,” Alex adds with a soft smile. “And I'm not sure you'll ever be able to put yourself out there _more_ than you did last night.”

You finally let your body relax. Your feet hit the floor and your arms fall to your side. Ashlyn's hand rubs up and down your leg while HAO tightens her hand on your shoulder. You know there's more to say but you don't think you're capable at the moment. You need to breathe, to realize that your friends are being supportive. Ashlyn seems to feel your hesitance and takes over for you.

“Now that it's already out there,” she says softly and you can hear the smile on her lips. “We're going to try this. For real,” she says and you see Alex's eyes widen.

“Try it?” Alex tries to clarify but she looks lost. Ashlyn simply nods and finds your hand. She interlaces your fingers and pulls yours onto her lap.

“Real deal,” Ashlyn says. “I want to be with Ali. Fully and completely, I want this to work.” Your heart just about jumps out your throat and Ashlyn's hand tightens. “I've never been this happy or comfortable with someone. For Christ's Sakes, I showed up at her door in the middle of the night crying,” she shakes her head and suddenly the entire table sits up straight. It's like Ashlyn's just admitted she's in love with you. No one's questioning anything. It suddenly makes sense to them. “Ali's incredible,” she says. “But this is so new for her, all of this. I want us to have a real shot.” Ashlyn doesn't have to continue, the girls seem to know what they're being asked. Still, Ashlyn lets the words enter the air.

“Please,” she begs. “Can you keep this between us until camp? Until we can figure this out and Ali and I can tell everyone when the time's right.” The girls nod, over and over again until someone can form words.

“Of course,” Kelley promises. “We won't say a word.”

“Secrets safe,” Tobin adds with a smile and Alex nods in agreement. Your body gives out. You head collapses onto Ashlyn's shoulder and you feel her arm wrap around your body.

“You good?” She whispers down.

“Thank God that's over,” you say and the table starts laughing. You groan and Ashlyn sits you upright. Once the tensions settled, Pinoe adds to the laughter.

“Whew!” Pinoe shouts. “It's about damn time! I couldn't keep it in much longer!”

“Oh please,” Ashlyn nudges her, “Like you were even keeping it a secret. CPR my ass,” she rolls her eyes. The girls burst out.

“What the hell did you expect me to say after Ali jumped you on the dance floor. That one was _not_ my fault!”

“Al, I gotta be honest,” Kelley adds with a laugh, “I didn't know you had it in you.” You fold your arms onto the table and let your head fall into them with a loader moan. The laughter rises. “No,” she adds, “I'm serious. It was awesome! Ashlyn was practically drooling.” For the first time, the situation fills you with confidence. You turn to the blonde with a smirk.

“Can you blame me?” She shrugs, though redness undeniably creeps onto her cheeks.

“I've never seen you like this,” Tobin breaks her silence and the table quiets. Tobin rarely gets emotional, but when she does she possesses a wisdom far beyond her years. She's looking right at Ashlyn. The blonde seems to tense under Tobin's gaze. “Even before,” Tobin starts and suddenly you know what she's talking about. Tobin is the only one at the table who met Ashlyn's last girlfriend, the only one there who was with Ashlyn through most of her college years, the only one who knows what Ashlyn's really like with another woman. “You've never been like this.” Tobin smiles and though she's barely said anything, the words aren't lost on any of you. Ashlyn's eyes fall to her lap and Tobin playfully hits the side of her arm. “I'm happy for you, dude. You deserve it.”

The conversation quickly turns when Alex demands more details. She drills you about the first time you realized what was going on, you tell them about your oblivious flirting and you all share a few laughs. It's nearly two hours later when Kelley breaks the news—they've got a train to catch.

You walk the girls to the hotel, HAO and Kelley on either side of you. There's a love surrounding you that was missing before, a peace within you. When you get back to the hotel, the girls start their rounds of goodbyes. Tobin's off giving Ashlyn some emotional talk that nearly has the blonde in tears when Kelley pulls you aside. She presses her hands on your cheeks.

“I'm so proud of you, Al. You deserve this, more than anyone. You deserve this happiness.”

“Thank you,” you mumble, your smile moving her hands up your cheeks.

“I'm serious. I've been waiting for you to be you again. We noticed the second we got here, you're happy and that's all that we've ever wanted.” She pulls you into a tight hug and promises not to tell a soul.

“Love you, Kel,” you squeeze her.

“Love you, Kriegs.”

Alex comes in next and pulls you right in.

“I'm gonna miss you,” she tells you. “You two take care of each other. We're rooting for you,” she winks playfully as she pulls away. She doesn't leave without another hug. “I'm happy for you, Al,” she whispers.

HAO's nearly in tears. Her eyes are watery and shes gripping you by your shoulders. “This is your place,” she shakes her head. “Germany does good things for you, I swear.” You giggle. “You keep working your ass off and I'll see you back at training camp, good as new.” She pulls you in for a hug and you fit seamlessly with her.

“Thank you,” you mumble, and she knows exactly what you're thanking her for.

“I'm always on your team,” she tells you. “Keep me updated, alright?” She asks.

“Love you,” you nod with a promise.

“Love you too.”

HAO makes you emotional, but it's Tobin who nearly knocks you out. She pulls you into a hug with her signature giggles.

“Kriegsy,” she laughs, pulling you closer.

“Tobs,” you giggle back. “It was great to see you.” She pulls away slightly, her arms still wrapped around you, and looks straight into your eyes.

“This is it for her,” Tobin tells you, her voice steady. You're not sure what she means, but her eyes look over to Ashlyn and she gives a soft smile at the laughing blonde. “I've watched her go through plenty of relationships, hook ups and heartbreaks,” she tells you, “But she's never been this carefree.” You nod, not sure exactly what to say. “She's serious about this,” Tobin adds and pulls you back in for a hug. “Ashlyn's a good one.”

You watch the girls head upstairs, Ashlyn's arm around your shoulder. The second they're out of sight, the blonde tugs you towards her and plants a kiss on your lips. You melt into her, your body on fire at the contact. You're both lighter. There's a barrier gone and, thought it's one of the earliest ones, you know you've cleared it.

“Okay, okay,” Pinoe shouts over the sound of your lips against Ashlyn's. “I get it, you're all happy but can we wait til I'm gone?”

“I don't give you a hard time about groping Sera out in public,” Ashlyn plays back and Pinoe just rolls her eyes. You start walking back, Ashlyn's hand in yours.

“Well that went well,” Ashlyn says, confirming with you.

“Yeah,” you agree and she squeezes your hand.

“You should have heard them last night,” Pinoe laughs. “They were all, 'was Ali that drunk? Did she lose a bet? Did Ashlyn trick her? Is the charm really that strong? Pinoe tell me, Pinoe please!' God they were so annoying!” You laugh as Ashlyn rolls her eyes.

“Why the heck is it so hard to believe that Ali would come onto _me?_ ” You fall into her side with giggles.

“Look at her,” Pinoe throws her hands up. “Plus, it's not like she's known to be the aggressive type when we normally go out.” Ashlyn wiggles her eyebrows at you and you shove her.

“Shut up,” you plead. “That was out of character.”

“I hope not,” Ashlyn smirks, her hand falling seamlessly around your waist.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait...please stick with me. It's been a crazy week and this was the first opportunity I've had to write. The story picks up again next chapter or so so hang in there! xx


	26. Lucky

It's been a week since your teammates left. A week spent almost entirely with Ashlyn. A week full of shared meals, long training sessions, combined rehab, and late night sleepovers. Your body is exhausted—both from your two-a-days and from the bare blonde pressed against your side. Chris cleared you for contact yesterday and you feel like you've taken a beating. You've ice bathed four times in the past two days on top of your normal treatments yet you can't remember the last time your muscles ached this much.

Ashlyn squeezes your shoulder and you involuntarily wince. She releases with a giggle and pulls your closer, your head nuzzling into the crease of her neck.

“Relax,” she tells you as she rolls you onto your stomach. Your cheek rests against your pillow and you can feel her sit up beside you. Her leg lifts over your lower back and you feel the blonde sitting down, her legs straddling you. She begins to work into your muscles. You're not sure if you let out a groan or a moan, the line between pain and pleasure more than blurred.

“Ash,” you breathe, “you don't have to.”

“You're so tight,” she tells you as her she pinches a deep knot. Pain. Definitely pain.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,” your mumbling into the pillow. Ashlyn laughs and you lift your head up.

“I'm not sure how you're managing to make this experience so _not_ enjoyable,” you smirk at her exposed body pressed against your back. She rolls her eyes and digs further into your not, eliciting an unpleasant moan from you.

“You'll thank me later,” she shrugs.

Ashlyn's just about done destroying your back when your phone interrupts you. You reach out to grab it, partially recognizing the American number, as Ashlyn climbs off your back.

“Hello?” You sit up, your muscles re-tensing as you hear her voice. Pia.

“Hello, Ali?”

“H-hi, yes. Yes, hi,” you repeat and Ashlyn sends you a tight lipped smile.

“I hear the knee is good?” You're not surprised by her straight shooting. She's never been one to force small talk or pretend to care. You appreciate her honesty as a coach.

“Yes,” you nod vigorously. “I feel great.” Your heart is pounding against your ribcage. You know why she's calling. This is your yes or no. You've done all you can, she holds the power now. You pray for the invite, you pray she gives you this chance.

“Chris sent over the tests,” she starts, “and some video footage.” You weren't aware Chris had even _taken_ video footage of you but you stay quiet. “I've only heard limited information about you on the ball, but your times are very impressive.” Your body is pulsing as Ashlyn's arm tightens around your torso. “Your hard work has earned you the invite,” she says with little emotion and your body relaxes against the blonde, your exhale exaggerated. “You earn your spot with your play, clear?” She asks and you know she's all business. She always has been. If you show up less than your best, she won't hesitate for a second to cut you.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” you ramble and for a fleeting moment you swear you can hear Pia laughing.

“Yes,” she cuts you off, her voice serious again. “I'm happy for you, Ali. I root for hard workers.”

You go to thank her again but she's already hung up and the line is dead. The phone drops onto your lap and Ashlyn's grip brings you back down.

“I'm going to camp!” You squeal and before the words are out Ashlyn's arms are smothering you. She kisses the top of your head repeatedly in between her many congratulations.

“I'm so proud of you!” She tells you. Her hands land on both sides of your cheeks, her thumbs brushing your skin. “You are unbelievable.” Her voice is gentle, her warm breath hitting your lips. “And _so_ deserving.” She shakes her head a few times. Disbelief is washed over her face, though your not sure what she's so amazed by. You think she's impressed by your comeback but the way she's looking at you feels much deeper than that.

Her eyes flicker to your lips and your stomach flips. You're mesmerized by the flecks of color in her eyes and you're positive no one has ever looked so beautiful.

“Ali,” she says. You can tell her breath hitches by the way her chest pops up. She leans forward slightly. There's something hanging between the two of you—something she's not telling you and something you're not sure you're ready to say aloud. Instead, you connect your lips with hers and she appears to be grateful for the distraction, her mouth melting against yours.

You stay connected for a few moments. You wallow in the way your stomach flips. You feel light and pull Ashlyn closer. She smiles against you and pulls away slightly. Her forehead rests against yours and at the same time, your smiles fall the slightest bit. The silence feels heavy and lasts longer than you wish.

“So,” you finally break. “I guess... I guess we'll have to face them all in two weeks.” She brushes your brown hair behind your ear.

“Side by side,” she smiles, hoping to lighten the mood. This is a proud moment and she's not going to let it be taken from you. She senses your trepidation growing and quickly adds, “you saw how supportive the girls were. We'll be alright, Al, I promise.” You nod a few times, careful not to bang your forehead with hers.

“How can you be so calm?” You ask, smile still in tact. Her composure has always impressed you. As goofy as she can get, you rarely see her flustered.

“Think about it, Ali,” she says as she sits back a bit. “What is the _worst_ possible outcome that could come from the girls or Pia or anyone finding out about this,” she motions between the two of you. Your mind takes off, sorting through dozens of scenarios in seconds. You know there's no way Pia would kick you off the team for being with Ashlyn or another player as long as you kept it professional. You know she doesn't care enough about the personal lives of her players. So instead, your worst outcomes land on being ignored for a bit by friends, a few awkward encounters, people not understanding—but they all feel temporary.

“Is it worth it?” Ashlyn asks, breaking you from your thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Is this worth it? For you, I mean. Is whatever I am to you...is that worth more than those outcomes?” She's not looking for a specific answer, she's asking because she genuinely wants you to figure it out for yourself.

“I—I...you—“ Ashlyn cuts you off when she hears you stuttering.

“For me it is,” she shrugs, like this is the simplest thing in the world. Your entire body fills with warmth. A heat you've never known pumps through your blood and you have your answer.

“For me too,” you add quickly, your hands finding Ashlyn's. The relief on her face makes your heart speed up again. She pulls you in for a hug, her arms squeezing you as if she's holding on for her life. When the moment passes, you pull away and your eyes fall into Ashlyn's.

“Can I ask you something?” She lets her back rest against the bed frame as she pools your hands into her lap.

“Shoot,” she smiles, any tension clearly dissipated.

“The other day, when the girls were leaving Tobin said something.” You know it's not a question, but the way Ashlyn's hands close around yours let you know she's following. Her eyes fall serious. If you're quoting anything Tobin said, she knows it had to be coming from philosophical Tobs.

“What'd she say?” She asks you, her voice meek. Her eyes hold yours but she looks as if she doesn't want to. You swallow to alleviate some of the dryness in your throat.

“Well first at the table,” you shrug, like it carries less importance than it does. “She mentioned how you've never been like this before.” Ashlyn shrugs back, but not in an attempt to lessen the meaning.

“Yeah,” she agrees. “I wasn't really serious about this kinda stuff in college,” she admits. You nod, knowing that's only partly what Tobin meant. You ignore the fact that Ashlyn had a serious girlfriend—a serious girlfriend that broke her heart, and decide to move forward.

“As we were saying our goodbyes,” you continue, she said something else.

“Tobin,” Ashlyn groans, her hands covering all of her face. You giggle at her expression and tug her hands back to her lap.

“She said you've never been so carefree. She said you're serious about this...” you say and Ashlyn wants to jump in but she knows you're leaving out something so she waits. “She told me this is it for you.”

The words sit frozen in between you, the air that suddenly feels thick as smoke. Her eyes fail to meet yours. Her hands have become more interesting, apparently, as she studies the cracks in her palm like they hold her destiny. You wait for Ashlyn's reply but the silence becomes too much.

“What did she mean?” You nudge, hoping to encourage a response from the keeper. Eyes still on her hands, she starts.

“I—I am serious,” is all she manages. You know she has more to say, so you wait. You wait for what feels like an hour. You let your knee brush against Ashlyn's thigh, hoping the contact will ease her. “I don't know why it's been so easy with you,” she finally continues. “I've never been so relaxed, so comfortable. I've never _not_ questioned every move I make with someone I'm into. I don't know, it just all feels so right.”

You take in her words, almost stunned by her honesty when your own question surfaces.

“So what did she mean by 'this is it?'” You expect Ashlyn's eyes to fall even further, for her body to tense again. You expect her to shy away even more but instead, the blonde's eyes bore into yours. Her jaw tightens but she holds your eyes.

“I think you know what she meant,” Ashlyn says, her voice serious but gentle. Your skin burns under her gaze. “I have a lot I want to say to you, Ali,” she adds, her composure completely in tact. “And I will,” she promises, “but I'm waiting until you're ready. I'm not going to rush this or put pressure on you or God forbid scare you off.”

“Ash—”

“No, Al, trust me.” That's all she needs to say. You'd trust her with your life, you think. You already trust her with your heart. “Tobin is right, that's all you need to know right now.”

Her words are more than enough. You find your lips closing in on Ashlyn's. You think you could stay like this forever. The way her hands feel against your back. No guy's hands have ever felt so strong, so protective, yet no one's touch has ever felt so gentle.

“Thank you,” you tell her, grateful for her honestly. She simply smiles and pulls you down to her chest. She reaches over and turns the lamp off.

“Get some sleep, superstar. Long days of training ahead,” she smiles, her lips pressed against the top of your head. “I'm so proud of you. We'll celebrate properly as soon as we have a break.”

Your arms tighten around Ashlyn's strong frame, her body providing a comfort you've been missing since you moved here. For the first time in months, you feel home.

 

* * *

 

 

Chris blows the whistle once more and you, Ashlyn and Pinoe take off sprinting. You're on your last and final round of finishers. Your lungs burn like hell and you pray your legs carry your over the line. You block out Chris, you block out your teammates and you push your body to the limit, Pia's words echoing in your mind. You _will_ make the roster. You have to.

The sprint is over forty seconds later and you grab onto the wall to keep from falling. You curse yourself for scheduling a private training session on the field after this, but you know you need it. If any part of you game is hurting, it's just that—your game. Your fitness and strength have been on point, but you're still fighting off the rust on the ball.

“You're slaughtering it,” Pinoe slaps your back when her breathing finally settles. “I can't wait for Pia to see this,” she shakes her head. Pinoe was maybe more excited than you to find out Pia had called. If there's someone who loves an underdog it's the blonde.

“Thanks,” you smile, your jaw straining to hold the position.

“Cool down, ladies,” Chris walks over, herding you three to the line. He walks you through the cool down, calling out stretches along the way.

“Chris?” You call, halfway through the cool down. Him and Pinoe are busy talking about some dessert place by his apartment when you interrupt.

“What's up?”

“Pia said you sent in some video?” You ask, knowing he understands the question.

“I'm sorry, Al, I just wanted to make sure she could _see_ the progress for herself. Times are just stats, they're not everything.”

“No, no, it helped a ton, I just didn't even know you took any.”

“Actually, it was Ashlyn's idea, she helped me set up the camera. We thought it'd be a good idea to do all we could, since you'd been putting in the hard work. We got some box jumps, simple acceleration drills, ladders and footwork, a couple weightlifting things in there.”

You eyes turn to Ashlyn who appears more focused on stretching out her quad. She doesn't look over, worried you may not be pleased with her invading your privacy.

“Thank you guys,” you say, eyes on Ashlyn in disbelief. “Seriously, thank you so much, that means the world.” When Chris doesn't answer, Ashlyn shrugs and looks up.

“We figured your hard work deserved to be seen.”

“Damn,” Pinoe shakes her head. “Genius.”

You laugh, finishing the rest of your cool down. You feel infinitely lucky. Luckier than you've ever known. You don't notice the irony. Here you are, nursing a blown out knee in hopes of making the US roster in time for the upcoming Olympics on a time line that appears nearly impossible. You moved back to a foreign country, isolating yourself from your loved ones when you need them the most. Your timing has been anything but lucky. But here you are, watching the blonde intently, wondering who decided to make you so damn lucky.

The second you make it into the locker room, your arms fall over Ashlyn as you mumble thank you's into her ear. You feel her smile against your hair and tighten your hug.

“Thank you so much, I can never repay you.” To that, the blonde just smirks. You playfully slap her arm as she tosses you a clean towel. You wipe your body off as Pinoe stifles her laughter.

“You two,” she shakes her head. You ignore the banter between the two blondes as you rush to slip into your soccer gear. You're grabbing your bag from your locker, rushing to head out, when you notice the girls are frozen. It takes only a second to analyze the room.

“Ashlyn,” you breathe, her face completely drained of color. She's staring down at her phone. Pinoe takes a step towards her as you rush to her side. “Ash, what's wrong?” You beg, your composure completely gone. Ashlyn looks as if she's seen a ghost. She says nothing, she just turns her phone towards the two of you.

**Mom:** _Honey call ASAP please._

You read the text and your stomach drops. She quickly switches to her call log and you see three missed calls from her Mom. Tears well up instantly and you think you might be sick. You've received texts like that, you've had more than one missed call at a time and—being in Germany—you know each call means more here.

Chris. Ashlyn's brother. You know that's why she's calling, Pinoe knows that's why she's calling and undoubtedly Ashlyn knows it too. She begins shaking her head, unwilling herself to believe the worst. You drop your bag and sit at her side, your hands grabbing hers. Her Mom has heard little to nothing about Chris since he went missing after being discharged from the hospital. His cell phone had a bit of activity, but not enough to track him down.

The three of you sit there holding each other, none of you ready to break the unknown. Ashlyn can't call. She has to, she needs to, but she can't bring herself to dial the buttons. None of you force her to, you just hold her. It's not until you realize how pressing the matter could be, how Chris could be left with only minutes like Kyle once was, that you grab the phone from her.

“We're right here, Ash,” you hold out the phone. A minute and a half later, the blonde gives you the go ahead nod and you hit call, her floodgates opened at once.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I've kept you guys waiting. Life just gets in the way sometimes. School is hectic and I'm working 2 jobs, but I am NOT abandoning the story! I just ask for patience!  
> xxx  
> thank you so much for the support always.  
> be grateful and spread love  
> p.s.   
> I appreciate those who are not cursing at me in the comments--being hostile does not encourage me to write.


	27. Hope

“Mom?” Ashlyn barely manages. Her voice squeaks and her tears flow and you just about break into an uneven half. You find her free hand and lock your fingers with hers. She relaxes as your thumb brushes over the back of her hand. You can hear her mother's voice faintly on the other end and your eyes lock with Pinoe's. The tension holds you both still. “What?” Ashlyn breathes and you squeeze harder. Her sobs come on stronger and she folds over like a rag doll, head hanging over her knees. Your arms wrap around her as Pinoe's hands stroke her hair. Your heart is out of your chest, you're sure of it. _Please_ , you beg. _Please don't let it be what you think it is._

The line is silent. Ashlyn is silent. The only sound coming from the two Harris woman is sobs. Time passes. You're not sure how much. You've been rubbing her black desperately, waiting for her tears to slow. Finally, they do.

“I love you,” you think she mumbles into her phone. “Yeah. Mhm. Thank you, ma. I'll call tomorrow.” She's resting her head against her hands but she's leaning too forward for you to see the redness hiding her eyes. “Goodbye. I love you,” she says once more before hanging up. You're all frozen for a moment, holding on to the bit of innocence left for you and Pinoe. You wait on Ashlyn and, finally, she leans back. She turns to you first and you feel a stab somewhere deep in your chest. Her eyes meet yours first and, before you can fully register her orbs, she buries into your neck.

“He...he tried to....he...he tried to kill himself,” she mumbles against your skin. Your grip tightens and by now, Pinoe and you are both crying. “His friend found him. He—he found him alone and,” she pauses. “He almost didn't make it. Just like...” she pauses and you lose your breath when you think about her Dad.

“Shh,” you try to quiet her tears but you know there's no it's stupid. She deserves to cry. She needs to cry.

“He's okay,” she finally tells you. “He's finally—he's finally in a facility.” For the first time, she pulls away and lets you and Pinoe take a good look at her. There's a slight smile on her face. The most she could muster in this circumstance. Pinoe's hand squeezes her knee and Ashlyn's hand rests atop it. “He won't talk to her, my mom,” she clarifies. “He's too embarrassed. He's ashamed and he won't let her visit or answer her calls or anything.” She's crying but there's a bit of hope in her voice, you think. From what you told her, this moment was huge for Kyle. The moment he realized how much he _wanted_ his family to be proud of him. That turned him around and you think Ashlyn is hoping the same for Chris.

“Ash,” you sigh and take her hand in yours. “I can't promise you anything, you and I both know that. I can't promise you he'll be okay and I can't promise you this is for the best. But we can hope,” you tell her. “He's safe for now. He's safe and in a facility and you've just gotta hope it's the right one. You've gotta hope he's realizes he's as strong as you know he is. It's all you can do.”

For the first time, she offers you a genuine smile. It's not much, but it's real.

“I know,” she nods with a meek voice. Her eyes fixate on the floor in front of her. Pinoe's voice breaks her from her stuck gaze.

“If there's one thing the Harris fam is, it's fighters,” she rubs Ash's knee and the three of you smile.

“Can't argue with that,” you playfully nudge Ashlyn with your elbow. She giggles softly and opens her arms, making room for her two girls. You both wrap your arms around her torso and she tighten's her grip.

“Don't know what I'd do without you guys.”

You knew Ashlyn was strong, but there's something unbelievably mesmerizing about seeing it up close like this. She's showing her vulnerabilities, yet she's the one with her arms wrapped around the two of you. She's strong as hell and you don't think you've ever been more in love with her.

In love.

Your body tenses. So much so that Ashlyn looks down at you with narrowed eyes. You don't notice, of course, because your mind is racing at a speed you _wish_ your legs moved. Ashlyn leans into you, hoping to relax you but your muscles only contract tighter.

“Al,” she whispers and you realize her and Pinoe are looking on with concerned faces.

“S-sorry,” you stammer. “Just—zoned out.” It's all you allow yourself to say, too worried the truth will slip out.

You knew it. Deep down, you knew that's the only word hanging between the two of you. But thinking the word—even in your head—has your entire body in shams. Adrenaline is pumping through you yet you're almost positive you couldn't move a muscle if you tried. You feel like you're in quicksand, slowly being pulled under. Hopeless. It started slow, Ashlyn pulling you in. It covered your shins and knees first. But now you're sinking quick. You're too far gone, too deep in the sand to pull yourself out. Heck, you don't think the entire team together could pull you out. And you don't care. You're neck deep in quicksand you don't fucking care. You're in love.

“Ali,” Pinoe says. She's standing already, clearly waiting for you.

“Sorry,” you apologize again. Ashlyn stands above you and reaches her hand down for you to grab. You latch on and make it to your feet as Pinoe walks towards the door. Ashlyn's hand falls to your core, stopping you from walking any further.

“You okay, Al?” She leans in. “I know this has gotta be hard for you to relive.” Her voice is soft and all-too considerate considering the news the blonde just received. You wrap your arms around her neck, realizing _you're_ supposed to be the one comforting her.

“No, no,” you shake your head until she finally relents and unwinds against you. “I'm okay,” you promise her. “Just thinking about you,” you assure her. She presses closer against you and you wonder how you've made it this far in life without her. You don't think you can ever go back. Not now. “You're so special,” you find the words falling from your lips. The giggles against your ear send a chill down your spine.

“Why are you laughing?” You pull away, hand resting on the small of Ashlyn's neck.

“You're adorable, that's all,” she smiles. Her hands fall to your waist and she leans towards you.

“Come on, love birds,” Pinoe shouts from the door. “I'm gonna eat my arm off.” Pinoe's halfway out the locker room when Ashlyn pecks your nose and spins to catch up with the blonde.

 

* * *

 

 

“Harder!” You shout.

“I'm drilling them!” Chris laughs defensively. You adjust the tongue of your cleat with a huff.

“Just toe-blow it or something,” you shrug.

“Al, you're doing great, I promise. Lighten up.” You shoot him a look that's more than enough to shut him up. He raises his hands in defeat and kicks another ball at your shins from fifteen yards away. You shuffle to the left and get your body behind the ball, giving with your left foot as the ball lands directly under her cleats.

“Perf-”

“Ugh!” You groan, cutting your trainer off.

“Ali,” he stops the ball you pass back to him. “Take a lap. Cool off,” he demands as he makes a loop motion with his finger. You don't argue.

You loosen your legs out as you jog the perimeter. _Relax_ you try to tell yourself. You've never been one to put too much pressure on yourself. You love the game and you love hard work, that's it. But since you got the invitation back to camp you feel desperate to prove you still belong. It's silly, you know, but truth be told there's an added factor this time. You know your new relationship is going to bring about more attention on yourself than you're comfortable with. So you can't falter for a second. You have to be strong.

Your legs bring you to a stop in front of Chris and you motion for the ball at your feet.

“Sit,” he says, his voice alarmingly stern. He's rarely harsh, partially because you've never required that to make you work, so his tone works the first time. He reaches for your foot and you realize he's trying to stretch you out. You roll onto your back as he gently guides your hamstring back. “What's going on?”

“I need to get back,” you say matter-of-factly. He doesn't take that as a response.

“What's going on?” He asks again. Your eyes close as he pushes your leg further down. “Ali,” he sighs when your silence becomes to much. “You don't have to prove anything to them.” He drops your leg to make sure all of your attention is on his words. “You making it back this quick says all you need to say. They already know you belong. How long have you been playing with these girls? Climbing the ladder? You're _here_ for a reason.” You barely react to his words and he decides to sit beside you.

“I've got to come back stronger,” is all you say. He looks defeated and the two of you fall silent once more.

“Ali,” he says with finality. “What's _really_ going on?” He's never pressed you like this, not with anything that didn't require physical strength. He's probing, waiting for you to say something but your lips feel locked. “Is this about whatever's going on with Ashlyn?” Chris is looking at you with eyes only full of sincerity.

“W-what?” You stutter, caught of guard by his accusation. His incredibly accurate accusation.

“Oh come on, Al, I don't live under a rock.”

“I—nothing—I,” you don't know why you're trying to hide it and catch yourself. “How did you...”

“It's not like you guys are that subtle in between sessions or at lunch breaks,” he shrugs. “You're both happy, it's clear.”

“I don't know how to handle this all. When we get there, with the girls and the coaches and the training... I don't know how to tell everyone or how to act. I don't want to seem distracted.”

“Ali, you're the last girl I know that would get distracted over a girl. Or guy. Or whatever,” he shrugs and you laugh at his honesty. “You've already proved that in training with me and the team. The game is everything to you when you're on that field. No one is going to question it. Is this why you've been so worried about being perfect?”

“I can't seem distracted.” He chuckles a little.

“Al, you're really over thinking this. Have you told any of the girls?”

“A few.”

“And how did they take it?” He asks. You picture the girls at coffee.

“Uh, fine. Good. They we're good,” you nod.

“Exactly. Do you know how many teams these girls have played on before this one? Odds are they _all_ have experience with at least two girls on the team dating or hooking up or even just flirting. At this level, it's not unheard of. They're mature and they know why you're here. Not to find yourself a wifey,” he jokes. You laugh and feel your chest loosen.

“I know,” you tell yourself. “I know. I just want to stay focused.”

“Can I be honest?” He asks. You nod. “If anything, being with Ashlyn has only helped you these past few months.” You raise your eyebrows at him. “You were lifeless before she got here. You were just going through the motions. Lifting, rehab, training, swimming, running, whatever. You worked hard but your passion wasn't there. I dare you to take a look at your productivity before she got here and after. You've been increasing at a rapid rate,” he laughs with a bit of disbelief. “I don't know what it is, trying to impress a crush or something,” he teases as he elbows your rib playfully.

“Shut up,” you roll your eyes, your laughter genuine for the first time since the session began. He pulls you in with one arm around your shoulder.

“I'm happy for you, Al,” he smiles. “You deserve all of this. It's been a few rough years. Let yourself enjoy this, please.”

Your head falls on his shoulder and your eyes close.

Enjoy it.

 

* * *

 

 

“Relax,” Pinoe says as you walk into the elevator. Your shoulders fall to your sides as you unclench your fists. “Who you tryna fight, Kriegs?” She laughs and Ashlyn joins her.

“I'm anxious!” You can't believe you're here. Camp starts in three days and the team is filing in over the next few days. Reality is setting in.

“Relax, babe,” Ashlyn laughs and the nickname detangles the knots in your stomach. “It's gonna be okay.” You pray you're rooming with Pinoe or one of the other girls who knows. You pray that, in the safety of your room, this won't eat away at you.

“I don't think I can do it,” you start to backtrack as the elevator starts to ascend. You turn to the wall and Pinoe spins you back around.

“Krieger, breath. You've got like, what, fix or six of us down already. More if you count you two. That's almost half of the team that knows.”

“We'll work on your time, I promise,” Ashlyn squeezes your hand. “Just focus on soccer, okay?” Her voice soothes you. “We'll tell whoever _you're_ ready to tell _when_ you're ready.”

“I want you to tell whoever you want,” you add, making sure Ashlyn knows how important her voice is, too.

“Don't you worry about me,” she smiles. Her grin melts a warmth through your blood. You can't believe how lucky you are. You're in love, harder than you ever thought possible, with an incredible woman. You've got to tell her. It's burning a hole in you, the weight of the words becoming almost a burden. Not now, you know that. Not in this elevator with Pinoe and five huge suitcases. No, not now. Instead, you settle for a gentle kiss on the blonde's cheek.

_Ding._

The doors open, revealing a doe eyed Heather Mitts and a flustered Kelley O'Hara. You see them last. Pinoe and Ashlyn both tense and the air between the five of you feels more like smog.

In the split second before anyone can move, a spastic Kelley comes onto her toes and plants an equally gentle kiss on Mittsy's cheek, causing everyone but you and Mittsy to burst out into an uncomfortable laughter.

And so it begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for hanging with me guys. Life is crazy and I cherish the time I have to write, unfortunately it's been slim recently. I love you all and am so thankful for you!!! I will never abandon this, I promise


	28. One Down

You find yourself backing into the wall of the elevator as Mittsy's eyes stay locked on you.

“Heather,” you gulp. Your ribcage expands as Kelley gently guides the blonde into the elevator, the doors closing behind her. Ashlyn and Pinoe exchange a glance before Mittsy's eyebrows finally relax. She drops her gym bag, lets out a sharp laugh and opens her arms for you.

“Don't just stand there, you guys gonna hug me or what?!” You wrap your arms around Mittsy with a giggle but your body stays tense, a fact that doesn't go unnoticed by the blonde. She quickly hugs Pinoe and Ashlyn while Kelley greets you. The elevator reaches the 9th floor and you all pile out, bags in hand. You think the moment is passed, you think you're in the clear when Heather snatches your wrist as Ashlyn pulls ahead.

“You two getting along well?” She eyes you suspiciously, her tone gentle and laced with confusion. You wish she'd let go of your wrist. You know within a matter of seconds your nerves will produce a noticeable amount of sweat on your skin. All you can give is a nod, your voice suddenly caught somewhere deep in your stomach.

“Mittsy,” Kelley breaks the silence for you. “912, that's you,” she points to the door as she passes. Ashlyn turns on her heels and pulls out the hotel key.

“Looks like you found your roommate, Al,” Ashlyn breathes with a smile and Mittsy lets out an excited shriek. Ashlyn takes a few steps forward to hand you your key.

“Sorry,” she whispers. She doesn't want to leave you alone with her right now, not after the elevator.

“It's okay,” you promise, attempting to regain composure. It's only Mittsy, you tell yourself. She was the last person you worried about telling. But now, face to face, you'd do just about anything to avoid being alone with the blonde.

“Meet downstairs in thirty?” Kelley calls out to you two and you assume you're confirming dinner plans.

“Perfect,” Mittsy smiles before unlocking the door and stepping inside. The girls give you one last apologetic look before you follow your friend inside. You don't even have time to place your bags down before Heather is pointing towards the bed.

“Sit,” she says. You think you hear her giggle at your groan, but you do as you're told and sit on the all too familiar hotel comforter. You haven't missed the rough fabric. You struggle to meet Mittsy's eyes, but she seems to have no problem boring into yours. She sits beside you and you adjust as the bed sinks slightly.

“You want to tell me what's going on?” She says softly. She's not accusatory. No, she's genuinely curious. Maybe even concerned, you think. You know Heather can't _actually_ know anything—she barely saw anything and you know Kelley wouldn't have spilled.

“What do you mean?” You ask, hoping to draw out whatever information she thinks she's privy to.

“I _mean_ ,” she sings out, “what the heck was that back there?” She gives you a moment to speak up and, when you don't, she continues. “You see me and totally tense up. It's been what, three months? You've completely kicked _ass_ and made it back to camp and _that_ is how you greet me? With a stiff hug?” Her voice is soft but there's a slight teasing in her tone.

“I'm sorry,” you exhale a breathy laugh as your head falls onto her shoulder. Your body relaxes. “I'm just a bet anxious, I think,” you try. “Pia made it pretty clear she'd be scrutinizing my game and I just don't feel as confident as I should,” you mumble. It's not the truth, but it's not exactly a lie. Mittsy wraps her arms around your shoulder as your head nuzzles into you.

“Alexandra Krieger,” she coos, smile on her lips. “Do you know _anyone_ else whose come back this strong? You've got quicker times than half of us already—” you cut her off mid thought.

“I feel strong. It's not that. I feel quick, I feel strong but my _game_ ,” you shrug. “I just don't know if I'm there.”

“You've got to stop that thinking,” she slaps your leg. “There's absolutely no one this team feels more confident with at right back than you. You've got to remember that.” Her voice is earnest and for the first time in months you feel needed on the field. “We've got your back. I'm not worried about your game, you just have to get your confidence back,” she tells you and you can't think of anything you needed to hear more. You wrap your arms around her torso and she laughs into your hair. “So that's it?” She presses. “That's all that's going on? Just some nerves?”

“Mhm,” you promise, your head still resting on her shoulder. She sits up slightly, enough to make you adjust your head.

“So then, it has nothing to with that kiss in the elevator?”

Your muscles contract. You don't want to sit up because you don't want her to see your face, but Heather slides out from under you. Your skin is burning under her gaze. You don't dare look at her, otherwise you'd see the surprise seeping in her eyes. Her stare becomes too intense and you find yourself burying your face in your hands.

“Ali,” she slides closer, gently prying your hands from your face. You look up at her with such puppy dog eyes that Mittsy actually coos. You take a deep breath, suddenly wishing this was on Ashlyn. Logically, you know Mittsy will be supportive. But right now, you'd do anything to stop your hands from shaking. Your friend must notice because she squeezes them between her own. “You're trembling,” she states. “Talk to me Kriegs.”

Rip the bandaid off. That's what Pinoe and Ashlyn both suggested when you asked for coming out advice. You don't need to pander someone like Mittsy, someone with multiple out and close gay friends. You tell yourself that, yet here you are, telling her unnecessary details.

“You saw me a few months ago,” you tell her. “Heck, a year ago, think about where I was. Taylor took something from me.” You haven't said his name, let alone thought about him, since you started seriously flirting with Ashlyn, but it feels right to start with him.

“I know,” Mittsy reminds you, unsure of where you're going.

“I don't—I'm sorry,” you shake your head. “I don't know how to do this.”

“Ali, it's me,” she reminds you. “It's just me.” You sigh, letting your eyes flutter shut.

“I need to tell you something.” You stop there, going over wording in your head, your heart pounding hard. “I—I kissed Ashlyn's cheek for a reason,” you try, but Mittsy doesn't seem to understand, so you continue. “I—we...we're _together,_ ” you mumble so softly you _know_ she didn't hear you.

“What'd you say?” She asks, her hand falling to your knee.

“I—I'm with her. We're... Ashlyn and I... I'm with... we're dating,” you finally ramble and, for the first time, it seems to click in Heather's mind. The whites in her eyes get larger for a nanosecond, her eyebrows shooting up. Her confusion sets in, but you can't bring yourself to look her in the eyes long enough to see it.

“You're...dating,” she repeats softly, hoping for confirmation. When you only nod she adds, “Is that all you're going to say?” You can feel her smiling and your chest expands a bit. She feels your breath and quickly pulls you in for a hug. “Ali, I love you girl, you know that.”

“I love you, too,” you manage.

“And,” she pushes your back, her hands staying firm on your shoulders. “I support whoever you want to be with, especially a catch like Ashlyn. But,” she sings, “I would _love_ if you would so kindly fill me in on whatever the hell you're talking about.” You laugh with her, your entire body relaxing. You suddenly feel silly for getting so worked up over telling her, yet you don't think you could have prevented it—even if you were guaranteed this outcome.

“Okay, okay,” you giggle. “I'm sorry, I didn't expect it to be so hard to say.” Heather just rubs your back with a smile, waiting patiently. You tell her how it happened—how your feelings slowly shifted, how Ashlyn waited respectfully for you to realize your feelings, how Ashlyn has slowly transformed your world. Heather listens intently, only interrupting you for small clarifications along the way. Her eyes are wide but loving.

“I...I know it's going to be hard for everyone,” you ramble, not wanting to sit in silence. “I don't know how they're going to take it, us being together on a team and all.”

“Ali,” she stops you. “How many teams have you been on that you _know_ for fact two girls were a little more than friends?” You nod, knowing more than a few—both spoken and unspoken. “You two are professionals first. I've never known either of you to let anything get in the way of the team or the game.”

“I know,” you say unconvincingly.

“Ali,” she smiles, her tone changing. You think you see tears pooling in her eyes and your forehead creases. “Once everyone sees you, this isn't going to matter,” she whispers. “Watching you talk about her right now, I haven't seen you this genuinely happy in years,” she says. “Maybe ever,” she amends. Now it's you who has tears appearing.

“I am happy,” you promise.

“So you've really thought this all through?” She confirms, her motherly instinct setting in. “You're going for it?” You sigh, knowing how many times you'll be getting this question. “Ali,” she interjects again, “I don't mean it like that, it's just...I'm so proud of you. I am _so_ damn proud of you for going for it. I couldn't be happier for you.”

You're crying now. You don't care, you don't stop the tears. Heather pulls you closer and wipes your eyes for you.

“Hey, no crying,” she laughs. “Ashlyn is incredible, we all know that. It may take some time for girls to wrap their head around it, but we just want you both to be happy. I'll be right by your side.”

You can't thank Heather enough. She hugs you a few times, demands you give more in depth details at night, and helps you wash up for dinner. The two of you head down to the lobby to meet up with the other girls.

You're relieved to see that only HAO, Pinoe Ashlyn and Kelley will be joining the two of you—girls that already know. HAO wraps you up in her arms before you find your way to Ashlyn. You ignore the eyes on you as you snatch her wrist and pull her into a bear hug, snuggling fitting against her chest.

“You okay?” She whispers.

“I didn't think it was gonna be so hard,” you laugh, but she can sense the lightness in your voice.

“It went okay?” Her smile is enough to make just about anything okay, you think. You've only been apart for thirty minutes or so, yet a peace washes over you the second you're near her.

“She's great. Though I'm sure I'm gonna be drilled tonight about every last detail.” Ashlyn chuckles as you fall in line behind HAO and Pinoe, her arm firmly around your shoulder. She slowly releases you when you step outside and you fall in line with your teammates.

* * *

 

Dinner was easy. You were comfortable, Ashlyn on your right, Pinoe on your left. Though you could feel Mittsy's eyes on you the entire dinner, she seemed happy and thoughtful. You promise Ashlyn you'll swing by her room after you get settled. You've just finished washing your face when Heather meets you in the doorway. Her grin is wide and you raise an eyebrow.

“Can I be honest with you?” She asks. You nod, pushing past her and walking over to your bed. You slide into your sweats and hop on the edge of the bed, Mittsy sitting on the bed across from you. “When you first told me, about you and Ashlyn,” she clarifies, “I didn't fully get it,” she confesses. “I mean, I supported you and you're both great but I just—I didn't see it in my head, I guess.” You're not sure where she's going with this or if you're supposed to be offended, but you let her finish. “But seeing you two together, watching you interact, watching you _watch_ each other,” she shakes her head. “It's like, how didn't I see it earlier?” She's laughing lightly and shaking her head. You both know it would have been impossible for her to predict it, or any of the girls for that matter. They'd never seen you interact—as friends or more—so it would just seem out of the blue. “You're in love,” she says pointedly. Your face flushes and your heart nearly stops.

“Woah, woah, woah,” you try chuckling, but your throat is dry and gives you away.

“Oh my God, you are so in love. You're in love and you haven't even told her,” she teases.

“How would you know!” You try to defend yourself, but your heated cheeks tell all.

“You really haven't told her, have you?” Her voice is gentle now, smile wiped.

“Heather,” you breath. “I—how can you even tell?” You ask earnestly, wondering the question yourself.

“You're not exactly subtle,” she smirks. “Either of you.”

“Ugh,” you groan, falling backwards. “Everyone is going to be able to tell.”

“Maybe it's better that way,” she shrugs. “Maybe if they're guessing a bit, seeing how much you care, it will be easier to tell them.” Her suggestion surprises you, but she has a point. You just dropped a bomb on her, she'd hardly seen you guys in the same room—it didn't make sense until she saw you both at dinner. The idea calms you a bit. Maybe, you think, after the girls see you together—as friends—they won't be so shocked at the idea of the two of you being more than that.

“Yeah,” you sit up. You're noticeably relieved, a weight off your shoulders. “I—I've gotta go—”

“Yeah, yeah,” she waves you off. “Go tell Ash I've calmed your pretty mind,” she chuckles. You roll your eyes and jog a few doors down. You knock on room 920 and, as soon as Ashlyn answers the door, fall into her arms. She tenses up as you lean up for a kiss and you pull away, your arms around her core.

“Who's that?” You hear from around the corner, snapping your hands from her hips quicker than they found their way there. Sydney peaks her head from behind the wall.

“Kriegs!” She screams sprinting at you. She pushes Ash to the side and jumps into your arms. You're giggling as you hold her up. “You made it back!” She finds her way to the ground. “What a stud,” she playfully nudges you. “How's it feel?”

“Good, good,” you smile. “Happy to be playing. How are _you?_ ” You ask, questioning her about Dom and her life back home. She fills you in briefly before the question finally hits.

“You came here to see this one?” She nods to Ashlyn with a grin and your stomach finds its way back into knots. Her voice isn't accusatory, though. “Happy to see you made at least one friend in Germany,” she teases Ashlyn and walks back towards her bed. You and Ashlyn sneak a look, her lips parting slightly to let out some air—a move that has you instinctually wetting your own.

This is going to be harder than you thought.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words can't express how sorry I am for keeping you waiting...Life happens. I've got a month off from school and work and am ecstatic to be back to writing. Thank you for staying with me--for reading, for commenting, for all the messages. You are truly the best. I will make it up to you.  
> Much love and a happy and healthy 2016!


	29. Glowing

Your eyes lock on the projected schedule, mentally noting the hours free for rehab. You remember Ashlyn using the free mornings last camp to focus on her knee, but between the early morning scheduled sessions, and not wanting to seem _too_ attached to Ashlyn, you rule that out. At night, you decide, is your best bet—though your body already aches from just thinking about the added session.

“Feeling good about fitness tomorrow?” Mittsy leans in to check. You nod, knowing fitness is the last of your concern right now. After multiple talks with some of the girls, you're gaining some confidence back before your boots have even hit the pitch. They've seen your skill, you just have to focus on getting back to that level.

Pia details tomorrow's plans but your focus is on her voice. She's uncharacteristically giddy, more excited than usual and you think that can only play to your benefit. The girls have rubbed off on her, you think. The first few days at camp are always a bit of a love fest, today being no exception. Everyone knowingly showed up to the meeting thirty minutes early to spread their love the way they know best—hugs. You think you can still feel the lingering effects of Abby's grip on your lower back.

It's not until Pia dismisses the team for dinner that your anxiety sets in. You don't want to overthink things anymore. You want to go sit with Ashlyn. You want to be near the one woman with the capacity to send your heart rate into overdrive while still somehow managing to put your mind at peace. But you can't. Not right now, you know that. You want the girls to see you together, that much you know. You want them to be acquainted with the idea of the two of you before springing it on anyone, but tomorrow's your first day back on the pitch and you can't risk any outside distraction. Instead, you sit with Pinoe—pleased when Ashlyn and Syd grab the seats across from you. You lose yourself in conversation, your eyes flickering to Ashlyn every minute or so. You notice the way her voice captivates more than just you, the way your teammates hang onto her words the same way you do. You swell with pride, watching her with your friends—her friends. Your lives are intertwined and you are suddenly filled with the gravity of the situation.

You spend the rest of the night trying to find a way to be alone with the blonde. After you said goodnight to her and Syd last night, you haven't found a second alone. Your stomach is a bundle of nerves for tomorrow's start of camp and you need a few minutes alone with her. You see her and Pinoe heading out of the hotel and you quickly excuse yourself from a conversation with Kling and Morgan, following the blondes out.

“Ash,” you call out, your feet coming to a slow when they girls turn around.

“Pinoe,” Megan mocks with a chuckle.

“Sorry,” you laugh and playfully nudge the smaller of the two. “Hi Pinoe.” You slide into Ashlyn's side, melting into her toned torso as she wraps her arm around your shoulder and tugs you closer.

“Hows my girl,” she whispers, though Pinoe's heard much worse. You exhale a choppy breath while shaking your head.

“That bad?” Pinoe asks. Her tone is gentle and you know from her voice that she's felt this way before. “I can head back and give you two some time,” she nods back towards the hotel. “I'll hang out by the door if you want, wait for you to get back and we can all walk in together.” Pinoe turns on her heels and you snatch her wrist.

“Wait.” She's yanked back towards you. “I—thank you,” you mumble, your eyes softer than before. “But I wanted your input on this, too.” Pinoe falls in line with you again and Ashlyn, whose hand falls to the small of your back, looks down at you intently. “I didn't come into this with a plan,” you admit. “In my head, I just had this idea that I would come in and _tell_ everyone. Like I could just make one declaration or something and be done.” You scoff at how ridiculous it sounds out loud, but by the girl's laughs you don't think you're the first one to think that. “But I could barely get the words out to Mittsy. Freaking _Mittsy!_ ” You laugh at yourself a bit, Ashlyn's hand finding the exposed skin on the back of your neck. You do your best to ignore the goosebumps ignited on your skin and continue. “I was a mumbling idiot.”

“Al, you've got to cut yourself some slack,” Pinoe jumps in as you make a right to avoid waiting at the stoplight. “This is so new to you. The fact that you've opened yourself up to this in such a short amount of time is a big deal. Whether you've had these feelings inside since you were six or they've only been there for three months, it doesn't matter. It's hard as hell to say it out loud.”

“I know,” you mumble, not letting yourself believe it.

“She's right,” Ashlyn rubs your back as she comes to a stop. You and Pinoe follow her lead and come to a halt under a street lamp. “You have no clue how impressed I've been with you, Al. You've taken so much of this in stride. You're not holding back from me, and I can't thank you enough for that. But this is hard and it's okay to take your time with it.” You nod, taking in the information as best you can while their eyes bore into you.

“I hear you,” you finally say. “But, my point: When I was talking to Heather she told me that when I dropped the news, she was shocked. Like shocked in the way that it didn't make sense. She didn't show it necessarily,” you think back, “but she said it didn't really click. But then, after dinner, she told me all it took was watching us interact.” You take Ashlyn's hand into yours, your fingers interlocking with hers. “She said it just made sense, watching us. She wondered how she hadn't thought of it first,” you laugh lightly.

“What, you couldn't keep your eyes off me?” Ashlyn teases with a playful smirk. You tug her hand with a laugh and Pinoe adds, “Goes both ways, Harris.”

“My point,” you sing, “is that maybe everyone just has to see us together a little,” you shrug.

“What, and then they'll just assume we're...” she trails off. Ashlyn seems to avoid the word girlfriend, as if hearing it aloud will scare you away.

“No,” you shake your head. “I'll have to tell them, I know that. But if they see us around each other, maybe they'll have suspicions or at least will _get_ it when I tell them, you know?”

“She's got a point,” Pinoe tells Ashlyn. “I mean, it took me what, thirty seconds around you guys to pick up the major lady boners you both had?” Your hands shoot up to your temples in an attempt to shield your eyes while Ashlyn simply smirks.

“So you're okay with them talking, then?” Ashlyn asks. “The whispers, the questions, the assumptions?” You shrug, not sure how okay you really are with that.

“We've got other things to focus on for now,” you admit meekly. Soccer is why you're here. You all know that. Ashlyn nods in agreement.

“Come here,” she finally breathes, her arms opening enough for you to slide in. Her lips press onto your forehead and, without you realizing it, Pinoe starts backing away.

“I'll meet at the hotel,” she says softly. It takes only a second for your lips to crash into Ashlyn's. It's been maybe twenty four hours since your lips last touched hers, but you kiss her like you've been deprived of her touch for months. Your breath is choppy as you pull away, reconnecting as quickly as contact was lost. Your hands find the back of her neck as your fingers brushing the hair out of her face. Ashlyn pulls your hips into hers, a moan escaping you.

“Has it been that long,” she teases with a giggle. You groan and pull her lips down by neckline of her shirt.

Your kiss is hasty, like you know you could be interrupted at any moment. You struggle to keep your breath steady and Ashlyn follows your lead, her hands staggering from your hips to your neck to your back to your ass. You bit her lip and she hums against you. You start to push her backwards, your hands on her chest as you walk out of the light and push her against the brick wall. She lets out a muffled groan as she makes contact. Your hands slide down her chest and, just as your thumbs lock in her waistband, your knocked off balance and find yourself stumbling sideways, the brick wall catching you.

“Oomf,” you mutter before your eyes open and you come to you senses.

“What the _fuck_?” Ashlyn spits out, her hands defensively shoving the figure that shoved you: Pinoe.

“Pull yourselves together,” she urges, tugging Ashlyn's shirt down as Ashlyn swats her hand away. “Abby, Cheney and Cap are coming this way,” she explains, clearly out of breath. Pinoe came sprinting at you full force. “Sorry,” she finally acknowledges knocking you into the wall. “They just turned into that café to grab tea or something,” she shakes her head. “They said they were going for a walk and I didn't know how far they'd be going.” You catch your breath before looking at Ashlyn. She's breathing heavily and her lip is pink and swollen. “Let's go,” she nods you in the opposite direction of your teammates. When you're out of earshot she begins laughing.

“Seriously?” She throws her hands up. “Are you _actually_ trying to keep a low profile?” She teases. Your too turned on to laugh. The knot in your core tightens and you can't bring yourself to look at the blonde. Her eyes are hooded and you'd do just about anything to have your own room. “Let's cool our jets for a bit,” Pinoe suggests. The three of you walk around the neighborhood for a few minutes until she deems Ashlyn's lip and your cheeks 'safe' for viewing.

“Thanks, Pinoe,” you mumble, eyes glued to the floor.

“You can look at me, you know,” she nudges you. “I'm not judging,” she promises you. “Just looking out.”

You want to kiss Ashlyn goodnight. You want her to hold you to calm your nerves. It occurs to you that she, too, is fighting to prove herself on the pitch and guilt washes over you. She's been so strong for you. You need to be stronger, you promise yourself. If not for you, than for her.

* * *

 

You finish only behind Kelley—a feat to be more than proud of considering the girl just set the WNT record for the beep test. 52 freaking shuttles. You tied Becky with 46 before your lungs gave out and you decided it best to stop there. You can tell by the look on the girls' faces that no one—not even Pinoe and Ash—expected this out of you. Pia even sent a sly smile your way. You may not be able to feel your legs at the moment, but your adrenaline is pumping and you feel on top of the world. Whether you prove yourself on the field or not, you can leave knowing your team _knows_ just how hard you worked to get back here.

You only run technical drills in the first session and relief washes over you when your first touch continues to fall where you want it. You weight session goes as planned. Physically, you're strong and healthy. You know that. The scrimmage is a different story. You're not exactly blowing it, but you're off. Rusty, maybe. You keep up, though, and ignore the voice creeping into your head. You deserve to be here.

The highlight of your day, you think, is your rehab session. Dawn called Ashlyn in to show her a new prevention exercise while you ran through your normal routine, giving you a few unstructured hours to be in her presence. The three of you goof around and you soak in the almost-private time. You ignore the way her arms look holding herself up in plank position and instead tell Dawn about your time in Frankfurt.

“Excuse me,” Ashlyn groans from the ground. She's holding a plank, her right leg outstretched straight in the air.

“Oh, shit,” Dawn mumbles and you both lose it. Dawn was timing Ashlyn and, when you glance at her stopwatch, you see she's more than thirty seconds over. “Down!” Ashlyn collapses onto the mat.

“Am I that forgettable?” She teases.

“Hit the ice bath, smart ass,” Dawn laughs, tossing a towel at the blonde who pulls her cut off tank over her head. She turns to you, glint in her eyes, and smirks as the muscles in her exposed abs contract. You just about take her right there when Dawn snaps you out of it.

“You too, warrior princess!” You hop off the table knowing just how much you need that ice bath to cool off. When you walk into the ice bath room you see Ashlyn talking to Whitney and smile. Their friendship is endearing and you love how opposite the girls are.

“Kriegs,” Whitney smiles, “way to kill the beep test.”

“Thanks,” you smile, which quickly turns into a wince as the cold hits your legs. The girls wait for you to adjust to the temperature before talking again.

“How is the knee feeling?” She asks.

“Good, I think,” you smile. “We'll see tomorrow.” Whitney smiles and turns to Ashlyn. You try to keep your eyes above her chest but not without a struggle.

“So when are you going to tell me?” Whitney asks Ashlyn.

“Tell you what?” The blonde says innocently.

“Who's the girl?” You're grateful you're already red from the drastic temperature because all of your blood rushes straight to your cheeks. You wish the rest of your body was as warm as your face. Ashlyn seems to keep her cool and narrows her eyes.

“What _girl_?” She plays. Your heartbeat picks up. Part of you is surprised Ashlyn hasn't told Whitney yet. You know she has the right to—in fact, you made it more than clear she could tell Whit or anyone she wanted to. But a promise is a promise, she said. _Your time, your terms._

“Don't play coy,” Whitney shoots back just as quickly.

“I'm not,” she shrugs. “I just don't know what you're talking about.”

“Play that game all you want, I know you. I've known you for years and I know that goofy grin and that glow.” You all fall silent waiting for Ashlyn to rebuttal but she seems to resign. Whitney doesn't falter, her eyes locked on the blonde. Your teeth begin chattering but no one seems to notice.

“This _glow_ is called sweat and it's what happens when you visit a distracted Dawn,” Ashlyn finally offers but Whitney doesn't take it.

“Admit it or don't,” Whitney shrugs, like she needs no confirmation at all. “I know you, I know that look. I've never seen it this full on so I'm sure you won't be able to hide it much longer.” You're torn between being a nervous wreck and absolutely impressed with Whitney's skills of reading Ashlyn. “Plus, if you hold out much longer I'll just have a chat with Ali or Pinoe,” she grins and it's the closest to a smirk you've ever seen the girl make. Your heart stops. “I'm sure they've seen you with whatever German girl that's got your heart.”

A timer goes off on the edge of the tub and Whitney hits the button as she slides out, wrapping a towel around her freezing skin.

“You're a handful,” Ashlyn tries. Whitney chuckles and playfully whacks the back of Ashlyn's head.

“Says Harris,” she rolls her eyes. “When you're ready to spill you know where to find me,” she dries off. “Night girls.”

“Night,” you manage through a dry throat. It's not until Whitney's fully out of the room that Ashlyn's chest expands.

“I'm so sorry,” she turns to you. “I—I don't know how the hell she does that. Every single goddamn time.” Your lips curl up and Ashlyn quirks an eyebrow at you.

“I make you glow,” you tease and the blonde splashes the freezing water in you face.

“Don't flatter yourself” she rolls her eyes.

“Thank you,” you offer. “I know it must be hard, keeping it from her. You can tell her you know—”

“Hey, we're doing this on your time. No rush.”

“Thank you,” you mumble.

 

* * *

 

You've made it three days. Three full days back and you feel good—on and off the ball. You climb on the bus and take your seat in your usual row in the middle left. Pinoe has been sitting with your this trip but she's upfront talking with Dawn about a new strengthening program. You don't plan on filling her seat, but when Ashlyn walks by you find your hand snatching her wrist.

“Sit with me,” you ask, your orbs meeting her deep hazel ones. She's surprised but obliges after looking around. You feel a few eyes on you, though none of judgement. It's normal to take note of the seating change. And, thankfully, since it's Pinoe's seat, you know she won't make a big deal in front of everyone.

“You sure?” Ashlyn whispers and you nod with a smile. You're done hiding.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you're still enjoying this. I love hearing from you/ constructive criticism!   
> xx


	30. 920

You stop yourself from knocking when Sydney's voice carries through the door.

“Can I ask you something?” There's a bit of shuffling in the room before you here someone—Ashlyn, you assume—jump on the bed. The spring of the mattress rings over her voice. You lean closer to the door. “What's going on with you and Ali?” Your ear presses against the wood as you search for Ashlyn's voice.

The past two days you've given up on monitoring your time with Ashlyn. You've needed her next to you after mentally grueling days and she needed you after an off session last night. Your teammates have taken note of your new bus buddy and the way you seem to gravitate to each other during meals. But no one's said anything to you. Not yet, at least. You wonder if this is the first time Ashlyn's been asked or if she's just kept those conversations to herself. Right now, she doesn't seem phased—not in the least bit.

“What do you mean?” She asks nonchalantly and you can picture her looking at the TV or giving Sydney a questioning look.

“You just seem really close,” Sydney replies with what you imagine to be a shrug.

“So Sydney,” Ashlyn feigns a valley girl voice, “What's going on with you and Alex? You just seem pretty close, is all.” You can see her smirking in your head. You roll your eyes as Ashlyn seems to be hit with a Pillow, laughter ensuing.

“You know what I'm saying,” Syd plays back through her chuckles. “All I know is you seem pretty _happy_ to be so close to her.”

All of this is oddly exhilarating. People sensing the feelings between the two of you, people questioning what's going on. You like the slither of power you have to keep it to yourself or divulge the truth. The idea of everyone finding out, on some level, thrills you.

“She's a great girl,” Ashlyn finally admits, leaving it at that. Sydney seems to pick up on the conversation being over and you hear the conversation steer towards the TV.

“What're doing out here?” Tobin's voice makes you jump away from the door. Her lip curls up as she playfully nudges your shoulder. “Spying on your girl?”

“Shhh!” You warn her as you step away from the door. “I was gonna see if she wanted to take a walk but then Syd started asking about me.” Tobin's eyes widen knowingly.

“Have you guys told anyone else?”

“Only Mittsy,” you admit, walking her away from their door.

“Do you want to tell anyone else?”

“I kind of want it to be done,” you admit. “Like, I just want to be able to be with her without question.”

“You'll get there,” Tobin promises, her hand gently falling on your upper back. “Just keep doing you,” she shrugs in the most Tobin way ever.

“Thanks, Tobs,” you laugh as you stop at your door.

“They're gonna get it, Kriegs,” she promises. “You're both just happier together. They'll see it, if they haven't already.” She pats you on the side of your arm before turning down the hall and knocking on Alex's door.

* * *

 

You make it a full week without anyone questioning you. You make your presence known, the two of you spending much of your free time together, but people seem too focused on the game to notice. You make it a full week before anyone even bats an eyelash.

Julie plays the ball out in front of you, equidistance between you and Pinoe who sprints towards you.

“Shit, my bad!” Julie calls after you as you take a power step towards the ball. Pinoe's going to get there first, you think, so you lock your ankle before going into the tackle, your body behind the ball. The ball stops dead between Pinoe's foot and yours, throwing you forward as your foot is taken out beneath you.

“Ah!” You groan as you tuck your bad knee into your chest. You feel it tweak and the field falls just as silent as it had only a few months ago when you decidedly blew out your knee. Dead silence.

That is, until the voice of one Ashlyn Harris carries from the goalmouth.

“Alex!” She screams out, her voice cracking mid name. You're down on the grass but you can feel the attention on the field turn to her. She's running. You can feel that ground faintly push back on her, you think. No one else is moving, besides Pinoe who seems to be right above you.

“Al, I'm so sorry,” she mumbles, though you both know it's not her fault. You don't look up until a familiar goalie glove is on your side rolling you gently onto your back.

“Alex,” she breathes, her eyes a shade darker than normal. By now, there's a trainer by your side and Pinoe takes a step backward. Tears well up, though you're not sure if it's from pain or panic. The trainer touches your knee and asks permission to straighten it. You don't process her words and Ashlyn's voice clears the fog in your head.

“Alex, she's going to try to move it, okay?” You look at the blonde and nod. Ashlyn keeps her glove on your healthy knee while the trainer slowly unlocks your knee.

“Relax your leg,” the woman you don't recognize says. You let out a slight gasp as you reach a full extension and Ashlyn's grip tightens.

“It's okay,” the trainer assures you as her thumbs feel behind your leg. “Just a tweak, relax your muscles,” she urges you, as if you could do more damage by not complying. She gently bends your knee only to straighten it out even slower. You wince, but when she does it a third time you notice the pain dissipate. You body relaxes and a smile grows on Ashlyn's lips. By the sixth bend or so, you feel a release.

“Can you try to hop up?” The trainer asks as she stands on her feet, offering you her hand. You nod, reaching out for her and Ashlyn's hand at the same time. You float onto your feet and notice the difference immediately. “Take it slow,” she commands and drapes your arm over her shoulder. She looks up to Ashlyn who takes the hint, wrapping your free arm around her as her arm falls around your waist. They carry you off to the sideline as play slowly but surely resumes.

“You feel alright, yeah?” The trainer confirms. You nod, relief washing over your entire being. You think you see it happen to Ashlyn as well.

“Thank you,” you tell her.

“Let's go ice you up,” she nods to the golf cart waiting to drive you to the training room. “We'll have you ready to go for the morning.” The words make the tears spill from your eyes but Ashlyn quickly wipes them.

“Close call,” she whispers with a smile, walking you further towards the golf cart. The trainer drops her back off in the back while Ashlyn holds you up and leads you to your seat.

“Thank you for that,” you mumble, slightly embarrassed for scaring her like that. She shrugs you off and lowers you down in the seat.

“I'll pick you up after practice,” she smiles, her eyes flickering around your face. “Go take care of that knee.” She gently slaps the hood of the golf cart before the trainer drives you away.

* * *

 

Pia stops by first. You're on the table, your oldest trainer Dan working into the muscles surrounding your knee.

“Krieger you scared me out there,” she smiles, clearly hearing the news that it wasn't a re-tear.

“Sorry about that,” you laugh lightly.

“How's it feel?”

“Good,” you promise. “I'm not going anywhere.” Pia smiles and slaps your shin.

“Glad to hear it.” She stares at you for a moment, ignoring Dan completely, and you wonder what the woman is thinking. She shakes her head, as if dismissing the thought altogether, but surprises you by speaking anyway. “You're impressing me,” she says decidedly. “Proud of you,” she ends with, spinning on her heals and leaving the room. Dan gives you a raised eyebrow, knowing how rare it is to get a comment like that from Pia at this stage in camp. He places a fresh bag of ice on your knee and cling wraps it to your skin.

“Hang out here for about twenty, I'll be in the office if you need anything.”

You pull out your phone in hopes of passing the time. You check just about all of your social media pages before responding to an email to Kyle, telling him about your busy schedule and, of course, Ashlyn. You check the timer: 3 minutes left. You've already gotten a few texts from the girls checking in so you know Ashlyn should be on her way. The door swings open and you try not to show your disappointment at her lack of blonde hair.

“How are you?” Sydney rushes to your side, dropping her bag at the door.

“I'm alright,” you chuckle at her concern. “I'll be back tomorrow.”

“Holy shit,” she hits your shoulder. “Don't fucking _do_ that to me!”

“Gosh, I'm so sorry,” you tease with a roll of the eyes. “That must have been _terrifying_ for you.”

“It was!” She says defensively. “Not trying to lose our right back for the entire _year!_ Plus, I need my girl!” You laugh and she leans down for a hug. She stares at your small and fading scar through the cling wrap. “Nice cut job,” she smiles as your timer goes off. You reach down to unwrap it but she swats your hand away. “Let me.”

Sydney is uncharacteristically soft. Not that she's unusually caring, but she seems to be making an attempt to set the tone. Her face is stoic as she gently lifts your leg, unwrapping the ice layer by layer. She's patient and silent, two characteristics you _never_ associate with the girl. As soon as your knee is free of ice, Syd reaches for your hand.

“Hop up.” You hesitate, only for a moment, but she catches it. A crease forms in between her eyebrows.

“I'm waiting—” you try to explain but she cuts you short.

“Pia kept the goalies back for an extra session,” she supplies and you nod in understanding, hopping onto your feet before realization washes over you. How did she.... _shit_.

A palimpsest of a smirk is on Syd's lips and you've given more away than you intended.

“You good to walk?” She asks, her voice once again softer than you're used to. You nod but stay wordless until you've cleared the facility. Syd pulls her Nike hoodie on as the chill hits her and offers to grab yours from your bag but you politely decline.

“I'm so glad you're okay,” she finally says, but you know that's not where this conversation is headed. Your heartbeat syncs up with your footsteps and you attempt to slow both down.

“Me too,” you sigh. “I panicked for a minute there.” A few more steps.

“Pinoe looks great,” she smiles. “Germany was good for her, too, I think.”

“Or Sera,” you chuckle and Syd elbows you playfully.

You don't know why, but the whole conversation feels like weird, forced foreplay. You've never had an unnatural moment with the girl in your life but, here she is, unsure how to walk beside you. Unsure how to say what she's thinking—a problem foreign to her, you think.

“Did Pinoe spend a lot of time with her?” She asks after a long pause.

“With Sera? Yeah, as much as possible,” you smile. “Can't blame her.” You both know how rough long distance can be and know, in her shoes, you'd do the same. Syd laughs nervously.

“So then, you spent a lot of time with Ashlyn?” She asks, though her voice gives her away. She knows the answer. Still, you shrug.

“Yeah. Same team, same trainer, same apartment building.”

You know you should be giving the girl more. You know what she's getting at, but your throat is as dry as hers and you both seem to hit a dead end in conversation. You think you walk two full minutes without a sound—though it feels like two miles. It's not until your hotel comes into view that Syd stops, her tattooed arm grabbing for your wrist.

“Today,” she starts, a new confidence appearing in her voice. Her eyes lock onto yours. “What happened back there,” she tries, “you know that's going to raise a lot of questions.” She's not accusatory, not judgmental. It dawns on you, for the first time, that she's not digging for answers. She's offering you shoulder, a confidant if you will. When you stay frozen, she points to the bench just ten yards away. You will yourself to follow her, a sudden abashment coming over you.

“When she called for you like that,” Syd says, not needing to use Ashlyn's name. No one else called after you like that, no one's ever called after you like that. “She lost control of her emotions.” There's silence before she adds, “people are going to think she has a crush.” Her words are so quiet you wonder if they've even left her lips. For the first time, she's searching for confirmation of what she already knows. You heard her ask Ashlyn and now, after a slip up, she's broaching it with you. Really, she wants you to tell her she's not crazy, but all you can bring yourself to do is nod. Syd's newfound patience eventually wears you down.

“She doesn't just—it's not a crush,” you mumble. “It's not _just_ a crush,” you clarify. At once, your lungs seem to give out. Not in the way that they give out when you finish your last 300 and the way they burn towards the end of the beep test. No, this is more like the time Kyle held you underwater for too long and you came up expelling every last bit of air, filling your lungs before floundering to take in as much oxygen as the earth would allow. You can't hold your breath for a second longer or you might implode.

“Ali,” Sydney tries to encourage, her hand sliding into yours.

“I don't want people to think she's just got some school girl crush and can't control her emotions!” You're getting worked up, you can both hear it, so Sydney doesn't press it when you take a moment for yourself.

“I need to tell everyone. She's been so generous about everything, waiting for me to be ready. She's willing to let everyone just think what they want if that's what I need. She'd let them pull her leg for _years_ about that back on the field if!” You're talking a mile a minute and want more than anything for Ashlyn to be with you. “She doesn't just have some crush, it's not like that.”

You start to wonder if Sydney didn't know quite as much as she led on, because her eyes begin to widen. Maybe, you think, she hadn't realized the gravity of your feelings. Maybe she hadn't even realized that they went both ways.

“You—you like her to?” She confirms warily and you turn to her exasperated.

“Of course I do!” You throw your arms up, wishing everyone would just wake up with this knowledge and you didn't have to make some declaration. “She's fearless and beautiful and passionate and selfless. I love her. I'm _in_ love with her and I don't know how to fucking tell anyone.”

There's that silence again. The same silence that took over the pitch when you blew out your knee, the same silence that occurred less than two hours ago when you tweaked it. When she doesn't answer, you collapse into your hands—too drained to cry. She leans forward, prying your hands from your eyes and begs you look at her.

“Slow down,” she whispers. Her attempts to hide her shock are abysmal at best, but she wants you to see the same compassion that was present before your confession. You visibly relax and she strokes your back, hoping for some insight into your world.

And so you tell her. You tell her about Frankfurt, about the first days and the last days. You tell her about Ashlyn's initial loneliness. You tell her about Ashlyn's patience, her compassion. You tell her about how you both found a home in each other. When you spare details, Sydney pushes you. You're grateful she makes you feel normal, like this isn't your teammate or the first girl you've ever truly been with. She lets you tell her about your love. She lets you tell her about your girlfriend—a word you've both shied away from for no good reason at all. And when you're done, she asks one simple question:

“So why haven't you told her?”

“Told her what?” Sydney's eyes narrow.

“That you love her.” The question is so simple coming from her lips. You think about protesting—how does Syd know you haven't told her, anyway? You're about to fight back when her orbs darken and you know she's won. Your eyes have betrayed you once again. “Al,” she breathes, “If you can't tell _her,_ how do you expect to be able to tell anyone else?”

 

And just like that, you're standing outside of room 920.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos...they keep me running!! Let me know what you think! xx


	31. Real

You can't remember if you knocked. You've blacked out, you think. You've blacked out standing outside the hotel room of one Ashlyn Harris in some hopeless attempt to declare your love. Your eyes are locked on her door knob but your feet start fumbling backwards. You're trying to flee, you realize. Before you can make up your mind, you're turning towards your room only to be stopped by the intensity in Syd's eyes. Her head is sticking out from your doorway, her finger pointing back towards her room.

 

“ _I'm not letting you leave until you at least_ try _talking to her,”_ _Syd urges as she pulls you into a hug. You stare at the door, unsure and terrified. Your teammate grabs your hand in hers and squeezes until the shaking stops._

 

Relentless. That's the only word to describe the look on Sydney's face. You don't have much of an option, you realize, so you turn back to the door.

 

“ _I wouldn't be encouraging this if I didn't think you meant it. Or if I didn't think you needed it,” the brunette says. You search for reason to be cross, but the girl is right. You need this. She starts backing away and you wait until she knocks on your door to turn towards room 920. You hear Mittsy open the door for Syd, who simply pushes past Heather, mumbling some explanation you don't have the focus to hear._

 

With Sydney's eyes burning a whole through your slightly damp head, you knock—for the second time, you think. You come to your senses enough this time to hear footsteps. Ashlyn swings open the door, a dark gray sports bra clung to her chest and a pair of slightly fitted sweats hugging her hips. You're breath would have hitched had you been breathing regularly to begin with.

“Ali!” Her arms open as she lunges towards you, warmth enveloping. “How are you? How's your knee? Did you walk here alone?” She squats down to check the slightly red joint, a soft thumb brushing over your scar. “Where'd you go?” She rambles, her words blurring into one. “I tried calling, the trainers said you'd gone home—I'm sorry we ended up having another goalie session.” Her eyes are looking up at yours but her hand still explores your knee. You gather enough composure to answer, though the unsteadiness of your voice doesn't go unnoticed.

“It's okay,” you start. “Syd picked me up, walked me back. Knee's good, I think. Just a bit tight now.” Ashlyn pops to her feet and finally takes a step backwards, her hand reaching for yours before guiding you inside. The door closes behind you.

“I'm so sorry I couldn't come check on you,” she whispers, her voice gentle.

“No, no, that's okay,” you promise her. “That's not—you don't make the schedule,” you try to smile.

“Then what's wrong?” She asks simply. She sits on the edge of her queen size bed, pulling you down beside her.

“Nothing,” you shake your head and she grabs your hand.

“You're shaking,” her eyes narrow. There's a long silence. Long enough for you to mentally curse yourself for wearing your damn emotions like your new favorite shirt. Her hand tenses and realization seems to wash over her. “Al,” she sighs. “I'm _so_ sorry for what happened back on the field. If that—if that was too much, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have called out like that, I shouldn't have ran to you but I couldn't help it. I couldn't see you like that.” Her eyes, you think, have never looked more beautiful. The woman is stunning—arresting, really—and the depth in her hazel pools bleeds into you. You forget, for a moment, that she's trying to apologize. “I'm sorry if you weren't prepared for that...” she pauses before grabbing your free hand with hers. “I'm not going to say I'm sorry for running to you or for caring—I'm never going to apologize for that,” she says, an intensity in her tone and eyes that wasn't present a moment ago. “But I'm sorry if that led to questions or if that was inappropriate or—”

Your lips are on hers before she can finish the thought. She takes a second to recognize the contact before gently kissing back, your hand on the back of her neck. Your body jolts with electricity you haven't felt in days. You pull away when you render her silent.

“Don't ever apologize for that,” you smile softly. Sure, that may not have been the most appropriate way to raise eyebrows, but acts of love or passion are hardly ever appropriate, you think.

“Oh?” She narrows her eyes as a smile grows. “So...what's wrong?” You lick your lips in preparation and Ashlyn unknowingly does the same.

“Nothing's wrong.”

“Your leg,” she offers, smile still in place. You look down and are met with your rapidly bouncing knee.

“Restless leg syndrome,” you try and get a chuckle out of the blonde. Her strong hand falls onto your thigh in hopes of calming you, but her touch only adds to your adrenaline. When you realize the blonde is still searching for an explanation, your mouth dries. “I—I just told Syd,” you confess, though that's not what you came here for and you think she knows it. “Well, she kind of...”

“Yeah, she already asked me about it, too,” she shrugs. “I denied but it was only a matter of time.” Her smile is weak and it kills you.

“I'm sorry you've had to hide this. Hide us,” you clarify, guilt washing over you.

“Alex, I told you. I'm in no rush, we do this on your timing. I'm just happy to be with you.”

“But you shouldn't have to wait for me, that's not fair,” you start but she shakes her head. “I'm serious!” You groan. “You don't deserve to have to hide your...your girlfriend.” A smile practically explodes on her face.

“I was starting to think you were allergic to that word,” she teases. A few knots untangle in your stomach with her giggles. Your head falls to her shoulder for a second as she pulls you into her side. “Say it again,” she asks, a lopsided grin taking over her face.

“ _Girlfriend_ ,” you tease and Ashlyn kisses your hair repeatedly. The laughter settles along with the kisses and you sit up straight.

“Look at me,” she pleads. “I'm serious...I don't mind waiting for. I want to.”

“But you—”

“Alex, I'm not saying I'm going to wait till I'm sixty—though who knows,” she shrugs with a grin, “maybe I would.” You laugh and wonder how the woman has the ability to ignite such a range of emotions within you in only a matter of seconds. “What I mean is that you deserve to figure this out on your own time, just like I did years ago. And you're telling people at a perfectly normal pace, if not sooner. You're doing amazing,a hell of a better job than I did. Please don't feel pressured to go any quicker.”

Your entire body relaxes, your muscles finally breathing. Ashlyn's leg slides halfway onto the bed as she squares her body to face you.

“Thank you,” you breathe. One of her hands fall to the small of your back, the other on your knee. “You're amazing.” Ashlyn smiles again and plants a small kiss to your cheek.

“I'm so glad your knee is okay, Al,” she sighs. “I can't even imagine—”

“Shh,” you turn to her when she begins to change the subject. “That's not what... I need to tell you something.” The line between her eyebrows creases and you rest your hand atop hers.

You wish you'd turned on music or a fan or anything to provide a little white noise. Your heart is banging violently against your ribcage and you're almost positive she can hear it. Her eyes dip to your lips, to your chest, and back to your eyes. She doesn't say anything. No, she's waiting on you, just like she has been this entire relationship.

“I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want you to hide me. I want to show you off. Hell, I want you to show _me_ off,” you say and her lips curl up. “I want your arm around me, I want your hand in mine, I want you to kiss me without worrying about who's around and where we are.” You stop to catch your breath and realize your vision is becoming a bit blurred. “I don't know how to tell everyone,” you admit softer. “I don't know the best way, and I don't know what's in store for us but I can't keep it in any longer.” Ashlyn becomes blurry and it's not until she's wiping a tear under your eye with her thumb that you realize you're crying.

“Al,” she sighs, her hand cradling your head. Her thumb brushes against your cheek and you melt into her touch.

“I've been scared to tell them,” you admit. “I freeze, my heart starts pounding, I start sweating. It's like as soon as I admit it to them it becomes _real_ and...I think that scared me.” You're worried about offending her, but the blonde offers a comforting smile and nod. “But I realized,” you start and Ashlyn sits up a bit. Gold specks flicker in her eyes. You need to get the words out. You want to get them out. You want to tell her before she can tell you. She deserves it. She deserves to hear it from you, to know how much she means to you. To know that she's changed your world.

“I _realized_ ,” you breathe, “that this is _so_ real. It's so fucking real and I want it to be real and I am so glad it's real,” you ramble as tears begin flowing. Ashlyn doesn't bother wiping them now, knowing your skin would be damp again in a matter of seconds. Her hand tightens around your thigh. “Telling our teammates won't make it real,” you shake your head. “But me telling you... This is... I...it already is,” you stop, your brain working faster than your mouth.

There's a break. Your chest rapidly rising and falling, choppy breathes eliciting your lips. Ashlyn hand leaves your back and starts stroking up and down your arm in an attempt to calm you. Her face is soft and her eyes become cloudy, too. Water begins glassing and she wets her lips while searching your face. The words play through your head on loop. They're buzzing on your lips, they're pumping through your blood.

“I'm in love with you.”

The words spill out and it's never been easier to breath. You've never felt a high like this, you think. Suddenly, it doesn't matter if Ashlyn says it back. It doesn't matter if she ignores your confession or if she doesn't mention it for months. You've never been so grateful to get a sentence out, to feel your chest expand.

Ashlyn almost seems paralyzed and when her hands finally reach for your face you're startled. She cups your cheeks, her touch so gentle and full of something you've never felt.

“I'm in love with you,” you say again when she stays silent. Her eyes flicker over every centimeter of your face. Her lip is trembling and you've never seen her look so small before.

“Alex,” she sighs with a choppy breath. Before you can see a tear slide down her cheek, you're taking her lips in between yours. Your entire body shudders before she pulls away, her eyes locked on your. “I love you, Al,” she finally says, the words penetrating your entire being. “I've never...” she shakes her head, “I've never felt this before.” You can't take the look in her eyes, the way she's wetting her lips, the way your heart is pounding. You need to be close to her and you need to feel her warmth.

Your lips collide and your stomach convulses at once. She takes your top lip between her two before her tongue slides along your lip. You fight for control of the kiss, your tongue gliding against hers. Your hands find her exposed sides and goosebumps erupt onto her skin.

You kiss like this for a few minutes. Her hands exploring your back, your neck and your arms. Your hands trace along her bare back, tight abdominal and big arms. It's not until she pulls away, eyes hooded, breath choppy, that your want hits you.

“I'm in love with you, Alex,” she says, but you barely give her the chance to finish the sentence. Your hands push her by her shoulders down onto the bed and you climb onto her hips. You don't give her a chance to say anything else.

She moans as your hips grind into hers, her hands finding the back of your thighs. Your name slips out of her lips against yours and you just about unravel right there. You kiss down her neck. You're not sloppy or hasty. No, you move with intent and care, paying love to every inch of her body. Her hands explore your hips as you slide down her torso kissing her exposed skin.

“Off,” she mumbles as she tugs on your shirt. You move, giving her an angle to slide the top over your head, and she tugs you down by your back. With on quick motion, she unhooks your bra and slides it down your arms, taking your nipple in her mouth. She kisses across your chest, her lips leaving a trail of heat wherever they touch. Her fingers work into your back as she kisses up your neck and across your jawline. You shiver at her touch, your hips pressing harder against her in hopes of relieving any bit of tension. She senses it. One arm wraps fully around your torso and, in one fell swoop, gracefully flips you onto your back. Your head falls back onto the pillow in the same instant that her lips connect with yours. Your arms wrap around her neck and you kiss her harder, not wanting to break. Without breaking contact, Ashlyn's hands slide down to your leggings, lowering them enough to expose your black, recently soaked through thong. Her knee slides between your legs and you moan at the contact, your back arching into her.

The noise is all she needs. She leaves your lips as she trails down your body, leaving heat wherever she touches. Your pants and thong are around your ankles before you know it, Ashlyn's lips kissing back up your legs. You can't bear the throbbing and with every kiss your body spazzes out of your control. Your hands tangle into her hair as you beg for more. She's moving slow and you've never seen her kiss like this. Your body needs her touch and, when she pays too much attention to your thigh, you try to bring her lips towards your center but she resists.

“I need you,” you whisper in an attempt to persuade her.

“Babe,” she looks up, the name making your breath hitch. “Let me love you.” That's all she manages before her lips are back on your thigh.

 

It dawns on you, then, that this time is different. It's never been just sex between you two. But right now, with Ashlyn's tongue sliding towards your core, you know it's different. This is explicit. There's nothing between the two on you any longer, there's nothing to hold you back. You've given yourself completely to Ashlyn Harris and now she wants you to let her do the same.

 

Her tongue slides between your folds and your body shakes, a moan slipping out from your lips. Her lips brush against you as her tongue works into you. She's gripping your sides in an attempt to hold your body still. With every movement the build up grows. She quickens her pace until your breath is beyond your control.

“Ash,” you moan, your hips bucking under her. Without removing her tongue, a finger slides inside of you and you know it's over.

 

* * *

 

You're both breathless. Naked and breathless, the comforter draping over your torsos.

“I—I should go,” you start, remembering where you are. At camp, in your teammates room. Syd needs sleep, you need sleep, Ashlyn needs sleep.

“You're so beautiful,” Ashlyn sighs, ignoring any mention of you leaving. She's staring at you like you've got stars in your eyes and, for a moment, you feel like you do.

“You,” is all you manage, your finger tracing along her abs.

“Stay,” she asks, but you both know you can't. Not tonight, not like this. You've got to tell the team, the entire team. You sit up and Ashlyn follows.

“I better go relieve Syd,” you smile slyly.

“What do you mean?” You reach for your bra and shirt and begin redressing yourself.

“She's in my room,” you admit with a meek voice. “She wanted to give me time to figure this out, to be with you. But...it's been awhile,” you chuckle. Two hours, at least.

“Oh God,” Ashlyn groans. “She's not going to shut up about this all night.” You laugh, grateful that you'll be with Mittsy and not Syd.

You both get dressed and she walks you to the door. She kisses you gently for a few seconds before pulling away to look you up and down, heat forming on your cheeks. There's admiration in her eyes and you wonder if she's always looked at you this way.

“We'll do this together,” she promises.

“I think we should tell Abby and Cap first,” you suggest. “They'll...they'll no how to handle it.” Ashlyn nods in agreement but you know she'd agree with whatever you wanted. You stare for a moment, your back against the door, before Ashlyn kisses you once more.

“Goodnight, princess,” she smiles, taking a step backwards. Then she says the three words you don't think you'll ever tire of hearing.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell you how great it is to hear from you guys. Hope you're enjoying :) xx


	32. Yours

“Hold up,” Abby stands up as quickly as she sat down. “I need more sugar.” You hear Ashlyn let out a deep breath—the only sign up until now that she's harboring any nerves. Christie and Abby finally agreed to sit down with you after asking multiple times throughout the day, but Abby's head seems to be everywhere but with you. She finished last in sprints today and her legs appear to be worn down a bit. So when you tell her you need to talk with her—you and Ashlyn, both—she nods before directing you to Christie. Christie texted you and Ash to meet in the conference room of the lobby, so here you are, waiting for Abby to add another scoop of sugar to her tea.

You sink into the cushiony, black chairs in the back corner of the room. You use the thick armrests to pull yourself higher, not wanting to come across as small as you feel. Abby sits back down, making some joke about English tea that doesn't register with you. You force a smile and ignore the pounding in your chest. Don't be nervous, Ash had told you just minutes ago. It will only make it harder.

“So what's going on?” Abby asks while stirring her coffee. Christie leans back in her chair and offers a polite smile.

You told Ashlyn you wanted to tell them. You thought it would help you along in the coming out process. Ashlyn had agreed, but the longer the silence weighs between the four of you her impatience grows.

“We have something to tell you,” Ashlyn offers, hoping it's all you need to continue.

“Is this about roommate stuff?” Abby sighs and you gather it isn't the first time someone's come to them about a conflict.

“Uh, no, we—”

“God, if we had to tell Pia one more thing about—”

“Abby,” Christie breathes, her hand landing on the short haired girl's leg. Her voice, as always, is enough to silence her co-captain. For a moment, you think Christie may know more than she lets on. The thought relaxes you.

“Ashlyn and I,” you start, your eyes finding their way to Christie's. Her presence calms you enough to get the words flowing. “We got close in Frankfurt.” You swallow the lump in your throat before continuing. You know under any other circumstance Ashlyn would be concealing a smirk at your admission. “I—I'm not really sure how this all works. I mean, I've never been on a team or had to deal with it directly but...we....”

Christie watches you struggle before leaning forward and reaching for your hand. She doesn't take it, she simply places hers over yours.

“It's okay,” she says. Her eyes are soft, her touch full of compassion. Her words are simple but carry more weight than she knows. Your body visibly relaxes and Cap retracts her hand.

“It's okay?” You repeat in hopes of confirmation. She gives you a small, crooked smile and your chest expands. There's a long silence, air coming easily to you for the first time in hours. You let yourself sync into the chair. Ashlyn lets out a chuckle so quiet you're not sure it's real.

“So, uh,” Ashlyn clears her throat, though she sounds as confident as ever. “Where do we go from here, I guess.” Christie nods in understanding but before any words leave her lips Abby's stolen the mic.

“I'm sorry, what are we talking about?” Abby looks between the three of you, the entire conversation lost in translation. You muffle a groan but can't keep your head from falling backwards. Christie looks between you and Ash, waiting for your response. You face Ashlyn and give her a subtle nod. If Ashlyn is nervous you can't tell. She leans forward, her forearms resting on her thighs, and clasps her hands together. Her eyes meet Abby's.

“Ali's my girlfriend.” Point blank, no explanation. Ashlyn rips the bandaid off, much like she'd instructed you to do, and Abby's eyebrows shoot up. Her eyes flicker between you and Ashlyn as if she's waiting on you to finish the joke. When the punchline doesn't come, Ashlyn breaks the silence. “Stop looking at her like that. Why's it so hard to believe Ali'd wanna date me.” There's teasing in her voice and Abby cracks a small laugh.

“Shut up,” she rolls her eyes. “No, I'm just... surprised. I didn't know Ali...,” she fades out, knowing how sensitive the topic can be.

“Me neither,” you smile with a light laugh. The girls join you and the mood lifts.

“How long?” Abby asks, and Ashlyn gladly fills her in on abridged version of the past few months.

“Wow, well I'm happy for you both.” Her voice is genuine and you know she means it. “How did you know?” She turns to Cap, suddenly annoyed to be left out on the team secret. Cap shrugs but no one argues, she's always been a step ahead of everyone.

“I had my suspicions,” she smiles. “But after Ashlyn's reaction to Ali's near re-tear, all my questions were answered.” Ashlyn chuckles a bit, blush creeping onto her perfect cheekbones.

“Well I'm oblivious,” Abby laughs as she runs her hand through her hair.

“So um,” you interrupt the laughter. “Is this okay?” You voice is meek and you want to kick yourself for sounding so childish. Abby's the one to reach out to you first, her hand tapping your shin to grab your attention.

“Hey, look at me.” When your eyes meet, you realize the blonde is laughing. “Al, Sarah and I played on Flash together, come on” She sits back and smiles. “You can't help who you fall in love with. These girls get that, I mean, they've probably all played with at least one couple—out or not—on their team. No one is going to fault you for following your heart.” Abby takes a sip of tea while eyeing the two of you. “It's hard, I'm not going to lie to you, especially at this level. You've already got the physical and mental challenges that come with camp, now on top of that you've got to maintain and nurture this romantic relationship. It's hard, I promise you,” she shrugs. “But it's worth it.”

Ashlyn reaches across your armrest breaking any boundaries you've set since you stepped into camp. Her hand finds yours and, for the first time, none of this seems to matter. It doesn't matter what the girls think, it doesn't matter what your fans think, it doesn't matter what your coaches think. It doesn't matter if you have to put in a little more work, it doesn't matter if you have to keep it professional most of your day. Hell, it doesn't matter that you can't even express to your team that you've fallen completely in love with a teammate. It doesn't matter because, in this moment, Ashlyn Harris isn't just your teammate. She's your heart and your home. Suddenly, it's simple. She's just yours.

“Al,” Abby pulls you from your thoughts. “I know this has gotta be tough but, for what it's worth, I'm proud of you.”

You've heard those words hundreds of times throughout your life. When you made your first club team, when you made honor roll, when you committed to Penn State, when you decided to move to Germany, when you got your first call up. You've heard it time and time again after passing the beep test, after breaking up with Taylor, after moving Kyle into his first serious rehab facility. You've heard those words so many times yet when Abby tells you she's proud of you, a warmth flushes through you like you've never heard the words before.

It's not until someone knocks on the door that the four of you remember where you are.

“Well hello girls,” Pia laughs, surprised to see you all there. She's already walking over to you and your heart rate picks up as Ashlyn's hand flies off yours. “I came looking for Cap and find a whole little crew,” she sings in a thick accent. If her humming is any indication, she's happy. She holds out a few sheets of paper to Christie and kneels along side her seat. “Excuse me, girls,” she politely nods for interrupting and begins conversation with Christie. You hear her ask about a team building exercise—capture the flag, you think—before Abby kicks your shin. She nods towards coach.

“Tell her,” she mouths. Your eyes widen a bit and Abby just shrugs like this is the simplest thing in the world. She leans forward, knowing Pia is too engaged to hear a word of what she's saying. “She doesn't care guys,” she promises the two of you. “She doesn't even know if Cap's married,” she laughs. You both chuckle because it's true. Pia doesn't care about your personal lives, she's made that clear. She's all business. If you make it clear that your relationship will stay professional, she won't care. Still, you both have to tell her. Ashlyn's eyes soften.

“Are you ready?” You find yourself asking. The corner of her lip turns up.

“Ready when you are.”

Abby stands and gives your shoulder a squeeze before patting Ashlyn on the back.

“Good luck,” she whispers before giving a polite nod to Cap and Pia. Seconds after Abby leaves, Pia is on her feet and Christie rises with her. She gives a quick thank you to Cap before turning to you two.

“See you in the morning,” she smiles as she taps Ash on the shoulder with the now rolled up paper.

“Pia,” Ash calls after her with a light laugh. Pia turns towards you, smile in tact. “Could we talk to you for a minute?” The woman checks her watch and shrugs.

“I've got nothing but time,” she laughs as she sits in the chair Christie just vacated. You both join as the woman, suddenly less intimidating than she was hours ago on the field, leans back. “What can I help you with?” Ash, deciding to give you a bit of a break, licks her lips and decides to take this one.

“We actually needed to...” she pauses, searching for her words. “Disclose something to you.” Pia nods and Ashlyn gives a tight lipped smile. “Before I say anything else, I just want you to know we've thought this through and we can promise that this is our profession, this is our passion and we would never do anything to jeopardize the game or the team.” Pia's eyes narrow as she glances side to side. But she nods once more and gives you a look that says _get on with it_. “Ali and I, um, we're dating.” Ashlyn's about to continue on when Pia sits up a bit.

“Is that all?” she asks and you noticeably flinch. Ashlyn's clearly taken aback because all she can produce is a meek nod. “Well, I suppose you two know better than anyone what's in your best interest. You know the deal,” she shrugs. “Be professional and don't let it get in the way of the game or your training. You both came in fit and prepared so, no complaints here. I've worked with you two long enough to know this won't be a problem.” She stands and pats Ashlyn's shoulder. She's about to leave when she looks over to you.

“Did this happen while you were in Frankfurt?” She asks, eyes narrowed. You're stunned. Pia's never even asked ARod's kid's name. She doesn't care to know details about your lives and you figured, her knowing this much alone was more than enough for the Swede. You gulp, not sure of her angle.

“Yeah, it did,” you admit sheepishly. She looks at you, long and hard, and you want to disappear. Suddenly, a smile creeps onto her mouth.

“And here I was thinking it was _Frankfurt_ that was so good to you.” Chuckles spill from her lips as she smacks the back of Ashlyn's head with her rolled up papers.

The two of you have never blushed harder.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx  
> Still have a few chapters left, hang with me folks. Thanks for all the love.


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